Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"?

Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

Proprietrix -> Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 4:17:44 PM)
Hi ladies, I am curious about whether or not you have any kind of preference regarding whether or not your submissives and/or slaves are "out of the closet" about their/your lifestyle? For me personally, I prefer them to be out. I think this is simply because I'm out. Now I wouldn't out them. That'd be just flat wrong. But when I'm considering whether or not to take someone as a sub/slave, one thing I do keep in mind is whether they are out, or planning to ever be out, or willing to look at being out as an option. I've had a few that weren't, and mentioning all the cons of such would take a while. How about yourselves?

darq -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 4:20:50 PM)
On the opposite end of this spectrum ... I can't imagine submitting to someone who wasn't out. I mean, I'm not like ... Wanting to run around nekid in public or anything but I could never play the part of the conservative meek n mild type. No way ... lol ...

MistressLorelei -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 5:40:33 PM)
I like this question... Most potential submissives I have spoken to have a professional job which could be jeopardized if they were too outwardly open about their lifestyle choices. I have many vanilla friends and My entire family who have no clue about My involvement in bdsm, and I am fine with that. It's My business, and most don't understand it, so why bother to confuse them. I have gone out to dinner. etc with a submissive many times where he was in a rather large dog collar with a lock on it, and I wore a necklace with a key... strict protocol involved, etc. People didn't have to listen to what we were saying to get the gist of the nature of our relationship. But I don't think that things have to be quite that open either.... I don't want to have My submissive, nor do I want to, run around and hide our lifestyle.... but I think a D/s relationship can exist on a D/s level out in the open without screaming it to the world. As long as we know... that's 'out' enough for Me.

cariad -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 5:56:29 PM)
please excuse girl for posting, but she saw the topic and found it an interesting question... girl has finally "come out," and the day she did it her step mom had a negative reaction to her, but her cousin was great about it, wanting to learn more and made girl promise to call when she got to the States and let him know she is okay and safe with the Dom and His alpha slave that she is going to meet soon. girl would rather be "out," than to not let others important in her life know what is going on. in fact everyone at work knows now and she is fine with that. there is a subbie that girl knows who won't "come out," because of work and his friends, but girl is ok with that and respects those who can not come out because of such things.

MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 5:56:55 PM)
Personally, I am out to friends in the lifestyle and in the local BDSM community. That's it. My family doesn't know, my vanilla friends don't know, no one at works knows, and no one in any of the professional or metaphysical organizations I belong to knows. My preference is for subs who are about the same as Me. I like subs who are willing to attend lifestyle events with Me, but who are discreet in their profession, with their family, and with their vanilla friends. . Lady Topaz

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 6:00:18 PM)
No, I don't care. I have had a few boys who do care. But I am not out Myself. I have always been understood as a "free spirit" and a bit on the wild side, but I see no point in blasting My preferences to the world. I do have a bit of fun, like Lorelei, going out in public, once in a while. But I prefer to keep My relationships private. I do not spend lots of time with family and we respect each other's privacy. The only thing that concerns Me is when the slave is not out, and, as a result, his service is not as good, because he has to spend excessive time keeping up vanilla appearances with family and friends. And I would not out anyone.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 6:44:03 PM)
I require a sub to be "somewhat out". What this means to me is that they have some real-time lifestyle friends and, are comfortable with going to munches and the like. They don't need to be out to their job, their family. They don't need to run around in leather gear in inappropriate forums thrusting their choices on inappropriate people. When a sub is totally closeted as if their submission (and the Domme they are seeing) were a dark dirty secret, it seems as if they haven't truly accepted that side of themselves and aren't ready to integrate it into their lives.

ladylexington -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 6:54:46 PM)
Most of my submissives have maintained a balance. They chose more honesty with close friends, but maintained more privacy with, say, their grandmother. And, I'm okay with that, as long as their choice doesn't interfere with our relationship, indicate a lack of acceptance of their kinks, or require unreasonable accomodations on my part.

MistressLina -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 6:55:17 PM)
I prefer someone who is out, as it can lead to less restrictive activities together, like public play, and playing in a "vanilla" situation. However, its not a prerequisite to my interaction or relationship with them. I myself am out to my immediate family and some other members. Most of my close friends know, as well as some acquaintances...it depends if it has come up, if they themselves are into some more open-minded situations or lifestyles, etc. Then again, I think the role of Dom/me is generally more accepted because we're all basically taught to be agressive, go after what we want in life and so on. I can't imagine what it would be like to come out as a sub or slave.

