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Aneirin -> RE: mouthing off on collarme (9/16/2010 6:29:15 PM)
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I have personally come to the conclusion that the Collarme and the lower end of the message boards in particular is for me an OCD.
Sometimes it is I think I will come on line and see what is happening, I automatically log into Collarme, my first port of call as it has been for the past five years, then I think Politics and Religion, do I really want to go there, but I always do, every time and to an extent, it sours my day. I have asked myself many times why I keep going there when it is so negative to me and have only come to the conclusion that I, like so many others just likes bad news. It is as if I/we need to be winging, moaning, criticizing and engaging others in more negativity, the negativity in the world and the negativity that is down there in Politics and Religion, for there I have detected, it is pretty rife, but so addictive.
I find when I do post, I try to post with thought and consideration, this is generally my way, but sometimes and I do admit this, I can become irrational, like I have been sucked into a war that just has to be won, when I notice this within myself, I pull away and not post for a while, something which to me has become a regular pattern, and friends on here have noticed the cycle and took the trouble to inform me the familiar cycle is upon me again. I used to get annoyed when I was told I was becoming a bit unhinged, but now I am at least beginning to recognise it in myself.
But one thing I have noticed which is a positive, when I go through the familiar feelings of why do I come to this place just to get grumpy, it always ends up in creativity, as if my creativity is fuelled by anger and confusion. Subconsciously I may know my creativity stems from the negatives in life, hence the draw to this place and the P&R forum in particular, but as a day to day need, I question myself often.
I do suffer depression and that stemming from a need to avoid anxiety by avoidance methods, my vicious circle, I also have Aspergers Syndrome and Dyspraxia, myself believing the former, depression et al being caused by the latter the different way of thinking in a world where common thought is championed.
But if it wasn't for this place over the last five years, I would not have learned our big brothers and sisters, the Americans are just like ourselves in many ways. I may come across to some as Yank bashing in my postings, but it is not done in a mean way,it is just a Brit thing, those we feel comfortable with, we take the piss out of. My personal problem is, I cannot see when I am annoying people.
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