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taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abused ... - 3/23/2004 6:49:40 PM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline 		being a sub, and during the time i was collared by a switch,
i had no idea, what a switch was? but later on after i had gotten to really know Her, and i had given everything up for Her, She had gotten collared, by a Domm i knew. She swore She would never leave me, always by my side. i wound up leaving bdsm, and almost ending it all.

some subs and slaves here have gone thru worse~~~~
can we please take a moment of silience out to honor these people
who where, physically, mentally, emotionaly, or sexually abused~


thank you, i'm speaking for all subs, and slaves, like me who have been abused.

quote~ if a snake bites before it is charmed there is no profit for the charmer.

sincerely, knees2you
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 3/23/2004 9:54:54 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		knees, I hope by almost ending it all, you didn't mean suicide. I know being lied to by another you are involved with is painful, but it is not something to kill yourself over. Trust me, Doms deal with that too. I have had to deal with a lying partner three times, and I never even would think of taking my life.
Unless there is more to your story, I don't think that was abuse. It's called cheating. It's called lying.
I have reread your post quite a few times just to make sure, but I don't see abuse there. And definitely no reason to end it all.

(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 3/23/2004 11:00:23 PM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline 		Mr. Estring. thank You for Your words of encourgement. yes I know Domms and Dommes go thru the same thing, but I believe They as You have a stronger will power then we as subs and slaves, our minds can and are very weak, meaning not to say, we don't know what we are looking for in a relationship we do, but i've talked to other subs and they almost agree that any wrong abuse ruins the bdsm name. i was new to bdsm, and was shown how to give my all quickly, i learned very quickly, to give my complete self and nothing less, but not how to handle mental damage.
when my Father ended his life it was pure mental damage, so i guess there are different forms~~ i am new to writing so if i'm off a little please excuse my lack of training.

once again thank You~~

sincerely, knees2You

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 3/23/2004 11:37:44 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		knees, I hope you understand that my post was out of concern for you, not derision. You seem to have a good heart. I hope you can gain some strength and encouragement from this site.

(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 3/24/2004 6:03:33 AM   
inyouagain


Posts: 418
Joined: 1/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you

being a sub, and during the time i was collared by a switch,
i had no idea, what a switch was? but later on after i had gotten to really know Her, and i had given everything up for Her, She had gotten collared, by a Domm i knew. She swore She would never leave me, always by my side. i wound up leaving bdsm, and almost ending it all.

You were collared by a Switch who was subsequently collared by a Domme (or Dom?), and then you left BDSM?

Was the Domme (or Dom?) not interested in supporting their collared Switch'es collared sub? Did your Switch actually release you, or did your Switch run off and leave you wearing her collar?

Even in the absence of all these questions, this does not sound like mental damage or abuse... it sounds more like a 'life circumstance', and consequently your broken heart.

quote:

i was new to bdsm, and was shown how to give my all quickly, i learned very quickly, to give my complete self and nothing less, but not how to handle mental damage.
when my Father ended his life it was pure mental damage, so i guess there are different forms


Your Switch breaking your heart was not mental damage/abuse, especially in comparison to your Father ending his life. I do not believe either of these 'life circumstances' constitute mental damage/abuse... mental pain, suffering, loss, mourning and grieving yes, but not mental damage/abuse.

There could be any number of reasons why your Switch became collared, and also why your Father took his life. Just because these 'life circumstances' affected you does not make them mental damage/abuse. You are not alone, as these things happen to many others as well.

One thing you mentioned... your Switch was collared by a Domm (Domme or Dom?) that you know. That casts a love triangle scenario on this story. If you were a newbie sub, trained quickly and learned quickly from the Switch... how did you come to 'know' the Domm (Domme or Dom?) that collared your Switch?

These 'life circumstances' can be devastating on many personal levels, but survival is a fundamental human instinct which you knew long before either 'life circumstance' you mentioned here even happened, agreed? You've survived since your birth, and will continue to do so in your post 'life circumstances' existence.

