needing help desperately

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rose442 -> needing help desperately (4/25/2006 2:07:03 PM)
I have a question for all the slaves out there. Master has been looking for a slave to help me with a problem this girl is having and has had no luck. This girl will give a little history as to it might help, I don’t know..... Master and this girl have been together for 3 years. We were together online for 2 years and Master moved here in August of 2005. I have 4 kids from previous relationships. They are ranging from 5 to 11 in ages. Things are now stable and organized as good as they can be in this time frame. And I work a full time 3rd shift job as well. Master is retired and here at home 24/7 to deal with all that goes on with the house, kids, routine, and everything in between. All the kids and myself are fairly comfortable in our surroundings. Here is my problem…. 90% of the time, this girl does not feel she is a slave. I have a problem with not being in a slave mode environment 24/7. I feel like when there is a time frame that I cannot act as I should, or dress as I should, or talk like I should, that the strength of my mental state as a slave weakens. I don’t feel like the slave I want to feel. Mentally I know I should feel like a slave always. Rather I can act as one or not. But when I cannot act like a slave, the mental part of me does not feel like a slave. And the longer I am out of "slave mode" the harder it is for me to get back into it. The only thing I have found thus far to bring me back into that mode is playtime after the kids are in bed. And continuing the play in very discreet small ways throughout the day. Once I go back to work and am gone for 12 hours, when I return that mode is gone. And I work 4 nights in a row. So there goes slave mode for 4 days. Then the 3 days I am off I am in it again. Master says there are other slaves in my situation but they have adapted to being in this situation and feel and act as they should. So now I am asking for help. How is it done? What can I do to feel like a slave should feel all the time? Master says it is within me. I have to keep myself there. I am the reason I get out of slave mode. But I don’t know how to stay there. Can anyone relate to me and give any advise. rose442

mnottertail -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 2:23:12 PM)
Remember, while at work you are in Master's service.........start there and maybe grow on that. Ron

juliaoceania -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 2:26:20 PM)
Rose, I actually remember you from other places online that we all inhabited...smiles. I also remember when you and Stoney Sir were not yet residing together and you referred to yourself as a "submissive" instead of a "slave". I remember when the change took place also.. So I am asking if perhaps both of you have discussed that perhaps you are a sub and not a slave at all, one is not necessarily superior to the other, it is about the needs that the sus/slave has and the depth of control the master needs. I am glad to see you posting on the boards and would love to catch up with you again... smiles... a lot has changed for me too

VvShadowspawnvV -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 3:09:49 PM)
hi rose =) i am also a mother of 4, living with my Master. i'd love to talk to you about the difficulties of staying in "slave mode" and "mommy/drone mode" at the same time. It might be easiest by email, if your Master allows. becca =)

jezzabelle -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 3:21:23 PM)
Ron is definitely on the right track on this one. It's very much a state of mind rose. You have to remember that just because you are not physically in his presence, you are still his slave and still serving him in one capacity or another. Service is not just about the physical all the time, and not just about the play. Service comes in many forms, including going to work and earning money in order to provide for your Master and your family.

slavejali -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 3:40:44 PM)
Well, if I wore a hat, I would take it off to you (thats an old custom of respect)...I can totally appreciate how hard it would be with a house full of kids, as well as working as well as having a Master..god you need to be given a medal...stop being so hard on yourself....with all that you have on your plate you are a certified slave grin..relax and realise it.[:)]

babysburnin -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 3:42:20 PM)
A different take on the subject... First, I am a sub, not a slave - but i would do anything my Dom asked of me to please him. The point - this brings me back to my days of a "stay-at-home-mom". It's easy to stay in that role when there is not the outside stimuli. Your master, retired and at home, remains there - Master mode, while you have to wear many "hats". Maybe a ritual of some sort will help you transition more easily, letting go of the demands of the "outside" world.

