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asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/3/2010 7:50:58 PM   
behavingbadly


Posts: 46
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		like doing something drastic with your hair. do you ask for their opinion? what if their opinion is that it wouldn't fit right and what if they're wrong and the change you planned would turn out great. should you not ask about changing your hair at all and once it's done they could tell their opinion about it or should you ask before hand? it's about coloring your hair.
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RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/3/2010 7:52:35 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I always ask Master first before I do anything with my hair even if it's just to have it trimmed. If he says no then I don't. If he says he wants me to do something else with it then I do it.

It's what He wants, not what I want.


(in reply to behavingbadly)
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RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/3/2010 8:27:03 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		I don't micro-manage in general but the girl's appearance is a BIG deal to me. She is to dress, groom and generally present herself to *MY* ideals of a feminine woman. And her hair (length, style, colour etc) absolutely falls within those parameters.

So yeah, if she's planning changes, she'll need my approval *before* hand - and "drastic" won't be getting it...!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/3/2010 9:09:32 PM   
pwnerandpwned


Posts: 83
Joined: 4/13/2010
Status: offline 		We just discussed this matter a couple minutes ago, actually, when she told me she'd made some changes to her hair. The conclusion was an expectation of very close to what Littlewonder says she currently does.

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 2:18:25 AM   
Inthewoods


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/5/2010
Status: offline 		If He owns me - all of me - then He owns my appearance too. So yes, I would ask.  But then, in a vanilla relationship I probably would seek my partner's opinion before making drastic changes, as after all - I want to be attractive to them.

(edited for spelling)


< Message edited by Inthewoods -- 11/4/2010 2:21:51 AM >

(in reply to pwnerandpwned)
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RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 2:31:05 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I just asked him yesterday if I could trim my hair.
I ask and wait for any approval or disapproval for any physical changes.

_____________________________



(in reply to behavingbadly)
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RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 2:57:05 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Greetings

Most people in vanilla relationships to would ask their parter about what they think about planned appearance changes. Like hey hubby I plan on gaining 200 pounds and get a 70 cm green mohawk, sounds good to you? Generally people care what their partners think about their appearance no matter what lifestyle you are in.

Now as for BDSM, it depends entirely upon the dynamics of the relationship in question on whatever or not the Dominant party have any right to decide anything about their sub's appearance or not. In some relationships, yes a sub would need to get their Dom's permission before doing anything with their appearance, in other relationships this is up to the sub.

I am a Gorean free woman, and I would ask my free Companion what he thinks of planned appearance changes before I did it and if he was against it I probably would not do it, though I am free so I can do it against his wishes if I really want to. But here is the rub, Aswad is my love, I want him to find me attractive, I do not want to change my hair or other parts of my appearance in ways he do not find attractive, not because he is a Dominant, but because I love him and I want him to think I am sexy.

I wish you well.


_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad


(in reply to behavingbadly)
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RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 4:19:26 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

like doing something drastic with your hair. do you ask for their opinion? what if their opinion is that it wouldn't fit right and what if they're wrong and the change you planned would turn out great. should you not ask about changing your hair at all and once it's done they could tell their opinion about it or should you ask before hand? it's about coloring your hair.


 There's no *should do's*.

If I KNEW that M's opinion on me colouring my hair in a drastic manner was negative, then I'm HIGHLY unlikely to go against it, even if *I* think it'd look great. I'd probably be disappointed for about 5 seconds.

I don't have any *rules*about my appearance and could dye my hair green tomorrow if I felt like it but like Nephandi, I rather like him looking across at me and liking what he sees.

Depends what your aim is and how great a weight your dom's opinion holds for you.
As a rule, minor things like changing my appearance temporarily (hair grows) really don't matter that much to us.

The only time it WOULD matter would be if it was done in an adversarial manner. For example..*I KNOW you don't like this , but I'm going to do it anyway because my opinion matters more than yours.*

I'd be much more likely to try out a wash in/wash out dye and see what we BOTH think about it......and both of us have a chuckle about it.

agirl








(in reply to behavingbadly)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 4:26:54 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We discuss things in general. If he had told me how much he absolutely adored my hair color, then of course I would discuss it with him before altering it. If he'd never mentioned it and I had a sudden whim to change it, I probably would.

But in general, people who are in relationships mention these things.
Me  "Oh, forgot to say, can't meet you for coffee tomorrow. I lucked out and got a cancellation at the beauty parlor".
Him: "Really, what are you planning to do to it? You do remember I like it long"

If your relationship doesn't even include talking about things, then focus first on that and later on the minutiae. Because the questions you ask are relationship ones. Some people like some things, others don't. The way to find out is to listen when your partner speaks. That's how you determine compatibility.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to agirl)
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RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 6:11:11 AM   
Ait


Posts: 30
Joined: 9/7/2010
Status: offline 		I would ask. In general he doesn't care that much, though he might have a problem if I went short again.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 7:38:39 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Ait, all I can think of while looking at your pic is that Labs are short haired!

