letting go

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KMsAngel -> letting go (11/7/2010 1:55:56 AM)
i'm moving again. 4th city, 3rd state in 5-6 years. i'm finding that each move it becomes easier to let go of the past, to pass on, recycle or just throw out the baggage - literal and figurative - of the past. some things i debate long and hard and dither about keeping. but in the end, most of it is going to be left in my wake. there are things that really hurt to let go initially, but i find it freeing to say goodbye after all. i'm culling the people in my life as well, the relationships that no longer fit, no longer bring good memories, the ones i clung to because they were there for so long, even if they were destructive. i've gotten to the point where i can even let my ex, the man i spent over 20 years with, slide into my slipstream as well. he will always be in my life, but the baggage i have left is down to mostly handbag size these days. sadness, elation, relief, a little nugget of anger and sadness. even a bit of trepidation at this next chapter in my life.... it's not easy, but then i suppose if it were easy i'll have become hardened to change. how are you handling past and present and future?

sunshinemiss -> RE: letting go (11/7/2010 3:36:45 AM)
Hey angel - I've done the "culling" thing, and I too find it a really freeing experience. I'm gonna think about your question a bit and get back to you. However, YAY you! (and I"m proud of you)

russmeister -> RE: letting go (11/7/2010 3:47:54 AM)
well i have left a wake as well I grew up in a military home and until 18 we were in 6 different countries and countless states. It can be painful,but with each move we gain knowledge in life an love. So HANG in There.and go for the Body [:D]

LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: letting go (11/7/2010 4:26:29 AM)
I began the true culling a few years back when I decided that if my things needed to live in boxes in the closets I didn't really need to own them. The first culling was 3 pick-up loads out to the dumpster. A friend was helping me & I would go through the boxes & find something, hold it up to show him, say "Isn't this cool??" He'd say "YEAH!!" And I'd say, "Garbage!" As I said goodbye to each thing, I would remember something about it. The next couple of years saw me downsizing more & more, putting things on Freecycle, giving them away to friends & strangers, until the final culling when I gave up my home in Oregon to live on the truck. Less than a month later, I was fired from the truckdriving job, leaving me at once homeless & unemployed. I left much of my stuff on the truck. I had stored a few very important things at my former Owner's, things like my Mother's dishes, my china that was very expensive to replace, some clothes, pictures, that sort of thing. When I decided to live in MD, I went to His Evilness' home & he packed nearly everything I own into my 4-door Kia Optima. There are times I get twinges of regret, when I miss some of my things, but those twinges come far less frequently with time. Except for the Christmas decorations. I had an entire closet full, floor to ceiling, wall to wall. I had no time to go through them to save the special ones, like the ones my daughter & I made or the ones that came from my Grandmother's home. I donated everything so that people who had none would finally have Christmas ornaments & other decorations. Even my train. LOL I feel so much lighter now. I have a few books instead of 3 bookcases full. When I need another book, I buy one, read it & pass it on. I may have 10 books that I will keep because they are special to me. I have a few summer clothes & a few winter clothes. I have the one tote in which I have everything I hold dear, such as things I got after my parents each died, the first tooth my daughter lost, the flower girl dress I wore when I was 5. But everything like that has to fit into the one tote. As Sunny said, it can be so freeing. Things weight us to the Earth. After time, they begin to own us instead of our owning them. Good luck with this next move. I understand all of those feelings. HUGGSSS

purepleasure -> RE: letting go (11/7/2010 5:22:53 AM)
Thank you both for posting this. It will make it much easier to let some particular possessions go. I'll take a photograph of the item, but pass the actual item on. Pictures will take up ALOT less space. Whoa... I just realized if I do this soon, I can actually park the car in the garage and still be able to open the doors.

