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Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 1:14:45 AM   
mixedsignal


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/22/2010
Status: offline 		Hello to everyone out there. So I am new to this lifestyle and need to find some people who are sub/slaves that could tell me what to expect. I tried to talk to my girlfriends about this but they have no idea what I am talking about. Right now I am in the process of becoming Master Derek's sub... I love to role play so I thought I would be a pro at this.(not) He seems so far from me and he says he is testing me by not responding to me. That drives me so crazy! What do I have to do to get his attention. What did you do to get your Masters attention?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 1:28:25 AM   
wittynamehere


Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline 		Maybe start by trusting him and listening to what he's telling you. Tell him you're trying to be patient, and you miss speaking with him, but you understand and want to submit. I dunno, that would work with me, but your mileage may vary.

It does sound like you could benefit from slowing down a little and learning a bit more about yourself first, but that's just a hunch going off your post.

If he is in the habit of ignoring you and you're not getting anything out of that, let him know. If it doesn't improve then maybe he's not for you.


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(in reply to mixedsignal)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 2:03:06 AM   
mixedsignal


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/22/2010
Status: offline 		Hi and thank you for that message. I am trying to learn how to be more submissive. I have never done this before and I am use to being a tease that usually gets my way. I think he likes to see me beg.I think my other problem is that normal sex bores me that I haven't had it in two years... and the roles are reversed now and he wont give the satisfaction I desire from him. If you don't mind me asking what does a new sub do to you that sparks your interest?

(in reply to wittynamehere)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 2:22:43 AM   
Cherylmazana


Posts: 1152
Joined: 10/4/2007
Status: offline 		Personally I have always thought if a man ignores me then I don’t see why I should respond to him either, I would go find someone who matches my need to be acknowledged, as being ignored would soon cause me to get very irritated and angry.

Cheryl

(in reply to mixedsignal)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 2:45:30 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		To be honest, this doesn't sound healthy.

1. "Testing" a sub is not easy for a sub.  I'd recommend that it be done by explaining to her what's underlying it.  It sounds like he simply announced that he was testing you - no discussion into what it meant.  Perhaps he's intending to give you little attention as a rule, and is getting you acclimated to that.
2.  Whenever a sub wants to get her Dom's attention, she is prone to doing things like bratting, etc., that are not healthy.
3.  I probably shouldn't say this, but whenever I hear of someone referred to as Master, I get suspicious.  If Derek's called a Master by others in the community, fine.  If he isn't and it's simply a term he applies to himself, run.

That said, welcome to collarme.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Cherylmazana)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 3:34:10 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Some people need more closeness than others. Some crave deep emotional intimacy, and some feel more comfortable being emotionally distant. Get together with someone whose needs match yours. This guy is obviously more comfy being distant. You're not. It'd be cool, if he were with someone who also liked being distant. But instead, he picked you- I think because it pumps up his sagging ego to jerk you around like a cat toy. I see a future of emotional angst and deep, aching, unfulfilled needs looming for you, in your future as a cat toy.

Or.... A yummy, sweet, fulfilling, deeply intimate, emotionally satisfying life... With someone who also craves closeness- and takes the proper steps to draw you in, and keep drawing you nearer and deeper into his heart, with each passing day.

So, which is it? Cat toy?? Or are ya gonna free yourself up to go find that guy whose emotional needs mesh well with yours? Cuz, you're never gonna get this time back. You're only young once- and you only live once. How much of your precious time- how much of your youth- do you want to devote to Morris the cat?

Edited to add: I know that's not the answer to the question you asked, OP. I'm usually blunt, and in situations like this I usually chime in because I'm a former cat toy, and I'd like about ten years of my wasted youth back. If I'd have known myself better, I'd have known that guy was the wrong kind of person for me. It was his time we wasted too- not just mine. Sometimes love really does mean letting go.

So I'm just trying to help people keep from making the same kinds of mistakes I did, when I'm speaking candidly here. Get to know yourself better, and you'll get a better idea of what you need to be looking for in a partner.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 10/22/2010 4:01:51 AM >

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(in reply to mixedsignal)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 3:59:31 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

So, which is it? Cat toy?? Or are ya gonna free yourself up to go find that guy whose emotional needs mesh well with yours? Cuz, you're never gonna get this time back. You're only young once- and you only live once. How much of your precious time- how much of your youth- do you want to devote to Morris the cat?


God...truer words were never spoken!

OP, first...welcome. I so whole-heartedly argee with the words above. This is new for you, as you've said, and it sounds as though you're discovering your needs within a relationship. There are many men who like to "test" or keep their partner waiting for some magic moment when the time is right. If that fits with your wants/needs...grand. If not...take the time to discuss this with your partner and if he's willing to be more receptive to your desires...grand agin. If not...like dreamerdreaming said, how much time do you wish to devote to someone who isn't simpatico with your emotional needs?

No matter how you slice it, this is still a relationship between two people.

Good luck!

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 4:50:11 AM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline 		Welcome to the boards.

Listen to the wisdom of DarkSteven, dreamerdreamin, and BonesFromAsh.  You're young, if you aren't compatible with Derek, there's others you may mesh very well with.
Good luck.


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(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 5:24:14 AM   
OohAahMrs


Posts: 7723
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline 		Welcome to CM There's loads of free advice from everyone.

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You may choc the choc.........Oh forget it......

(in reply to mixedsignal)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 5:26:26 AM   
DaddyRsgirl


Posts: 29
Joined: 10/19/2010
Status: offline 		Welcome to the forums (I'm new too!).  Good luck with your relationship with Derek.  There is lots of good advice here.

