Dating in a time of a poor economy

Dating in a time of a poor economy (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

Lockit -> Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 2:01:09 AM)
Things are getting worse with the economy the way it is and it doesn’t look like it’s going to change anytime soon. People are struggling and many are finding themselves unemployed or under employed. When it comes to dating, some are having to take a different stand on what they expect in a partner and what might have looked like a red flag to some because someone wasn’t employed, may be something they may have to reconsider. I recently saw something on the news about the economy and dating and there was also a survey on a dating site that I saw when I got online. A very large percentage of women questioned in this survey said that they would date an unemployed man. I wondered if the economy has changed anything for those of us that are involved in d/s or bdsm relationships or are seeking. Would you consider getting involved with someone new if they were unemployed? Would you have some stipulations or conditions that an unemployed person would have to meet before you would be involved with them? If you wouldn’t consider someone that was unemployed, what would your reasons be? Is it heartless to expect someone to be employed with things the way they are? If you are unemployed, what are your thoughts on this? We know how most feel about the money and dominant/women thing, so lets try not to make this all about money. I am asking about matters of the heart, the economy and how people are dealing with the way things are with the economy as it is and seeking a partner of some type at this time.

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 2:39:39 AM)
quote: Would you consider getting involved with someone new if they were unemployed? One of the hardest working men I've ever known, my ex-hubby, has been without work for some time now. This man has spent most of his adult life working two full time jobs. If it can happen to him, it can happen to anyone. Yes, I would consider getting involved. (I haven't asked men what type of job they had, much less if they were unemployed.)

PeonForHer -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 4:57:56 AM)
It wouldn't make any difference to me to a woman's overall attractiveness, in my eyes, if a woman was unemployed. In fact, it'd give me more of a chance to feel like I could do the 'white knight and damsel in distress' thing. But, sure, there could be practical difficulties. The cost of travelling springs first to mind.

Jaybeee -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 5:17:41 AM)
Well you're going to have gold-diggers after your wallet in ANY economy, but yeah, it's a lot worse in a recession (or fragile recovery from one). That said, some women do balk at being asked what they do for a living in the 2nd or 3rd question, others don't. If I have a fling with a 21 y.o girl fresh out of uni, I don't expect her to be rolling in cash, but on the other hand if she's 25+ she needs to have some cashflow or a very good convincing case.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 5:32:32 AM)
I think we need to pass the hat for Lockit so she can afford a bigger font.

poise -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 6:01:55 AM)
[sm=2cents.gif][sm=2cents.gif][sm=2cents.gif][sm=2cents.gif][sm=2cents.gif][sm=2cents.gif] All for a good cause.

PeonForHer -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 6:51:23 AM)
A true gentleman would have incurred the expenses himself by getting better reading glasses, Red. Just saying. [;)]

OttersSwim -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 7:04:22 AM)
Lockit, I think that much would likely depend on the person's attitude, yes? If they are say out of work for 13 months and have been actively looking and maybe have taken a part-time job at a retail store and done other things to manage their finances as responsibly as they are able...vs...someone who is totally negative on the experience and maybe looking for someone to "save" them. We have a friend who is in just such a circumstance. High-level professional position out of work for more than a year, took a job in a retail store and teaches spinning multiple times a week, started his own photography business, takes side jobs and is almost killing himself to keep his life in some sort of order. He is facing losing his house, and every day is an extreme struggle....but to meet him on the street, you would never know he is facing such dire circumstances. He is happy, engaged in his life, and has not given up his power to affect his own destiny. No victim. I would think that the attitude and outlook would have to be huge in such consideration of someone who might have fallen on hard times.

Takeylarose -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 7:16:21 AM)
Fast Reply I have to agree that it depends on the person and their circumstances. Are they looking for another job or sitting at home whining all day? I wouldn't discount someone if they weren't employed, but I would be conscious of activities we partake in. I have a home, bills and everything else to consider. So most nights we would be staying at home. I don't mind traveling to the person either as long as its a relatively short drive, no more than an hour or two. EVERYBODY falls on hard times. Nobody is immune to bad things happening financially or otherwise.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 7:35:22 AM)
Hello Lockit, Generally speaking, I'd say no. If someone is out of work, then they have more important things to do than date me. (Just my opinion). There are always exceptions to the rule, but I think the example given by Otter tells it all. This guy is so busy with keeping things above board, what energy would he have for me / a relationship / the added stress? So much of culture is wrapped around work that it does create a certain amount of dissonance for people "I have worth but nobody wants to hire me" kind of thing. That alone can be a huge struggle. It's a job looking for a job! If we are talking about someone who is independently wealthy, again I would say no because they have no incentives. It would take a very special person to be able to do this with grace. Something about camels, needles, rich men, and heaven comes to mind. Best, sunshine

