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Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 7:23:04 AM   
rose2willow


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/1/2010
Status: offline 		I have a wonderful Daddy/Dom. When we are together it is wonderful and the greatest experience of my life. He was my first BDSM experience. I am owned x 3 months. He makes me feel complete. In the beginning we talked many times daily and way into the early mornings. We only live 30 minutes apart but only see each other once every 2 weeks. I crave direction. I crave him. I am so lonely and I do not know what to do. I only hear from him when I text him or ask if I can call.When I mention this he tells me that I am his only sub reasuring me that everything is ok. Am I being bratty or unreasonable?  
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 7:52:51 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose2willow

Am I being bratty or unreasonable?  


Have you asked him? Have you discussed what you've written here with him? Really, no one can tell you if you're being "bratty" except for your partner and no one can tell you what you need from a relationship/dynamic but you.

Good luck.

(in reply to rose2willow)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 7:56:36 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		Feelings don't come with an On and Off switch, so right or wrong wouldn't matter.
It's not unusual to crave something or someone who makes you feel the joy you
are feeling...but the fact that you have come to a forum to ask a bunch of strangers
makes me think that perhaps he is becoming annoyed by your demands for his attention?
Are you interupting his work schedule..texting him at inappropriate times, 20 times a day?


< Message edited by poise -- 11/2/2010 7:58:00 AM >

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to rose2willow)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 8:00:51 AM   
rose2willow


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/1/2010
Status: offline 		No Mam, I text one time daily... at bedtime if I have not heard from him that day. :-( 

(in reply to poise)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 8:03:26 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		You aren't being unreasonable. You are telling him that things aren't working so well for you and he is putting you off. Is there a reason why you see him so rarely? Is he married or involved with others? If you want more than he is able to give you for whatever reason then perhaps this isn't the right relationship for  you. You could try telling him directly that you need more contact and see if he is willing to do that ...this is about getting both of your needs met after all. If things aren't working for you then you should let him know.

Maybe you are his only sub but he's got a vanilla relationship that he needs to tend to most of the time which is why it's cutting into your time with him now. Maybe he's changing his mind somewhat about doing this with you and that is why he's withdrawing. It's impossible to guess at really but it's clear that there is something going on if he lives that close to you and you see him so rarely. That's a huge red flag right there. See if you can't find out what's going on here. It certainly sounds as though he's got other responsibilities or he's have second thoughts.

(in reply to rose2willow)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 8:24:17 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose2willow

Am I being bratty or unreasonable?  


My experience based on a dynamic where my needs for attention were not met...

First sit down and seriously think about the level of attention you need in a relationship, not want but need in order to be happy in that relationship. Then make contact with him - once - and explain that you need to speak with him and ask when would be a good time. When you are able to talk to him, preferably face to face or over the phone, ask him if he feels you have been bratty so far. Regardless of his answer calmly explain your needs for attention and ask him how the both of you can make it work between you.

It could be e-mailing him a journal entry that he will comment on at the end of the day so it's waiting for you in the morning. It could be lots of short texts throughout the day. It could be a daily phone call during his break or every other day cam sessions or just anything as long as both of you are happy.

I hope it works out for you. I had to leave the situation I was in because he kept telling me he would pay more attention to me and I continued to never hear from him unless I texted/called him.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to rose2willow)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 8:31:20 AM   
curiouscuriouser


Posts: 55
Joined: 11/1/2010
Status: offline 		There's nothing unreasonable about wanting to be close to the person you love, but perhaps things like this should be taken into account before entering the relationship.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 8:44:44 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Aqua had some good pointers. I like writing emails when I have something important to say. That way I can be more emotionless and make sure to get in important points. Also, men tend to communicate better when things are short, to the point, and calm. I read a book that recommended that a woman not go over 3 sentences (per response, not for the entire exchange) when addressing a man if she wants him to concentrate and answer what she is talking about. Men's brains are different and process information differently from a woman, they are problem solvers and tend to shy away from emotion. You go over the 3 sentences and they are overwhelmed, it becomes white noise - I can see their eyes glaze over when this happens. They're not trying to be unresponsive or rude, they're just not hearing you after a certain point- it's too much.

