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Mercnbeth -> RE: How do you handle a newbie? (9/28/2004 10:34:14 AM)
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Borch,
Even more important than patience is communication. Communicate in every manner, tactile, verbal, visual, even scent, and most important body language. If you have a toy collection, display it, let them touch and hold each, as you explain it's function and how it will be used on their body. Take them to adult store to peruse the toys and whisper in their ear how nice they would look in one of the harnesses displayed. Take them to a Dollar Store or Dom Depot and walk through while pointing out how pretty the gold chain looks in the rolls or how tight the red handled clips look, or how that chip bag clip could be used in other ways. I don't know if you have access and desire to do so, but I always brought any newbie to a Munch and/or club function as soon as possible so they could have that experience. I told them we were going to observe and NOT play. This serves not only to let them have a club experience but it also lets them know that they are not alone. And for a newbie sub sometimes that is very important.
Teach them to appreciate how their body reacts to the different smells, and touch of leather, and even the sound it and other toys make by blindfolding them. You are not just educating and training the person's body, but their mind and emotions as well. To the point of sacrificing your needs in the short term, cater to theirs. Have them open to you and discuss their fantasies and expectation about being a submissive. Don't necessarily act upon them, but make mental notes, and tease them with the though of having them fulfilled.
As for them being scared or nervous? You should not only expect it, but relish it. Appreciate the excitement of their nervousness. The longest lines at amusement parks are for the scariest rides. You are about to take them on, what I think, is the most thrilling ride a person can experience and the best part is it won't end after a few minutes. They should be nervous and scared but of the experience NOT of you.
And that leads to the one essential ingredient - TRUST. For any of this to happen, your 'newbie' must trust you to be the 'harness for his/her ride'. If they can not trust you they can not surrender to you. Without trust, being scared and nervous will evolve into fear and there is no place for raw fear. Once you have that trust, you can and should take a firmer hand and show less patience. Because at some point your 'newbie' has to decide if their submission was just something they wanted to try or a way they wanted to live. Failing in that transition you'll end up being a Dom that serves the sub.
There is no manual for the indoctrination of someone new to the lifestyle and there can't be for one reason, no two people will react the same to the experience. You have to study and learn from your newbie as much as they are learning from you.
Good luck! And enjoy the ride.
Merc & beth
[image]local://upfiles/33972/E94305808AE04B79B9047DA2E9428726.gif[/image]
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