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RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 9:06:33 AM

babyblues

Posts: 80
Joined: 8/10/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's great that you push yourself to do all that you can do beyond some immediate discomfort or situation- but that doesn't make you a better slave than someone who is told they need to stay in bed or are literally incapable of walking.

i don't believe i ever said i am a better slave than anyone else...i was simply responding to the OP's question about her friend's Master and using my own real life experiences as an example....i agree with him and his solution - he told her to find someone to help her, that he didn't feel comfortable doing it himself....

i cannot imagine my Master taking care of me in that way, i would hate it....if, God forbid, i was not able to take care of things for a long period of time, i would make arrangements for someone to help me, as the friend having surgery will do....

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 21

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 9:22:11 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

This thing we do is about personal fulfillment, often what we deem personally fulfilling has little to do with what 95% of the population has deemed personally fufilling....

But that is what I like about it, we come to a place of self awareness and self nurturing that musters the strength to go against the grain, and face rejection to feed ourselves the type of love that we need...

Lashra, can you see that this is no different? That although it may rub against yours and my grain, that she has given the power to him to make the decision and he has made it, and ultimately that is what makes her happy knowing that he has the power, so much so that in the long run, ten years from now, that is all that will be remembered.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 4/25/2006 9:23:32 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 22

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 9:56:50 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
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i recently had a submissive friend who was hit by a semi and had to stay in bed for about a week and then couldn't lift her arms for about a month. Though each situation is different, her Master wanted to take care of her while she couldn't do for herself, and because it gave Him pleasure to do so, even though it made her umcomfortable being taken care of, it was her service to Him to accept His care. During part of the time she was incapacitated, i was there to also help out, and it bothered her just as much for me to do the work. He told her it was a good lesson on how to receive service which is a service to those who need to give service. Just my 2 cents.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 23

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 10:11:51 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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I want to thank everyone for your replies and giving me different insights into this situation.

I truly think the hesitation I heard on the phone was one of sadness and perhaps disappointment. I know her and the inflection in her voice gave me that impression as she's been through quite a bit with this fella. I won't go into the sorid details but suffice to say she's put up with alot more than most women would.

I know she loves this man and I know he doesn't love her, he has said so, he appreciates what she does for him, but his heart lies elsewhere.

From my point of view if your in a *relationship* with someone you feel some sense of loyalty and with that comes some dedication. I know alot of people would disagree, but to me if my sub/slave was recooping from a illness Id be right there to take care of them. I'd want to know they were getting proper care and to know most of all that I CARE about them and their well being.

Like Ironbear said about his Dad helping out around the office, sometimes you have to do that to keep things running smoothly and it shows you care. Showing you care can speak volumes and often times draws a greater respect then one who remains aloof.

~Lashra

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 24

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 10:33:00 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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Oh that is a bummer lashra that she loves him and that he does not love her, so many people loved The story of O but I hated it and always will.

_____________________________

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 25

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 10:46:56 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
Oh that is a bummer lashra that she loves him and that he does not love her, so many people loved The story of O but I hated it and always will.

That's actually part of why I liked it- it's completely honest and completely up front about who is in what position towards the other.

Perhaps she is caught in a situation that does not actually serve her own fulfillment of self and is instead unable to bear the pain of ending it and simply puts up with it as it's easier to deal with. It wouldn't be the first time.

But it's also possible that this situation is what serves her best and we shouldn't automatically say she's suffering or that he's being bad for how they operate within their relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 26

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 2:04:48 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

But it's also possible that this situation is what serves her best and we shouldn't automatically say she's suffering or that he's being bad for how they operate within their relationship.

Yeah if you'll scroll up 3-4 you'll see that is exactly what I said. I think the op is serving her own fulfillment, as was O, as is anyone in an non-love relationship, simply for the fact that they stay.

Its just that the thing that fulfills them is not the western idealized, society sanctioned version of love.

Love is not is every ones strongest core need, and I am not able to say what it is, could be service, could be unrequited love, could be changing them, could be humiliation, could be martyrdom or any number of other things, but if any persons core need is not being fulfilled they would leave.

But me, I hate the pain of chasing something I am never going to catch, to me it is the ultimate suffering, I am more prone to a model that accesses the viability of my goals and changes or mutates them if I calculate that they are unattainable.