Proprietrix -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 7:04:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood When a sub is totally closeted as if their submission (and the Domme they are seeing) were a dark dirty secret, it seems as if they haven't truly accepted that side of themselves and aren't ready to integrate it into their lives. I think this is why it's important to me. Not only because they need to be on a level of acceptance with themselves, but because, quite frankly, I don't want to be anyone's dirty little secret, whom they pull out of the closet once their vanilla affairs are all in order. Been there. Done that. Never again. Now, I know this would be different if I weren't so out myself. I love going to munches, and dungeon parties. I have no qualms about stopping at the gas station on the way home from a fetish party, in fetish wear. I like to show my support in pride marches. I sign particular petitions. (and on and on and on) I don't want my sub or slave to be doing things like not stopping at a particular gas station because his cousin's uncle's last boss's daughter works there, and not attending events with me because "someone might see him" AND (here's the kicker for me!) expecting me to act all vanilla nicey conservative in front of his friends and family. If I'm out, and he's out, we can go enjoy ourselves together without having to put the other one in a compromising position. I figure if I were closeted about my lifestyle and had to take those precautions, it would probably not phase me to do the same for him. In fact, then, I would probably want subs who were closeted themselves. I think for me it's a level of "sameness" in the level of outness that's important. (Back to the old compatibility thing!) **(We're gonna go ahead and count "outness" as a word this time ;)

EbonyFtshGoddess -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 7:20:17 PM)
quote: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? View related threads: (in this forum \| in all forums) Logged in as: EbonyFtsh as a domme i'm out.. everyone knows the deal.. my mom.. my mailmain.. the people at the grocery store.. my mom was the first to know i was kinky..... but oddly.. and mean as i am.. no- i don't expect my slaves to be out

ladyangel -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 9:18:45 PM)
I'm going to agree with Proprietrix on this. I prefer "out" slaves as I am also out with My family and My few close friends. Everyone that knows Me knows I live an out of the ordinary life. And they are fine with that. My slave must be comfortable in who and what he is to Me. I know who and what I am, and expect the same. It makes life, for Me at least, so much simpler.

LadyMorgynn -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/25/2006 9:28:34 PM)
I am completely out of the closet, and My slave will be too! All my family and friends know that I am Domina and seeking a 24/7 slave, in fact my daughter (age 20) is keenly interested in the search and keeps tabs on likely candidates, and definitely plans on hijacking my slave as often as she can manage to clean her dorm room for her and do her laundry, take her to the mall, etc.! LOL. And all my 'nilla friends can't WAIT, because I've promised them Pedicure Parties :) The only way my slave would be allowed to not be out, is if he is in some kind of sensitive position... a teacher, etc., where it would be harmful to his career/status/etc. to be outted. Naturally I would make exceptions as far as his/her family... it would be up to the slave whether or not to be out to family and old friends, and I would honor that decision and play along like 'nilla when visiting them... but he and I will know that is not so!!! We'll have little hand gestures/codes/clues between us that will allow me still to be in control in a 'nilla setting.

BitaTruble -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/26/2006 1:01:55 AM)
I won't engage with someone who is married and keeps their partner in the dark and anyone I top or who we top together has to be 'out' enough to attend BDSM venues with Himself and me or just me if Himself can't attend. Like many have already stated, we are both out and it just makes things easier all around. Celeste

Lordandmaster -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/26/2006 1:24:43 AM)
It doesn't matter much to me. I'm a private person myself. Also, being "out" isn't exactly the same thing as frequenting munches and other BDSM events. I can certainly understand why someone would want to keep most of their BDSM activities behind closed doors.

hidemyeyes -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/26/2006 2:07:29 AM)
Mistress Lina For me personally, coming out as a submissive was actually more awkward to me than coming out as a lesbian, especially since i was intending on entering a BDSM relationship with a man. People who accepted very easily that i was as gay as a songbird found it a lot more difficult to accept my submissiveness. Strangely enough, these people knew i was kinky, its almost as though it would have been a lot better recieved if i had said i was Dominant. i am 'out' to all of my friends, they always knew i was twisted, and some of my family.. lol, i'll never forget my aunt's face when i showed her my purple bottom after a party. ________________________________________________ xxx hidemyeyes

Vendaval -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/26/2006 2:13:02 AM)
I prefer submissives that are comfortable enough to attend munches and social functions. Their level of comfort with family, career and friends is to be respected. Since I live in a smaller city, discretion is the better part of valor. That is a prime reason that going to San Francisco or Los Angeles for conventions, dungeon parties, clubs and other events is such a treat. YMMV, -Vendaval-

champagnewishes -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/26/2006 2:45:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood When a sub is totally closeted as if their submission (and the Domme they are seeing) were a dark dirty secret, it seems as if they haven't truly accepted that side of themselves and aren't ready to integrate it into their lives. I have just the opposite view. I am comfortable with who i am and just as with my politics, my religion, and my income i don't feel any need to share. My lifestyle choice is exactly that...my choice...i don't need to tell the world in order to feel integrated, accepted or whole. If it were to come up in general conversation, or if i were asked, i wouldn't lie about it but i don't feel a need to tell anyone just like i would not ask anyone about their lifestyle choice.

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/26/2006 3:24:27 AM)
My preference would be for someone that is out, or at least willing to be out around people we know... mainly because we are. I can understand (sort of) the people that chose not to be out to their family and can deal with that if need be.

Ariel -> RE: Do you have a preference if your sub/slave is "out"? (4/26/2006 4:09:26 AM)
This is indeed an interesting concept. I Myself am not totally "out"...My mother at 82, would just not get it (or so I think anyway..LOL), therefore I understand the why's about not coming "out", butt I do agree with the Ladies that say they are "out", and would want their subs/slaves to be out. It is understandable, as Proprietrix said, mostly a measure of compatiblity.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125