Takeylarose -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 7:50:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Hello Lockit, Generally speaking, I'd say no. If someone is out of work, then they have more important things to do than date me. (Just my opinion). There are always exceptions to the rule, but I think the example given by Otter tells it all. This guy is so busy with keeping things above board, what energy would he have for me / a relationship / the added stress? So much of culture is wrapped around work that it does create a certain amount of dissonance for people "I have worth but nobody wants to hire me" kind of thing. That alone can be a huge struggle. It's a job looking for a job! If we are talking about someone who is independently wealthy, again I would say no because they have no incentives. It would take a very special person to be able to do this with grace. Something about camels, needles, rich men, and heaven comes to mind. Best, sunshine For me this is why I wouldn't discount someone. It is hard not having a job and trying to deal with all of that alone. I'm a loving caring person, and wouldn't want to see someone that I was otherwise interested in hurting or depressed because "everything" seems to be going wrong in their life. One of my x's had problems finding work, and I was always trying to help keep him motivated, telling him if I heard about a job opening or if I came across something in the paper or online. For some people it helps having a motivator in their corner cheering them on, for other people its a distraction. So everyone is different.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 7:57:30 AM)
Rose, you misunderstand me. I would not begin a relationship with someone new. To me, that is what dating is. There isn't a commitment. I'm not going to start a new relationship beyond friendship and the support that is naturally a part of that - all those things you listed. They are part of friendships / relationships that are already established. I just don't want to create new relationships with someone who is basically dealing with a life crisis. It's similar to starting a dating relationship with someone who has just learned they have a serious illness, adopted a child, just got divorced, recently moved cross country or started a new job. In a few months, when things have settled down, that's different. But someone who is handling a life crisis? Not my thing. best, sunshine

Takeylarose -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 8:08:41 AM)
I completely understand that. I approach things differently. I want to help/encourage and be there. I might have to go more out of my way to make things work but that's ok with me. I'm not going to support them financially, I don't have the means for that, but a little encouragement goes a long way building love and loyality in the long run, IMO of course.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 8:35:39 AM)
Nope, It hasn't changed a thing for me. We never traveled or went anywhere much anyway, so not going anywhere isn't because of economy problems. Daddy makes enough money to live off of and splurge a little, as long as we budget and are careful, and with my income, "poor economy" doesn't hurt us . I might get involved with someone who was un employed, just depends on why they're un employed, what they're doing about it, and do they intend to get a job, some kind of job, doesn't matter what it is, or collect un employment, or do they expect me to support them, because while I make a modest amount of money, it's really only enough to support one person, if he expected me to pay his way too, then he's shit out of luck. It might be heartless to expect someone to be employed at a great job, pulling down tons of bucks before you['ll date them, but to have some kind of income source is not heartless no. There's plenty of ways to make money if traditional jobs that you'd desire are not hiring. And no, I'm not hinting at anything illegal, or dangerous, or degrading. quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I wondered if the economy has changed anything for those of us that are involved in d/s or bdsm relationships or are seeking. Would you consider getting involved with someone new if they were unemployed? Would you have some stipulations or conditions that an unemployed person would have to meet before you would be involved with them? If you wouldn’t consider someone that was unemployed, what would your reasons be? Is it heartless to expect someone to be employed with things the way they are? If you are unemployed, what are your thoughts on this? We know how most feel about the money and dominant/women thing, so lets try not to make this all about money. I am asking about matters of the heart, the economy and how people are dealing with the way things are with the economy as it is and seeking a partner of some type at this time.

Lockit -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 11:22:43 AM)
I too, would have to have conditions or would look for signs that would tell me about someone new. I have had to do so, especially in the last four or five years. There are some that are habitually unemployed or problematic, looking for a solution and then there are those that have fallen upon hard times. It can be difficult to determine in some situations and that is when a red flag goes up for me. If it is a clear cut, hard times have come about, I am all there and supportive even to the point of it costing me money. If it isn't clear cut... I am out very quickly. It was so bad with one that I spoke with that he begged me to save him. I didn't. lol I am no longer a financial catch so to speak and I cannot expect someone who is, even if I would. I have never looked at that aspect too much because it didn't matter to me how much a man had monetarily. I was looking at who he was. It went from there. Someone that can show they tried all they could and did the best they could and wanted the best is worthwhile to me. Someone who made poor choices, was lazy or wanted someone to take care of them, wasn't worthwhile to me. I have the same expectations of myself. I have a basic rule in this area. If you are working toward self improvement, I can support you, if not... you will need to find someone else to be understanding or in my mind... foolish. So if you would accept someone that is unemployed, how far would you go to assure that you weren't being misled? (lol I know, I am evil sometimes.)