dovie -> RE: letting go (11/7/2010 5:50:17 AM)
Something I wrote about the Gift of Goodbye...seems very appropriate for this thread. I’ve been thinking about this “Gift of Goodbye” concept ever since I saw Joel Osteen give a sermon on it. Saying goodbye to someone or something that no longer serves you is not bad for you. We tend to hesitate way past the point where we should have said “thank you for being a part of my life, I bless you and wish you well.” People come in and out of our lives for many different reasons. Some folks teach us, some folks learn from us. This is part of the life-cycle, life phases that we go through. The lessons we learn are always positive. The way in which you learned the lesson may have been negative, but any lesson learned is a good one. Learning what you don’t want is just as valuable as learning what you do want. Some of us continue to hold on to what we have outgrown, what we should have released eons ago. We do it because we are charitable, because we are kind, because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, because we want to keep that ace in the hole or in our back pocket. We do it because; they fuck good, eat good, suck good, have money, have a boat, play well with others, have connections, is a friend of a friend, is a relative, cause we feel obligated to, cause we feel unworthy of anything better. “Fornication Under the Consent of the King that!” We do this not realizing we are holding ourselves back from our best good. This includes people, places and relationships. We continue calling, writing, inviting, sharing with that someone we’ve outgrown. We allow ourselves to be disrespected, disgusted, disillusioned and devalued; all for the sake of a “relationship.” The “gift of goodbye” also applies to thoughts, beliefs, and things. What am I holding onto that no longer serves me? What frigging tape am I continuing to play over and over? Some of us have tapes that are really running on 75’s, betas, and 8 tracks. Damn! Metaphysically, 2 such “things” cannot occupy the same space…room must be made for there to be growth and expansion. There are people, places and things that are in my life for a season and a reason. I encourage everyone not to fret, get upset or angry if someone has said goodbye to you. The blessings swing both ways. If you no longer serve them, they no longer serve you. Your season with them is over and new experiences awaits you. “ For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up what has been planted; a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to throw away stones and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek and a time to lose; a time to keep and a time to throw away; a time to tear and a time to sew; a time to keep silence and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1 My Gift of Goodbye is my life as a plant: My pruning shears are sharp and pruning season started a few months ago. I’ve added some “Miracle-Gro.” (Spirituality, meditation, divine order and guidance, discernment, joy, strength and faith) In this way, I heal, flourish and grow. How's your plant that is your precious self doing these days? (rhetorical) Wherever I am, Spirit is and all is very well! dovie

littlewonder -> RE: letting go (11/7/2010 7:24:59 AM)
I've moved a lot in my life and will be moving again soon. I've never been a collector. I don't hold onto a lot of sentimental stuff and I'm pretty minimalist so it's always been relatively easy for me to let go and move on. I see most things as just that...things...clutter, stuff that's just going to take up space. I remind myself that there will be new memories, new things.

KMsAngel -> RE: letting go (11/7/2010 2:00:49 PM)
i'm a convert to the "reason and season" philosophy dovie. until recently, though, i've not applied it to the "things" in my home, but only to the people in my life. little wonder, i'm more of a pack rat by nature, i've always had to share "stuff" with my siblings, my spouse, my kids - so when i was alone, i realised it was all MINE. and then suddenly i didn't feel this urge to keep collecting :) pure. garages... they're supposed to be for CARS?? who knew?? linnea, i'm learning more and more how freeing less possessions are. i'm leaving quite a bit of my large pieces of furniture behind. i would leave more behind or sell it, but the kidlet i'm moving to be closer to (we're going to take the same uni course), wants some of those big ones, so when i move on from her, they'll also get left behind. the child i'm moving from (she told me "shoo") will be receiving as much furniture as she wants, as well. russ, i was a military wife. i actually got WORSE at collecting when someone else was paying for all those moves :) sunshine, to have you proud of me is a great gift. thank you. [:)] interestingly, the letters from the ex, from when we were dating and courting, i've been vetoed on burning. they would like me to pack them up, and leave them with them. this has been good in some ways, i'd forgotten how much he loved and adored me way back when. my memories were all about the bad stuff. by listening to the kids, i've regained some of those good memories and that has made it easier to let him go even more.

