RE: Not Poly, then no sub?

RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (Full Version)

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twicehappy -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 11:53:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: foxnotinsox I do not believe that this guy is a dominant .. perhaps has dominating tendencies, but not a dominant. A dominant is only created when they have their submissive partner to make them so.. otherwise, he is just a guy ... [heheh a guy with a puffed-up chest and an ego to match]. If he already has a partner (since he is poly-oriented, I am ASSuming so), then he is dominant to that partner. Nobody else. Now i am really confused, Dominant or submissive is simply what you are. I would have agreed with you if you had said he was not a Master because he owned neither sub nor slave, but even without those he is a dominant. So you are not a submissive because you are unowned? You are a dominant because that is your natural self. You are a Master when you own your counterpart.

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 4:16:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver This comes back to when is a sub not a sub issue. I think subs who want a monogamous relationship (which I respect is their right) are really looking for a relationship where they are equals and are playing out the role as sub. I think it is a perfectly legitimate and laudable aspiration. As for myself, I'm into kink purely for the hedonism and if a sub wanted me to be monogamous I would see it as her wanting to control me but I doubt anyone wanting a monogamous relationship would give me time of day so there really isn't an issue. It's all in the head at the end of the day. I'm not aware of any official BDSM council that writes up official definitions of when someone is something they claim to be or not. I just wanted to thank everyone for the great responses! And I am Not trying to control anyone!

feastie -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 5:25:23 PM)
He was trying to manipulate you, cuddleheart. It's ok to not be poly, or bi or whatever...but it's not ok to tell someone they're wrong, or not "real" because they aren't willing to try poly or bisexuality or whatever. I'm not poly, and I understand perfectly the reasons why I am not, and that it is not a healthy situation for me. ME...not anyone else, just me. I do admit though, to pointing out my exasperation with all the profiles of men wanting poly, poly, poly. It does make one wonder, eventually, how many might well be using dominance as an excuse to behave anyway one wishes with no consequence.

ScooterTrash -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 5:45:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50 I have had several Doms tell me over the last few weeks that if I don't want to live a poly lifestyle, then I'm not a true sub. I know that is not true. Are they trying to make me feel guilty? That's just ludicrous BS, I am poly and I would never expect anyone to feel pressured into it. You are either wired for it or you aren't and it's not something you can just DO because someone wants you too. It has nothing to do with you being submissive or not so just ignore anyone that tells you it has any bearing on your being submissive. It doesn't sound like they are trying to make you feel guilty, it sounds more like someone with a fantasy that doesn't even understand poly.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 7:14:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rapture2778 diversity is what makes the world go round...no one is "more submissive" for living poly and no one is "less submissive" for being monogamous. Above all we are ALL human, we all have different dersires, kinks, and needs...the trick is finding another who shares similiar core views...for some poly can be a wonderful experience, for others it can be emotionally destructive. Never forget that you are human, and just because you are a submissive doesn't mean that you have to comprimise your emotional self...if it appears someone is telling you something that doesn't "sit" well with you on a deep emotional level, chances are they are not the match for you....best of luck to you in finding what you are looking for! ...I agree with rapture here...couldnt of said it better myself..ach! who am I fooling wouldnt of said it as well...Tempting[&:]

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 7:18:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Reasonable Grins....And refusing to go along shoe shopping, while a sub tries on every pair in ten different stores is also abusive. There must be MONSTERS everywhere![:D] ...SHOES!!!....pant pant..must have more shoes!....wipes drool off...Tempting

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