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Mis-advice - 4/25/2006 10:51:23 PM

BoredandUnamused

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

Ok, having talked to a few submissives here I have to ask the question;

Where do people get off, telling a sub how they Must behave without knowing anything about them, anything about their personality, or even where they are as a person let alone a sub.

Come on now, seriously, does anyone walk into a job as a boss and simply start changing all their emploees job positions the first day?

Post #: 1

RE: Mis-advice - 4/25/2006 11:05:27 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

To be honest I do not know, but if it makes people happy to try to boss me around via the internet, well then kudos for them.. I know I do not care so it is not a problem for me. At this point I am autonomous, meaning I have no boss...smiles, and I really like reading posts in the forum because if anyone ever emails me that has a record of posting it is really easy to see what their true attitude is.... see how that works?

But to be honest I have not seen many male dominants that post regularly on here that have a really bad attitude toward subs, but then again I havent been on this board long...lol.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BoredandUnamused)

Post #: 2

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 3:54:05 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I really like reading posts in the forum because if anyone ever emails me that has a record of posting it is really easy to see what their true attitude is.... see how that works?

OH LORDY >me stops posting<

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 3

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 6:20:16 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I really like reading posts in the forum because if anyone ever emails me that has a record of posting it is really easy to see what their true attitude is.... see how that works?

OH LORDY >me stops posting<

ain't that the truth!!!

It isn't so much how a person answers when playing a 20 questions game... you find out so much more when you just let them talk.

But...
As to the question: does anyone walk into a job as a boss and simply start changing all their employees job positions the first day?

Absolutely, at least I have. It is called cleaning house, trimming the fat or even taking control. I have been hired for positions that demanded I do exactly that. They recognized that I was a person that could come on board & get things running properly. I was nicknamed "The Cleaner" at one place.

Was everyone happy about this?
NOPE!

Did people get their panties all bunched up?
You betcha!

But in the end we had a smooth running machine, the people who were left enjoyed their working environment much better & actually came forward & thanked me for restructuring their position.

But your analogy was a bit off... a boss is someone who has the authority over a group. Not just someone who claims they are in charge.

In other words... if the dominants that are complaining about behavior are complete strangers & have no authority over you... their opinion really doesn't matter. If the dominant is someone you know or is known by several in your circle & is regarded as a respected & trusted person, it would do you some good to listen to what they have to say. Do they have the right to dictate to you how to behave? Not at all, but they surely have the right to inform you that they are of the opinion that your behavior is not very becoming. The only dominant that can conform your behavior would be the dominant that you have given the authority to do so.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to MissyRane)

Post #: 4

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 6:28:51 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoredandUnamused

Where do people get off, telling a sub how they Must behave without knowing anything about them, anything about their personality, or even where they are as a person let alone a sub.

If you are asking about Doms/Dommes who on 1st contact with a sub/slave begin the conversation with you will do such and such...., those i quickly decline, get to know me 1st as a person. Nobody has that right until i am in their collar.

If you are speaking of what goes on here in the forum boards that is different. When you ask a question or describe a situation you have asked, see where i am going?

Most of us read what is written and give our thoughts and opinions based on that. If we were not given enough or the correct information that is the fault of the one who asked the question in the 1st place. There are many on these boards who have been at this a long time so are capable of giving excellent advice. And it is always good to get a fresh perspective from someone new as well.

After all any of us can do is speak our thoughts, it is up to the individual whether or not they heed such.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to BoredandUnamused)

Post #: 5

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 7:27:18 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

With out more information I find it hard to comment can you come back and offer up an example?

If you are talking about a Dominant who you are talking to intimately, and rather quickly He start to make changes, I personally would think that is expected, I have certain protocols that the boys learns the first day and probably add one or two a day for the next week because the things I expect have a big learning curve.

But it is the way that the person expects change from the submissive that makes a difference: Are they critical, are they demanding, and intolerant of mistakes?