Keep it to the point, be as factual as you can, and try to keep emotions to a minimum - things generally go better when I can accomplish this. Sometimes I can't but hey....no one is perfect.

I have also been in a relationship where I didn't get enough attention and the result was that I died a little each day. I felt so unvalued and desperate....it wasn't good for me. I'm in a relationship now where I get the things I need, the difference to me is earth-shattering. I'm a happy peaceful woman who doesn't feel like I'm constantly doing something wrong, or that I"m somehow unworthy of having someone show me that he cares for me. How I feel matters greatly to my man and he does his damndest to make me happy as I do to him.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 8:54:39 AM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		No, I do not feel it is wrong to feel that way. Honestly, to me, that starts getting it to the level of just being a booty call, which works well for some. But I want to experience more than that. I don't want to be collared within a matter of weeks, not even close, but I also am not interested in being just booty call material.

(in reply to rose2willow)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 9:38:16 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I always say that your feelings are not wrong; they are never wrong.

However, they may indicate that the person you are involved with may not have the same needs as yours, or care about your needs or be able to address them.

Communication is key and if you communicate enough and well, and the other person does not compromise or address your concerns, then you probably know what to do; deal with it or change the situation.

(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 9:54:49 AM   
TheRaptorJesus


Posts: 640
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		It's the best thing to ever happen to you because it's your first. Like any sort of relationship: romantic, sexual, or pseudo-sexual the odds are that it won't be your last.

Your needs aren't being met. Compromise is always necessary, so you'll have to see whether it hits the tipping point for you. If it does, you'll most likely rationalize for much longer than you should just because it's your "first" and the "best thing evar". If needs aren't being met, there will be better.

< Message edited by TheRaptorJesus -- 11/2/2010 9:55:09 AM >

_____________________________

What if your God... were a motherfucking DINOSAUR?!

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 10:01:22 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Amen to what TRJ and the others have said.

Your story is not unusual - I had a similar experience reasonably recently with a guy I really, really liked. He had home commitments that I understood, and he lived a couple of hours away. But he would happily go a week or two without contact, and only talk to me if I called him.

We discussed it calmly, he agreed that he would give me more attention, and that he would initiate contact. So I waited for him to call me.

That was in June. I STILL haven't heard from him, and have now moved on to better things.

It may hurt initially, but as TRJ said, he's your first, and not your last. Onwards and upwards!

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to TheRaptorJesus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 10:29:47 AM   
rose2willow


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/1/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you to each and every one... I appereciate you responses and needed them so much because I feel like I am in limbo. Sir and i do not have a contract so IF it comes to the point that I was to need to move on due to the reasons stated. How is that done? Do I simply explain to him? If he says that I can move forward... am I still alowed to do so? I am so sorry that I am so naive at this... I promise I am learning everyday.  Huggs

(in reply to myotherself)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 10:32:58 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose2willow

Thank you to each and every one... I appereciate you responses and needed them so much because I feel like I am in limbo. Sir and i do not have a contract so IF it comes to the point that I was to need to move on due to the reasons stated. How is that done? Do I simply explain to him? If he says that I can move forward... am I still alowed to do so? I am so sorry that I am so naive at this... I promise I am learning everyday.  Huggs


At the end of the day, you do what you want to do and what you need to do. The police are not going to enforce your D/s or M/s dynamic. Even if you had a contract, it won't stand up in a court. A locked and welded collar CAN be removed with enough time, patience and willing friends.

If you want to leave, you simply break-up with him. In my case, I called and explained that I didn't feel he had the time for two girls and that it bothered me that he was continuing to tell me he would make more time for but wasn't. He agreed that he probably didn't have the time and we hung up on the phone rather peaceably.

