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Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of said pet - 10/10/2010 11:27:55 PM   
superbanki87


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/10/2010
Status: offline 		Hey there.  I want to admit first off, I am new to this.  But I have recently begun dating a girl that I care about a lot.  The big issue I have is with her Mistress.   Her mistress is attempting to control her relationship with me, and while she and I both don't want her mistress to interfere, she also wants to continue being her pet.

I have attempted to discuss this with the Miss and well, I didn't handle it too well.  I wanted to have her not interfere between me and my girlfriend, whereas I wouldn't interfere with them.

My question to you out there is this, first off, am I wrong?  If so, please try and explain it to me.  Secondly, do you have any advice for me?  As my girlfriend really does not want to stop being her Miss's pet, but has said that she will if it makes me too uncomfortable.  I do0n't want to make her do that, as I know it would hurt her.

Thanks in advance.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/10/2010 11:38:40 PM   
TheRaptorJesus


Posts: 640
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		Phase 1: Both of you sub to her.

Phase 2: ????

Phase 3: Profit!


_____________________________

What if your God... were a motherfucking DINOSAUR?!

(in reply to superbanki87)
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RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/11/2010 12:18:29 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		the first question is how does she interfere to you?

The second, why does this bother you?

The third, how was this relationship with your girls Miss explained prior to your getting together (sorry if its reversed)


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to TheRaptorJesus)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/11/2010 12:42:11 AM   
Carouselambra


Posts: 99
Joined: 9/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRaptorJesus

Phase 1: Both of you sub to her.

Phase 2: ????

Phase 3: Profit!

TheRaptorJesus has His personality back!!!!!


_____________________________

If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. -Thomas Szasz

(in reply to TheRaptorJesus)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/11/2010 1:50:35 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Is your GF your sub?
If you are gonna' share your GF and keep her under your control, it should be with a cooperative person not a Mistress you fail to communicate with.  Otherwise, as RJ suggests, give up control and both sub to the Mistress.  


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Carouselambra)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/11/2010 2:24:57 AM   
virginsacrifice


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheRaptorJesus

Phase 1: Both of you sub to her.

Phase 2: ????

Phase 3: Profit!



This is an excellent idea...now all I need to do is find a subby slave girl who is owned by an awesome mistress to start dating...

(in reply to TheRaptorJesus)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/11/2010 4:54:22 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		First off, welcome to the forums!

You are walking into a situation where she had an existing relationship already.  Think of it as being with a married woman, whose husband is willing to let her play outside the marriage.

Expecting that the two relationships will not interfere is not realistic.  If nothing else, each one will demand competing time and attention from your girl.

If I were you, I would contact the Mistress, tell her that you're new to D/s and want her to understand that you want what's best for the lady in question, and that that will include working with the Mistress.  Begin talking about what times are realistic to expect from her.  Ask if there are any behavior patterns in your gf that she wants you to work on with her, and ask that she work with any you may have.

Also, you sound like you may have some Dom tendencies.  You may want to ask the Mistress to give you her assessment of that, and to recommend resources if so.





_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to virginsacrifice)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/11/2010 8:42:17 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		In My opinion, yes, you're wrong.

You entered into a relationship with someone who already has an established dynamic.  The Mistress in the scenario already has some control over the person you are dating and that means there is going to be some overlap, even if the three of you don't spend time with everyone included.  Whenever these kinds of arrangements are in place, all of the parties have to come to a decision about who has the higher amount of control and how will conflicts be handled in exercising that control.  Unless you have an understanding in place on who covers what, the Mistress is probably going to retain the control that she had before you ever came along.

As for advice, you mention that you tried to address the situation once and did poorly.  My first advice to you is to fix that.  If it didn't go well, make any apologies that you need to and ask if the Mistress would be willing to talk to you about the situation on a future date.  Give her an example of a couple of your concerns and ask her when the three of you might have an opportunity to sit down and discuss them.  Don't just spring problems on her and expect her to address them on your time table.  Also, I'd advise you not to expect her to accept less control of her pet.  See what potential solutions you can come up with that work for everyone.  Be willing to give more than you get, as what they had was probably working well before you entered the picture.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/11/2010 8:51:14 AM   
MagikMisstress


Posts: 14
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with the Lady Pact.  The mistress was there first.  Possesion is as they say nine tenths of the law.  I assume that at one point when you found out about your girlfriend being her sub that you agreed to this dynamic not in words but in the fact that you did not walk away.

