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RE: Keeping Secrets - 4/25/2006 4:43:37 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
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Wow, what a great soap opera, if any hollywood writer's are logged on. I know I'd watch with interest

I think that you obviously love him, to still be with him after such a life changing disclosure. Still, it now sounds like you are the unfulfilled. You need to tend to your own needs in my humble opinion and what needs he once fulfilled for you are now disenigrading slowly as I suspect the relationship will also do.

Sorry, Kevin

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Post #: 21

RE: Keeping Secrets - 4/25/2006 5:13:10 AM

FirmhandKY

Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NINASHARP

I thought I made it clear that I was no longer slave. I guess I rambled a bit in my original post. I question these desires, and I fulfill his.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY

Hmmm ... Nina ... I just read your profile. You are advertising as a Pro-domme?

I'm not sure what to believe ... your profile, or your words here.

FHky.

If you read my profile than you should have been able to see that I had been a prodomme for many years. I say had been, because I am no longer am a prodomme and haven't been in quite some time. I thought I clearly pointed that out in my profile, because I went as far as creating a new account and changing my name here. I don't understand what you feel is advertising as a prodomme?? Could you enlighten me because I don't want to give anyone that impression that I still prodomme.

From your profile:

Joined: 04/23/06

I am a lifestyle Mistress with an enjoyment of total control and all forms of complete servitude.

If we do make contact and we do meet, it will bebecause you have proven yourself worthy and have shown me the desire to please a sensual domme, and will have a a complete understanding of what it means to worship a woman of attitude and power.

I do not consider myself a switch, because I no longer feel submissive and have not been for years.

Now, towards the end, you do say:

I mention this because I am no longer a prodomme.

What I am saying is that in your new profile ( just created) you make it pretty plain that you are a dominant woman, and that you are pretty comfortable in that role, now.

How long have you stayed in that role, which your post here leads one to believe is something you were more or less "forced" into?

Your current profile gives the impression - at least to me - that you are practicing the "don't throw me into the brier patch" reverse psychology ploy of advertising.

Now, perhaps, you just are convoluted and confused (or perhaps I am), and that is unintentional. I'd welcome clarification.

FHky

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Post #: 22

RE: Keeping Secrets - 4/25/2006 5:19:21 AM

FirmhandKY

Posts: 8948
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Oh, yeah:

Actively Seeking:
    Submissive Women
    Submissive Men
    Switch Women
    Switch Men
    Submissive Trans
    Sub/Sub Couples
    Friends Only

That too.

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RE: Keeping Secrets - 4/25/2006 6:07:47 AM

NINASHARP

Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: NINASHARP

I thought I made it clear that I was no longer slave. I guess I rambled a bit in my original post. I question these desires, and I fulfill his.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY

Hmmm ... Nina ... I just read your profile. You are advertising as a Pro-domme?

I'm not sure what to believe ... your profile, or your words here.

FHky.

If you read my profile than you should have been able to see that I had been a prodomme for many years. I say had been, because I am no longer am a prodomme and haven't been in quite some time. I thought I clearly pointed that out in my profile, because I went as far as creating a new account and changing my name here. I don't understand what you feel is advertising as a prodomme?? Could you enlighten me because I don't want to give anyone that impression that I still prodomme.

From your profile:

Joined: 04/23/06

I am a lifestyle Mistress with an enjoyment of total control and all forms of complete servitude.

If we do make contact and we do meet, it will bebecause you have proven yourself worthy and have shown me the desire to please a sensual domme, and will have a a complete understanding of what it means to worship a woman of attitude and power.

I do not consider myself a switch, because I no longer feel submissive and have not been for years.

Now, towards the end, you do say:

I mention this because I am no longer a prodomme.

What I am saying is that in your new profile ( just created) you make it pretty plain that you are a dominant woman, and that you are pretty comfortable in that role, now.

How long have you stayed in that role, which your post here leads one to believe is something you were more or less "forced" into?

Your current profile gives the impression - at least to me - that you are practicing the "don't throw me into the brier patch" reverse psychology ploy of advertising.

Now, perhaps, you just are convoluted and confused (or perhaps I am), and that is unintentional. I'd welcome clarification.

FHky

First I guess you don't realize how hard it was for me to open up to others about this, without giving the wrong impression? For you to say I don't know what to beleive after reading my profile.. its obvious that you didn't read the entire profile.

