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Switching to Switch - 4/24/2006 11:27:02 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I think I just like saying the word "switch".  LOL.

Seriously, though, I've just changed my preference setting from "submissive" to "switch".  I think it defines me better.  I've been in the lifestyle for some time now as a submissive.  For about the past year, though, my husband and I have been experimenting with switching roles.  I'll admit that having the opportunity to dominate him hits a sweet spot in me, but I still have my good ol' submissive needs.  I've always been very willful and in control of my life, yet I've also always felt the need to surrender my control in some small way to another.  I could never be a slave, and now that I've sampled what the other end of the paddle has to offer, I can never again be just a submissive either.

So tell me, how many of you started as just one or the other?  What was the motivation to switch to switch, if you will?

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Switching to Switch - 4/24/2006 11:35:32 PM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		No motivation.. . .  I did not know that there were "roles".

I thought that it was normal to "switch."

Silly me. . .


Best, LaMalinche

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Switching to Switch - 4/25/2006 12:53:12 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMalinche

No motivation.. . .  I did not know that there were "roles".


Not for everyone.  In our relationship, my husband and I had set roles for quite some time.  I didn't mean to imply that everyone did.

quote:

I thought that it was normal to "switch." 


Never said it wasn't.    It's just... not strange... new to me, getting used to a new identifier.  It's nothing I'd ever really talked about before, except with my husband.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Switching to Switch - 4/25/2006 1:05:36 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain
So tell me, how many of you started as just one or the other?  What was the motivation to switch to switch, if you will?

When I first started, it was all slave, all the time.  And, in a sense, it still is.  There's just more added to the fruit cocktail now.

And I didn't get switches at all.  I didn't get where they came from, how they could do it, I thought at BEST they were just kinky players (and yes, at that point I thought of things in terms of "pure" and "just kink") or slaves who were ordered to top.

But, in general, switches were a foreign and weird empty space to me.

And then I got intrigued about topping  My curious nature wanted to know how it would feel to help someone else get to where I went.  At first it started as being my masters helper.  He was a wreck when it came to figuring out how to make three women happy, so he'd often make me the "helper of the scene" so in theory I'd at least get to feel included in the scene.  Through that perspective, I was forced to see how you could do things in a scene as a top.

Then I got a crush on a guy who was a bottom.  Wanting to develop something with him, I leapt at the chance to try out my very young top wings.

And then I fell in love with a couple in NJ, moved to be with them and abandoned all thoughts and ideas of topping or switching for about 2 years.

When I got involved with my ex master, he ENCOURAGED me to top.  He actively taught me techniques, he discussed with me how to discipline, how to manipulate, how to see things from all sides.  I made the typical novice dom mistakes and he helped me work through them and not repeat them.

Granted I still think he did that half so that I'd never be able to take for granted how much work and responsibility he had- evil trick it was.

And I developed relationships as a top.  Given enough time and perspective, I realized how I fit into my dominance and how my dominance fit into me- simply in addition to being a slave. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Switching to Switch - 4/25/2006 8:14:35 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

So tell me, how many of you started as just one or the other?  What was the motivation to switch to switch, if you will?

 
I've always had a dominant personality, but had always taken the role of a slave.  When I found "the lifestyle," I actually managed to convince myself that I was submissive, because everyone told me that if I needed to be controlled, and I wanted to be beaten, I was submissive. 
 
Boy, were they (and was I!) wrong!  I made myself miserable trying to be something I am not.  So a few years ago, Master allowed me to co-top someone with Him, and I was hooked.  Since then, my dominant self has been resurrected, and I could not be happier.
 
I guess I'd have to say my motivation to be a switch came from the fact that it's really what I've been all along.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Switching to Switch - 4/25/2006 8:36:32 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I've been dominant all my life and I never had the urge to switch until last year actually. I've been involved in BDSM since I was 19 and I'm 43 now. The sub I have was an ex-Master and I decided I wanted to see what all the big fuss was about being a sub, so I tried it with him as I trust him.

I can honestly say it was exciting, a very big change from what I was used too. But I never could relax enough to allow myself to experience subspace, I found that his trying to make me serve him only made me angry. I am not the type of woman who finds pleasure in serving, it just isn't my nature.

I kind of felt I was topping from the bottom because I had set the scene up per his request. We tried it a few times, it was fun but I honestly prefer Topping. I had a talk with my sub and he prefers bottoming he says because he feels I'm a much better Top then he ever was. So I don't know if I qualify as a switch or as a Dom, I just call myself a Domswitch and let it go at that.