PeanutTigerinBox -> RE: letting go (11/7/2010 2:16:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I've moved a lot in my life and will be moving again soon. I've never been a collector. I don't hold onto a lot of sentimental stuff and I'm pretty minimalist so it's always been relatively easy for me to let go and move on. I see most things as just that...things...clutter, stuff that's just going to take up space. I remind myself that there will be new memories, new things. that one... I moved often in the last 13 years including within 3 different countries and am likely to enter a fourth country within the next 3 years...I don't cling onto stuff too much, e.g. when most of uni was done I made sure to sell most of my books before my recent move as I had no desire to carry them with me...still have a few more to sell as I found and will do so soon, because whilst some of them I could actually read by now as I have the time now at last, I won't do it anyway....time for a sweep with uni being over next month and get my life back for pleasure and work alone...without uni stuff [:)] In a previous dating encounter, if we would have clicked, I would have taken with me most of my furniture and there are three pieces I aim to keep for the very long run in my life...however, depending how my situation is once I leave that isle I also can and will let it go if I consider that to be the better choice by then. Maybe I learned from my mother not to cling too much on stuff as she is quite a squirrel with still hording awful bedding she used before I was even born [:'(][:'(][:'(] Not that she would use it but she just keeps EVERYTHING and would I love it to get my hands onto her stuff to declutter it... Friendships over here I developed many but since I am diagnosed with my fms I learned to stop bothering too much about others...therefore when I realise that some folks are mainly interested in trying to take advantage or not there when you are in a situation that you actually need them...then I am gone...have done that four times binnen last 12-18 months... I simply learned I only have one life and I don't support folks who just want a joyride, so either we develop a good and strong friendship or not and if not then I prefer not to waste each others time as I am not interested in superficial friendships.... Mr. A in the past blamed me to see things black and white in that respect but thats ok...I don't have an issue with that [:)] That also applies to home as I barely go home anymore since my grandparents passed on...I went home once last year but only to see my nephew who was 11 months old by then, didn't go home this year and only go home next yead as my mother turns 60....so I am currently pretty free and independent in regards to family luggage and thats quite cool for me [:)] Also due to my diagnosis I learned more to say NO and to be happy with it. Since a friend had a stroke (in which time I helped her) she tried a few times to meet me once she got home but I did not manage to visit her either due to uni stress or work stress and I had to set priorities that not to meet her to study or to work was more important in my final year as after all she won't pay my bills if I don't earn enough, nor can she fix it if I screw up uni...so I am a happy no- sayer as I needed and still need to cut my stresslevel down... in regards to future I make sure over here to plan ahead what I want to be doing binnen the next few years with my life...as I have no desire just to live into the day and then realise in 10-15 years time that I am still here...I know someone from another country who lives like that over here and I feel he is losing track a lot and would be better to go home to get his life back on track there (due to conversations with him and due to knowing about his years spent over here)...he doesn't go and thats ok, after all it is his life but I know that I don't want to risk to stay here longer than absolutely necessary and keep my focus on making my exit here (in this country) between next year and 2013.

Wolf2Bear -> RE: letting go (11/7/2010 3:21:59 PM)
As one who's entire life was living a few years in one place and then packing and moving to another location, I can so relate to what you are going through. I had a parent who transferred every 4-5 years due to work thus my childhood was one of not being rooted in one place so when I left home; I continued to move quite frequently as that was all I ever knew. It is tough packing up and taking a giant step to move to another location and starting over placing roots down. I have had more than my share of sorting through material possessions deciding what is worth keeping and what no longer had an emotional hold over me. What I found was many of the things we hold onto for far too long is the sense of comfort we'd get even if those memories aren't the most pleasant. Time has a funny thing which will either have use recall mostly the good and happy feelings or over exaggerate the bad memories we hold. We do have to cull through things we amass through the years and yes...that also includes people whom we no longer feel any kinship to. It is sad and unfortunate yet I see this as a process of our own growth and reaching new and different plateaus in life. The emotional pain does ease over time and from having to go throught his process more than once. I had to learn over the years to harden myself from falling into a situation of being stuck in a past which I do not want to always relive. Even after 50 years, I still have a few possessions from childhood that still hold special meaning and those I will not let go. I had to teach myself to be ruthless and cold hearted when culling material items; if I don't think I will use that item in the next 2-3 years then it is either donated to charity or tossed in the dump. The past has to stay in the past, the present is what is most important and the future is one huge unknown which compels me to explore and experience. Our past is the fire which mould who we are now, it also shows we have an inner core of strength that will get us through the pain, misery and the excitement that is thrust in our faces. Angelkins, you are much more stronger than you may realize and you instinctively know what is best for you. You know who are the people that are beneficial to your growth as a person and the people who are toxic. Be well.

KMsAngel -> RE: letting go (11/7/2010 5:03:22 PM)
thank you bear. i do know what is best for me. my problem is allowing my emotional side to overwhelm that practical and knowing side. that, and fear of the unknown come into play more often than i am happy with. i've discovered though, if i KNOW it's the right thing to do, i say it out to the universe and those people i know will hold me accountable. tough self-love, lol [:D]

SorceressJ -> RE: letting go (11/7/2010 5:08:45 PM)
Wow. MAJORLY deep postings here. LOVES it

KMsAngel -> RE: letting go (11/7/2010 5:12:21 PM)
[sm=flowers.gif] just as an aside, one of the chat programs i'm on has as my "away" message, "i'm not zoning, i'm zenning"[;)]