I already mentioned to you that I had changed my name eliminating anything to do with Prodomme. I do state in my profile, clearly I am seeking friendships and no, I don't eliminate those who are dominant from friendship. Yet rather than get mails from dom men seeking slaves, which has already happened since posting on this forum, I am not interested in that.. Perhaps when creating the profile it was selected that I seek subs, because I am not looking for a Master, Top, Dom nor am I feeling submissive since this happened to me in Real Life with 2 real time Masters.. Do you know the old saying, "Burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice, shame on me?" This is exactly why I am not submissive any more. It does not mean I don't have the desires. As my original post said, it was a confusing situation for me so I posted in Ask A Master, rather than in the General Discussion area.

BTW, My profile also states I have experience as both as a slave and Mistress. I clearly state, and I quote, "I had a professional dungeon for a number of years in NYC, and I was a prodomme. (This does not mean I was somekind of prostitute with whips.) Though the subject is a very complicated matter, I mention this because I am no longer a prodomme. " Believe it or not, I was a switch at this time and was in a contract with a Master who had given me the permission to prodomme. I don't know what you mean, by the the briar patch analogy and advertising. There are many places other than here on CM to advertise as prodomme, wtf? How is that confusing to you or with the situation that I opened up about here in this forum.
You know there are some really good people here, and feel very grateful for finding this place, but I have the feeling that I'm attacked when ever mentioning the prodomme aspects of my life which was a very big part of my life.

Anyway, I was looking for some feed back from others and I thank you for yours.

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RE: Keeping Secrets - 4/25/2006 7:34:29 AM

FirmhandKY

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Nina,

Don't be confused about what I am saying. To be 100% clear, I'll say it in one sentence:

You are sending mixed messages.

I'm not trying to "diss" you. I'm trying to give you my impression. Please do not insult me by saying I haven't read your entire profile. I quoted from it to try to get across to you my point. I read your new, and your old profile several times, trying to see if I was unfair or inaccurate in my words before I posted them.

But from reading your profile, I get the impression that you are saying "No, I'm not a Prodomme" [wink, wink].

Perhaps others do not see that, or see something different. The fact of your thread here fills out the "who" behind the profile, but does so in a manner - to me, again - that simply makes what you have written in your profile even more confusing. If you are "at heart" a submissive, or a slave ["my true desires, was to serve"], and you were tricked into becoming a top for your "submissive dom" (!) ... and now you are seeking advice about what was done to you ... why do you make such unabasedly dominant statements in your profile?

Are you afraid for your current "Master" to read it, and find out what is truly in your soul? Or is it just habit, after years of "playing" a role that isn't really you? Or is it that you are no longer even sure yourself who and what you are?

Just digging, not condemning.

FHky

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RE: Keeping Secrets - 4/25/2006 9:07:19 AM

NINASHARP

Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY

Nina,

Don't be confused about what I am saying. To be 100% clear, I'll say it in one sentence:

You are sending mixed messages.

Perhaps I am on this specific forum in this specific subject.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY
I'm not trying to "diss" you. I'm trying to give you my impression. Please do not insult me by saying I haven't read your entire profile. I quoted from it to try to get across to you my point. I read your new, and your old profile several times, trying to see if I was unfair or inaccurate in my words before I posted them.

Yes but the mere fact that you only posted the parts of my profile that coincided with your views, gave me the impression that you hadn't read the entire profile.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY
But from reading your profile, I get the impression that you are saying "No, I'm not a Prodomme" [wink, wink].

[wink, wink] I was a prodomme, anyone recognizing me from the ole days, might want to know I no longer am. [wink, wink]

BTW, I have been contacted by former subs on here, who asked if I was still doing pro sessions. So I thought I would save them time by adding that I am no longer doing that, by putting it in my profile.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY
Perhaps others do not see that, or see something different. The fact of your thread here fills out the "who" behind the profile, but does so in a manner - to me, again - that simply makes what you have written in your profile even more confusing. If you are "at heart" a submissive, or a slave ["my true desires, was to serve"], and you were tricked into becoming a top for your "submissive dom" (!) ... and now you are seeking advice about what was done to you ... why do you make such unabasedly dominant statements in your profile?

I am again, trying to choose my words wisely. I did not say my true desires is to serve. At the time of this incident, my true desire was to serve. Was meaning past.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FirmhandKY
Are you afraid for your current "Master" to read it, and find out what is truly in your soul? Or is it just habit, after years of "playing" a role that isn't really you? Or is it that you are no longer even sure yourself who and what you are?

