New, hopeful, sub.

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asshungry45 -> New, hopeful, sub. (10/4/2010 1:59:19 AM)
Hello. Are there any dominant women out there who would like to take control of a fit middle aged man who is in need of discipline?

LadyTeazer -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/4/2010 2:07:30 AM)
If there is zero sexual contact between you and your wife, then your married life isn't very "normal" then, is it? I'm just sayin'.

asshungry45 -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/4/2010 2:34:32 AM)
Good morning Lady Teazer and thank you for replying. You are correct of course, there is nothing normal aat all about my marriage once you scrape beneath the surface. The problem is my wife considers it perfectly normal for us to have seperate bedrooms and zero sex life. I have had years of sexual deprivation and now feel that I owe it to myself to explore my hidden desires.

ReginaMirus -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/4/2010 3:24:20 AM)
Huh. No profile. How ironic. Ok, so if I don't get a relationship with you, and you're the only one getting played with, what's in it for me? The "priviledge" of actually getting to play with you? What makes you any more unique than the 20 million other middle aged subs on here who're looking for the same thing from the safety of their own marriages? And better yet, why should I care?

BoiJen -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/4/2010 7:21:01 AM)
Here it was, I thought you owed it to yourself AND your wife to get divorced first. Huh!

OttersSwim -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/4/2010 8:25:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: asshungry45 Good morning Lady Teazer and thank you for replying. You are correct of course, there is nothing normal aat all about my marriage once you scrape beneath the surface. The problem is my wife considers it perfectly normal for us to have seperate bedrooms and zero sex life. I have had years of sexual deprivation and now feel that I owe it to myself to explore my hidden desires. Good Morning OP! [:)] You know, I can empathize with your situation having spent nearly a dozen years in a relationship that had love, but no sexual contact. You come to a day when you realize that this situation cannot continue long term and it is time for you to do something. My wife and I tried to open up our relationship and we still ended up in divorce. But it was amicable, no one cheated, no one could point a finger at the other and say "Liar!". I don't know your situation, but I will strongly encourage you to talk to your wife and figure out if this relationship that meant enough at one time for you to marry her, and she you, still means that much today. And what, together, you are both going to do about it. Now, there are many options from this sort of path. Everything from intentionally opening up your marriage to other partners, to her coming completely around and you both finding each other sexually again, to separation and divorce. If she refuses to engage with you, then she is no longer meeting a core need that you have and you must make the decision to act unilaterally. I will encourage you to act from a place of honor and integrity. Don't go behind her back. Do what you need to do to be able to pursue your desires completely free of impediments of body and spirit. That is the only way you will ever really be happy you know? Hiding and sneaking and lying puts a great stone in your emotional backpack and that will become just as heavy to carry around as your current situation is. So you have these kinky desires. Maybe she does too. Maybe not. There is a book out there called "When someone you love is kinky." that you might want to look up and share with her. See where it goes trying to make your marriage work first, then do what you have to do from a place of honor and integrity. Because you deserve to be emotionally and sexually satisfied in your relationship. And that responsibility falls on both of you to make that happen. So even if you want to go down this path, can't you see that you really have an obligation to try this with her first? What is of -supreme importance- that you realize is that BDSM relationships, even short term play-based relationships - are built on trust. Think about it - you really need to trust the person if you are going to end up in a compromising position, and they need to know that they can trust you too. If you go down the path of "needing discretion", then you will make yourself completely off-limits to almost everyone in the BDSM lifestyle. They won't engage with you because cheating on your wife is a giant neon sign that says DO NOT TOUCH. So you are at a crossroads. My advice to you is to engage your wife in active discussion about your relationship. If she responds positively, then you have a path to work on your marriage and get what you want. If she does not, then you have a path to changing your relationship either through separation, divorce, whatever. It is a pretty good bet that if you are not happy, she is not either. Do the right and honorable thing whatever comes. [:)]

LadyPact -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/4/2010 9:42:08 AM)
Otters, you are one of the most patient people on the planet.

