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Proprietrix -> RE: Intolerance and Ignorance (4/26/2006 7:02:46 AM)
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I had to think long and hard before responding to this thread because I have so many unpopular views on the topic of tolerance. But you know, I came full circle in my thought process, so I'm fairly comfortable in what I'm about to say.
I don't, and I never have, bought into the mantra of "BDSM people should have a higher level of tolerance and acceptance for others" or that "as an alternative lifestyle community, we should be more open minded to others" or "It's not right to say your kink is better than mine." I'm sorry, but the fact that I have an interest in kink and power exchange does not mean that I should be obligated to open the doors of my standards and morals and accept people with whom I do not agree.
If I have spent my entire life feeling that XYZ is immoral and reprehensible, I'm not going to suddenly change that about myself and say "Well, since the rest of the "community" accepts this, I will too." First of all, my morals aren't there to be bent by popular demand, and secondly, I don't believe everyone on earth who practices BDSM falls into this mythical, weakly defined "community" of which I've heard.
Some people's religion is very important to them, and that religion may very well dictate that certain activities, which are common among kinky folk, are sinful or wrong. The people involved in this lifestyle often want their quasi-collective values to supercede every individual's religious beliefs, upbringing, or family values. I personally don't get that. Why should a bunch of strangers, from all over the planet, with a plethora of contradicting stances, take precedence over one's piousness?
The best example I can think of here is those who come from religions that dictate that homosexuality is innately wrong. If they come into this lifestyle, and converse with it's practitioners, they are inevitably going to be exposed to homosexuality. To them, this is just as unrighteous as pedophilia. And while everyone can sit back all day long and condemn pedophilia, if these people even so much as whisper that they feel the same way about homosexuality, they are verbally ripped to shreds and called "unaccepting", "closed-minded", and "intolerant".
I have sat back and watched this happen so many times when it comes to adultery. When asked for opinion by an adulterer, do we accept it without objection and resistance, or do we speak up that we feel it is wrong? If we sit back in silence, we risk being spoken for by those who do not object to it. But if we take a stand against it, we are subjected to an onslaught of insult by those who want to justify it.
I have found that the most judgmental people are those who believe everything should be accepted. The ones quickest to condemn, are those who chant on about not condemning others. The least tolerant people, are those who preach acceptance. Because when any situation arises that may ripple the waters, these are the people who become the most uncomfortable. I've also found these people to be full of hypocricy as well, because half of what they advocate acceptance of, they would be abhored to see their families engage in. They talk the talk about "Your kink should be respected, it's just not for me", but how would they truly feel if they found out their offspring was out at night doing that exact thing?
I've never received stronger judgment and condemnation than I have from alternative lifestylists, in the name of "acceptance". (And I actually mentioned this in a thread regarding how lifestylists are quick to tell me how to dress in public, when in fact the vanilla world doesn't really give a shit what I wear.)
I've been verbally bashed into a pulp by lifestylists when I have spoken up about trying something new, and it not working out, being called a player, uneducated, and inexperienced. Then the same people will turn around and say to the next in line "Be open to trying new things".
I have seen elders venture in, with a good 40+ years of experience in WIITWD, having served in the House of Whatever and they believe in a certain level of civility, decorum, and protocol. Then they see people poking fun of "Houses" and chanting out that no one has the right to honorary titles, and it's "ok" to be bratty, and arguing over the semantics of ingesting fecal matter. They normally slip out the back door quietly, which is a shame, because they could have potentially taught most of us a lot.
I have seen people advocate for "all things are ok as long as within the perimeters of the law" but then they turn around and blatantly break the law by commiting the legal definition of assault during an S&M scene. Then they complain about the law, but won't get off their ass to attend a rally at the courthouse to change it, because someone might see them. Then turn around and tell those who did attend the rally that their behavior at the rally was "unbecoming to the reputation of the community of BDSM".
I have seen people go on and on about how we should accept others regardless of disability or ethnicity, but then someone with poor eyesight is ostracized because they type in a larger font or a newcomer is criticized for his english skills.
Overall, what I see is people who love to arm-chair theorize about what a wonderful world it is when we all accept each other, but they are the quickest to judge anyone else who isn't sitting next to them agreeing with every word.
There comes a point when one becomes SO open-minded that they simply let their brain fall out.
Personally, I'm not content to sit back and say that I am tolerant, accepting, and receptive of others, regardless of their personal tastes. I do have certain morals and beliefs by which I judge others. I do have certain standards. I do have a certain level of principles. To dismiss all of that for the benefit of saying "no one's kink is any better or worse", to me, is simply not worth it. I'm not going to start rearranging my ethics so that someone else can have their ego petted. And if that qualifies me as intolerant, so be it.
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