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RE: Question for a master - 9/30/2010 8:21:43 PM   
OneMaster4You


Posts: 17
Joined: 5/5/2009
From: San Francisco
Status: offline 		One must be careful about how one communicates to oneself. Feeling uncomfortable about your looks comes from a sense of a low self esteem.

You may be overweight but even if you are, if you feel good about yourself you will project a positive image. It is importnat to start with your mental state of mind and work from there.

You will not find yourself looking the way you want to overnight but if you put yoruself in the right state of mind you will feel better about yourself and this will serve as motivation to accomplish whjat you wish to about the way you look.

If you are overweight and wish to lose some pounds then think inches and get to a good gym. If you can not do this then pick up a good exercise cd and start working out. Remember it is not the last 10 minutes of a one hour workout that will do what you want but the extra ten minutes after.

If you have a bike ride your bike, if you have skates use them, you can always start by walking 15 minutes then work it up to an hour.

Ask your Master/Owner to help you with this and then follow his instructions. Punishment should be established for your lack to do the instructed exercise.

If you feel bad about the way you look in general go to the closet Nordstroms or Macys and find your way to the makeup section. Ask them for some tips on how to apply your makeup to look your best.

Think about a new wardrobe. Dump all your clothes and pick up a whole new wardrobe if you can afford it. If not then ask your Master to help you look good for him. Or you can go to a consignment store and find some nice second hand clothing.

Talk this over with your Master ask him for some assistance in doing what you need to to feel good about yourself. BUT YOU MUST BE ABLE AND WILLING TO FOLLOW INSTRUCTION.

always remember ...Love yourself .....your worth it princess

nuff said ....hope this helps.....
OneMaster4you

(in reply to hotsimple)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question for a master - 10/1/2010 4:39:47 AM   
Selectivelight


Posts: 191
Joined: 9/30/2010
Status: offline 		No master in the world can give you self confidence. You have to find that kind of strength on your own before anyone else could have a chance of reinforcing it.

The best advice I can give you is to stop sitting in front of a computer looking for a miracle, put in the hard work necessary to change yourself for the better.


(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question for a master - 10/1/2010 8:49:12 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		My work involves me being in front of the computer far too often. I have since traded my office chair for
an ablounger. For every paragraph I write, I perform 20 crunches.

Hotsimple, you mentioned being new to this lifestyle, Im curious to know if you are travelling this path specifically
in hopes of finding someone dominant enough to help guide you. A man is a man is a man...and whether he be
dominant or not, he wont be able to see any of your other qualities shine if you are hiding them behind your weight
obsession. Trust in the beauty you possess as a woman, regardless of your proportions. The more you learn to love 
yourself on the inside will lead to inspiration for change on the outer layers as well.


< Message edited by poise -- 10/1/2010 8:50:18 AM >

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Selectivelight)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question for a master - 10/1/2010 5:55:16 PM   
ladyseekinglord


Posts: 105
Joined: 12/4/2005
Status: offline 		I agree.. and also, though I would change just about everything about my body if I could.. I am able to put self-consciousness aside when I get into the lovely slut head space.

You could think of it this way. He has chosen you. How selfish of you to wallow in such self-doubt that you deny him enjoyment of you? Or, screw that. Why deny yourself the pleasure??

The older I get, the more secure. Not that I'm not terrified meeting someone, or even a group at a munch, because I am so damned shy. But I try to get over it. And I know that I am worthy of love and respect.. and wonderful, continuous orgasms. ;)

So, we are what we are. We can take positive steps forward, hopefully with the support of those who love us, but let yourself enjoy every experience just as you are... you deserve it.

I know this is backwards to the usual saying, but I find it more fitting... Life is too long to miserable...

Good luck.

lady

_____________________________

"Hold the heart of a slave girl and she will walk through fire for you... but if you cherish it she will dance in the flames."

(in reply to devilslongsword)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question for a master - 10/1/2010 6:33:23 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		~FR~

Self conscious about your body.  Yeah, I can relate, but not to the inability to give my full submission because of it.  I kept in mind, despite how I felt about the way I looked, that I didn't need to settle for whatever came along.  I was determined to find someone who enjoyed me as is and would support me in changes I needed and would work with me to come to terms with my body.  That was the jump off point.

From there, it has been as simple as knowing that my partner loves my body as is and places me in positions to get comfortable with myself and even become confident about my body, being naked, etc.  No one said this was easy.  It is probably one of the hardest things I will deal with in this relationship because it is so deep seated and not entirely just a self esteem thing.  There's real history there and a lot of other issues attached.  Still, it doesn't stop him from requiring of me in this area as he pleases and me digging down deep to do as he has ordered.  I have had to accept that sometimes getting to a better place myself and doing what is best for our relationship is going to cost me making a complete and utter fool out of myself while I am in awkward transitions such as this.  That's just tough.  Supporting the growth of those important to me is a major function of HAVING a relationship with another person.  If they cannot reciporcate, then I have misplaced my energy.