If he tells you that you have to stay but doesn't change his behavior, you have to decide what you are willing to deal with in your relationship. He can't force you to stay short of putting a gun to your head. If you decide to leave, how you do it is up to you. I do not beg for release or really give him a say in the matter because by the time it's gotten to that point, I have no submission towards him or desire to serve. I'm just not his anymore. Others, as always, do things differently.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/2/2010 10:37:41 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to rose2willow)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 10:56:49 AM   
TheRaptorJesus


Posts: 640
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		You leave if you want to leave. The rules are the same for a M, D, S, S, or A through Z. When you don't want the dynamic anymore you have no obligation to to him. 


_____________________________

What if your God... were a motherfucking DINOSAUR?!

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 11:48:33 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose2willow

Thank you to each and every one... I appereciate you responses and needed them so much because I feel like I am in limbo. Sir and i do not have a contract so IF it comes to the point that I was to need to move on due to the reasons stated. How is that done? Do I simply explain to him? If he says that I can move forward... am I still alowed to do so? I am so sorry that I am so naive at this... I promise I am learning everyday.  Huggs


I'm a fan of leaving on a good note if I can. I'd think things through like many posters have suggested and see how you feel. If you've approached him and you feel that this is as good as it's going to get and you want out then tell him you're very sorry it didn't work out and you wish him the best. Do whatever you think is best, there really are no hard rules. Ask for release if you want to go that route or explain your stance and walk away.

I've done it both ways. One man I was with I formally asked for release. If he hadn't granted it then I would have walked away anyway- honestly, what's he going to do with an unwilling partner? Others I simply informed that after spending time with each other we seemed to be a mismatch and I was sorry but it was time to move on.

Many times the other person will promise things to keep you there and maybe even do them for a while, but it peters out. I don't enjoy being pushed and pulled after I've made up my mind that things are over with, so I make it clear that I'm done. No booty calls, no tearful promises, no drama...that's just the way I do it, ymmv.

(in reply to rose2willow)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 12:40:19 PM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Greetings

No feeling is wrong, you can not help how you feel. However it sounds to me like you need to sit down with your Dom and talk with him, tell him what your issues are, that you want more attention and that you want more of his direction. Such things needs to be discussed in a relationship, you both need to get a clear image of what the other person want and expect from the relationship, and the sooner you have that talk the better.

I wish you well.


_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad


(in reply to rose2willow)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 12:56:20 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Ask him why in the beginning he couldn't wait to talk to you and now he doesn't care at all if he does. To me that's a problem. Why the change?
For what it's worth, this is one of those things that I need a high level of compatibility with. If I need a lot of time talking to him, and he's fine with a ten minute call once a week, then we aren't a good match.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to nephandi)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 1:59:38 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose2willow

Thank you to each and every one... I appereciate you responses and needed them so much because I feel like I am in limbo. Sir and i do not have a contract so IF it comes to the point that I was to need to move on due to the reasons stated. How is that done? Do I simply explain to him? If he says that I can move forward... am I still alowed to do so? I am so sorry that I am so naive at this... I promise I am learning everyday.  Huggs


Thirty minutes apart and you only get together every two weeks? And your only contact is when you initiate? Not exactly a dom leading by example, is it?

He's probably telling the truth when he says you're his only sub. The whole truth is in the fine print - his missus isn't a sub. You're getting played by a bullshitter; your instincts are telling you that.

And you "move on" like any relationship that's not meeting your needs. You don't owe him anything beyond "goodbye", and you sure as hell don't need his permission or "release". Lingering in limbo and grasping for what isn't there is far worse than an emotional clean break. He's a liar and time-waster; stop wasting yours.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to rose2willow)
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RE: Am I Wrong To Feel This Way? - 11/2/2010 3:25:28 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		I'd be careful with the judgments. Some people require a lot of alone time.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 20
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