CrappyDom -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 3:50:04 PM)
Rose, First off, making a D/s relationship work is very very hard in real life, to have made it work for a year after two years of cyber is amazing and you should be quite proud of yourself. That said, something you wrote leaped out at me: quote: What can I do to feel like a slave should feel all the time? Take that "should" and go to a very very very deep hole and drop it in! Your owner didn't walk up to a shelf at Walmart and grab a generic box from China with "slave" written on it, he picked you like someone would pick a snowflake, because they wanted something unique in the universe. YOU need to define what slave means to YOU. Not what anyone else says it is. Then you need to sit down with HIM and work things out so that the both of you get what you each want.

darq -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 3:53:29 PM)
Speaking of rituals ... Maybe, when you return home from work, you could have a subtle piece of jewelry, something you and he designed or chose together that he would place on your body when you come home and remove when you leave ... I understand wearing a collar isnt possible for many people so maybe a ring or a necklace or a bracelet ... Something only he replaces or removes. Now if you wanted to go a step further with that ... I had a book a few years ago called the Passive Voice ... And the writer described the beginning of her D/s relationship with her boyfriend like this .... She took it upon herself to have her labie pieced with two tiny rings and then she took a lock (very lightweight of course, think like a diary lock or something like that) and locked the rings closed. She then gave him the key and let him discover the lock. This was her birthday gift to him and from that point on he took things into his own hands. Now, you should probably get permission before doing something like that. Your Master already owns you so it wouldnt' be the same kind of circumstance ... But it would be something that you would always be aware of, no one else would ever see it, you could wear it around your children, at your job, wherever you go and it would always be there. Just a thought. On another note ... You are doing A LOT! 4 kids, a Master, a job and trying to maintain your inner slave self ... Thats a lot to handle and you sound like you're doing a really good job of it. Rejoice in the small accomplishments of every day life. Thats what I do when I'm feeling down.

cillydom -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 4:07:25 PM)
Maybe you could arrange times at work that you could talk to him on the phone. Perhaps set times that you must be in contact. Maybe that would recharge your slave batteries, just hearing his voice.

littleone35 -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 4:42:07 PM)
Hi rose i am not sure where you work or if it is allowed to wear jewrely but if possible maybe as darq said you could wear somethng at work it could be as simple as a ring or maybe a choker that you pick out together. Gratned i am a sub but Master and i are looking for a collar i can wear 24 /7 so i thought might help you also. Best of luck. Matt's littleone

valeca -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 4:43:20 PM)
I find myself in a very similar position (the similarities surprise even me), so I'll be keeping an eye on this thread. I don't think it's a simple matter of remembering you belong to Him while not in His presence. It's not like you forget, right? It's not easy to flip from one mode to another like the flick of a switch (no pun intended). I have to disagree with two things He said, though...at least in part. That it's your job to keep yourself there, for one. To a degree, yes, but M/s is a give and take situation (like any other relationship). He has to help keep you there, too. That would fall under the 'Master' side of the equation. It's very difficult to stay in that frame of mind when you don't feel that 'controlling hand'--and I don't mean physically. If you've voiced your concerns to Him, I hope He's able to see that you're needing more (even if just a little). The second thing was you are the reason you get out of slave mode. Again, yes, it comes from within, but when there are so many outside influences cluttering up the mind, it would fall to Him to help you straighten them out and add focus when needed. That'd be another part to the 'Master' equation--exerting that Dominance or control when you see the other half lacking/sinking. I'd like to think that sometimes means telling the slave to concentrate on work when that's the priority, or to let work/outside issues go and just focus on serving, or just wherever the focus is needed at the moment...occasionally we just need that direction. Going from 'it's up to me', to 'it's up to Him' in the blink of an eye is confusing and exhausting, at times. There are definitely many slaves in similar positions Adapted? Perhaps. Acting as they should? Maybe. Feeling as they should? Well, that's another whole kettle of fish, right there. How should they feel? Elated, confused, dominated, irritated, submissive, sated, bored, joyous, anger, complete, overwhelmed, orgasmic, silly, naughty, girly--the list goes on and on, and can apply to anyone at any given time. I don't think there is just one that applies to a person all the time just because they're a slave. It gets dangerous to try to say that a slave should feel a certain way all of the time, and damned near impossible to enforce. You're on the right track even voicing your concerns. It means you're looking to improve yourself in your eyes and in His. Hope it helps knowing there are others with the same thoughts. Edit: for the record, I think the rituals are a great way to put to rest the outside world and concentrate on th M/s aspects of your life together. They aren't always easy to maintain, but if you can keep them going, your mind starts to become conditioned to slip into slave mode--Pavlov's dog syndrome. And they can become a great comfort to you both. Best wishes.