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Ait)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 1:43:18 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		Ooookay....WTF happened to my post on this thread?  I guarantee it wasn't breaking any rules, it was a description of the dynamics I use for dictating grooming standards in my personal relationship.  So, wtf?  Bueller?  Mods?  Anybody? 

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 4:15:12 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		I'm fairly sure the OP posted much the same topic in 'Ask a Mistress' - maybe it's there?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 4:22:34 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		Ahh, the topic was crossposted and removed from the other forum.  Repost of my reply here, which was kindly sent back to me by an admin.

Uh.....you just flat out ask what her preferences are and what she feels the boundaries of your relationship are in relation to making decisions about your personal appearance.  Clear and honest communication will rarely do you wrong.

I have strong preferences for how both of my boys groom.  Neither of them would consider making any change without checking it with me first.  They know better than that, since I have clearly communicated my expectations.  I like how they look; I've directed and shaped it according to what I find attractive.  It is up to me and not them to decide on any changes.  They are welcome to make suggestions that they think would be attractive, but their opinion of what is attractive is not the important one, and they know it.  I do respect limits that the real world imposes in regards to professional appearance, so requirements of their workplace would be the only thing that could overrule me.  Even then I'd expect them to discuss it with me first. 

If either of mine made *any* unilateral changes to their personal appearance, altered their hair, etc, they would be in seriously deep doo-doo.  I don't often use a punishment dynamic because clear communication and the good faith desire to be pleasing is more effective, but this would be enough to earn them something that would not be the least bit fun for either them or me.  I value how they look, and if either of them changed it, they would be taking something that belongs to me without asking first.  That's a hard limit in our relationship dynamic, and I would make my displeasure at this transgression clear in a way that deterred it from ever happening again.  

I cannot speak for your owner.  This is how I personally feel.  She may not feel the same way.  But I sure as hell would suggest asking. 



_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 4:37:58 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Ahh, the topic was crossposted and removed from the other forum.  Repost of my reply here, which was kindly sent back to me by an admin.


Lol, that's where I'm a little more cynical and untrusting - paranoid, even.... Everything I've ever posted on the Net was composed on 'Notepad' and saved first (including c/p OP's and anyone I'm quoting).

PC's are handy and user friendly like that....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 5:32:04 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Since I use Internal Enslavement techniques and process for amira, she asks permission for everything. As far as her hair goes, it is very long and well taken care of. It will never be cut except for split ends, or it grows past the bottom of the cheeks of her ass.

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to behavingbadly)
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RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 6:27:19 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
I don't really ask because I know what he likes, he has a old school way about him, kind of ultra feminine super high heels, but with a masculine twist, like a women's fitted pinstripe suit and lingerie always, the only time I really ask is if we are meeting clients and I don't know if I need to be more conservative than usual, tone down the sex appeal.

As far as permanent changes, I damn well better ask, in the very beginning I cut my hair. He was livid. That won't be happening again. ;)

Hey it's pretty simple. It's a question. You ask, they answer. It's your choice to disobey, but I'd really think long and hard about it. I like to appeal to him, not piss him off by changing something about my appearance that he is attracted to.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/4/2010 10:09:43 PM   
switch2please


Posts: 494
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline 		I ask.
I don't have to in our dynamic (as other users posted, even in a vanilla dynamic it's not an uncommon query) but I like to have his opinion. The last time I got my hair cut was for a modeling shoot for a salon, we had no idea what they were going to do and it was very short but looked fantastic - until I had to style it myself...(not much tolerance for DIY hair, I prefer something low-maintenance.)
I'm growing mine out (shoulder-length now) and he's happy with that. I'm trying to cultivate a head of 40s film noir-style flowing locks, which will mean mastering a curling iron because my hair is naturally very straight. We're pretty blunt and if it doesn't look good, it's an open topic of conversation. Neither of us wants to be out in public with the other looking like a complete catastrophe, lol.

(in reply to Aynne88)
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RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/5/2010 12:24:08 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

do you ask for their opinion?


Our slaves don't ask for opinion, they ask for permission. The only things they don't ask permission for are for everyday tasks and whatnot (like going to the bathroom) when We aren't available.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to behavingbadly)
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RE: asking a mistress about changing your appearance - 11/5/2010 1:47:56 PM   
behavingbadly


Posts: 46
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		i think it'll turn out better that's why i don't want to ask in advance because i plan on trying it but it's only color i can dye it back the next day.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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