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cuckolding - 10/6/2010 6:52:54 PM

saviourmachine

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/6/2010
Status: offline

I am brand new here on CM. I have this sneaking suspicion that this topic has been brought up before ;) However, I am new to the lifestyle. I consider myself a sub, with tendencies that lead me toward chastity, cuckolding, denial, teasing.. that sort of stuff. Would love to meet new friend to chat with about.. well, anything I guess ! But my question I guess, is how does one find a suitable partner who is interested in these things? It seems from looking around other forums, etc., I believe the ratio of guys looking for what I am looking for to women who are looking for this, are about 500 women per 1 man looking. In other words, bad odds. Is this true?

Post #: 1

RE: cuckolding - 10/6/2010 7:02:03 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

Your topics have been brought up a million times, but that's okay. There are a lot of ways to meet a dominant woman. One way is by placing a good profile on collarme. There are a lot of other ways too. I am serving a fantastic cuckoldress not. You can do it too. And forget about the ratios. They don't matter at all.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to saviourmachine)

Post #: 2

RE: cuckolding - 10/6/2010 7:03:50 PM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saviourmachine

I am brand new here on CM. I have this sneaking suspicion that this topic has been brought up before ;)

A few times...

Welcome, have a look at the Ask a Mistress FAQs thread first.

quote:

I believe the ratio of guys looking for what I am looking for to women who are looking for this, are about 500 women per 1 man looking. In other words, bad odds. Is this true?

Not my forte'...I would suggest you do a search for threads relating to cuckolding and/or wait to see what comes of this one.
Enjoy.

Edited to add....Oh yes, like slavekal said, a good profile is a start. You'll need to work on yours.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 10/6/2010 7:06:50 PM >

(in reply to saviourmachine)

Post #: 3

RE: cuckolding - 10/6/2010 7:08:38 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Start using the search feature. All of those words that you used to describe your interest, put them in the search box and see what comes up.

Keep something in mind. Just because you might find someone who has the same interests as you, doesn't mean they are going to want to talk about that interest with you. A large majority of folks aren't going to strike up a conversation about their sex life with someone that they don't know. Contacting people with the "kink first" approach is going to lead to a lot of people ignoring your messages and blocking you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 4

RE: cuckolding - 10/7/2010 3:55:48 AM

MrKicia

Posts: 155
Joined: 9/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saviourmachine

I believe the ratio of guys looking for what I am looking for to women who are looking for this, are about 500 women per 1 man looking. In other words, bad odds. Is this true?

500 women to 1 man? Thats good odds for the man. 500 men to 1 women? Bad odds for the man.

(in reply to saviourmachine)

Post #: 5

RE: cuckolding - 10/7/2010 4:42:42 AM

submissivebiker

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/8/2009
Status: offline

Get out and meet real people find a munch in your area. Go over and over till you make friends . The odds of meeting the right one on collarme are not very good. .

(in reply to MrKicia)

Post #: 6

RE: cuckolding - 10/7/2010 5:01:56 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Keep something in mind. Just because you might find someone who has the same interests as you, doesn't mean they are going to want to talk about that interest with you. A large majority of folks aren't going to strike up a conversation about their sex life with someone that they don't know. Contacting people with the "kink first" approach is going to lead to a lot of people ignoring your messages and blocking you.

Agree with LadyPact.

Also, note that you are inexperienced. This isn't something that you have tried and know that you like; it's a fantasy of yours. If you strike up anything with a Domme, you'd benefit from her experience as the two of you explore together. For you to insist that your wishes are primary when you haven't even experienced them yet...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: cuckolding - 10/7/2010 5:02:37 AM

ReginaMirus

Posts: 240
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

And also, the odds of finding a person who has the SAME IDEA as you about what cuckolding is are also slim to none. I happen to like the idea because the scene in my mind revolves completely around me and my pleasure. But the vast majority of wouldbe cucks that I talk to always seem to think that it somehow should revolve around them, which I find mindblowingly appauling. It's somehow comes out in their head to be all about their humiliation, and very little to do with my pleasure. And they think that the entire commitment thing (like being in an actual loving, commited relationship, ie. being married) is also completely optional. Like they can legitimately be married to one and still be an actual cuck to someone else, which in my mind kind of defeats the entire purpose of cucking to start with.

Sigh. I dunno. Good luck in your search.