Just digging, not condemning.

FHky

My then Master is not my current Master.He is now my slave. As stated before, the roles have been reversed, and I have no longer the desire to be submissive. In the end, I guess it was consensual, but I felt it was a part of manipulation on his part. I was wondering if it others would see it that way as well. And some for the most part have.
Thanks again for your insights.

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RE: Keeping Secrets - 4/25/2006 9:56:10 AM

crouchingtigress

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Relationships are give and take and what you need to do is acknowledge this is not working for you and look at some tangible solutions, right?

I would suggest you switch roles every 2 months and then deeply commit to your role no matter what it is.

You are practicing the ultimate and most extreme submission in my estimation, and this will make you a better slave, and you will have a deeper understanding of both roles in the long run. But also you will be able to keep it fun, because you can say things "well when its my turn...ect" and this will keep the balance of power.

It takes time to get in to your role completely, switching day to day would be mentally confusing and you would cheat yourself out of some of the deeper more mental aspects of the joys of your role.

Dont give in to to thoughts like " I am betrayed" " I never signed up for this" " I have a big secret"...you will suck the life out of yourself and your relationship.

Try to look at this as ~The Ultimate Learning Experience in Submission~, try to see your partner as ~The Ultimate Partner~ in that he is self aware, able to be totally honest and intimate with you, able to rock your world when he is Domming you able to give himself so completely to you when he submits to you...

You are a very lucky lady, and it is only your conceived ideas of who you are and what you need that is limiting this exchange, You already have it all...

A "dirty secret" can also be a Sacred Bond, if you choose to see it as such

The glass is always half full or half empty....you know?

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RE: Keeping Secrets - 4/25/2006 9:59:47 AM

FirmhandKY

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Nina,

I could argue with you about your perception of what I said, but what is the use?

Here is what your clarifying statements say to me now:

1. You are now dominant, and have no wish to change that.
2. You were "tricked" into becoming a dominant.

I'm not sure I see that you have a problem.

You like what you are now, and have no desire to change. Sure, the method used by your master-turned-slave was dishonest. So? If you can't stand his initial dishonesty, then release him. Or you could thank him for revealing to yourself who and what you really are. Or just punish him severely. Your call.

So ... can you explain again what it is that you are seeking by this thread? Just trying to release old demons? That's fine. Something else?

FHky

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RE: Keeping Secrets - 4/25/2006 5:46:48 PM

NINASHARP

Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
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Tigress,

Thank you for your response! You are right on target about the balance of power. Yet, I can not switch because of the level of trust which seems to be my own issue, not his. To submit now without a sense of masculinity on his part would be very difficult. Beleive me I have tried and just didn't get into my sub space. Still your advice is good. And very much appreciate. I guess I am lucky to have found a place to discuss it.

I really like the dirty secret vs sacred bond statement you made. Along with the optimsm you've show in most all your posts.

Until then,

Nina

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RE: Keeping Secrets - 4/25/2006 6:02:44 PM

NINASHARP

Posts: 295
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FHky,

I don't want to argue with you either. It has been a long day for me. So I will try to keep it short.

I guess to answer your questions, I found the switch side in me not long after my first RL s/m relationship. So NO I was not forced, I was always naturally dominant and it really felt like a fit. Yet the grounds of this particular relationship changed, and was reversed. It has always been somewhat puzzling to me, because I never once let a slave/sub of my own top me. Oh sure some tried. From the bottom that is.

I guess after being a switch for so long and then only being a lifestyle Mistress over the last several years, I find it more of a comfort level to do what I think I do best and that is being and staying on top.

Why did I start this thread? Well maybe its reading all the posts here on collar me, and perhaps seeing some of the old guard (waving to John) who around this time 13 years ago, actually reassured me that my submissive desires and fantasies were OK, and not abnormal. It was then when I was introduced to my first dominant Lady, and I admitt I had been recollecting on those feelings and memories. I guess that sums up why I brought it up now.

Thanks for asking,

NINA

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RE: Keeping Secrets - 4/26/2006 9:03:40 AM

aaajusttimid

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This is the most substantial conversation I have read in a great while.

Nina, thank you for being so open about a deeply personal issue, and thank you to all who brought so many personal experiences, perspectives and insights into the conversation. I have learned a great deal from all of you.

< Message edited by aaajusttimid -- 4/26/2006 9:04:16 AM >

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