So to me the exact thing you liked about The story of O, the realism, the honesty, was exactly what I did not resonate with, I felt it was unrealistic, because O never did much self evaluation, she was like a donkey plodding along after a carrot, she had so little dimension, she cared so little for herself, and to me, being me, that was very hard to identify with and therefore very unrealistic.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 4/25/2006 2:41:23 PM >

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 27

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 2:43:23 PM

adagiogray

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline

The ability to nurture and care for someone doesn't make anyone less of a man, less dominant, or weak, but it of course depends on the nature of their relationship. My being a nurse that happens to be male might bias me a bit, though. ;) A lion cares for his pride though, yes?

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 28

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 7:05:58 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

basic human compassion would dictate that at a minimum, IMHO

I think that sums it up for me, also.I understand LA's stance on his right as the master in the relationship to delegate the duty, but, after 10 years of living together I'd have to question how much my partner cared for me, and how commpassionate a human being he is, if he doesn't care to stand by me in my hour of need.

I've been in a similar situation, and we are still friends, but I will never guite forgive him.

Cin

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(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 29

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 7:18:42 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: babyblues
Him serving me? no thank you

Taking care of your partner is not service in my opinion, it's love.

Sure, he should see if he can find other people to lend him their subs/slaves to do laundry...more power to him, if he can. I'd say he must be a very well-loved person if his friends are happy to do so. (By the way, it's telling to me, that he expects her to do the finding...)

But, personally, my idea of a master is someone who takes a hands-on, personal interest in his sub/slave's well-being. YMMV

Cin

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Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

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(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 30

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 7:30:14 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: babyblues
i cannot imagine my Master taking care of me in that way, i would hate it....if, God forbid, i was not able to take care of things for a long period of time, i would make arrangements for someone to help me, as the friend having surgery will do....

I'm curious, what if your master were to order you to accept his care? Could you accept it, then?

Cin

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Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

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(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 31

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 9:07:20 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

To the OP..This whole story saddens me..iamgine how she will feel as she gets older knowing there will be no one there to at least give some comfort to her except possibly friends or siblings.Possibly her sadness also stems from so much time and devotion being given, and now that she has a small need that not a kernal of it will be returned.And of course let us not forget, that in the least he is not caring for his property so that it can continue to serve him in the manner to which he has become accustomed,Would he treat his car in this manner?his whatever!..knowing if he ignores the issue of a possible clank or clunk that it will break down and no longer be of use?Though I definitely HATE going in that direction of his comfort, that is the mindset to me of where he himself is coming from.Sighs...I guess IMO this is their dynamic and far be it from me to critisise, but it would be a dynamic I would avoid at all costs..all I am seeing is a cold,unfeeling narcissist who by his very nature would have me question if he were totally devoid of any human compassion what so ever....my well wishes to your friend..and hopes for her speedy recovery...tempting

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 32

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 10:32:41 PM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
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I understand that none of us know the whole story of this, but I think he does have some obligation to make sure she is taken care of. This is from the Dominant's Creed and he could at least make sure someone is there to care for her. A sub/slave should be her/his Dom/Domme's most precious piece of property. Just my opinion.

"In times of distress and hardship, I will shed the role of Dominant and provide for my submissive, a supportive partner and confidante."

_____________________________

perfection

"I took one look at Him, and I knew He was my Master."

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 33

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/25/2006 11:16:48 PM

MsRachelxxx

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline

Hello, i agree with those who think the Master should not help. However, being raised on a farm we always had our sick animals taken care of by the vet and a farm hand. i would far prefer my Mistress have another slave care for me if i needed care. I certainly would not see that She loved me any less in so doing. i am quite sure that under similar circumstances my Mistress, would immediatly see that i was well taken care of though not by Her. i think that is how it should be, every Master or Mistress should be a good steward of their property just as every slave should be a good steward of her Master or Mistress's property. i think being a good steward in life is taking the high road in all things,

< Message edited by MsRachelxxx -- 4/25/2006 11:17:37 PM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 34

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/26/2006 4:17:24 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
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Personally, i don't believe it has anything to do with a M/s dynamic. Everyone sets up their house differently, does not make Him wrong.
If a Master has a car that he cherishes, it's his property, if he keeps it in tip-top shape, maintains it well, it can litteraly last forever. It all boils down to how that Master wants to maintain his property. His decision and how.

~smilezz~

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(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 35

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/26/2006 6:01:39 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: perfection20005
"In times of distress and hardship, I will shed the role of Dominant and provide for my submissive, a supportive partner and confidante."