In my case I use the words "I prefer" I dont demand anything of a boy at first, but I make my wishes known and it tells me volumes about a boy if he aligns himself immediately with my desire.

And if the boy has negative traits I wish to train him out out of, I will tell him what those are and attempt to have them gone asap.

After all, if you a sculptor, you go down to river bed, gather your clay, and then thoroughly pick out all the rocks and sticks, before you begin to work right?

The truth is the boy that wants to hold on to his "rocks and sticks" he is most likely unsuitable to become my vision realized.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 6

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 7:29:06 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I just want to make one observation.

WE'RE ONLINE.

I think that explains pretty much all of it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BoredandUnamused)

Post #: 7

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 8:14:08 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

WHAT? Are you implying that my online beatings aren't real? I am SO dominate, my submissives submit to me 25/8!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 8:24:31 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

With out more information I find it hard to comment can you come back and offer up an example?

Actually i was speaking of those Doms who in the 1st email made broad sweeping statements like "you will address me as Master and third person speech is required if you expect a response". While in any given situation i give respect to those who deserve it, i call no one Master or Mistress whose collar i am not in.

Once in a collar i expect there to be those training issues to be dealt with, but up until that point, no i am not going to obey anyone. With that said please do not misunderstand; both my Master and Mistress will state i do my best to please, to learn. It, how to put this properly? I am very independent, out spoken, highly opinionated individual, my submission is for my owners period.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 9

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 8:28:06 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

People do that crap cause it works often enough that for some, it is worth doing. Combine ignorance on both sides and you have an ugly combination ripe for manipulation, either knowingly or unwittingly.

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 10

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 9:19:30 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh thaaaat sort of person, hmmm...well that sort of person is what I call a puffer fish...the sort of person that percieves himself in imediate danger if you dont instantly conform to his internet-fantasy-based-sticky-key-boarded mental Dominion, so he inflates himself and gets all spiky in an attemt to show you how big and scary he is, but in reality he is just full of air, and is scared of being eaten alive.

I think I can say this accross the board, but if any one believes differrntly please chime in: No one in the real world leather lifestyle would demand you use the word Master on a first meeting. The key words here are "demand", and "Master",

That is not to say that there are not those that prefer to be called Sir, but Master is reserved for folks that have slaves/subs and is used exclusivly by them, or have achieved a level of skill or recognition over a period of time.

OOOOps again I hit the reply button but that was not a reply to you crappy, it was to twice happy and this post:Actually i was speaking of those Doms who in the 1st email made broad sweeping statements like "you will address me as Master and third person speech is required if you expect a response". While in any given situation i give respect to those who deserve it, i call no one Master or Mistress whose collar i am not in.

Once in a collar i expect there to be those training issues to be dealt with, but up until that point, no i am not going to obey anyone. With that said please do not misunderstand; both my Master and Mistress will state i do my best to please, to learn. It, how to put this properly? I am very independent, out spoken, highly opinionated individual, my submission is for my owners period.

Can posts be deleted on these boards? Any one, any one? Bueller?

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 4/26/2006 9:22:33 AM >

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 11

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 10:07:41 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Where do people get off, telling a sub how they Must behave without knowing anything about them, anything about their personality, or even where they are as a person let alone a sub.

I don't see anything wrong with it. If a dominant is speaking with a potential partner and tells that person.. ABC will happen in my house, that person is made aware of the possibilities up front and can make their choices accordingly. If the potential does not want to comply with such, they have the option of moving on.

Alternatively, a submissive can tell a potential partner they want ABC but won't do XYZ and the dominant also has the choice to move on.

Now, IMing a complete stranger with whom you don't have a potential anything other than a chance IM meeting is completely different. I get plenty of those with the 'get on your knees, slave' and generally chuckle and either play with them a bit or just use my safeword found in the upper right hand corner of the IM box.. the "X". ;)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to BoredandUnamused)

Post #: 12

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 10:23:16 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoredandUnamused

Ok, having talked to a few submissives here I have to ask the question;

Where do people get off, telling a sub how they Must behave without knowing anything about them, anything about their personality, or even where they are as a person let alone a sub.

