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hausboy -> RE: Greetings from a genderqueer trans guy (10/1/2010 3:28:49 PM)
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[/quote]I don't think too many people understand trans-folks in general. Hell, trans people don't understand other trans people. Like me, I identify as somewhere between gender queer and "guy." In the upcoming weeks I'll be starting T (after a long friggen time of waiting) but some people are telling me not to because I don't identify fully as a guy. Others are telling me to do it because it'll help me pass. Ugh, I also got crap about wanting to wear a skirt.
ANYWAYS I think it's a bit more clear now that I have some bold font. I've had messages from straight guys that think I'm a woman on a lot of sites. I've also had messages (on another site) from straight guys that are into trans guys (there was fetishizing/obectifying types) and some gay guys that I guess wanted me to join their poly group.
Heehee, the M in FTM doesn't stand for man. It's male or masculine...depending on who you ask.
Right now my sex drive is crazy low so hoping it doesn't get crazy on T.
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Well, actually, I'll publicly disagree with you here on that one. And I'll post this for those curious-- For many of us (but obviously, not all of us), Female-to-Male is synonymous with becoming a male, and it has zero to do with masculinity. I know loads of feminine FTMs and they are male... and men...but not masculine. I don't understand your difference between a "guy" and a "man"--for me, those two are the same--so I'm a wee confused about that one. But if wearing a skirt, taking ballet, cross-dressing is your thing...whatever it is you like to do--you can do regardless of your gender. (I know men who do ALL of those things! it's all good)
Testosterone will not "help" you pass- it *will* enable you to live as a male....be the male you are... without ever having to worry about "passing" again. It will silence some of the gender dysphoric chatter that us TS guys have going on in our brains all the time, and once I started hormones, I finally felt healthy, balanced, focused and normal. All the rage and anxiety I had experienced as a female quieted.
So I don't "pass" as a male, I am a male--I don't have to put effort or thought into it now, and that for me was the right choice. I can finally live my life happily, and I don't have to deal with the gender crap in my head that pervaded every aspect of my life for all those miserable years. However ,I couldn't pick and choose what secondary male characteristics I developed. I love the deep voice, the beard and the muscles. The male-pattern baldness and back & butt furr I could do without, but such is the tradeoff for my slice of happiness. My brain simply works better now and the chemistry feels right.
It changes how I physically look, smell, feel, and think. it is SO much more than just appearance--I had no idea when I first ventured into it. And for you kinky folks--my ability to process pain TOTALLY changed too. I was a complete pain pig before testosterone, and now I can't take anywhere near what I used to be able to. The pain gets "processed" differently in my head now.
And as for the sex drive? Oh hell ya! The first 6 months were incredibly intense and overwhelming at times. I went from almost no sex drive to having to wank off at least 2-4 times a day. Your body goes through menopause and puberty simultaneously, and you'll want to fuck anything amd do lots of stupid things. The key is using your adult mature "female" brain and making healthy decisions that normal 14 year old pubescent boys don't. I belong to a group where we mentor and coach new guys into transition--and we have a deal--call your mentor if you're thinking of doing something that you think is a good idea...and we'll tell you if it's something really stupid and a bad idea, which it usually is. And just keep repeating this mantra to yourself: "Look at her eyes....her eyes....keep looking at her eyes...stop staring at her breasts....look up...look up..."
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