I really dislike this because it assumes that
a) being a dominant is a role that can be shed
b) that somehow providing for the submissive, being supportive and a confidante is somehow antithetical to being a dominant

I disagree with both of those.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to perfection20005)

Post #: 36

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/26/2006 7:06:25 AM

babyblues

Posts: 80
Joined: 8/10/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

quote:

ORIGINAL: babyblues
i cannot imagine my Master taking care of me in that way, i would hate it....if, God forbid, i was not able to take care of things for a long period of time, i would make arrangements for someone to help me, as the friend having surgery will do....

I'm curious, what if your master were to order you to accept his care? Could you accept it, then?

Cin

oops, i'm sorry, i didn't see your question...i am only online usually for a bit in the mornings...

i was thinking about this yesterday, and honestly, i don't see it happening....we have 3 boys and i can see him telling one of them to help me out...."get your mother a drink" or something like that....

if he ORDERED me, yes, of course i would....it goes completely against our dynamic though, and believe me, he would never order me to accept him waiting on me....we just don't do things that way....i'm sorry that so many disagree with this, but, it works for us and i guess that's all that matters

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 37

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/26/2006 5:10:14 PM

DelRey

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
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Note to the OP:
I'm hanging my head in shame for all masters as a result of your friend's moronic owner.

Some of you who know me as a smart ass as I try to inject humor into some times a way to serious board. So this message may seem like it does not fit the D.R. but the O.P. dilemma royally pissed me off.

This is the type of IDIOT that gives loving and caring Masters fits. There is a time and place for everything including the phucking "D/s dynamic". Caring for your loved one in time of need is foremost in everyone's life. I bet this moron would take a few days off if his "owned" pedigree dog had an operation and needed help afterwards and this brainyack is worried about the phucking dynamic ???!!!

It's a dammed good thing I don't know or know where this jerkoff is, because (figuratively) I would hunt this S.O.B. down and teach him a few lessons.

going to cool off....

Out !

< Message edited by DelRey -- 4/26/2006 5:14:34 PM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 38

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/26/2006 5:45:37 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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I have gone over this thread with a heavy heart. Having just recently had major surgery myself, I must say that I really feel for this girl.

Now I am not currently in a relationship, but I was with my ex for 11 years. During that time I had several surgeries...all were scheduled ahead of time so I could prepare for them. I made meals ahead of time and packaged them for easy heating, I made sure the groceries were stocked, that the laundry was all done, major housecleaning done. I dotted my i's and crossed all of my t's. Even with those things done though, there were things of course that I could not do for a bit. My ex-Master had no trouble picking up the slack...in fact he insisted upon it. Yes, I had friends who helped where they could...but at 2 am when you awaken in pain....friends are not usually there to fetch a cold cloth...some water...or a medication.

I am quite active in several local groups. This recent surgery was major....and done as an emergency. No time to prepare anything. While I am not in a relationship at this time, everyone in my circle of friends knows that I caretake for my mother. My father is still here but he is 80 years old now and can not do it all himself, so much of the responsibility of the upkeep of the house, the cooking, cleaning and the care of the property rests on my shoulders.

Well I must say that after reading this thread I feel very fortunate. As soon as one friend knew...and the word was spread....I had help. Subs, slaves, Dominants and Masters. None of them am I in service to, but they came, they called and they made sure that my needs were being met and I was cared for Even when I tried to do more than they thought I should be doing...my dear sub friends sicced their Dominants on me and made me stop. They did what was in the best interest of my health. It's been just over a month now and I am finally getting over all of the infection and once again beginning to feel like I'm somewhat human....and still they stop by...still they call....to make sure I don't need. Did I feel guilty and somewhat useless....sure I did....but I also feel so utterly blessed.

Edited to add that they even came to my home while I was in the hospital, kept check on my parents, did yard work and took care of my dogs. Now I know that they are supposed to be big, tough Dominants...but I will tell you what....as much as I respected them before this all happened....you can multiply that by about a 1,000 now.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 4/26/2006 5:54:59 PM >

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Post #: 39

RE: Slave having surgery - 4/26/2006 5:54:08 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: babyblues
if he ORDERED me, yes, of course i would....it goes completely against our dynamic though, and believe me, he would never order me to accept him waiting on me....we just don't do things that way....i'm sorry that so many disagree with this, but, it works for us and i guess that's all that matters

Yes, you're right, what works for you as a couple is all that matters. I was just curious as to whether you thought you could imagine it as service to him, to let him "serve" you. It's one of those intriquing aspects of this dynamic.

Thank you for answering.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 40

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