You need to talk all three of you in person and work your issues out.  But a warning, if you force your girlfriend to chose between the two of you.  You may not like what becomes of it. 

Talk to the misstress, we are not unreasable. 

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/11/2010 12:48:37 PM   
superbanki87


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/10/2010
Status: offline 		first off, I just want to say thank you all for your input and advice. one problem I am having is that her mistress lives out of state, so it is difficult to talk to her. the few times I have tallest with her, I did not take being talked down to by her.

She doesn't seem to understand that while she may be my girlfriends Miss, she is not mine. I also handled it quite badly when she threatened to not allow the relationship to continue if I did not "treat her with respect", which apparently means doing everything she says.

My girlfriend has told me if it came down to it, she would choose me over her mistress, but I have a few issues with that. First off, it's as some of you have said, she was there first. Secondly, I am new and inexperienced to D/S and I don't want to ruin a relationship my girlfriend seems to enjoy.

I love my girl, and I want to make this relationship work, both mine and my girls, my girls and her mistresses. I am feeling troubled by the situation, so I do greatly appreciate all your time in helping me address this.

(in reply to MagikMisstress)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/11/2010 1:07:33 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Any reason why the three of you couldn't do a three way, conference type call or do a group chat on something like yahoo messenger?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to superbanki87)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/11/2010 1:30:36 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You know something, superbank? You strike me as though you could be a Dom, and a damn good one at that. You have attracted, and are attracted to, a submissive, and you ate willing to go head to head with her Mistress because it's what's best for your gf. The very fact that you have her best interests at heart is very good.

I suggest that you have a phone conversation with the Mistress that will just be an introduction. Where each one of you grew up, how many siblings and were you the oldest, what kind of job you have, etc. Get to know each other as people. If I were her, I'd be scared as hell of you, and this might be causing her to be less than cordial with you.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/11/2010 3:26:23 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		First things first. Two dominant's with horns, such as bulls, going at one another because they might feel threatened or challenged is going to be a bloody mess. Somehow you must relay the message that you are not wanting to threaten the established relationship in any way and that you are sorry if you have appeared to want this. One can respect a relationship that came first without having to bow to it.

You all need some ground rules or boundaries. The only time I can think of when two bosses work out is when they are on the same page and respect one another.

If need be, apologize, respectfully without submission tell her how you feel and state carefully your agenda and how you wish to respect her own. Conflicting orders will mean that one of you loses besides your girl losing and maybe effecting the remaining relationship. It will be all about structure and boundaries. Know yours before you get into this. Sometimes what we think is reasonable in our mind, doesn't play out in the heart and that could be an issue for each dominant involved.

If you are better doing this by writing it out, I would go that route. That way the emotions that could run high won't be reacted to as quickly and people have time to think, reason and respond.




_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/11/2010 5:24:58 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		So you're the boyfriend and she's the Mistress.. in my world, Mistress trumps boyfriend.. that said.. depends on the nature of the Mistress/pet relationship.. pet doesn't sound to me like she has or should have that much control over your girlfriend... slave would make me think she should...

I'd advise something different than most... talk to your girlfriend.. see what she wants out of both relationships and since she's the common thread, let her take care of it.  In truth, I don't think you have a relationship with the Mistress and therefore YOU should not interfere there.  That said, you really don't give enough information to go on for anyone to say exactly what you should do.

Figure out what their relationship is, then figure out how yours may or may not fit.

I would love to know what "interfere" means to you.  Some people's interefere is another's control.  If I were someone's Mistress and they wanted to date someone -- they'd have to get my permission and probably there would be a lot of restrictions on it.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Question regarding Mistress/Pet and the dating of s... - 10/12/2010 4:37:15 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		The fact that you are open to the idea of your girlfriend being a sub/slave tells me that you are open to D/s.

You have not given any indication that you are submissive, and the fact that your girlfriend is a sub may indicate that you have dominant tendencies (even though you haven't fully explored that.).

If both the above are true, then have you ever considered being your girlfriend's Dom?  I don't know how she feels about male partners versus female partners, but she seems to have made it clear that she would choose you over her Mistress.  That being the case, why not allow her to have her cake and eat it too?  She can have a boyfriend AND a Dom.

It is possible that local boyfriend who is also a Dom trumps long-distance Mistress.  Just food for thought.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 10/12/2010 4:38:28 PM >

(in reply to superbanki87)
Profile   Post #: 15
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