Bear in mind I'm not trying to discount your true pain, anguish or suffering in either 'life circumstance'... merely trying to help you put each in an objective perspective.

Suicide is just another way of saying "I can't handle it", but life goes on... so quitters never win and winners never quit.

Inyouagain

(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 3/24/2004 12:04:31 PM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline 		You live by a code with Your parents when growing up. Whatever it may be. Whether You grew up a Catholic, a Monk, or an Athiest. etc.
When You are collared by a Domm or Domme, you also live by a code.
if it is broken by trust or faith it makes it that much harder for the sub, or slave to understand what bdsm ids all about. Exspecially if they are new to this way of life.

but like i said other people have suffered more~ and my heart goes out to them.

quote~ if a snake bites before it is charmed, there is no profit for the charmer.


sincerely, Anthony

(in reply to inyouagain)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 3/24/2004 12:35:42 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Here are some questions for you Knees:

Did you know she was a switch?

Did she promise you that she would not seek fulfillment for that part of herself?

Did SHE know she was a switch?

And (and this one is brutal, but something that may help you think a bit harder), were you as *desperate* in your behavior as you sound here? Sometimes, if someone is extremely needed, they see things differently than others do. The read more into relationships, and even friendships. They ignore that which is unacceptable (like that they are getting involved with a switch who has not said they won't be seeing to be a sub at the same time), because it is too hard to accept things that make them even less confident in things in their lives.

As far as being lied to or cheated on, or even made to doubt the lifestyle, that is not a submissive thing, that is a human doing to other human thing. Knees, InYou had it dead on, suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

Another thread asks about the old one that a dominant cannot control themselves cannot fully control others. By the same token, to be able to really *give* yourself to another, I believe you must have self confidence and believe yourself a worthy person. Those that act as doormats, come off as so needy and clingy that they *can't survive* without the dominant, etc., are abuser magnets.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 3/25/2004 10:43:55 AM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline 		inyouagain, i guess we all have different pains. mines is not yours
and vice versa. thanks for the encouragement.
Estring You also. i am new here and not affraid to admitt
that i neeeed hard training.~~~

quote~if a snake bites before it is charmed there is no profit
for the charmer.

knees2You

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 1/27/2010 8:10:22 AM   
smothrme


Posts: 63
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		Knees2you
first let me say I am sorry for your pain. your Dad took his life, that must have been very traumatic. You thought about doing the same. That scares me.
Have you thought about professional help? Does depression run in your family? It is very common and there is help available.
I too have been in abusive relationships, but I can tell you that whether you are a sub or other there is no need to take it period.
You must find a Domme that is a True Domme not a pretender or user, one who will be pleased by your submission and appreciate it. To be submissive does not mean you warrant abuse. The Domme/ sub relationship that is healthy will be one of mutual respect. If you feel the need for 24/7 abuse then that says you have a problem that needs to be addressed. you stated that subs seem to be weak minded, no not true, yes some are very needy, true , that probally is what defines their role in BDSM but sadly they are the ones that find the abusive partners who are usually fakes that miss the meaning of the D/s relationship, a little kinky abuse is ok if that is decided on, but emotional or mental abuse is a dangerous thing, it too should be a joint agreement, however in your case I would not advise it. Think of a Queen of some country, she will nurture her subjects because she values them, not beat them into the ground right? Well that is who you should look for in a serious commited relationship if that is what you desire, take it slow.

(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 1/27/2010 8:12:21 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'd like to ask a question.  From your post, it seems that she chose someone over you.  Exactly how is that 'abuse'?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to smothrme)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 1/27/2010 8:15:25 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Old thread LadyPact..

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 1/27/2010 8:18:15 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		AH!  Ty Camille.  Just goes to show that I'm not as quick as I'd like to be before the caffeine kicks in.