OttersSwim -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/4/2010 11:14:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Otters, you are one of the most patient people on the planet. All part of the "sensative new-age Otter" LadyP. [;)]

LadyHibiscus -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/4/2010 11:44:41 AM)
I bow down, Otters!! [:D]

Iholdthestrings -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/4/2010 12:40:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OttersSwim So you have these kinky desires. Maybe she does too. Maybe not. There is a book out there called "When someone you love is kinky." that you might want to look up and share with her. Another book I'd recommend is "Different Loving" by Gloria & William Brame. It's written from the perspective of introducing a 'nilla partner to kink. Either way, I agree with others here who have said that you need to deal with your current relationship before you go looking for another one, and sneaking/lying/cheating are never going to lead to anything positive or worthwhile.

SthrnCom4t -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/5/2010 2:54:33 PM)
Excellent job, My love! I've very proud of you! Sthrn quote: ORIGINAL: OttersSwim Good Morning OP! [:)] You know, I can empathize with your situation having spent nearly a dozen years in a relationship that had love, but no sexual contact. You come to a day when you realize that this situation cannot continue long term and it is time for you to do something. My wife and I tried to open up our relationship and we still ended up in divorce. But it was amicable, no one cheated, no one could point a finger at the other and say "Liar!". I don't know your situation, but I will strongly encourage you to talk to your wife and figure out if this relationship that meant enough at one time for you to marry her, and she you, still means that much today. And what, together, you are both going to do about it. Now, there are many options from this sort of path. Everything from intentionally opening up your marriage to other partners, to her coming completely around and you both finding each other sexually again, to separation and divorce. If she refuses to engage with you, then she is no longer meeting a core need that you have and you must make the decision to act unilaterally. I will encourage you to act from a place of honor and integrity. Don't go behind her back. Do what you need to do to be able to pursue your desires completely free of impediments of body and spirit. That is the only way you will ever really be happy you know? Hiding and sneaking and lying puts a great stone in your emotional backpack and that will become just as heavy to carry around as your current situation is. So you have these kinky desires. Maybe she does too. Maybe not. There is a book out there called "When someone you love is kinky." that you might want to look up and share with her. See where it goes trying to make your marriage work first, then do what you have to do from a place of honor and integrity. Because you deserve to be emotionally and sexually satisfied in your relationship. And that responsibility falls on both of you to make that happen. So even if you want to go down this path, can't you see that you really have an obligation to try this with her first? What is of -supreme importance- that you realize is that BDSM relationships, even short term play-based relationships - are built on trust. Think about it - you really need to trust the person if you are going to end up in a compromising position, and they need to know that they can trust you too. If you go down the path of "needing discretion", then you will make yourself completely off-limits to almost everyone in the BDSM lifestyle. They won't engage with you because cheating on your wife is a giant neon sign that says DO NOT TOUCH. So you are at a crossroads. My advice to you is to engage your wife in active discussion about your relationship. If she responds positively, then you have a path to work on your marriage and get what you want. If she does not, then you have a path to changing your relationship either through separation, divorce, whatever. It is a pretty good bet that if you are not happy, she is not either. Do the right and honorable thing whatever comes. [:)]

Goldenlover07 -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/5/2010 10:31:35 PM)
Very interesting posts , but may i add what if you have told your wife of your kinks she has known of them your entire relationship , and still wont have anything to do with them , so much so that when you bring any of these subjects up it ends up in a full blown argument, with flying crockery and angry words, and because you still love her no matter that you are not sexually attracted to her anymore , you dont want a divorce . as this would hurt her more . what advice would you all say in this scenario, now im sure this may make other dommes etc not want to look at me but i am honest and sick of being miserable and sad were i feel im only being a small part of myself each day and hiding the rest. GoldenLover07