~Lashra

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Switching to Switch - 4/26/2006 10:16:22 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		I did not mean to make light of the fact. . . I just really did not know that there were "roles" or even sides or whatever you term it. 

There was never a "one" thing that I was to be.  I was expected to be myself. . . and that is hard. . .

Good luck and best wishes.  I am curious as to how it turns out. . . or is this pregnancy hormones?  Can you even know before the fact?   Hmmmmmmmmm. . . gonna have to do some thinking. . .


Best,

LaMalinche

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Switching to Switch - 4/26/2006 12:21:25 PM   
MstrssSatin


Posts: 71
Joined: 4/5/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Lashra, I like that term "Domswitch". I don't like to be ordered about either and don't react well to commands. However, I do on occasion like to take a submissive role with my male sub. He knows going into it that its temporary and only when I want to be topped. I think of it as a nice little break. 

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Switching to Switch - 4/27/2006 10:22:03 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

Good luck and best wishes.  I am curious as to how it turns out. . . or is this pregnancy hormones?  Can you even know before the fact?   Hmmmmmmmmm. . . gonna have to do some thinking. . . 


LOL.  I'd say maybe, but then six months of the past year would be unaccounted for.  So far it's been going great, though we've taken a bit of a hiatus while I'm pregnant.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Switching to Switch - 4/27/2006 7:02:49 PM   
SweetPosession


Posts: 87
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		I started off submissive. Play looked like fun, and submitting seemed so much safer. After all, a sub just lays there, right? (I don't believe this any more, but it was an outsider's perspective. I liked submission, but it wasn't quite right. I eventually experimented with domination and while my first time was a disaster (more or less ended with "he's not playing right! I dowanna play anymore!"), in better scenes I am satisfied like nothing I could have even imagined as a submissive. After my first really good scene I went back to the first Dom I spent a lot of time with and asked if he really felt like that with me... he laughed and said yes. I now identify mainly as a Dominant, but I switch wish SOME partners SOMETIMES. Some people switch roles within a single relationship but I find myself a lot more comfortable with one role per relationship. Don't shit where you eat and all that.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Switching to Switch - 4/28/2006 11:27:09 PM   
BiteGirl


Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline 		Hm, I just recently changed my preference too.
I started as a dom, then went submissive for a while, now i'm a switch. I like being a switch because now I can play either role I like. Um, Yeah. Hm.

(in reply to SweetPosession)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Switching to Switch - 5/2/2006 9:08:47 PM   
MostEnchanted


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline 		I used to have a rather "un-educated" view of switches that purely came from on-line chatroom observations...definately not the best forum to participate in to form an opinion.     Now to say that we are switch is just the closest way to "classify" our style of the BDSM lifestyle.  I will always have a deep-seated need and desire to be His slave and all that entails...in fact the only reason that I do switch is to please Him in a much different way.  I know that my desire to be this way with anyone else is non-existent.  I must say that I love that after a scene, per se, how He bounces right back to being the most Dominant Man I have ever known.  His need/desire to be treated the way that He's treated during those times is only powered by His lust/desire/sexual need and not by His being submissive which suits me and us perfectly!

(in reply to BiteGirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Switching to Switch - 5/3/2006 12:04:23 AM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		I had always identified strongly as submissive.  Strangely, my Love and husband is rather submissive too.  I knew I was into bdsm long before I met him, and at first we explored things together.  He ultimately realized that he didn't like hitting or controlling me.  We tried switching, but had the misconception that he couldn't be sub if he didn't like pain.  Ultimately, we stopped playing for years and were pretty vanilla.  In the past year, he has let me explore bdsm with several close friends so that I get these needs met.  We have also discovered that while he is not interested so much in the sensation aspects (particularly pain, inflicting nor receiving), he can get more into the control aspects.  I have enjoyed finding the dominant within myself.  It is fun to "make" him do things and so I domme a bit and we have fun together.   I have also recently explored helping my Master to beat and torment his wife, as well as a few of our other friends in scenes, and even a couple of times topping on my own.  I generally prefer being submissive to Him, but it can also be so much fun to do things to others that I love having done to me.  There is also something profoundly moving and powerful about illiciting those sounds and squirms in another person.  All in all, exploring switching (as well as playing with other partners) has helped my marriage tremendously and satisfied needs that were previously going unmet.  I am sure that through the years I will grow in both my submission and my dominance.

(in reply to MostEnchanted)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Switching to Switch - 5/3/2006 8:50:03 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Completely unrelated, but did you have a good Beltane? 

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to beltainefaerie)
Profile   Post #: 14
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