My best to you and yours.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 1/27/2010 8:19:03 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you

Mr. Estring. thank You for Your words of encourgement. yes I know Domms and Dommes go thru the same thing, but I believe They as You have a stronger will power then we as subs and slaves, our minds can and are very weak,

Speak only for yourself.
quote:


meaning not to say, we don't know what we are looking for in a relationship we do, but i've talked to other subs and they almost agree that any wrong abuse ruins the bdsm name.

Yes abuse does. But as much it's a shitty thing to have happen to you... getting dumped or being left for someone else is not abuse. Calling it abuse trivializes actual abuse.
quote:


i was new to bdsm, and was shown how to give my all quickly, i learned very quickly, to give my complete self and nothing less, but not how to handle mental damage.

I'm sorry you were hurt, I really do feel for you. But it's not abusive for someone to end a relationship.

quote:


When You are collared by a Domm or Domme, you also live by a code.
if it is broken by trust or faith it makes it that much harder for the sub, or slave to understand what bdsm ids all about. Exspecially if they are new to this way of life.

Ok sorry but my BS radar is going off. It's not harder on us. We aren't weak. We don't need to be wrapped up tight in cotton wool. We are not all the same. Some subs are weak, some need to all protected and yadda yadda but not all of us.

For crying out loud, the dominants run the risk of being thrown in jail for hitting us so if you want to feel for a particular side of leash, I say feel for them.

You got hurt, badly. I'm very sorry for that, I really am. But it wasn't abuse and it happens to everyone, lifestyle or not. You mourn, you mend your heart and then you get back up again. This isn't a lifestyle problem. It's a life problem.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 1/27/2010 8:33:57 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		This is nearly a six year old thread Aqua.  Knees has moved on a little bit...

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 1/27/2010 8:38:12 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Eh... somebody rezzed it before me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 1/27/2010 8:53:10 AM   
smothrme


Posts: 63
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		sorry i opened this post again, didnt see it was old, I am new on the boards

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 1/27/2010 8:53:33 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		It's all good.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to smothrme)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 1/30/2010 12:22:11 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		It's okay.. knees is one of us regulars..

quote:

ORIGINAL: smothrme

You must find a Domme that is a True Domme not a pretender or user, one who will be pleased by your submission and appreciate it. To be submissive does not mean you warrant abuse. The Domme/ sub relationship that is healthy will be one of mutual respect.



No I'm not trying to pick what you posted apart here smothrme but from my perspective there's not really much way of finding out whether a Domme is a 'True Domme' until you get to know the woman behind the persona.

While we've revived this thread I just feel that it's worth pointing out that any sort of relationship here irrespective of gender and which side of the kneel you prefer is a relationship and is no different a relationship from what you would have outside of WIITWD, whether it be with a someone without involving WIITWD, or even involving someone without having sex. It requires time, patience, communication, personal integrity and above all an open mind.

We might have the Internet but people are pretty much the same as they were before the Internet, in that personal integrity, communication and an open mind are needed to inspire confidence and trust between each party. You cannot verify a human being, you can only get to know them and the choice on whether you make that effort to get to know someone or not rests entirely with you.

There are no 'real' or 'true' people out there, no 'fake' people (some insincere people yes, but they're still genuine people), we are all people who have our own individual ways of relating to other people.

This is the point I'd like to make.

Oh and to wish knees all the best and hope he's doing well and happy.


_____________________________

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(in reply to smothrme)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 1/30/2010 1:30:35 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you

can we please take a moment of silience out to honor these people

quote:

3/23/2004 9:49:40 PM

That's one hell of a "moment".


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: taking a moment for those who have been wrongly abu... - 1/30/2010 9:41:08 AM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
quote:

ORIGINAL: knees2you
can we please take a moment of silience out to honor these people

quote:

3/23/2004 9:49:40 PM

That's one hell of a "moment".


The notion of certain posters having a 6 year period of silence seems ever so pleasing to me.

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 20
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