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theroebabe -> Some Funnies (9/27/2004 7:33:16 AM)
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OUT OF WORK ACTOR
An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one
day. "I got you a job. It's a one-liner."
"That's okay!" replies the actor, "I've been out of
work for so long I'll take anything. What's the line?"
"Hark, I hear the cannons roar," says the agent.
"I love it!" says the actor. "When's the audition?"
"Wednesday," says the agent.
Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the
audition. He marches on stage and shouts, "Hark, I
hear the cannons roar!"
"Brilliant!" says the director, "you've got the job!
The first show is at 9 o'clock, Saturday night."
The actor is so excited that he goes on a major
bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to
the theater, continually repeating his line, "Hark, I
hear the cannons roar! Hark, I hear the cannons roar!"
He arrives and is stopped by the bouncer.
"Who the heck are you?"
"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar" says the actor.
"You're Hark, I hear the cannons roar?" says the
bouncer.
"You're late! Get up to makeup right now!"
So, the actor runs up to makeup. "Who the heck are
you?" asks the makeup girl.
"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" he says.
"You're late! Sit down." So she applies the makeup.
"Now, quick,
get down to the stage, it's almost time to say your
line!"
So he dashes down to the stage.
"Who the heck are you?" asks the stage manager.
"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" he replies.
"Oh, thank God! Just in time! Now get out there, the
curtains are
about to go up!"
So, the actor runs onto the stage. The curtains rise
and he sees that the house is full. Suddenly, there is
an almighty bang behind him, and the bewildered actor
shouts,
"What the fuck was THAT?!"
_________________________________________
>
True bravery is arriving home late & drunk & being
hit by your wife with a broom, and still having the
guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning or just flying somewhere?"
**********************************
ANYWHERE, ANYTIME
A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous babe
nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says,
"Hi, there, good looking'! How's it going'?"
She having already downed a few power drinks she
turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said,
"Listen! I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, front door,
back door, it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since
I got out of college. I just flat-ass love it!"
Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No
kidding! I'm a lawyer too!
What firm are you with?
__________________
The GOP National Committee announced today that it is changing the Republican emblem from an elephant to a condom because it more clearly reflects the party's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.
It was also reported today that at a White House staff meeting last week a heated discussion arose about the health of Vice President Cheney and his angina problem. President Bush interrupted and stated emphatically that men do not have anginas. The president was especially perplexed when a staffer said that Cheney has acute angina.
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