RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (Full Version)

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SpiritedRadiance -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:33:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

i don't really consider myself butt hurt since those things are clearly disrespectful. i've tried to talk with them and that was a no go.

i'm not pressed if they don't like me. oh well. but the throwing things, spitting....you are waaaaaaaay better than i ever will be if you could let that go.



But you are because youve told them to knock it off and they keep doing it.

you created a thread specifically because its bothering you so much... I dont get how thats not being butthurt over it.

I can let a hell of a lot go for a very simple reason.....

Id have left my partner if this kept up after I asked them to stop, I dont deal with drama I dont entertain it, I dont allow it in my life, no ifs no ands no buts, no exceptions HARD fucking limit.



bellesoumise -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:39:46 PM)

I eventually lost faith in the relationship. I don't owe his friends anything. He had that same attitude and would say "Hey not my problem, that between y'all" When I was younger I took crap from people because I had to. But now that I'm an adult I don't, I remove myself from the situation. If one of his friends decided to start calling you names and picking arguments, will he put a stop to it then, or just sit on the sidelines? This situation has a potential to make or break your relationship.



MissAsylum -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:40:38 PM)

the name calling this is whatever- not the first time i've been teased, and it wont be the last time. i just didn't want to cause any drama by verbally putting them in their place, or punching them.



SpiritedRadiance -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:41:58 PM)

Im sorry but It IS part of the relationship to be nice to your partners friends. Other wise you get situations like this that never end well..

IF they are having such a problem theres a reason your not disclosing, I doubt people are going out of their way to be malicious just because your super fantastic special. 



MarksFantasyGirl -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:43:19 PM)

But A girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do... When WILL he step in? When they throw something and hit you the right way and give you a black eye? What if they decide to actually start hitting you? You are in an abusive relationship... with your boyfriend's friends... I wouldn't stand for it if I were you.



MissAsylum -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:44:17 PM)

i appreciate what you are saying. honestly i do.

i came here for advice because sometimes, you may need a view from the outside in certain situations. i've talked, and talked- so my thought is "ok...maybe this isn't working, maybe those older and more experience would have better place of advice for me" 



bellesoumise -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:46:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
i just didn't want to cause any drama by verbally putting them in their place, or punching them.


I would verbally put them in their place. The situation became drama when the disrespect started towards you. Put them in their place with your boyfriend present. If he starts sticks up for them and asks you to stop, then you know where you stand with him.



MissAsylum -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:46:27 PM)

 there is nothing that i'm not disclosing. i won't get any proper advice if i do that.



SpiritedRadiance -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:49:59 PM)

You Honestly want me to believe people just started to trash talk you after you and your partner had a "communication break down"

SOMETHING in this smells fishy, Wither its between your boyfriend and his friends and what hes saying that you dont know or something else.

But I honestly dont believe friends are going out of their way completely to be beyond malicious to someone over a communications issue



MissAsylum -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:51:51 PM)


i will more than likely do that. i don't have to be best friends with the people- i just want the crap to stop and my boyfriend to defend me when the occasion calls for it..
quote:

ORIGINAL: bellesoumise

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
i just didn't want to cause any drama by verbally putting them in their place, or punching them.


I would verbally put them in their place. The situation became drama when the disrespect started towards you. Put them in their place with your boyfriend present. If he starts sticks up for them and asks you to stop, then you know where you stand with him.



DeusEx1 -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:52:00 PM)

MissAsylum, you are a beautiful woman. Get rid of this little boy who is in no way, shape or form doing anything remotely manly enough to protect you or stand up for you. Plain and simple. Situations such as this one cannot be compromised on. They cannot be worked out. If they could be, they would have been already. He plainly is not going to stand up to his friends or defend you. So in essence, he is already choosing his friends over you. That means that he does not truly value the relationship he is in with you. To use an analogy here I am going to start with a question. What causes cancer in tissue? Toxicity. What is one main way of treating a cancer? You excise or remove the tumor. So if you are in a toxic relationship, don't you think it is a matter of time until it becomes cancerous and things really get much worse than what they are now? So what is the cure? You remove the toxic and tumorous area. I.e. The relationship. And you start fresh with someone more compatible.



bellesoumise -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:55:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance
I doubt people are going out of their way to be malicious just because your super fantastic special. 



Umm people do malicious things all the time for no particular reason. They don't need a reason. Don't you remember high school?



MissAsylum -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:56:31 PM)

no disrespect meant at all- but you don't have to believe anything you don't want to in this. for all i know, they may not know exactly why we broke up- i certainly never told them one on one what had been going on.

whatever the case may be- i'm stuck getting harassed and my boyfriend is quiet when it happens and i don't feel that its fair on my end.



SpiritedRadiance -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:57:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bellesoumise

Umm people do malicious things all the time for no particular reason. They don't need a reason. Don't you remember high school?


No one was malicious to me in high school for no reason, every time someone did something cruel its because I did something or they were under the impression that I did something.

It seems more likely the boyfriend isnt standing up because hes said something that is or isnt true about the op and defending her would mean admitting to his friends he lied.



SpiritedRadiance -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 9:58:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

whatever the case may be- i'm stuck getting harassed and my boyfriend is quiet when it happens and i don't feel that its fair on my end.



Then why put yourself in a situation where you know this is going to happen?



MissAsylum -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 10:00:02 PM)

i've been with the man for almost 5 years- i'm not letting it go without a fight. but you have a good analogy and its not falling on deaf ears

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeusEx1

MissAsylum, you are a beautiful woman. Get rid of this little boy who is in no way, shape or form doing anything remotely manly enough to protect you or stand up for you. Plain and simple. Situations such as this one cannot be compromised on. They cannot be worked out. If they could be, they would have been already. He plainly is not going to stand up to his friends or defend you. So in essence, he is already choosing his friends over you. That means that he does not truly value the relationship he is in with you. To use an analogy here I am going to start with a question. What causes cancer in tissue? Toxicity. What is one main way of treating a cancer? You excise or remove the tumor. So if you are in a toxic relationship, don't you think it is a matter of time until it becomes cancerous and things really get much worse than what they are now? So what is the cure? You remove the toxic and tumorous area. I.e. The relationship. And you start fresh with someone more compatible.



hlen5 -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 10:00:19 PM)

MissA,

Was your bf directing his "be quiet" to you for something you said to him, or something you said to his friends (after the insult)?



MissAsylum -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 10:03:12 PM)

the bigger issues of getting stuff thrown at me and getting my drink spit in was at a part for him...couldn't really avoid that. the little jabs just come in here and there, but they add up 



bellesoumise -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 10:04:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

You Honestly want me to believe people just started to trash talk you after you and your partner had a "communication break down"



I believe it. His friends saw the entire situation from the outside, most likely didn't get the entire picture. Judged from pieces they heard, assumed and then based their opinion off of that. Rumors and gossip will do that.



MissAsylum -> RE: When You Say Nothing- It Really Hurts. (9/26/2010 10:04:57 PM)

it would be directed to whatever i said after his friends would insult me.



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