(in reply to submissivebiker)

Post #: 8

RE: cuckolding - 10/7/2010 5:38:02 AM

Arben1954

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/18/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saviourmachine

I am brand new here on CM. I have this sneaking suspicion that this topic has been brought up before ;) However, I am new to the lifestyle. I consider myself a sub, with tendencies that lead me toward chastity, cuckolding, denial, teasing.. that sort of stuff. Would love to meet new friend to chat with about.. well, anything I guess ! But my question I guess, is how does one find a suitable partner who is interested in these things? It seems from looking around other forums, etc., I believe the ratio of guys looking for what I am looking for to women who are looking for this, are about 500 women per 1 man looking. In other words, bad odds. Is this true?

I'm afraid it is true. Submissive men have a really hard time making a connection. I've been looking for a very long time. I have a lot to offer a Dominant Woman, but still have not found the one for me. I'm not even demanding. I just want to share some good times and have fun with someone who I can respect and enjoy being with. I would do a lot for Her. And for the "special right One" I would dedicate my life to serving Her.

(in reply to saviourmachine)

Post #: 9

RE: cuckolding - 10/9/2010 12:19:26 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivebiker

Get out and meet real people find a munch in your area. Go over and over till you make friends . The odds of meeting the right one on collarme are not very good. .

Actually, when you consider that Dommes don't tend to be very active in most communities, CM is a pretty good place to be! Personally, I recommend doing both as I've met Dommes both here and in my local community, plus IMO, having friends to do things with is a vital part of living a full and satisfying life.

I'll add that as I see it, I have a nearly zero chance of meeting women who aren't active in my community or those who aren't local to me except via a web site like this. When one considers that the "pool" of potential partners is greatly reduced once they eliminate the "vanilla" women from the equation, even in a large metroplex, the chances of meeting someone with the same shared vanilla interests who also has compatible kinks, can make finding a good match very difficult to find locally.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to submissivebiker)

Post #: 10

RE: cuckolding - 10/9/2010 12:52:06 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

It is entirely possible to find a cuckoldress. I have been with at least four Mistresses in the last twenty-five years who were really into cuckolding.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 11

RE: cuckolding - 10/9/2010 10:13:47 PM

saviourmachine

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/6/2010
Status: offline

I kind of agree CM might be a good place to meet a Domme. Although it's tough, because I am sure the women here get bombarded with messages from guys, many of who are probably just wanting to get their rocks off, or play online.

As far as meeting Dommes in real time, I never once in my 30 plus years have EVER heard any of my friends, acquaintances, or otherwise mention BDSM (of course I've never mentioned it either). People always so go to muches, but Im not a very social person due to high social anxiety. Im not even a social person in my vanilla life, so it would be even more intimidating for me to go to a much.

< Message edited by saviourmachine -- 10/9/2010 10:15:09 PM >

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 12

RE: cuckolding - 10/10/2010 5:17:42 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saviourmachine

I kind of agree CM might be a good place to meet a Domme. Although it's tough, because I am sure the women here get bombarded with messages from guys, many of who are probably just wanting to get their rocks off, or play online.

As far as meeting Dommes in real time, I never once in my 30 plus years have EVER heard any of my friends, acquaintances, or otherwise mention BDSM (of course I've never mentioned it either). People always so go to muches, but Im not a very social person due to high social anxiety. Im not even a social person in my vanilla life, so it would be even more intimidating for me to go to a much.

OP,

It seems that you've decided to forgo the opportunity of meeting likeminded people socially at a munch. I understand the issue of social anxiety...it can be difficult to step outside of your comfort zone, even if thgat zone is stopping you from pursuing what interests you the most.

That being the case...you really need to do some work on your profile. As it stands, there's not a single thing that would attract a prospective partner. I've said it before...you need to approach profile writing as an advertisment and you the product on display. You make mention of a few mainstream activities you enjoy...this is good. Then, you say you're a "submissive at heart" and then tell the reader if they want to know more to just ask. Fail.

In speaking with a few submissive men here, the challange with profile writing seems to be that of offering enough of their kink side without coming across as a sniveling "do-me please" male. Yes, you need to include a decent portion of the mainstream side of who you are and what you like while balancing it with a certain bit of kink. What makes you different from the thousands of other men wanting to get the domme of their dreams? Accentuate the positive...step away from the herd...give a woman something to take a second (and a third...) look at.
That's just my take...I'm sure others may see it differently.

