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RE: A sub for a day? - 10/13/2010 6:09:12 PM

Orchid62

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Very interesting... the time lapse that is.

I mean I agree, if it's only once in a few year, it doesn't qualify one to be a switch.

Since you are the one with the most direct asnwer (there are some great ones here, just not in the bull's eye) let me ask you this, during the experience, did you feel the need to top? and, was the session about spanking (pain) only, or was it a complete experience?

I was noticing from some comments I read and the propositions I receive that OTK is what most Doms are interested in, thus, I ask.

thanks

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RE: A sub for a day? - 10/13/2010 6:16:59 PM

DesFIP

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I don't know if I'd call it a fear of being discriminated against as much as having a much smaller pool of compatible partners. Some of us are strictly monogamous, including play. So we prefer to look for the greatest possible amount of compatibility which doesn't include a partner who would have regular needs that we could not meet. I don't top but I also wouldn't feel happy if my partner was being topped by someone else, because that to me is not monogamous. So I'm not compatible with someone who has needs I can't meet.

I'm not compatible if he owns cats either. I wouldn't say I'm discriminating against cat owners, I just can't breathe around them.

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RE: A sub for a day? - 10/13/2010 6:46:17 PM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Orchid62

Since you are the one with the most direct asnwer (there are some great ones here, just not in the bull's eye) let me ask you this, during the experience, did you feel the need to top? and, was the session about spanking (pain) only, or was it a complete experience?

Grin... the "or was it a complete experience" might be controversial ;-) (as in "how very dare you imply that OTK is an 'incomplete experience!!!'")

It was about power exchange, primarily - more about control and humiliation. Not very hard core at all. It felt like a pretty complete experience - albeit for one evening only. It was with someone I knew very well, and it was the only time we ever did anything kinky together. It began with her admitting that she thought it would be hot... and I thought that the idea of her being turned on would be hot. And it was.

I think it was a time and a place thing.

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RE: A sub for a day? - 10/14/2010 12:30:40 AM

catize

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R. has some masochisitic desires and when directed I fulfill them. He is still dominant to my way of thinking because he is telling me what and how to do it. Plus it makes him laugh because he knows I am sweating bullets, worried about what happens if I hurt him too much.

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RE: A sub for a day? - 10/14/2010 9:32:41 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Orchid62
Doms offering to 'sub for a session' is not an uncommon occurance.

I'm pretty neutral about top/bottom/vanilla in the bedroom -- I just don't really care. I like sex with Carol, not some particular type of sex. Carol is a lot more switchy... she grooves on both top and bottom. Given that both of us are not tightly wired in this area, we go all over the map... quite frequently during one love making session. Why's that odd?

quote:

2-if one has some occasional submissive desires, is he not more likely be a switch than a Dom?

*shrugs* I separate out top and dom. Sometimes I end up bottoming in the bedroom. I'm the master all the time. Sometimes I command her to put on a show for me and she elects to by getting all toppy. A great time is had by all.

More to point though, I also "sub" on occasion to Carol. This typically happens when I'm just plain exhausted, emotionally torn up, or in some other way unable to lead effectively. I'll frequently give her a pencil sketch, "Here's what the day needs to accomplish or look like...." then turn her loose. Yup, I follow her direction just fine. Again, to us, this isn't odd. It's simply a matter of load balancing in our marriage. Despite our normally strong predilections, things go wrong sometimes and if she's in a better position to handle something than I am, then so be it.

Carol and I find a great deal of fluidity in our marriage. There's a bedrock element of authority that always resides with me. It is my choice who's in charge in any given moment. It is my choice who's on top in the bedroom. But I certainly don't feel particularly constrained to conform to any particular label. Whatever label you wish to apply to such arrangements in your own head is up to you.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: A sub for a day? - 10/16/2010 9:39:10 PM

Ra7c7er

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I have let two subs dom me once each. I don't have any will or desire to be a sub at all. I did it to show them that I can handle what I am dishing out and that I am there to learn and experience new things just as they were at the time. I have also helped a friend out with a Gorean dinner feast thing at a local Gorean fair where I was a collared male slave. That wasn't fun either but it was helping out a friend so I took it in stride.

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RE: A sub for a day? - 10/16/2010 11:10:23 PM

Arturas

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Greetings all,

You are what you are and nothing else. Role switching means compromise in some fashion. Role switching reminds me of two “switch vehicles” in the automotive world. They were the Chevy El Camino and Ford Ranchero. These were supposed to be both car and truck in one vehicle. GM and Ford fooled themselves into thinking a single vehicle could switch roles from truck to car as needed. It was soon apparent that although one could use them in a pinch as a truck or a car, one really did not want to if given a choice. These vehicles could not do both jobs as well as a dedicated truck or car. These vehicles small seating and harsh ride compromised its car use except for short trips and they could not haul any serious loads in a truck role. It is the same situation when talking roles in the human experience. You must decide for yourself who you are and be that person always in all situations unless you like medocrity.

Well wishes,

Arturas

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RE: A sub for a day? - 10/17/2010 10:17:57 AM

txurinal

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Ra7c7er has a very enlightened point of view. i had a Dominant tell me once that everything he would do to me, HE had experienced. HE said HE wanted to be able to understand what the sub was feeling and thinking during a session. It was HIS way of being a better MASTER

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RE: A sub for a day? - 10/17/2010 11:45:02 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
You must decide for yourself who you are and be that person always in all situations unless you like medocrity.

Excellent advice. I choose mediocrity.

I choose to be "mediocre" because I'd prefer that to the other choice you're offering. For all it's mediocrity, I choose to revel in the complex, nuanced, humanity of me and those around me. In my mind Heinlein was right... specialization is for insects.

Conveniently, Carol apparently grooves on mediocre men so all is well in the world.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: A sub for a day? - 10/17/2010 1:29:20 PM

Nineveh

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I have played the sub a few times because I wanted to understand it so that I could better Dom. I didn't enjoy it, I don't believe the lady Domming me did either, and it affirmed for me that I am definitely no sub and that I'm not likely to understand subs except as the person kneeling in front of me.

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RE: A sub for a day? - 10/18/2010 7:46:32 AM

Orchid62

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Personally, I agree with leadership527

I think it's more "fun" if nothing else to be able to enjoy it all.

Obviouly, I am here to learn why a Dom may ask to sub. The two points of view presented are either "I would never do it" or " I would do it to learn, but I don't enjoy it" and then there is leadership :)

I would never feel "it's my way or it's wrong" about anything, heck I wouldn't ride a motorbike for the world, but I know a great number of folks find a big thrill in it.

A small concern though about the learning process through subbing, if you aren't enjoying the ride (so to say) wouldn't that pretty much undermine the "experience"? I understand the "I can take what I can dish out" position, just not sure it's useful.

take care

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Post #: 31