Come on now, seriously, does anyone walk into a job as a boss and simply start changing all their emploees job positions the first day?

What an unusuall name

Ahh well adds sopice to life I immagine.. Back to your question..... Regarding subs, well old chap I haven't got a clue, other than socially I don't deal with subs.. Now if you include slaves that's a different kettle of fish alogether.. If a slave and I start talking and it becomes apparent that she or he are looking about a collar, then from the word go, they will know where they stand and what I expect. If they have had any experience or knowledgeof Gor or Gorean lifestyles they will already know what their slavery will entale from a general point of view.....Certainly they will understand the disclipline expected and realise that their prospective servitude is absolute... I expect nothing less.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to BoredandUnamused)

Post #: 13

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 10:37:37 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

Where do people get off, telling a sub how they Must behave without knowing anything about them, anything about their personality, or even where they are as a person let alone a sub.

I don't see anything wrong with it. If a dominant is speaking with a potential partner and tells that person.. ABC will happen in my house, that person is made aware of the possibilities up front and can make their choices accordingly. If the potential does not want to comply with such, they have the option of moving on.

Alternatively, a submissive can tell a potential partner they want ABC but won't do XYZ and the dominant also has the choice to move on.

Now, IMing a complete stranger with whom you don't have a potential anything other than a chance IM meeting is completely different. I get plenty of those with the 'get on your knees, slave' and generally chuckle and either play with them a bit or just use my safeword found in the upper right hand corner of the IM box.. the "X". ;)

Celeste

I see you have gotten in the habit of speaking for me Bita... LOL... I couldn't of said it better... (we all know I couldn't of.. lol)... so I'll just say... I agree with Bita here...

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 14

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 11:00:57 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I see you have gotten in the habit of speaking for me Bita... LOL... I couldn't of said it better... (we all know I couldn't of.. lol)... so I'll just say... I agree with Bita here...

I'll make you a deal. I'll use the brain on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and you can use it on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. On Sunday's, we'll just let it rest for the coming week. That gives me 4 days a week to eat doh nuts. ;)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 15

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 11:05:53 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

Some top-types think that 'beause' they are a top that they 'know' everything. Maybe part of it is insecurity, ego or just because they don't have any manners and do not know how to act with others around.

Its just like the top-types that when they email you they IMMEDIATLY 'demand' that you call them 'Sir' or 'Master,' they are insecure and they need help. or those who think that every relationship is cookie cutter and only suppose to be one way.

I LOVE to get contacted by thoes who tell me HOW to behave, I laugh at them, ask them if they are 'joking' then ask if they have ever met a REAL person before. Most dont' emial or come up with smartass [unintelligent] remarks and block, freakin trolls.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to BoredandUnamused)

Post #: 16

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 11:24:41 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

As previous said in a much better way than I........as a boss I am paid to be the boss. As soon as I was promoted I took care of an issue that had been bothering me for quite some time but had not been my place to address. Not only did it solve the problem it established that I was now in charge and there were different expectations. As far as dealing with submissives or slaves until I have established that they are MY submissives, I only expect the same manners and respect I do from anyone.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 17

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 11:34:37 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I think I can say this accross the board, but if any one believes differrntly please chime in: No one in the real world leather lifestyle would demand you use the word Master on a first meeting. The key words here are "demand", and "Master",

Even in the 'real' world leather lifestyle, there are people who do, indeed, demand just that, but wanting and getting are not the same. ;)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 18

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 11:38:56 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

There are still as few who are not in the lifestyle but call me Sir.... My comment is that I don't mind as long as they spell it S.I.R. and not C.U.R.....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 19

RE: Mis-advice - 4/26/2006 4:52:58 PM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

Puffer fish <had to laugh at that one> I love it!

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 20

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