Training in an online/LDR relationship

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Training in an online/LDR relationship

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Training in an online/LDR relationship

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/6/2010 11:51:52 AM

DreadedDominance

Posts: 6
Joined: 10/1/2010
Status: offline

I want to start off by saying I know many people frown upon LDR/online relationships but I am in one now and need some help.

My submissive and I have recently decided that it is time I started training her more adequately as to being my sub/slave. I have run into a problem there though. I don't have any online training experience. I have lots (for my age) of experience in RL situations and a little LDR experience when an ex of mine went to school for a few months before I moved out there with her. I just have never trained online before. I don't understand how to start training her and how to assess her performance or punishments when all I get is a few pics and her on webcam when time permits. I don't really know what questions to ask but if anyone has experience can you tell me a little about it and I am sure as I read some of your replies I will start to have specific questions.

As I have said I have RL training experience but very little in terms of online training. Any help is appreciated.

Post #: 1

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/6/2010 12:24:02 PM

odysseyIndeed

Posts: 121
Joined: 9/30/2009
Status: offline

My first Master was mostly long distance. He had me submit a journal entry to Him everyday. One of the ways He disciplined was to ask me to research and write about something and send that to Him also. You assess her performance by how she treats You online and how well she obeys You based on how well You know her. As for physical things, You either have to have her document through photos or webcam or trust her to be doing as she says she is. That would depend on Your individual relationship, I suppose.

(in reply to DreadedDominance)

Post #: 2

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/6/2010 12:29:02 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

Ive not experienced a relationship that was long distance but have seen many a thread
here discussing that and ways to enhance the relationship. Our very own ResidentSadist
suggested the use of an Online Slave Trainer...isnt technology grand? For more ideas as well
as the ones that may get posted here, you can use the Search key in the upper right hand corner
of the page and type in Online Training, or anything else that interests you.
Best of luck to you and yours.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to odysseyIndeed)

Post #: 3

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/6/2010 1:34:18 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

What does she need training to do? What are you qualified to teach?
Silly for you to take control of her exercising if she's a personal trainer and you aren't. If however you are, and she isn't, then you can help her figure out a workable routine taking into account her schedule.

You ask for emails or texts whenever she's finished with whatever task it is. You give her positive reinforcement when she does well and you delve into the causes of her not following the schedule and brainstorm how to solve the problem.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 4

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/6/2010 2:17:22 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

~FR~
Well, Daddy and I are in a LDR and plan on seeing each other in January. He has me submit a Journal to Him everyday, detailing what I have done/thought during each day. He will also have me do tasks and expect proof by webcam that I've done whatever it is, He will ask me to write papers and submit them to Him by a certain time, give me curfews and check on me by my homephone, or He will ask me to do particular things ON webcam (NOT necessarily sex). He will also have me leave my webcam on so He can see me actually being home. There are all sorts of things that can be done. I'm sure my list is only partial.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/6/2010 6:05:51 PM

Adrenochrome

Posts: 50
Joined: 12/27/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline

My property and I have lived far apart for most of the time that she's been under collar. When I was in the process of breaking her to heel, I had her keep an online journal, with a minimum amount that could be written per day. In addition I set firm limits and rules for her behaviour (both online and off), with harsh penalties if she disobeyed (usually sequestering -- time in the corner -- or self-applied beatings; occasionally I had to ground her, disallowing her to go anywhere other than work or home, and cutting off her contact with her friends for a set period of time).

Thankfully, she was eager to learn how I expected her to behave, and was a good natured girl to begin with. Breaking her to heel was rather painless, and didn't take very long (though it's true, I think, that no training is ever fully completed).

_____________________________

"Guidance is internal." -- NASA Countdown

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 6

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/6/2010 10:06:50 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

I am in an online mentor type "relationship" though it is just training, not leading to be His sub. But one thing that touched home with me is he likes me to anticipate his moods when we get online. How is he feeling this evening and what would he most like. Sometimes he more conversational, sometimes he's right to the point, sometimes he asks me several questions...and so on. It's enjoyable for us both.

(in reply to Adrenochrome)

Post #: 7

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/6/2010 11:06:28 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

-=Online Virtual Master & Slave Control Software=-

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 8

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/7/2010 1:41:05 AM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

we started online and i didnt keep a journal as its not his thing but if i wanted to go out i texted him to ask when i got home i texted him there was a 5 min rule if i hadn't heard then it was to be a yes. i want allowed to orgasm or touch myself unless he was online with me or i had his permission the 5 min rule did nto apply here. if talking to friends online while he was there i h ad to tell him . if i wanted to use second life which was where we were i had to ask. i asked permisson to come on line if he was online and then had to wait the 5 min rule didnt cover this. when online i wore no underwear, when i went to bed i had to ask then he usually called and had to ask to go to sleep when on the phone. if on skype then i knelt. there were other odd things as well we used texting, skype, phone and secondlife.

edited to add: punishment was non contact and even for a morning it was terrible over night even worse.

the main thing you have to have is trust in each other and honesty and this is both ways.

