UmbraDomina
Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline
|
Wow................... I NEVER thought I would EVER say this, but dating a vanilla guy has changed the way I see things quite a bit.
OK, so let me start off with saying, I have not dated vanilla in years and years...... going back maybe 20+ years. After I discovered BDSM I was all about dating only kinky guys, and stuck with that idea for a large portion of my life. I mean really what on earth could a vanilla guy offer me? After all I am a big bad dominant woman, and sadist, I NEED a kinky guy in my life................. ok, maybe not so much. I have discovered it is a LOT easier to date a vanilla guy.
Let's compare...............
kinky guy dating............ he checks out my profile, writes me on fetlife or collarme, or where ever, we exchange emails over a short period of time, him telling me I am a goddess, and telling me all about his kinky desires. We met up at a munch or for coffee, or a light meal, he spends the date checking out my boots, telling me his fantasies, asking me questions about kink, parties, toys etc. We make a second date for a local play party. We attend play party, he stares at my outfit, trys to play good subbie and fetches me a drink or two, and quietly counts down until he might get some playtime with me. After all what the hell, I am a dominant woman so I MUST want to beat someones ass, and tease them till they are hot and bothered. I spend a hour or so going over things like limits, safe-words and their usage, and his health, and any safety concerns. He stumbles through my questions with a bored look on his face.We play, we talk, he walks me back to my car, he goes home writes a huge volume of a email explaining every moment of our date step by step, how he felt, how he thought he would feel, what his hopes, dreams and expectations are for our next playtime. I invite kinky guy over to my house, I greet him at the door, he looks slightly disappointed I am in jeans not leather, and that my house is decorated with Monet prints, not bondage-babes. I show him around, and offer him a drink, make a quick check of dinner, and sit down for some small talk. We eat dinner, he shovels the food down fast, because he is again counting down until playtime. I tell him he can help me clean up, he then does a half hearted attempt at cleaning up. We sit down in the living room, I am now a bit tired after all, I have cleaned my house to make a good impression, shopped for the ingredients for the meal, cooked, and of course done the girl thing and spent 2 hours getting ready. He then waits for me to make a move, and tell him to get naked and ready, and start pulling out toys. I sip my coffee, make a mental list of what toys I will be using, where they are, and what I will be doing. He waits, assuming I am just doing a mind-fuck on him, and he is already getting hot and bothered wondering what is coming next. I invite him into the bedroom, I again talk about safety, safe-words, comfort levels, he try's not to roll his eyes since he really just wants to get to the good stuff. I ask him to get naked, I pull out toys and cuffs, start to restrain him, he is looking at me with that" oh are you still going to wear that, not change into a leather thong and some 6 inch heels?" I blindfold him to do away with that. I spank him, I use the crop, and a few floggers, maybe a little CBT, starting off light since this is just the second time we have played, he enjoys himself, I get a bit warmed up(after all I am a sadist) I allow him to jerk off, I send him into the bathroom to clean himself up, I decide I am going to masturbate, because well hell I am a little hot and bothered, but it's a bit early in our friendship for me to have a sexual encounter with him. He comes out of the bathroom, sees me with eyes closed, smile on face, with mr.happy (my vibrator), he stands there not knowing what to do, shifting from foot to foot, until I am done. I clean up, get re-dressed, start to pick up toys and clean up, he gets dressed, says thank you mistress I had a great time, can't wait for next time, maybe next time you can rape my ass while I am gagged with your dirty panties. He leaves, I spend a good hour, cleaning toys, straighting up the house, and so on.
Vanilla guy dating........................... Your out and about one day, maybe at the auto-parts store pricing some new headlights, when you hear someone say, those are really good ones I have them in my truck, so you turn to see who's speaking, there stands a handsome smiling stranger, you smile back and make a little small talk, he introduces himself, you do the same, small talk and flirting on both sides, he asks you if you might be interested in dinner sometime, you say yes, you exchange numbers and go on your merry way. He then calls you up, you chat, laugh, talk about common interests, He asks you to dinner Friday night, you say yes. The next few days, you exchange texts, maybe a phone call.
Date night rolls around, you show up at the appointed restaurant, he is waiting there for you, greets you with a big smile and a hug, offers you his arm, and escorts you to the table. You make small talk, you flirt, you laugh, enjoy dinner, he tells you how he was nervous about speaking to you in the auto parts store but he is certainly glad he did. He walks you to your car, gives you a hug, while in his arms your eyes meet, and he goes in for the kiss, you melt a little then say good night, he asks you to call him when you get home just to make sure you arrive home safe. You go home, give him a call, exchange "wow what a great evening's" with each other, he says I would really like to see you again, you say great me too. You then mention you were planning on going hiking the next day with the puppy and invite him along, he says yes, you hang up, and relax for the evening. You show up the next day at the park, he is there waiting, you greet him with a hug, and a quick kiss, and introduce him to your dog, at which time he says" I hope you don't mind I brought him a cookie" and pulls a doggie cookie out of his pocket, you melt a little. Off into the woods you go, chatting and getting to know each other, sharing a bottle of water. After a couple hours in the woods, you emerge, he suggests getting a bite to eat, and invites you and the dog to go to a local hot-dog stand drive in. You eat, you laugh, you fend off the dog who wants the hot dog way more then you do. He drives you back to your car, exchange a hug and a kiss and go home. He calls you later tells you he had a great time, you say the same, he asks would you be interested in dinner and a movie tomorrow night at my place? You say sure. Next day you show up at his house, you notice it's pretty darn clean for a guy's place, you offer him the bottle of wine you have brought, he says oh nice, can I pour you a glass? He mentions how nice you look in your jeans, and tee shirt. You enjoy a glass of wine together making small talk, a knock at the door it's Chinese delivery ( he had already warned you he did not cook very well).
Both of you camp out in front of the TV (since he is a guy he has a massive flat screen TV with all the toys that go with it) Drink wine, eat Chinese food, watch a movie, a little cuddling, and smooching. You thank him for dinner and tell him, I have to get home, have to let the puppy out, he tells you he wishes you could stay and maybe next time you could bring the puppy along.
The biggest difference here is with the kinky guy, I have to work my butt off, I have to make all the decisions, and his main goal is to get played with, and he seems to suffer through the "dating" to get to it. Now don't get me wrong I know that the vanilla guy wants sex, but he also made the effort, took the time to impress ME, he actually wanted me to have a good time, and wanted me to be happy, not just himself.
I have not just dated one or two kinkyguys, but many, many over the years, no the dating was not step by step exactly as I wrote it, but damn close on many occasions. I called it my third date relationship, as most of the time it never got past the third date.
I enjoy the company of a bright, well rounded man, who doesn't just think about his kink, and who can think for himself. If I have to plan out what I want a man to do, cleaning cooking what ever, I might as well do it myself. I think that was what was one of the things that was so refreshing about vanilla guy, he actually took the reins, not in a "dominant, you will do as I say" kind of way, but in a hey let me do all the planning, and work you just relax and enjoy type of thing.
Oh yes, a big P.S to the end.......... Vanilla guy and I have now been dating for several months, he is fully aware of my kinky side, and accepts it. He has even ventured to a munch with me, and plans on attending a play party with me when we both have a saturday off together. We have a "kinda" D/s type of relationship, where I am the leader in our relationship. He has no desire for the S&M side of kink, but is perfectly ok with me playing with others to get my sadistic fix. He still impresses me, and try's to make my life easier and better, he still likes my dog, and yes, he did install those new headlights in my jeep. :)
_____________________________
Alexandra ~
~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~
|
A Revelation - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread