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Sabotage - 9/29/2004 3:30:14 AM   
MissFem


Posts: 178
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		do you sabotage relationships?

have you ever?


do you know whay you do it?

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I smoke...drink...and cuss.....wanna fuck?
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RE: Sabotage - 9/29/2004 7:54:06 AM   
addicted2it


Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissFem

do you sabotage relationships?

have you ever?

do you know whay you do it?


Speaking in general terms, and not to or about anyone specifically, if you are trying to end a relationship and sabotage it purposely because you think it will cause the other person to end it rather than you, that is called self-deception. In this case, you are really deceiving yourself into thinking that it wasn't you who ended it, but the other person, and thereby absolving yourself of all guilt.

When you think about it, it seems like a stupid game; sorta like putting blinders on a horse so that it will only be able to see forward, rather than to either side. In this case, looking to the side means looking at our "true self" and at our motivations.

As to the second and third parts of the question: yes, I have done it, but that was years ago. These days, I try to be honest and upfront, which ends it quickly and guiltlessly. Nevertheless, it still hurts. And then I go and have a few drinks!

phil

"So many relationships; so little time!"

(in reply to MissFem)
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RE: Sabotage - 9/29/2004 2:14:57 PM   
kiki blue


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline 		My ex did, a lot. It took me a while to realise what was happening, and by then, it was too late.

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RE: Sabotage - 9/29/2004 5:02:22 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

do you sabotage relationships?


I almost did after 35 yrs of marriage, but now things are better than ever

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Sabotage - 9/30/2004 7:52:45 PM   
dixiedumpling


Posts: 456
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: southeast Mississippi
Status: offline 		The analysis first: Due to a childhood that lacked in love and acceptance with parents who were always disappointed in me no matter how hard I tried... I constantly felt in the way and tried to always stay beneath the parental radar. I felt rejected and unloved (unlovable).

What I do to sabotage relationships: I tell every unpleasant thing about myself so I'll be sure to get the reaction I expect... rejection. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Understanding and changing are two different things.

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Toodles,
dixiedumpling

My mind is no place to play alone. Anna Pigeon as written by Nevada Barr

(in reply to MissFem)
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RE: Sabotage - 9/30/2004 7:58:16 PM   
cheeba0228


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline 		I have sabotaged only one relationship. My own at the time I would never sabotage anothers relationship if things were meant to be then they will be if they werent meant to be then they wont. However in mine I did for on simple reason that to this day is childish and petty but I dont care if I had to do it all over again I would, but I'd make it much worse.

My motive was the most simple and understandable of all human emotions we've all felt it some of us think about it everyday.........REVENGE!!!!!

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LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!


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RE: Sabotage - 10/1/2004 8:21:03 AM   
addicted2it


Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dixiedumpling

The analysis first: Due to a childhood that lacked in love and acceptance with parents who were always disappointed in me no matter how hard I tried... I constantly felt in the way and tried to always stay beneath the parental radar. I felt rejected and unloved (unlovable).

What I do to sabotage relationships: I tell every unpleasant thing about myself so I'll be sure to get the reaction I expect... rejection. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Understanding and changing are two different things.


dixie,

Many of us, myself included, have been raised by parents who were unlovng, emotionally unavailabe, critical, and totally incompetent in the ways of parenting. I broke away from that early enough in life to reform my own personality. And while it's great to be able to tell others the truth about you shortcomings, you obviously have some very good qualities as well.

Yes, rejection can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but we can make a concious choice to fight against the tendency toward sabbotaging our own relationships, and our tendency to eliminate the possibility of experiencing a healthy relationship with anyone.

I am currently in therapy, and working on the question of, "Why it is that I am attracted to those who are not good for me?" Relationships based upon attraction to the wrong types eventually do not work out; simply because I eventually realize that I have stepped into it with someone who's personality goes against what I have raised myself to believe in. This could also be considered sabbotage, because those relationships never quite get off the ground.

These days, I try to take time to learn as much as I can about the person I am interested in before making a deep commitment, rather than just jumping right in and then finding out that I cannot, and will not, "swim with the sharks."

Anyway, self-relization is always the first step in changing one's behavior. And now that you are aware of what you are doing wrong, it will begin to lead you in the right direction, and hopefully toward acceptance by others.

Hang in there, hun!

phil

(in reply to dixiedumpling)
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RE: Sabotage - 10/1/2004 11:33:40 AM   
Destinysskeins


Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings,

Oh, my did i ever! During the last few years of my failed marriage i truly did everything possible to do just that - i took up a horrible swing shift job (partly with the reasoning that i'd never be home, continued classes while working this job (also partly so i would not be home) and once spent a week telling my husband at the time 'i f-ing hate you' everytime that he looked at me simply because i was so incredibly unhappy and didn't feel like i could leave.

Now, i'm not saying that this was right for me to do at all! On the contrary, it's the most abhorrent thing that i think i've ever done and still regret greatly that i did not have the common sense and courage to end the relationship when it should have been ended instead of beating it like the proverbial dead horse. i know now to move on well before things have ever reached this point so as to avoid unnecessary hurt feelings on both sides of the relationship.

(in reply to addicted2it)
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RE: Sabotage - 10/17/2004 3:17:14 PM   
ChrisGreen


Posts: 103
Joined: 10/9/2004
Status: offline 		I have Asperger's and can end up being accused of sabotaging relationships; though, it tends to be that I simply have not understood what someone has failed to make clear to me.

It is a source of constant wonder to me, as to how often I have to hammer home to you Neuro-Typicals that I don't understand the world that I live in, and it is especially galling to have to do that day after day, when in a relationship.

What is it that makes people deaf to the simple idea that someone does not understand what is happening and please can you tell me what it is that you want from me, of me, or whatever?

OK rant over! Feel better now. grin!



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Chris Green

Matron, sister or nurse wanted,
to administer discipline to unruly patient.

(in reply to MissFem)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sabotage - 3/20/2010 12:03:15 PM   
CaffeineOverRide


Posts: 22
Status: offline 		I sabatoged my own relationships for awhile.
My ex still tries to sabatoge relationships I have with others.
He lies, a lot... thats it

(in reply to ChrisGreen)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sabotage - 3/21/2010 1:54:32 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissFem

do you sabotage relationships?

have you ever?


do you know whay you do it?


My girl tried her best in the early days, but she was 16 and hurting from a childhood I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I didn't let her.


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to MissFem)
Profile   Post #: 11
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