MistressRosalyn -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/5/2010 11:26:15 PM)
First, OttersSwim, that was freaking awesome. If I offered Rosie Points, you'd get 50 for that post. quote: ORIGINAL: Goldenlover07 Very interesting posts , but may i add what if you have told your wife of your kinks she has known of them your entire relationship , and still wont have anything to do with them , so much so that when you bring any of these subjects up it ends up in a full blown argument, with flying crockery and angry words, and because you still love her no matter that you are not sexually attracted to her anymore , you dont want a divorce . as this would hurt her more . what advice would you all say in this scenario, now im sure this may make other dommes etc not want to look at me but i am honest and sick of being miserable and sad were i feel im only being a small part of myself each day and hiding the rest. GoldenLover07 Really? You love your wife but you are not sexually attracted to her anymore. But...you are staying with her because it would hurt her if you broke up. Am I correct in all of the above? Are you still having vanilla sex with her? So at what point are you being kind and loving to her? By keeping her in a relationship that YOU are unhappy in, is that making her happy? Living a lie, does THAT make her happy? How will she feel when she finds out that you have been living a hidden life behind her back? I'll wager that flying crockery will be a minor thing compared to what will happen that day! My dear, please stop blowing smoke up your own ass. You are opting for the safe path, for the path that eventually leads to regrets, the path where you wake up one day in bed with someone that you don't even recognize, and you certainly don't love. You aren't worried about HER happiness, you are only bowing to YOUR fear, and your need for a sure thing. Being a submissive male isn't easy, there are hundreds of you for every one of us. But I'd wager that if you found someone else, your fear of hurting your wife would go right out the window! You need to ask yourself, "What is my passion? Am I living the life I am meant to be living? Are my needs and desires congruent with my wife's needs and desires? Would she be happier in the end with someone who DOES meet her needs? Am I happier with my wife, but without my desires, or would I be happier alone?" You are holding your wife up as being bitterly unfair to you, and therefore, asking for a general consensus to bestow upon you a hunting license so you can hunt for your heart's desire while you hold onto the sure thing. Sorry, but it isn't going to work that way. Settle your problems first, and THEN go hunting. Assuming you do find your heart's desire, will it be fair to ask her to sit around and wait for you to go through a divorce? And your wife will always blame the new woman as a home wrecker. Is that what you want for a newly beloved? Go back, do some deep thinking with your big head, truly act from love, and THEN enter marriage guidance...and with that guidance, make a decision. Best of luck to both the OP and you Golden.

DarkSteven -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/6/2010 2:36:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t Excellent job, My love! I've very proud of you! Sthrn As well you should be. His post was awesome. I keep missing the Longmont munch. Am I missing you and Otter as well - do you two attend it?

OohAahMrs -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/6/2010 4:03:04 AM)
Welcome ass, stay hopeful!

Iholdthestrings -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/6/2010 9:30:35 AM)
Seems to Me that the OP and Goldenlover07 both have their priorities out of order. Your first priority is your marriage. If it's not, you shouldn't be married. Love is surely the best reason to marry someone, but if your relationship isn't meeting your needs, and isn't one that can be opened for you to get your needs met elsewhere, you really have two honorable choices. Either you give up your needs for the sake of the love, or you give up the love for the sake of your needs. Either way, you owe it to the woman you promised to love and honor - 'til death do you part - not to lie, cheat, or hide things from her. It's like having a cancer in your relationship. You can pretend it's not there 'til you're blue in the face, but that doesn't make it so, and if you don't treat the problem, it's only going to get worse and worse until there's nothing left. There is NO honor in being a cheat. Secrets get discovered. Indiscretions get found out. Even if they don't, it still makes you a dishonorable person. Besides, who wants a selfish, untrustworthy, sneak-around submissive? I know I sure don't. "Don't quit the old one until you have a new one lined up" is job-seeking advice, not relationship advice.

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: New, hopeful, sub. (10/6/2010 10:17:54 AM)
What everybody else said, marriage is marriage is marriage. Sort it out then get back to what you want. 'Nuff said.

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