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Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 7:30:35 PM   
behavingbadly


Posts: 46
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		from amazon wishlist and things like that and not getting something similar in return. lately i've gotten this urge to want to buy gifts just to see their reaction and please them but i feel like it's wrong to buy someone something like it's giving someone things in exchange for playing when it should just be enjoying giving a present. i feel like the wish lists are wrong because they know people have kinks to want to buy Mistress a present because it makes them happy but it will make the sub feel cheap.

< Message edited by behavingbadly -- 10/13/2010 7:34:23 PM >
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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 7:32:30 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		Who says we do? I don't buy my Dom things without getting things in return, if anything he is way more generous with buying me gifts than I am to him, he has the financial means that I do not.

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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 7:35:05 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		so you never buy things for people you care for just because? Or do you always expect something in return?

I buy things for Master from time to time just to say "I love you" or because I think it's something he may like or need. I don't expect him to buy me anything though. I do all kinds of things for him just because.


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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 7:38:01 PM   
behavingbadly


Posts: 46
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		yes but it's almost taking an advantage of just because.

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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 7:39:30 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		The art and sincerity of gift giving and receiving shouldn't change simply because the relationship is a D/s dynamic.
I have a feeling you are reading too many of the financial domme profiles. True gifts come from the heart, not by demand.

< Message edited by poise -- 10/13/2010 7:40:56 PM >

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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 7:41:23 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Didn't you just post the same thing in General BDSM Discussion?

If you want to give gifts, give them.

What I don't understand is why you'd even care about others using wish lists (let alone why it would bother you) or why it would have anything to do with your decision to give gifts for whatever reasons you choose.

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if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 7:42:36 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		No I buy him things all the time, but the OP's question seemed like it was expected to buy for your Dom because he or she is the dominant partner. I just today bought him two gorgeous dress shirts with french cuffs and a really nice pair of cufflinks for a wedding we are attending next weekend. I just don't like the idea of "having" to buy things due to a relationship structure.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 7:43:30 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		I am a 'gifty' person by nature, and enjoy giving the people in my life little gifts (usually things that I've made for them, as I am also a 'crafty' person) when I have the means to do so. To me, it is not a gift if you expect something in return.
That said, I would not be interested in a Dom who expected me to buy him things from a wishlist like on Amazon, nor would I expect him to buy me things in such a way. Putting an expectation on gifts is just a turn off for me, and takes the joy out of giving/ receiving them. 

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"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 7:46:46 PM   
behavingbadly


Posts: 46
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		exactly it's the expectations that's a turn-off even if you're naturally a giver.

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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 7:52:02 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
There are plenty of people who want to feel cheap and used by giving gifts to someone who demands them.

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The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 7:55:04 PM   
strangedesire


Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline 		To clarify here - do you have relationships with people in real life who are sending you to amazon wishlists? Or are you just seeing wishlists in profiles and feeling some sort of obligation to buy from them?

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On that other site as Exegesis.

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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 7:59:35 PM   
behavingbadly


Posts: 46
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		seeing wishlists but also talking to someone who i want to give gift/s to but i'm worried that dommes aren't genuine because there's so many of them who have those wishlists they have a tendency to "take an advantage" sometimes they push it too far.

(in reply to strangedesire)
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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 8:03:38 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i get gifts for A/all thit i care for and love. i do not have a expectation of a return gift as the gift is just that a gift not a exchange. i know some have a wish list on profiles that just makes it easier to get thing that they want. i prefer to get something that i feel they would like based on the relationship.

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LadyPact

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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 8:10:13 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

..... but also talking to someone ......

This may be a place where I'm showing My age again.

"Talking to...." has come to mean:

Someone you are dating.

Someone you might be sleeping with.

Someone you are engaging in friendly conversation in person.

Someone you've never really met, but you're chatting to on the internet.

Other possible explanations.

Which is it?


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 8:13:19 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

i prefer to get something that i feel they would like based on the relationship.

This. On my first meet with my former Dom, I gave him a rope whip that I had made. During our initial talks, he had expressed a serious interest in the toys I make, so making one for him seemed like the right choice. It was, too.


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 8:24:22 PM   
behavingbadly


Posts: 46
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		the person i'm talking to doesn't have a wishlist. i just want to give a gift because i feel like it.

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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 8:34:44 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		Are you concerned that this person wont find your gift sincere, because there are other dommes out there that
expect to be gifted, and that somehow diminishes the value of yours? Id hate to see you invest financially in a
relationship with someone until you can stop comparing them against all the other dommes you've formed opinions
on and they can shine on their own.

< Message edited by poise -- 10/13/2010 8:36:23 PM >

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When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 8:36:19 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		BB,

Then why are you so stressed about it? I mean, if giving this person a gift is going to cause you so much anxiety, what will a real-live relationship do to you?

January

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 8:46:58 PM   
behavingbadly


Posts: 46
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		'poise' very true. especially the last part.

< Message edited by behavingbadly -- 10/13/2010 8:47:39 PM >

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RE: Why do you enjoy buying things to your dom/me? - 10/13/2010 10:08:35 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly
seeing wishlists but also talking to someone who i want to give gift/s to but i'm worried that dommes aren't genuine because there's so many of them who have those wishlists they have a tendency to "take an advantage" sometimes they push it too far.


You're confusing professional dominants with semi-pro dommes and financial dommes.  I am a professional dominant, and I really do not want random men to buy me things or give me money.  I have a professional skill and I want to fairly earn my fees by engaging in honest and straightforward transactions of my time, energy, skill and labor for money.  Outside of professional client/trainer relationships, I like to both give and receive gifts.  I've spent a fairly ridiculous amount on pretty clothes and jewelry for my partners.

Findommes demand money for nothing, and the semi-pros usually want you to buy them stuff or send money, but there's no really clear demarcation of what you are getting in return for your money with them.  I'm not really going to weigh in on the relative ethics of these transactions - to each their own - but I will note that they are three completely different things.  Or four different things, if you include the non-pros who don't demand gifts or money.


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