rose442 -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 8:40:13 PM)
i thank everyone here that has replied. I am soaking in everything being said so far. Especially the compliments <winks> A little more to help everyone see my life more. I am marked with a tatoo on my lower back. I have a collar around my neck 24/7 ( the one you see in my profile ) and an ankle bracelet. My biggest problem is going in and out of slave mode from work to home. I work 4 nights in a row and when working counting travel time and all, i am gone 12 hours. i sleep 7 - 8 hours. up 4 - 5 hours and gone again. It is hard to be a slave when you only do it 3 days a week. I write my journal at work. Because i don't have time at home. it is very hard for me to look at working as a service to my Master. i think because i hate leaving Him. Despise being away so long. Sometimes i even cry on my way there, and speed on my way home. if i have to stay one minute over at work i panic because it is longer from home. i try to make it up driving. (bad to do i know ) . But then when i am at home i have the kids destracting me too. Wwe cannot be who we want to be. I don't talk the way i should. i even catch myself acting out or being bratty to get Masters attention on me and off the kids. Or i get irritated because i need more of the dicipline or to talk about something in the lifestyle and can't. Wwe are about as open as can be with the kids. But all of it gets in the way and is a distraction for me. The more destractions there are the less slave i feel. I work in the public eye. But it is still layed back. It is a a restaurant. So my collar is not a big deal. I am trying to figure out how to leave work at work and i guess drop it at the car when i get out. And when i enter that door hit slave mode again. And then when around the kids be mom. And i know that at all times " i am a slave " should be running through my mind. But how do i do that, at work. I have more of a Dominant role there. And it just does not happen and be in slave mode in the back of my mind. I don't feel any slave tendancies while at work. i hope i helped answer more questions that any of you may have to understand the situation more. And Thank you again. I will continue to watch and learn. rose442

TexasMaam -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 9:46:17 PM)
I respectfully suggest that you consider changing to a more service oriented line of work. For example, instead of a restaurant, with the harried, hectic workpace (you said third shift) and late hours, try a job that is more quietly customer service oriented, such as solicitous sales help in a bookstore, or record or music store, something that doesn't push your buttons and keep you hopping for your entire shift. You're probably too stressed at the end of your day to do much more than veg out! If a submissive 'place' is where you really want to 'be' the majority of the time, pursue a service oriented 'day job' that allows you to be and feel of service. There are many such possibilities: the health care field, a Doctor's assistant, an office assistant, a clerical position, telephone customer service, admin assistant, veterinary assistant. I once was acquainted with a fem sub who held a position of executive assistant to the VP of a Fortune 500 company. Any time she would interact with someone she would ask 'what can I do to make your day better?'. She had tremendous responsibility in that position, but handled it in a submissive way that both endeared her to everyone she knew, while it made her happy and left her fulfilled at the end of the day. I, on the other hand, work in a career field that requires determination, persistence, manipulation, strength, persuasion, instruction, delegation, command and leadership. I'm in Domme mode most of the time. When I'm at a job that does not utilize My strengths as a Domme, I become miserable when I have to 'kowtow' to a boss with an ego problem, or a superior who wants to give Me directives all of the time. I will get so miserable so fast that I soon have to job hunt for 'higher ground'! I am fortunate in that My boss recognizes My strengths and capitalizes on them, which, in turn, sends Me home at the end of the day feeling good about the results I've been able to achieve throughtout the workday. I'm able to plan tomorrow's agenda based upon today's accomplishments and I can strategically plan tomorrow's strategies. I work in Domme mode, because that's what fulfills Me. Whether Dom/Domme, or sub, or slave, it's all about finding your niche, day job or otherwise! Go find your niche. Good luck to you, TexasMaam