KMsAngel -> RE: letting go (11/11/2010 3:14:52 AM)
just because this has slipped to the 3rd page, i shall start the evilness rolling. it's now 44 days till christmas!! [:D]

LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: letting go (11/11/2010 6:25:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KMsAngel just because this has slipped to the 3rd page, i shall start the evilness rolling. it's now 44 days till christmas!! [:D] But that's Australian Christmas, right?? [8D]

Daddysredhead -> RE: letting go (11/11/2010 6:59:21 AM)
This is a timely subject for me. I grew up with a mother who loved collecting things that held some special memory for her. She also grew up during the Great Depression and often went without, so letting go of anything was very difficult for her. My father grew up at the same time, but has no real attachment to things like that at all. My mom wouldn't get rid of much of anything, or let any of us get rid of it. When I moved my parents into a great big house with my then husband and two kids, I was stunned at how much crap they had in their basement and wished that she would let it go. My father begged her to please let it just go, but she kept a death-grip on it. When she ended up having the last stroke, she had to live in a facility because it left her paralyzed for the most part. I started going through part of her stuff, but it was hard due to the quantity. She passed away a year later, and I had to sell the great big house because I was going through my divorce. All that stuff went into a huge storage facility because there wasn't time to weed through the more than 220 boxes and find the valuable stuff that couldn't be replaced. I avoided that storage unit for a long time. Every time I opened the door, it left me so overwhelmed that I could barely breathe. I would cry and twice had a full blown panic attack. Then one day, I decided that I was simply going to have to get rid of it because the expense of the unit was insane. It took more than a month to go through it, but with the help of my Dad, my ex, and DB, we got the thing cleaned out. Sooooo much stuf was donated to charity, some was given to my siblings. Now, I have a fraction of what I had before. I'm still weeding through because I prefer a minimalist existence if possible. I would never want to put my family through what I went through with my mom. It was horrible. I know that I have some boxes in a closet that I need to go through because I want to be able to confine my belongings to a set amount of space. Thing 2 is always willing to thin her stuff out. Thing 1 is very attached to items. I watch out for him so that he does not repeat the past that his grandmother did. I'm happier with fewer things actually. The pieces I have, have value. The other stuff... well it's just stuff and I find a lot of joy in donating it to someone else who may get some use from it. Best of luck in your journeys. Pack and move are four-letter words. I'm just trying to make sure that the next time I have to do it, it's easier than before.

PeanutTigerinBox -> RE: letting go (11/11/2010 7:08:15 AM)
when i binned my stuff as a kid my mum had the habbit to take it out of the bin again...to put it back in my room...following that i learned to bin stuff in the night before the bin van comes that it went to the trash for good and not moved back into my room again...

KMsAngel -> RE: letting go (11/11/2010 11:56:16 AM)
it is indeed an aussie christmas. lessee, that includes throwing prawns on the barbie - massive king prawns! it also includes shade and sunscreen, hot weather at the beach where the seagulls are trying to get into the beer and leftover salad, ham, etc. and wet, juicy mango's!!! mustn't forget them, i mean, you have to run into the surf to rinse off all the drippiness that's gone down to the elbows and across your face! watermelon too, that's pretty sticky in the hot sun. long afternoon naps after playing with the new surfboard or boogie board too. and did i forget the trifle and pavlova after leftovers for dinner when you come back from the beach? yeah, definitely an aussie christmas. i'll be thinking of y'all on my boxing day when you're tramping through the snow [;)]

LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: letting go (11/11/2010 12:22:28 PM)
Evil wench!!! I am getting ready to pack this house up & it's going to be hard, because most of the things are not mine. And he doesn't spend much time here, so getting him to settle down & go through things to decide what to pack may be somewhat difficult. I only have to repack the few things which I unpacked when I got here. Most of my things went into the garage still packed because we knew that we were moving this winter. I do have to switch out the few winter clothes with the few summer clothes. We share a room here & the hope is that we will have separate rooms after the move. I will miss sleeping with him, but I won't miss all the stuff in the room. I'm like Red, I can't deal with too much stuff. It just becomes chaotic for my brain. So I will enjoy having my own space where I can have the few special things I still own around me. The only piece of furniture I have is a magazine table that I've been carting around with me for the last 40 years. I insisted that it had to come with me in the Kia. I left behind a few other things in order to bring it. It is the only furniture I've ever had that meant a lot to me.

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