Steponme73 -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 11:39:24 AM)
The economy sucks and everyone realizes it. If someone is truly trying to find work, then no problem. If they have been out of work for the past 10 years...that is something different.

Wickad -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 11:42:12 AM)
(fast reply) Where I live the supply of submissive men is really, really small. We have lots of do-me types but very few men who are interested in anything more than their own gratification. So, ... I was always open to 'dating' (more like interviewing) a guy who was able to prove he was not a do-me no matter his employment situation. This has not changed. Mind you, the economy in my area has not really changed either. I would hope that if things were tougher here I would have the same attitude but ... who knows. From an outsiders view I would tend to agree with sunshinemiss's take on things. If someone is 'busy' - no matter what that busy is - then they don't really have the time and energy that I would want in a new relationship. ... and frankly, they need to focus on the priorities in their life. Wickad

Voodali -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 12:06:02 PM)
As someone who is currently underemployed and reembarking on a lengthy education, and just barely squeaking by, I specify that I prefer an employed man, not because I fault anyone for being out of work right now, but for the simple reason that I cannot carry another person on what I'm making now. He doesn't have to be rich, he just has to be able to either support himself at his place or contribute approximately $300/month to my household (in theory, if it ever got that far). He could have the shittiest part-time job ever. I think what really matters is that he's trying. Sometimes, I confess, my situation makes me feel undateable. I have toyed with the idea of removing my profile many times, but then I remember I'm not the only one in this situation, and I do have something to offer, and so long as I am open about where I'm at, there might be a chance that something good could come into my life. The irony is that life could be easier with a partner bringing in even a small amount of income. (assuming he, himself didn't make my life difficult)

Lockit -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/28/2010 12:54:52 PM)
Voodali, I have read some of your journals when I happened across them and it was only a matter of time factors that I didn't email you and say something. Forgive me I am rather ill today and my thoughts pretty hard to formulate effectively, but I will try. I don't want to get too personal here and highlight you as that isn't my intention at all. I do understand what you're saying from a personal standpoint though. When my unknown illnesses and financial disaster destroyed my marriage, I still had hope that my illness could be dealt with and life could get back to what it once was. I remember the day I left the doctor's office with some diagnosis and walked on a beautiful spring day, digesting it all. I had already been ruined financially and I knew the chances were that I wouldn't be able to come out of it on my own or without help. For an independent woman, not used to being in this position, that was no easy thing to swallow. For about a year my friends said I was being unfair to men. My take was, I wasn't going to invite anyone to this party! It wasn't right or fair and I saw what it did to my husband. I continued to let him come back into my life trying to make it work for many reasons and it simply couldn't work because all trust had been broken. I wouldn't date anyone romantically. My friends all said I should give a man a choice and let him decide if he could handle my situation, which included three children that had been abandoned by their father. It was ugly! I realized I was trying to control things in my panic, that I could not control and I had to be fair not only to someone that wished to enter my life, but also to myself. I knew my worth in many area's and they didn't stop because I was poor or ill. I still had a great deal to offer, but it would take a special man to handle what I had going on and it still will. So far, I haven't found one that could actually be in my location which is limiting things, because I have found some wonderful men along the way. Please don't give up or in frustration or pain, think that you are not date-able. You are of worth no matter the circumstances, it just may be more difficult to find that special person that will fit. I know in my own life, I can handle most the expenses. I can't do all I want or need to do, but we make it and it isn't real uncomfortable. I do have a bit more than we need, just not enough for those major things that come up. It would be very reassuring to have someone with even just a few hundred dollars a month and the extra help I wouldn't have to pay so much for these days. lol It may be tempting to take a short cut here and there, but all in all... I think we know it isn't worth it because sooner or later, a short cut means a hardship and sometimes that hardship is in your face day and night and no matter the good... I find a book, movie, no hassles and my toys easier to deal with. lol

Highlandsub -> RE: Dating in a time of a poor economy (10/29/2010 6:17:52 AM)
There are some interesting responses here. I thought about it, and although I wouldn't exclude anyone if they didn't have a job It would make it a little more difficult to get further involved. There are several aspects too look at thought. Like someone said is it someone that is habitually unemployed? Is it something that happened recently and they are working on getting something, anything but just not successful yet? I don't think that It would stop me from dating someone, but it would definitely weigh in my mind if I wanted to go further than just a few dates. Sound a little selfish????? Maybe but I have dated the habitually unemployed and it sucks. I have also dated someone that lost her business and didn't have a job, but she would let nothing stop here when it came to making ends meet.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875