What are some of the things we have done to work on this?  There's all kinds of things and most of them too intimate to go into here.  What I do for myself to work on this is take care of myself.  I eat healthily.  I get needed sleep.  I exercise as my health allows.  I try to wear styles and clothing that are a little more daring than I used to.  In other words, I do MY part in knowing that I am the best me I can be and then we work together on helping me accept that even when I am not exactly a supermodel.  I am me.  No one else can be me...clothed or naked.  I'd better be the best me there can be because otherwise, the world will have to do without the things I was supposed to bring to the table. 

lovingpet


_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to ladyseekinglord)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question for a master - 10/1/2010 8:20:10 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hotsimple

I have a question for a master since i am new to this lifestyle..i am very uncomfortable with the way my body looks, otherwise I could fully submit myself to my master, how do i overcome this? I need for this to happen


Greetings hotsimple,

The merits of bringing oneself under subjection are untold. The results of this intentional activity lead to the cultivation of a harmonic balance in the mind, emotions, body, and spirit. As with most things this doesn't happen overnight, but rest assured the changes are dramatic. Overcoming negative feelings about your physical makeup require adjustments in thought patterns, associations, and the recognition and acceptance of your sacredness. When you see yourself as a manifestation of something divine you strive to undertake behaviors that accent and bring forth your better self rather than embracing disparaging beliefs and messages the mar your real beauty.

As such, I believe it's important to engage in acts of kindness. These activities are a reflection of your appreciation and celebration of all that is you. Affirm your worth through readings on mindfulness and affirmations that dispel the negative thinking that encumbers your vision. The infusion of positive imagery will eventually eradicate the ideas you've held on to. You'll begin to see yourself in a new way and experience lessened hesitation when sharing. If you're determined to change the composition of your body do so from a place of love. Without this you'll always feel less than as opposed to a glorious masterpiece being unveiled.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to hotsimple)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question for a master - 10/1/2010 9:33:11 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Same question, from a different perspective-

I am a Dominant male. With men, our insecurities usually revolve around wealth and status which are the social measurements for us.

I mingle and work with men who have much more money and status and power than I do, which would be like a BBW mingling with lingerie models- plenty of opportunity for insecurity and self loathing.

But I don't feel any- I have over time learned that our insecurity happens when we internally accept and embrace the foolish measures that others have- insecure people aren't made to feel that way by anything others say, but more by their own agreement with it. Like Ann Landers' old saying, no one can make you feel bad without your consent.

Society bombards us constantly with messages of status and physical beauty, and we just have to repeat like a mantra right back that those who love us because of the car we drive or the size 0 figure, don't really love us at all. So torturing ourselves to gain those things wouldn't bring us any joy peace anyway.

(in reply to hotsimple)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question for a master - 10/1/2010 10:20:40 PM   
ladyseekinglord


Posts: 105
Joined: 12/4/2005
Status: offline 		Yep, yep, and yep. (to the last three posts.) Very good stuff.

lady

_____________________________

"Hold the heart of a slave girl and she will walk through fire for you... but if you cherish it she will dance in the flames."

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question for a master - 10/2/2010 4:24:21 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hotsimple

I have a question for a master since i am new to this lifestyle..i am very uncomfortable with the way my body looks, otherwise I could fully submit myself to my master, how do i overcome this? I need for this to happen


Greetings hotsimple,

I neglected to view your profile before my previous response. However, if you're seeking feedback and suggestions relating to weight loss you're welcome to contact me privately. I'm well versed in the subject and implement a holistic approach that has proven successful (avg. 5 pounds per week) and I've successfully maintained the initial changes for five years. I'd be happy to share what I've learned.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to hotsimple)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question for a master - 10/4/2010 6:58:19 PM   
FredW


Posts: 27
Joined: 9/1/2010
Status: offline 		The best thing for you to remember is that your Dom obviously finds you body attractive. Doesn't that show that your body must be, at least to him, completely acceptable?