Use the link for the FAQs thread I gave you in my first post. In it, you'll find ideas for how to write an attractive profile. You might also do a search on the subject.
Post on the forums. That's one way to let people get a feel for who you are and what you can offer...on so many different levels. Maybe even contact some of the submissive men who post on this forum (you'll be able to get a feel for who's well-recieved by reading through older threads) and ask for advice.

If online is to be you're only venue then you need to make the effort at presentation.

Good luck!

(in reply to saviourmachine)

Post #: 13

RE: cuckolding - 10/10/2010 9:54:27 AM

Eruditesubm

Posts: 10
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline

I have found my wonderful slave I just married as well as past partners on CM I find it a great site to find similar minded peeple. Regarding cuckolding, as a Domina I like to explore all the kinks and persona of my sub or slave to be able to obtain a very real, deep surrendering to make me soar. Good luck....very important how you present yourself, to have the right attitude and express yourself properly but showing your needs.

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 14

RE: cuckolding - 10/10/2010 10:03:29 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

You should use CM...but also go to parties and events. And you should not rule out women who are not into the "lifestyle". Many potential Mistresses are in your classes at school, at the gym, on your job...everyplace.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to Eruditesubm)

Post #: 15

RE: cuckolding - 10/10/2010 1:38:10 PM

saviourmachine

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/6/2010
Status: offline

Honestly. Ive only been in pretty much 1 LTR with a Domme. However, I had no inkling of her Domme tendencies until we got together. Maybe this IS indeed true of girls in class, the gym, work, etc. Hard to feel people out.

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 16

RE: cuckolding - 10/10/2010 1:41:59 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

You should use CM...but also go to parties and events. And you should not rule out women who are not into the "lifestyle". Many potential Mistresses are in your classes at school, at the gym, on your job...everyplace.

What I highlighted above I am in complete agreement with. If you were interested in people who read books, OP, you wouldn't avoid going to the bookstore.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 17

RE: cuckolding - 10/10/2010 3:03:50 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

You should use CM...but also go to parties and events. And you should not rule out women who are not into the "lifestyle". Many potential Mistresses are in your classes at school, at the gym, on your job...everyplace.

Any potential partners at work should stay just "potential". That's one place not to go.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 18

RE: cuckolding - 10/11/2010 12:30:28 PM

LadyEternity

Posts: 31
Joined: 7/25/2010
Status: offline

It may be that many Dommes have little experience with cuckolding or it may be that every person's definition of cuckolding, both fantasy and reality, are just a little bit different. I have always passed by cuckolding because of the implications that my slave would want to be in chastity and not have sex with me. I prefer to develop an actual relationship with my slave/sub. He is my companion, my help mate, not just my slave and toy. I do use my slaves for sex. And I feel that, in my household, I have the right to expect that my slave's focus be on my pleasure. If my pleasure is to have sex, then his insistance of being chaste, or not experiencing orgasms, is an attempt at exerting his pleasure over mine. There is also a tendancy in alot of the cuckolds that I have met to say things like "my penis is tiny" infering that they aren't even capable of satisfying a woman. I personally don't have room in my life for someone who isn't willing to pleasure me himself.

But because of that tendancy to avoid cuckolds, I have very little experience with them. The one or two I have attempted to be involved with seemed to have a very deep, almost low self esteem based need for absolute humiliation. The kind that made me worry that it would affect their self respect. I can humiliate my toy and have fun doing it. But he will still be capable, proud of being my slave, and not mentally affected when I'm done. I cannot tear any human being down and purposely damage their self-esteem. I don't want a whipped, scared dog . . .I want a loyal, protective, playful and happy dog.

If i have the wrong view, I chalk it up to the few I've been around that called themselves cuckold combined with a personal lack of deep understanding of the needs and beliefs of a cuckold. I suspect that a great deal of Dommes are in the same boat as I am.

Lady E.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 19

RE: cuckolding - 10/11/2010 7:18:47 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

People in work are not totally off limits, but you have to be careful. Many couples met each other at work. Why should we be any different. I very rarely date women from work. But several years ago, I briefly dated one woman from the job. I dropped the proper hints, and within a few weeks, the lady turned to me and asked, "Do you want to be my sex slave?" These things happen if you play your cards right. But PLEASE play them close to the chest.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to LadyEternity)

Post #: 20

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