DsBound -> RE: needing help desperately (4/25/2006 9:59:11 PM)
Rose, I've been a married 24/7 slave for 4 years... was collared for 2 years prior to that and just recently gave Master twins in November. I no longer work outside of the home however did for sometime and these are a few things that we did, that helped me to maintain focus. When i worked outside of the home there were several things i did daily for Master, to stay focused and remind me of my position. There were some days wear Master instructed me to be plugged for part of or the entire day. Not always comfortable, but did keep my mind focused and i assure you i didn't "forget" who or what i was. As well, as similar to the previous post... I too have 2 peircings on either side of the inner labia that a small luggage locks fit perfectly in. Even on the days that i was not locked, the occasional pinch as i stood or sat was a healthy reminder. Also Master had a beautiful corset made... other days He would lace me in the morning and it comforted me through out the day. As for leaving work at work... i'm sure you don't get paid enough to bring it home with you, no matter your wage! i know that's easier said than done however. When returning from work, once i entered the foyer... i was to kneel and remain quiet and still until Master came and got me. Now it seemed that He was just as excited to have me home, as i was to have arrived... however sometimes He'd wait to come and welcome me in. This time was used to reflect on my day, let it go and adjust to where i was and what i was there for. Obviously this would difficult if the kids were there, but maybe you could do something similar or a variation of such? When it comes to wearing different hats... in my opinion that's just where reality comes into play. Being a slave, wife and mother isn't easy especially when you have chores, work and rules to abide by. The truth for me is, some days (even with no longer working outside of the home) i don't get my corset time in... or my plug time taken care of... daily discipline gets held off for 2 or 3 days due to unexpected things going on. Master runs His business from the house so He is always here too, but even with that... life happens. There are times i've felt less than because of that... that's usually about the time a general attitude adjustment is beneficial. :) i would ask what your Master's take is on things? Like the previous post stated... are His needs being met, are you pleasing and serving Him to the best of your ability, whether you're at home or not? What are His expectations of the situation and do yours differ... is that the issue? Phenomenal communication is key as we all know... i suppose my general suggestion would be to try different things until you two find something that completes the circle. You're never going to get a different result if you always take the same path. Take care, laura

fullofgrace -> RE: needing help desperately (4/26/2006 12:51:38 AM)
i love everything that's been said here...especially crappydom's bit about dropping the should down the nearest big black hole (or something to that effect). i understand where you're coming from, and i can sympathize in a way...the thing that helped me get over that feeling was thinking of pleasing Him in everything i do. for example, even though i'm not serving Him directly when i'm at school and i can't consult Him on everything, i know i please Him when i do well in school, so i think of that as both something i'm doing for myself AND something i do to serve Him. or when working, i think about how He wants me to have a fully rounded life and do things that make me happy, so i try to think of my work as service to Him - especially the bits i don't like, which are harder to think of as something i'm doing for me. it's been very hard for us recently because we've had one crisis after another, and since we maintain separate households, we are technically 24/7 but currently can't be together every single day. life lately has been making that ever harder, and the times we are together, one or the other of us are often unwell physically or emotionally. it's been good in that it's forced me to find ways to consider my everyday activities a service to Him. good luck to you :) i hope you are able to work through this issue.

texasbutterfly -> RE: needing help desperately (4/26/2006 6:18:46 AM)
i am new at this but it seems to me that "dropping " slave mode while at work and then trying to pick it up again after work could be part of the problem. i would suggest staying in slave mode maybe just, i don't know, turned down a bit. it would still be there and you wouldn't have to readjust your psyche so much from one environment to the other. i email my Master several times a day from work if nothing more than just to keep Him apprised of what is going on with my day or reassert my submissiveness to Him. it is harder when He is out of touch but the emails make me feel closer to Him. just this newbies humble opinion though.[:)]

Reasonable -> RE: needing help desperately (4/26/2006 6:26:13 AM)
If it runs against your nature to serve, at an instinctive level- you will always suffer reactance. No matter how much you try to force the square peg into the round hole. The intelligent thing for you both to do is talk as equals about this-and decide if this is going to work out long term. In short-to decide whether or not the relationship outweighs the dynamic. Otherwise you two are very much like alice in wonderland-running as fast as you can, to stay in the same place.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: needing help desperately (4/26/2006 6:29:36 AM)
Stop thinking of slavery as an action or a mode. It is who you are. You aren't any less of a slave because you are anywhere doing anything. However, I understand your desire to be "in that headspace." You can fake it till you make it- act like it's happy and you're in that headspace. You can accept that you won't feel like that all the time and move beyond it. Or a lot of people create rituals for greeting and departing that help smooth the transition from one chunk to another so that they won't feel such a large disconnect.

liltess -> RE: needing help desperately (4/26/2006 1:05:13 PM)
rose, I go to school, work full time and am a single mother to 3 kids not to mention my Master is LD [Long Distance]. I have at times felt like you, out of sub mode but it is those afternoon check in phone calls with the correct protocal of 'yes Sir' while other coworkers around me or 'yes Master' when I alone that keep me in sub mode, not to mention writing in a journal of how I feel or of any thoughts. I also know how difficult it is to do some of the suggestions with kids around 24/7 but it is the small subtle things your Master and you can do, for instance once dinner is done you clear his plate first, then while watching TV you sit at his feet while he strokes your hair even pet names he can call you around the kids would work. I do these things and it surely helps for when the playtime comes I am there and it doesn't take long to be the content sub I am. [:)] good luck to you hun[;)]

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