(in reply to OohAahMrs)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 6:31:14 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Hello and welcome   I truly hope you enjoy your time here and hang out in the forums...I've had a great time here myself.

To answer your question of what do other subs/slaves do to get their Master's attention. for me the answer is nothing. I do nothing. He wholeheartedly gives his attention to me. I would go crazy if I felt I had to come up with schemes to get his attention. My Dom's attitude is that I am his most valuable possession, I am treated as a treasured addition to his life, I am secure in knowing that I matter to him. If he ignored me I wouldn't be happy or content and how does that reflect on him? He doesn't want broken toys to play with so he takes good care of his things.

I know this sounds incredibly sappy, but there isn't a moment that goes by in the day that I don't know how much my man cares for me and what he's willing to do to make that happen and it doesn't mean he's soft...quite the opposite. I'm sitting here typing with bruises on my bottom and breasts. You can have your desire for kinky sex and be with a partner that fulfills your emotional needs as well...in fact that combination pretty much rocks. My man loves to see me beg and I can do that and know he won't leave me high and dry after the fun is over. You may want to reconsider if this is truly the right relationship for you and if it is I do hope you are happy!

(in reply to mixedsignal)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 7:05:53 AM   
MMsCandy


Posts: 71
Joined: 10/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixedsignal

Hello to everyone out there. So I am new to this lifestyle and need to find some people who are sub/slaves that could tell me what to expect. I tried to talk to my girlfriends about this but they have no idea what I am talking about. Right now I am in the process of becoming Master Derek's sub... I love to role play so I thought I would be a pro at this.(not) He seems so far from me and he says he is testing me by not responding to me. That drives me so crazy! What do I have to do to get his attention. What did you do to get your Masters attention?


First off, welcome to CM - i am also new to CM but NOT new to online forums like this OR to D/s (or more to the point for me M/s).

Now, you can take this any way you want - if what i have to say does NOT work for you feel free to ignore my words.

One of the things that i really like about my own Master is that he will do what he says, he says what he means and he backs those words up in action.  He doesn't make excuses and he doesn't try and justify his actions by saying something else.

Admittedly to me this sounds exactly what your "guy" is doing. He's unable to contact you for whatever reason (or no reason at all) and then guising it as a "test". I admit i am not a big fan of the sub has to jump through all these hoops while the doms get to just do what they want - sure it works for some, this might even work for you. But (like BonesfromAsh said) no matter how you slice and dice this it's still a relationship and the two parties still have to get to know each other and that just can't happen if one is right off the bat, before he's even made a decision ignoring you. So he gets to know you but not the other way around??? How are you supposed to trust that? How are you supposed to get to a place of "submission" out of that? I honestly don't get it.

It doesn't work so well for me - this is ME, either you want that or you don't but be a man and make a decision and then commit to that decision, which ftr includes NOT ignoring me for no reason - and i am sorry but to me this "test" when you aren't even his is just that "no reason" (admittedly in my mind,  if somehow this works for you - terrific and ignore me).

If i had to walk on eggshells way back in the beginning i would have NEVER been his to start with.

(in reply to mixedsignal)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 7:27:45 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I don't do anything to get someone's attention. I just be myself.

If someone is ignoring me, they disappear from my life.

Some may feel that ignoring a sub is good for her, or a game or they just want to withhold closeness. Those people don't exist for me.

If you are not comfortable with the amount of attention someone gives you, tell them. If they don't provide what you need, be done with them.

Life is too short to be ignored.

(in reply to MMsCandy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 7:35:20 AM   
MMsCandy


Posts: 71
Joined: 10/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:



If you are not comfortable with the amount of attention someone gives you, tell them. If they don't provide what you need, be done with them.




This.

Because ultimately that's what all this comes down to - getting your needs met within a relationship, if he is unable to provide that before the relationship has even really begun. Do you really see you getting your needs (different than wants mind you) met for the long haul? If it's not happening - tell him, if he is unable to provide that, then it just might be time to move on.

Decide what you really need to have, judge if he can provide for those needs and make your call from there.



(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/22/2010 9:40:52 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		Welcome to CM and the boards.  I've also lost a lot of time with Doms who've witheld their affection or ignored me.  Time I wish I could have back.  But it's gone.  Yes, you are submissive, but it's also a relationship involving two people, and you're most definitely one of them.  If he can't provide you with the closeness you want, then chances are that won't change.  As a new subbie, you have no idea what to expect.  And what may seem normal just because he "says" it is, ain't always the case.  As much as you provide to his wants and needs he needs to do the same for you.  You have the right to feel wanted, deserved and made to feel special.  Don't let that slip by with someone who probably isn't a match for you.  Good luck and you're in my thoughts.

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

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(in reply to MMsCandy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/23/2010 7:04:28 PM   
mixedsignal


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/22/2010
Status: offline 		Thank You all for the responses This country vanilla girl appreciates your hospitality on CM... I took your advice and will consider my next move over the next few days. I guess it will be fun looking for a Dom and while I wait for one I will keep reading on the lifestyle.

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Hello I am so lost - 10/23/2010 10:37:33 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Since you're in the beginning stages of looking it really helps to get straight what you are looking for, and these forums helped me do that for myself. There's no need to rush and taking your time may result in a better quality match. You might encounter Doms who will want to hurry you into a commitment with them as subs are somewhat hard to find, but stand firm and make sure that you feel content with the person you've chosen. It's your choice too after all. Good luck on your journey!

(in reply to mixedsignal)
Profile   Post #: 17
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