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RedBottomGirl26 -> RE: Knowing when ur finally ready??? (11/4/2010 12:58:15 AM)
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Yes, please do be careful. Many men out there, are only looking for "play"...and sadly they will probably not take you seriously, even though you seem beautiful to me, but I think alot of women on here, know the dangers of submitting to someone too early. It doesn't matter whether they are a male dominant or female. Doms... really have their own agenda (and maybe I'm biased here). One thing they love to do is get your hopes up, they want to build you up, so they can break you down (of course, that's not all of them, so I might be wrong). Just once, I wish I actually were. I've even met one or two, who were genuine and sincere about their dominance and my submission (most really have no clue how it works, and or will just fake it to appease you, which makes me really mad, is the faking or lying part).
But, even the one or two great guys I've met, seemed to be really confused about things. Either, they didn't know how to delegate their dominance well in order to hold you, or they didn't feel you were compatible for them (some of it might even be your fault, but you can bet that at least the first few times, you might not be winning as much as you'd like, well if I can call it winning, okay...having things turn out exactly how you thought they'd be). I do think both parties put a little too much expectation on the other, and that makes it hard to live up to stuff. I always leave room for error (as far as coming to grips w/ personality or opinion differences). Now, if you're clashing on the issue of safety and trust...just walk away. Now, I've been fortunate that if I said stop, most would stop, but there have been times, when I wasn't sure if it would stop, and that's when there's probably a problem. If you have any doubts, just don't feel bad about leaving, and do take a few extra precatious like telling someone where you'll be, and don't agree to meet anyone unless they can give you their address & at least phone number, if they are refusing any of that, then they are either married, or they have a different agenda.
Bottom line, is they need to get to know you as a person, outside of BDSM, because honestly...if things click and you actually do hit it off, you both will have to know how each other interact on a day to day basis, just engaging in kink alone, won't tell you if your compatible with someone on deeper levels, though it depends on what you want, if you only want a no-strings attached, or light to moderate dating, then of course maybe it doesn't matter to share some deep core beliefs or life stories, etc. But, it depends on just what you're looking for, if you truly are looking for a more permanent thing, if one or both of you are not willing to be very honest and communicate thoughts/feelings at every level, then eventually something is going to break down.
Not that I'm being negative, but even from well-meaning people, you can still get hurt once you make yourself vulnerable. Yes, that is a part of the lifestyle, but you have to do so knowing that unless you find the right person (if there is such a thing) that at anytime that other person can recant their thoughts/feelings for you, and you may have to pick up the pieces. All I'm really saying, is really get to know that person really well before ever meeting them, letters (phone, video, that doesn't mean hours at a time, but if they aren't willing to do one or all of those things, then they must be hiding something right?). Communication is the key. I would say trust as well, but don't trust blindly, don't do every little thing just because you want to please and serve, because not everyone will have your best interests at heart. It may look unattractive to seem paranoid or suspicious, but it also keeps you safe. The person who really wants to win you over, will try harder to win your trust and respect, and they will want to prove themselves to you. They will not run away when they are confronted with the truth (at least in theory, haven't really met a man who's able to handle it yet).
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