< Message edited by phoenixmoonn13 -- 10/7/2010 1:45:16 AM >

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 9

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/7/2010 6:18:12 AM

ReginaMirus

Posts: 240
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

Yeah, ditto on the question...what is it precisely that you feel you need to train her FOR?

I honestly think alot of doms go along with this malarkey because they read it in a book or on a website somewhere and think it's something they think they should be doing as a demonstration of some kind of control.

What do you want to train her for? Or more precisely, what does SHE want you to train her for? When you have a concrete answer to this question (and not the usual cheap response "I'm training her how to please me"), then it will be completely obvious what you need to do for her.

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)

Post #: 10

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/8/2010 5:20:50 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

~FR~
Well, Daddy and I are in a LDR and plan on seeing each other in January. He has me submit a Journal to Him everyday, detailing what I have done/thought during each day.
~sweetsub~

Geez sweet, if someone had me do that, I'd not get a dang thing done!

Hello Handsome,
I got up this morning and was attending to my morning ablutions and realized it's trash day ... so where do you think all the non recycled products go, maybe to China. Hey wasn't there a scene in star trek where a Klingon was blasting them? Oh I love those Klingons! I mean they read love poetry while... ohhh come live with me and be my love and we will all the pleasures prove. Hmmm. How many pleasures are there exactly? And hey! If I find it pleasurable does that make it pleasurable for others? Like... ohhh I love going to the dentist and ... ohhh dang I haven't flossed yet.

Oh yeah, so anyway I was getting ready for work and realized that... oh dang ! Work. Shoot, the bus! I'm late. Oh I hope we get the soft cushioned bus cause the other one needs shocks. Shocks. Hmmm how does that word mean shock physical and emotional? Why is it both? One is about getting jolted and the other is about standing very still. *singing* Still the one that makes me smile, you're still the one who blah blah blah. I'm still having fun and you're still the one! /singing. One... I wonder if Spanish people say "one" when they play uno. Hmmm I'll have to ask my friend Juan Carlos. Hey, I wonder how he's doing. Wasn't there a party at his coffee shop? ohhh coffee. Yum.... Dang, I didn't clean my cup.

And that is just before I've even rubbed the sandmen out of my eyes!

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 11

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/8/2010 6:27:58 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

I've always had a hard time with this concept. I mean to me ORDERS don't make a Man a dom or a master. Who he is does and his interaction with me does and my reaction to him does. I follow "orders" throughout the day, i obey laws, i do as my boss tells me, i follow the rules of our office etc. I never got what was significant about this training over online concept. And why write a journal when you can have conversations instead. I mean maybe an email with the basics so you have an outline of what to talk about but i never got the journaling concept off or online lol.

If she doesn't know by now things that you expect or see as expectations of her as your submissive even online than to me you two haven't been communicating very well. From what you said, i think your issue is you know online you can't adequately train someone because a huge element is missing -- connection and contact. Perhaps while you two can only communicate long distance you two focus more on learning more about each other, trying to use the limited communication you have to interact in each other's lives instead of you ordering her to do stuff and she telling you that she did or showing you "proof." Through the limited interaction you should be able to gain more and more knowledge of each other.

Maybe the orders and the proof of doing so is training for some but to me, when i was a slave my training was more every day understandings of his expectations and standards and what he demanded i reach and maintained of same. He didn't order me around because it was the Master thing to do. I learned more about being his slave from KNOWING him than him ordering me to do stuff that more than likely is a waste of both of our times.

Perhaps you two can find a book that interests you both about things you want to try or do together when you get together and discuss same. There is a difference between preparing her for what to expect when she gets with you and training her as if she is with you now. The biggest thing about training a woman is to master her, mastering her will set her reactions to you that you will then be able to manipulate and control her. To master a woman you have to know her. As a dominant man, your dominance or alpha nature should be capable of projecting itself in everyday ordinary things. The MIND is the biggest concept within which a Man has to dominate and control a woman because it allows him to own her. Why not simply utilize this time you can't be with her to dig into her mind and see what's there. What you do naturally in offline with the women you have gained your experience from will start to connect you to her it just takes a little longer and isn't a hand's on experience. Patience and time is what it takes when you don't have her with you to add the 3d and 4d and the rest of the d dimensions.

Good luck.

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 12

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/8/2010 2:52:03 PM

Adrenochrome

Posts: 50
Joined: 12/27/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline

For me, the journaling requirement was entirely because I wanted another window into my property's mind. That is, we spent a significant amount of time together, which I would use in turn for quiet reflection about her, myself, and how we worked as a couple. However these moments together, while meaningful, were also moments of synergy; they were interpersonal moments where thoughts were composed reactively based on the other person. I wanted to see her personal thoughts, unguarded, and as honest as they could be (I arranged for this as best I could by reading her journal without her knowledge, at random times, and never discussing her entries with her directly). By doing so I was able to gain insights and perspectives that would never have cropped up in moments of interaction. As a result, my knowledge of her deepend, my ability to Master her increased, and various facets of my responsibilities as her Owner became clearer.

