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CaringandReal -> RE: Been a slave for a couple of years now .... (11/8/2010 6:24:09 AM)
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I'm a little surprised you haven't brought this to him directly before now. An intelligent piece of property has a duty to keep her owner clearly appraised of the status of all operating systems, particularly hazardous states or warning conditions, which is what this situation strikes me as. It's not critical, yet, but it's heading in that direction. I know you don't want to bitch or appear ungrateful or like a bad slave. But you are neglecting primary duties here. Maybe he hasn't explicitly stated that you need to keep him appraised if any problems crop up, but that's often a given in a strong control relationship because without that information, the owner's control becomes much less. And those dominants with a tendency to own really don't like loss of control, generally speaking.
In addition to neglecting what I see as a primary duty of all slaves (communicating information crucial to the success and happiness of the relationship to one's owner), you're also taking on way too much responsibility for the success of the relationship. While I know you don't mean to do so, it's still a form of topping from the bottom. Bottom line is: you are unhappy and needy and, at this point, withholding information. It's his job to decide what, if anything, to do about this and then your job to acquiese to his decision. But he cannot make this sort of decision without adequate information that a stressful condition exists. That's where your responsibility comes in. Consider yourself a modern car with a dashboard that conveys dozens of pieces of information to the driver. At this time, you should have at least one yellow warning light, perhaps two, blinking where his eyes can see them at this time.
Some dominants are capable of seeing that their property is in need repair just by the sounds it makes under operation. But perceptiveness is a quality that varies from person to person, and, in one person, from time to time. Perhaps he's not paying close attention and is lulled by the false cues (no complaints) you've been given him thus far? Perhaps he's under other stress--that can cause someone to not look too closely if things seem to be running smoothly. Everyone makes mistakes or has lapses in understanding, particularly when other pressures are upon them, and when such a lapse of perception occurs in one's master (I'm convinced this happens to all slaves, sooner or later) it is the slave's job to contribute the needed information. This is what seems to be happening here: he has not, for whatever reason--it really doesn't matter why in this case, I don't think--been paying close attention. Masters should be able to rely upon slaves to be good factotums and to convey to them immediately any information that might affect their control, and to determine which information is crticial in this regard.
A few words about approach. You may already know this, but I'm not just writing to you when I write something like this. Tone is very important here. It's hard, when you start to tell someone about a pent-up frustration that was caused by them, to strike the right balance so that you (a) don't sink into blaming or guilt-tripping and (b) show him the respect that one's owner deserves. The longer the situation has been going on, the more pent-up you are, the harder it is to communicate something like this in the appropriate manner. That's why talking about these things early in the process, as soon as the first bad feelings start, is important. They're a lot less "loaded" at that point. But if you have been withholding information for a while, you're going to feel more frustrated as the situation has been going on too long, and so you need to take extra care with your approach. Here are the standard things:
Talk in terms of you, your emotions, your responses, not his being the cause of them. Not "You make me feel so bad, master," but "I feel sad and needy these days. I've been thinking about it a lot, and beleive it's because I badly miss your sadistic touch."
Try not to exaggerate. As you start to talk about it, your emotions will get stronger. You'll find yourself wanting to use very strong terms, perhaps even sarcasm, to describe your distraught state. Resist. Use milder descriptions, but (and this is crucial) at the same time do not underestimate the effect this has had on you. What I'm telling you to do is emotional tightrope walking, and it's hard, but there's always spot where you know, _you just know_, that you are falling off one side of the rope: exaggerating, going too far. Watch for that spot, and even if you've already started to topple off into hyperbole, pull back. Talk about you, your feelings, and leave it to him to make the connection with himself or his actions. Anybody's who's not a self-absorbed moron will be able to do this. You'll find that you justify such exaggeration to yourself. "My feelings are strong because this has been going on for so long, and naturally I need to express them strongly." Bullshit. People often don't have control over their feelings, many feelings just arise from nowhere, without warning, but we all have control over their expression, particularly toward someone we love and worship. So don't give in to the temptation to wallow in blaming someone else for your problems. Slaves are given more opportunties than most people to emotionally overindulge (sounds nicer than "wallow" doesn't it?) in this manner, often because their owners assume an extreme amount of responsibility naturally. A slave can really go overboard with the "I'm not responisble, he is" mindframe. You're not in control of what happens to you. That's a fact of slavery. But you can still assume responsibility for the ways you express yourself, and to some degree, your thoughts. Here's an example: nobody can order you not to think of a riding crop and expect that order to be obeyed instantly (well, Ok, a few of us may have minds that can do this, but we tend to pay quite a big price for this dubious talent). But the general point is that it's hard to control the direction of someone's inner thoughts with overt orders. Even if he's used some sophisticated indirect method to get you to not think of riding crops the great majority of time, as soon as he says "Do NOT think of a riding crop!" guess what image will be in your mind?
Resist the temptation to wallow, its' a dead end. But you still have to provide accurate information, and not understate the case or say, "oh this really isn't such a big deal" to him, because that is equally misleading. In some ways this is more misleading than overexaggeration because it might lead to him taking your words at face value, assuming you mean what you say and wouldn't lie through understatement, and lapsing back into complacency due to the false assurance you've given him that nothing is badly wrong. Concern for his feelings is very good, but it's equally important to give your owner accurate feedback on the situation so that he can make good decisions. It's harder to discern when you're falling off this other side of the narrow rope, becuase it feels rightous for a slave to deny herself for the sake of her owner's feelings. One way to tell that this is happening is by how he responds. If nothing changes and he gives you no reason for why nothing has changed, you've probably been overly subtle or too quick to undermine the actual serverity of the problem. Consider this: not providing complete disclosure on the actual severity of a problem is a form of control. Restricting access to essential information is always a form of control. Do you want to be controlling him in this way?
So... walk the communications tightrope. It's what good slaves do. Don't get discouraged if it takes several talks before some understanding is reached. It's a myth that everything gets solved in one good talk. Sometimes people need time and repetition to absorb new ideas, and the idea that you are feeling sexually deprived might be a brand new one to him. It just may not have occurred to him. Providing repetition where necessary without becoming a nag is another fine tightrope one learns to walk as a slave. :)
Finally, when explaining the negative parts of your situation, try, whenever possible, to couch them in positive terms. Something like... "I am so very needy and horny these days, I really wish you would mercilessly beat the living shit out of me and then fuck me so hard I scream--I fantasize about this constantly and I really need to be put in my place!" is a nice way to put things. :)
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