My sub is overweight, as am I. I will admit that the thin ones turn my head, and I really don't have a thing for heavy women, but the rest of the package outweighs the weight.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question for a master - 10/5/2010 5:58:36 AM   
subbinginal


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline 		Great responses.  I felt compelled to post on here about this subject.  It is one i have struggled with always.  There have been alot of responses about losing the weight.  I dont think the weight has anything to do with what you are feeling.  Although, getting healthy is very important, body issues are in the mind.  I look back on pictures when I was what I now would consider a wonderful size thinking damn, if I only looked liked that again.  However, I distinctly remember feeling fat, ugly and hating my body.  It doesnt matter if I am 150 lbs or 250lbs, I still have body image problems.  Now I really am very overweight, am going to the gym and working out, but I know I have to accept me just as I am, or the weight loss will do nothing to help my mental image of myself.  When getting involved with this lifestyle i worried about my weight, felt like maybe, who am i to deserve this hapiness, who in the hell in their right mind would want ME?  Well, my needs and urges outweighed my fear.  I jumped in with both feet.  The first time a Dom asked me to take a nude full body shot, I refused for about a week.  We went back and forth.  He wasnt ugly or demanding, was matter of fact and persistant.  Finally one day He just sounded disgusted with me about my low self esteem, I finally gave in, with tears streaming down my face, and the fact that I knew when He saw these He would not want me anymore weighing on my heart, I took the pictures.  OMG, it was terrible.  I sent them, thinking that was the end of that.  Well, He messaged back immediately and said, "I dont know why you are so worried, you are beautiful."  I was shocked.  I said something negative about myself and His reply was, "Go get a wooden spoon and spank yourself ten times.  Do not EVER degrade yourself to me again.  When you insult yourself, You insult Me and My taste and you imply that I do not know what I like."  Well, that was the most powerful, and freeing experience i have ever had.  It really helped me on this road.  I do still struggle, but nowhere like I use to.  Every time I strip naked and they do not go running and screaming in horror, I fell more and more comfortable.  In order to get what I want, I have to get naked.  It is a choice about what is more important.  Good Luck

< Message edited by subbinginal -- 10/5/2010 6:00:52 AM >

(in reply to FredW)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question for a master - 10/5/2010 9:45:42 AM   
sigh4ualone


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		"My sub is overweight, as am I. I will admit that the thin ones turn my head, and I really don't have a thing for heavy women, but the rest of the package outweighs the weight." (FredW)

Love that! I've been losing weight, and the last Dom I dealt with started out helping me, but soon, it became HIS obsession. When I realized he didn't care about ME as a person, I was wise enough to leave the relationship. I knew I couldn't spend more time with someone who didn't care about 'the rest of the package.'

Guess what I'm trying to say here is, OP, don't allow anyone to undermine your self-esteem. Find one who cares about you enough to HELP you, but also enough not to whittle away at your core.

((sorry, I meant this as a reponse to FredW, not sublingual! Just learning!

< Message edited by sigh4ualone -- 10/5/2010 9:48:00 AM >

(in reply to subbinginal)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question for a master - 10/6/2010 1:24:28 AM   
ladyseekinglord


Posts: 105
Joined: 12/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbinginal

...I look back on pictures when I was what I now would consider a wonderful size thinking damn, if I only looked liked that again.  However, I distinctly remember feeling fat, ugly and hating my body.  It doesnt matter if I am 150 lbs or 250lbs, I still have body image problems. 



I liked your whole post, but especially the part quoted above. I have experienced feeling huge and ugly when, looking back, I was young and sexy. I've tried to learn from this though, and appreciate my value as an attractive sexual woman even though I am overweight.

I have gotten over a lot of my shyness in that area a little also. Once you've seen me naked and made me scream in pleasure a few times, my clothes come off very easily. ;)

lady

_____________________________

"Hold the heart of a slave girl and she will walk through fire for you... but if you cherish it she will dance in the flames."

(in reply to subbinginal)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question for a master - 10/6/2010 9:21:02 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		I feel you girl.....I weighed 5 more lbs than you 1 1/2 years ago. I lost 60 through diet and exercise and have begun to work on the other 40 in the last few weeks. I'm still overweight but pretty darn curvy....lol.

The common theme in the thread seems to be lose the weight for mostly health reasons. Looks wise, I feel most people like HWP as I do. I lost the weight for several reasons but I would hate to think I missed The One because of 50 or 100 lbs. Losing the weight is broadening my options.

But bloody hell, my tits got out of shape.....that'll be about 4K for reconstructive breast procedure....lol.

Oh forgot to add.....when I started looking into this this year, I met someone online in March and I was so body conscious, webcam was out of the question. He stuck with me with his charm, sensitivity, patience and now there isn't much he can't get me to do on cam. Maybe an online mentor for sub training will reduce your inhibitions. It's been a great tool for me. Good luck

< Message edited by anniezz338 -- 10/6/2010 9:25:34 PM >

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question for a master - 10/7/2010 3:52:02 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		if you are uncomfy with how you look then do something about it.  its amazing how going to the gym, going for a brisk walk, actually doing something about what you dislike about youreself starts to feel better and less of a prison for you.

after my son i carried way too much weight for my height.  i was obese infact.  i hated how i looked but felt trapped because id tried diets before and theyd all failed me.  but i wanted to enjoy my body again and so do you.

eat less and exercise more - its easy enough and as the pounds drop and you start feeling positive about youreself again you can start looking forward to meeting up with a guy and feeling confident about that.

no one is perfect.  all those pretty pictures of teenage girls in mags is all a load of crap.  ive seen models in real life, theyre spotty, sallow skinned and scrawny.  the air brush does wonders for them. 