It helps if your starting position is that a journaling requirement is more than just banal voyeurism, of course.

_____________________________

"Guidance is internal." -- NASA Countdown

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 13

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/8/2010 3:15:04 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreadedDominance

I don't understand how to start training her and how to assess her performance or punishments when all I get is a few pics and her on webcam when time permits. I don't really know what questions to ask but if anyone has experience can you tell me a little about it and I am sure as I read some of your replies I will start to have specific questions.

Greetings DreadedDominance,

One of the impediments you're encountering is the continued focus on distance as opposed to the application of the skills you've developed thus far. While you're unable to meet in person that doesn't negate your ability to influence her behavior and instill some form of behavioral conditioning. Although you won't be present to reinforce or verify her compliance, it gives you a starting point assuming the other party is on board and compliant. Having said this, I would create an action plan. Before you begin implementing suggested techniques, have a valid reason for including them in your dynamic. If it can't be substantiated with a definitive goal or ideology you're seeking to impose its effectiveness is lessened.

You can find project management forms online. It's a simple way to create a plan from start to finish and include targeted checkpoints for progress purposes. If the managerial style is to your liking you can utilize work styled progress reports to touch base with her and provide useful feedback on her performance and the initiatives she's completed thus far. As with most things consistency, intention, and accountability are a must. Take care that you don't undertake activities that will be abandoned. Rather than adding several into the heap strike a balance between necessary improvements and behavioral fine tuning. Lastly, enjoy the journey. If the latter is absent your work is for naught. Best of luck to you both.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to DreadedDominance)

Post #: 14

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/18/2010 12:35:31 AM

Ra7c7er

Posts: 27
Joined: 3/27/2009
Status: offline

Just do what you feel comfortable with if you have experience just take that knowledge and change it to fit your current situation.

< Message edited by Ra7c7er -- 10/18/2010 1:26:37 AM >

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 15

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/18/2010 1:28:29 AM

Ra7c7er

Posts: 27
Joined: 3/27/2009
Status: offline

sorry double post *please delete*

< Message edited by Ra7c7er -- 10/18/2010 1:38:34 AM >

(in reply to Ra7c7er)

Post #: 16

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/18/2010 1:35:37 AM

DreadedDominance

Posts: 6
Joined: 10/1/2010
Status: offline

Thanks everyone for your replies. Sorry I was gone a bit. I had work in another state and while I took my laptop I didn't take the charger.

I guess I could have been a bit more specific with telling what was going on between us. It started off just with me kind of showing her that you could partake in bdsm activities without being abused (she was abused in two previous relationships under the guise of a M/s relationship) and our relationship started to evolve. After a couple weeks she originally brought up wanting me to be more forceful with her and that she would like me to be her sort of mentor/master. I agreed, probably a little to quickly, without telling her that I didn't have very much LDR experience. I did tell her the next day though.

I have since posting started having her write a journal about anything not just about her being a sub. This is something her councilor said she should do and she wouldn't so I made it a rule. This (like has been said by several others here) has allowed me to learn more about her and has help her councilor better help her also. I have her doing a few other things every day also that I have found through this site and others. She has already told me she feels more like she is mine and that she feels safer with me now than she did than before. I did start focusing on what I know more than worrying about the distance. She has already found out that I can punish her for bad behavior and can reward her for good. She has even said that I have made it easier for her to talk about what has happened to her in the past. While she is not right next to me I have started to think as if she were what would I have her doing if she were here in my house and I adapt that to her being away.

I could go on about things but I will leave it for now. I again want to thank everyone for your comments. They were very helpful.

(in reply to Ra7c7er)

Post #: 17

RE: Training in an online/LDR relationship - 10/18/2010 3:08:02 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreadedDominance

It started off just with me kind of showing her that you could partake in bdsm activities without being abused (she was abused in two previous relationships under the guise of a M/s relationship) and our relationship started to evolve.

Why does that worry me a little bit?

Anyway, just a little glimpse into something me and S. did. I was always losing my debit card. I would find it in the strangest places (in my medicine cabinet in a box of cold pills!) and it would be gone for weeks at a time. This was before I met him. One of the first things he helped me with was making sure I kept my debit card in one place at all times, and he inspected frequently - either in person when we were together, via cam, or even just via telephone, because I don't lie to him. It was an easy fix - all I needed was for somebody to have that expectation of me. Ours is a long distance relationship, and he doesn't force orders on me just for the sake of hearing himself bark. But this is one area in which...damn...he really helped me!

Now he almost never asks. Because it's habit now. I'm trained, I suppose, to keep my debit card where he's told me to.

(in reply to DreadedDominance)

Post #: 18

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Training in an online/LDR relationship

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078