RE: I am what I am... (Full Version)

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myst -> RE: I am what I am... (10/14/2004 8:25:33 PM)

i've been subbmissive all my life. I'm 19 now and i'm having a very happy relationship with my Master, we actually met as two vanillas but about 10 min in to our first conversation he just said it "your subbmisive arn't you?" and i was shocked that it showed so much.
The main problem i seem to face is from people trying to tell me i'm to young to know that i want to lifestyle. these people are usally subbmissive females who are 40+ who try to make me live out their own life. I'm sick of being told i should go get a vanilla boyfriend and come back to the lifestyle when i'm around 27.

Does anyone have this problem? with people trying to pressure you out of the lifestyle or is it just me?

I am what I am...

myst



GentleMistress -> RE: I am what I am... (10/16/2004 6:20:35 AM)

Doesn't do the dating scene anymore. If i did though I could not be in a vanilla relationship.



kiki blue -> RE: I am what I am... (10/16/2004 7:11:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: myst
I'm sick of being told i should go get a vanilla boyfriend and come back to the lifestyle when i'm around 27.


I started in the scene when I was 23, and would get a similar reaction from women in their 40's or 50's - but only online. I'd be told that I wasn't mature enough to know what I wanted, too young to know anything. Meanwhile, these women ran about acting like a naive teenager, getting into situations that even I, with my "immaturity" wouldn't get into.

I think some are jealous that they couldn't be so active in it at your age, and that we have the chance to be truer to ourselves, in ways they couldn't have been able to when they were our age.

You gotta do what feels right for you. Next time they tell you that you need a vanilla partner, ask them if that's what they need [:)]. You know what's best for you.

Denise



happypervert -> RE: I am what I am... (10/16/2004 9:43:11 AM)

quote:

I started in the scene when I was 23, and would get a similar reaction from women in their 40's or 50's - but only online. I'd be told that I wasn't mature enough to know what I wanted, too young to know anything.

Let me guess -- did these comments come after these older women found themselves ignored as all the guys started circling around the fresh young gals? It is amusing to see how they try to get rid of the competition by saying "you aren't mature enough to know what you want".



anthrosub -> RE: I am what I am... (10/16/2004 3:47:35 PM)

This is a great thread. i don't know how i missed it until now. But better late than never as they say.

Recently, i tried dating someone i met through a vanilla dating site. i put a hint in my own profile that if investigated by the reader, would tell them my orientation and what i was ultimately looking for. So i received an email from someone and replied.

We met for lunch about a week later and i had no intentions of trying to steer the conversation one way or the other. Due to where i'm at in my life, i have no desire to play games with anyone. The conversation was good during lunch and afterwards we went for a walk at a local park that lasted for over an hour before going back to her place and talked even further.

We met again the following weekend and exchanged short emails during the week and talked on the phone. On the second date, she got closer to me but since there had been no discussion of the lifestyle, i was unsure of where things were heading. By the end of this date, it was clear to me she must not have checked out my hint in the profile.

i told her about this the following day and her response was that it's not natural for people to engage in what it is that we do. She considers it some sort of pathology due to a traumatic childhood or something along those lines. i was disappointed. But i want to add something else apart from this whole escapade...during the two dates i had with her which were purely vanilla in context, i felt completely out of touch with myself. This has only served to enforce my sense of being submissive. i don't know what i will do with the rest of my life if i don't meet a Dominant partner and wonder how others weather this isolation.

anthrosub



ShadeDiva -> RE: I am what I am... (10/17/2004 3:30:35 AM)

This is who I am. I don't hide it. I don;t throw it in peoples faces though, but if they ask - I tell them.

I left a 10 year relationship because my ex would not allow me nor even consider exploring BDSM with me.

I'd been doing this my entire life on various levels, my first memory is of tying up my barbies and my mother catching me, it's in my blood, it's always been there.

I just didn't know there were words or terms or as many others like me out there, until I discovered on a conscious level that BDSM existed.

I pleaded, debated, argued, cried, cajoled, demanded, I used every tactic and everything under the sun to get at least his blessing for me to explore this lifestyle, to see why I was drawn to it, to see if it fit, and he wouldn't even remotely consider it at all.

It was the final thing that showed me how bad our relationship was, he would have been okay with denying me a potential chance to become all I could be and to be true to myself, because HE didn't like it. It was one of the hardest things I ever did - he had been my best friend since high school, and I didn;t do it well, I wounded us both badly - but I had never ended a relationship before, I was clumsy, and he didn't want to believe I was serious.

But the fact is - this IS me. I know this now, I suspected it then.

I am willing to make the sacrifices needed to be true to who I am, and I've made them as they appeared. I lost friends I held dear. But I *won't* hide for others comfort - I make pains not to shove their noses in it, but I *won't* hide.

This is me, the people in my life need to accept that on some levels. I won't turn my back on BDSM, it's a need, and I am okay with having that need.

~ShadeDiva



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