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to anniezz338)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question for a master - 10/7/2010 4:52:00 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hotsimple

I have a question for a master since i am new to this lifestyle..i am very uncomfortable with the way my body looks, otherwise I could fully submit myself to my master, how do i overcome this? I need for this to happen


I used to have a buddy who would tell me, "When the pain of the problem outweighs the fear of the solution, then the real work can begin."



Just saying.


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to hotsimple)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Question for a master - 10/8/2010 10:28:14 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex


I mingle and work with men who have much more money and status and power than I do, which would be like a BBW mingling with lingerie models- plenty of opportunity for insecurity and self loathing.



Just wanted to comment on the above. I was a plus size model back in the day and I mingled on a daily basis with lingerie and thin models. I can honestly tell you that they had and have far more insecurity and self loathing than I, or any of the BBW models did simply because they were so paranoid about gaining an ounce and losing a job for being a size 2 instead of a size zero that it resulted in drug use, eating disorders, etc.

The larger size models, including myself, were much more centered, happy, confident and secure. Why should we be insecure? People were paying us well for our looks.

I will again maintain what I said earlier, beauty comes from confidence and not from what the media tells us. People have preferences or are open to all sizes and that is fine.

Just don't let body image interfere with your search for a partner or Dom.

P.S. to address an earlier poster who focused only on how unhealthy everyone who is overweight it, some overweight people are quite fit and healthy, so no need for scathing generalizations to further upset the OP. She may be the picture of health, but body image has nothing to do with that.

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Question for a master - 10/8/2010 3:23:16 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings,

It is my belief that good health isn't aesthetically motivated but a manifestation of an act of kindness one bestows upon themselves. I don't place an onus on the physical or believe it is more important than internal health. In my opinion both are of equal merit and aspiring towards balance in both areas can have profound results on the individual's mental, emotional, and physical state. I can honestly admit that my success is largely attributed to a change in philosophy and the adaptation of a different opinion about my person as a whole. Since I honor and respect the sacredness that is me, allowing myself to be unbalanced on any front is something I seek to remedy. My body has repaid my efforts exponentially.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Question for a master - 10/12/2010 9:44:44 AM   
Nslavu


Posts: 342
Joined: 2/1/2010
Status: offline 		As most people are telling you, this feeling comes from your own head, fed by social standards and bs that isn't true. What is true is what you 'believe' and it seems you have accepted the social standards as your truth. Since it's all head space, self talk, internal dialog; the required change can happen if you change the belief and reinforce it (the same way, social standards reinforce what is not necessarily true about body image) through repetition of your own truth in a ways that benefit you. I am not talking about affirmations, but about telling yourself what you want to be true about you, rather than accepting that the outside world is absolute truth, because it is not. Any belief, anchors you to all of it's consequences. What the outside tells you isn't true. At best it is someone else's truth, not yours.

Best the belief serves you,... so you change the belief. From now on believe that what the outside world tells you is the big lie because it is ... what you tell you is the only truth that matters. The internal dialog will always serve what you want of your self... hence your attempt to find help to combat this.

Consistent repetition of a belief (built to serve you, not malign you) will change how you feel... which eventually leads to experiencing it as a reality. Won't happen over night likely but stay with it and it stays with you.

You can either be a reflection of the world's misguided perceptions or be the mirror itself.


(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Question for a master - 10/12/2010 12:21:26 PM   
sofldan


Posts: 150
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline 		learning to love your body and yourself should be your first priorities. And they are hard things to do. Especially in todyas society where we are constantly bombarded with sexuality and how we should look. What we should weigh, how we dress, how white are our teeth, etc. One of my favorite movies is fight club, there are a great many empowering lines and sub plots that deal with issues we all face. For example on the bus the two main characters see the modern day adonnis in underwear ad poster. And the question is asked "is this what a real man is supposed to look like"? And then the scoffing snicker implying yeah right. Then there is robert paulson the former body builder juice head that now tops 400 lbs with bitch tits or moobs. His story of going from a snivelling unsecure bitch to being comfortable with who he is.

love yourself, no matter what you look like, what you weigh, or where you are in life. Someone out there will love you for who you are not what you are and anything else you want to work on they will help you along the way.

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 40
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