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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Consent (9/26/2010 9:54:25 AM)
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quote:
Personally, I think you're underestimating a Dominant's capacity to influence people and push their agenda. (Especially in moments of emotional vulnerability.)
I'm not even close to very Dominant, but I remember plenty of times that I have had to stop myself from doing both those things because I didn't want to be responsible for the consequences.
I have to comment on this, because, quite frankly, it is part of what makes an individual a 'dominant' personality. I -certainly- can influence other people, push my own agendas, and manipulate situations to push things in the direction that I want them to go -- and that is inherent in my nature, not ONLY in the BDSM realms, but in EVERY SINGLE INTERACTION that I participate in in life... and the more I have an agenda firmly in mine, the greater the chances that I will arrange circumstances in life to move things in the direction of my plan.
To me, the 'absolute' nature of consent is the reason that I accept consent ONCE... at the point at which an individual chooses to be a part of the life that I shape. They are either in, or they're out. They're not allowed to waffle, and if they have any doubts, then the answer, for me, is "no", as clearly as if they'd said the exact words. OTOH, if an individual says "yes", then xhe's just going to have to trust that I will do what I -say- that I will do... that I want to have this person as part of my life enough to give a crap about whether xhe's going to be happy, healthy, and functional for a good, long time, and that I will make choices/decisions that will promote that kind of well-being.
As some of the folks here know, I have a fondness for the individual who yields easily, and yields fully as a part of hir nature. Those individuals, faced with a person of strong conviction and focused intent, are, IMO, not capable of consent long-term -- the constant exposure to the individual who is directive and compelling wears them down, and the war of making up their own mind on every single issue is lost in the early skirmishes. That suits me just fine. I -like- having that kind of responsibility on my shoulders, and -like- being the one doing the directing... so I am fine with the person who -doesn't- individually consent to each and every action, but who is willing and able to yield authority to me once xhe's decided that I am the source of the "haven" xhe's been seeking.
In casual play where I am topping, things are a little different for me, and I will not accept consent from someone who is "impaired" (including alcohol and prescriptions), and we go into a lot more detail about what -is- and -isn't- going to happen, down to the minutiae. However, I consider this to be a far cry from consent in a long-term relationship, and a completely different animal in terms of behavior on -both- sides of the event.
Calla
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