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RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/9/2010 5:28:27 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BbcSlutKc

u confuse a sub with a slave. they r very different


No they aren't. They both choose who to submit to, and it ain't the op. They both seek to be happy in their relationship and that means a high level of compatibility. They both want a healthy relationship which means finding a partner who has the same limits they do so they aren't forced to do things that are harmful to them.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to BbcSlutKc)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/9/2010 2:16:51 PM   
allnewtome


Posts: 73
Joined: 9/23/2010
Status: offline 		I'm guessing the real problem here is that the OP can't find a sub that would WANT him. Therefor we are not real subs. Maybe it is your faults you should look at. Then you "might" find someone that is compatible. Until then remain in your fantasy world. Just a shame you will be there alone

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/11/2010 8:38:16 AM   
SoulcatcherXXX


Posts: 20
Joined: 8/28/2004
Status: offline 		I've always sort of felt that subs do have the right to set boundaries and conditions, before they accept a collar. The fewer they set the better, of course, but it seems to me that the ability to do that is the main reason a person would choose to be a sub rather than a slave. It's possible for slaves to set a few conditions too, at times, but normally they have a lot fewer limits and are willing to go to places a sub may never want to go and may refuse to go. Almost everyone has a limit of some kind, and it isn't unreasonable to be honest about what those limits are. On the other hand, I've found that a person's real limits are almost never what they think they are...under the right conditions, people can do things they would never have done on their own and never imagined they would do at all. But if, for example, a girl has hard limits about mutilation and being forced to have sex with strangers, I see no point in not discussing those things openly rather than trying to pretend they aren't there and just hoping it never comes up. Just my opinion, which has been wrong many times before. =)

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/11/2010 10:02:59 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I have come to accept that there are numerous people in this world whose views do not agree with mine.  If it floats their boat, I don't criticize them for being different.

Simply misdirected. 



But we WILL point and laugh.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/11/2010 3:16:25 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fredllfixit

I read with a little amusement the writings of some submissives, both here and elesewhere. The number of conditions, the demands and the number of times the word "must" is used about a potential master.


Greeting fredllfixit,

In all truth I don't find the subjects mentioned amusing or ironic. The real tragedy is all that remains unspoken or purposely hidden by both individuals. It's impossible to get an accurate picture on either end unless each party is committed to presenting it. You envision mastery and slavery in a fashion that may be opposed to someone else's ideal, which is fine. What's more important is that you connect with someone that sees as you do or desires to move in that direction. Those that don't aren't less submissive or genuine, but simply ill suited for your tastes. Best of luck.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/11/2010 3:49:58 PM   
diaperslave101


Posts: 28
Joined: 6/19/2010
Status: offline 		I am seeking long term (permanent) captivity as a slave, therefore think it is reasonable to be allowed to ask a Dom or Master what His interests are, so we can both find out if we're compatible. Whilst I want to be enslaved, given that it is important to me that it be a one way no escape street for me when I do submit, I hope to be able to assess to the best of my ability that my Master/Owner will be the sort of Man I am looking for, and vice versa.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/11/2010 4:33:48 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline 		  The mistake you're making is to confuse a profile - which is fundamentally a filtering device - with personal interaction.

The fundamental problem any submissive has is to weed out those people who are fundamentally unsuitable, which is to say - most of them.

A little thought would do wonders for the clarity of your understanding.  It must be obvious - even to the most pedestrian intelligence - that many people who approach a sub will either have motivations which run counter to the sub's own true desires, or will present themselves as something they're not.

Were a sub fail to employ the profile as filter, they would run a gauntlet of disappointment, danger and delusion as they wasted time on dreamers, wannabes, predators and those seeking quick porn or kinky sex.

You seem to be completely unaware that submission occurs as an almost autonomous reaction when a sub is confronted with a dominant personality.  You also seem to have exceptionally low standards for what constitutes an acceptable submissive.  You want a dog without a sense of identity.  I prefer a fully functional individual who submits as a consequence of interacting with me - not because they're broken and have no choice.

(in reply to diaperslave101)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/11/2010 5:08:47 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		I disagree with almost all of what you wrote. But I do understand your basic complaint about submissive acting dominant.

Part of the problem is you are confusing fantasy with reality. Your description of what you think of as a "genuine" submissive reads more like a platonic ideal than an accurate description of ANY of the people I have played with, talked to, or even emailed.

For me the problem is not submissives acting having requirements. Instead it is submissives that choose to be VERY DOMNINANT IN THEIR ADS.

If you are a sub trying to attract a dominant, then:


  • You should NEVER USE ALL CAPS in your profile. While submissives are allowed to be angry or yell, someone, don't do it while trying to attract a dominant. No matter how mad you are about idiots that email you inappropriately, shouting at every single guy that looks at you is just foolish.
  • In fact, don't complain about anything, unless your kink is to be punished for being whiny. It is an ADVERTISEMENT - you use it show off your good traits, not your bad ones.
  • Especially don't complain about the fact that dominants CAN use all caps. Yeah, it is a double standard, but honestly, submissives have a lot of advantages that we don't get. It all evens out in the end.
  • If you don't like the quality of your responses, consider changing your ad. Too many people = remove the picture. Not enough people = add an attractive picture. Inappropriate people = be clearer and more specific about what you want. Appropriate responses but no one you like = drop/lossen the specifically shallow requirements (height/race/age/weight). You want the good doms then don't concentrate on things unrelated to being a good dom.



(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/11/2010 5:40:56 PM   
PeanutTigerinBox


Posts: 1624
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I had this discussion with The Man the other day, about real servants in a private home. I blame this drivel on the fact that most people today don't employ household staff. Those of us who grew up with them are much nicer to them than those who have just gotten the money to hire someone and assume they must treat them like dirt. Let me tell you, they'll stay just until they get a better job and leave without notice. As they should.

lol, thats what i did 7 years ago, left my live-in job with just leaving a note on my bedroom floor, stating "i'm not your slave" and got all my stuff to a friends house the night before, as my bosses were out to enjoy themselves as he went away business wise for two weeks the next day. I left at peak time of her horse sales when her guy wasnt there for 2 weeks and she was incredible busy...gosh did i enjoy that timing of exit as 4 young kids is a lot of work when you are busy and dumped by your nanny :o)
a while ago a fool on FL moaned at me in your manner,as i dare to have 3 demands...one of them is that i won't dump my cats for a dom...and quite frankly they have been in my life way before a potential him and certainly are stuck with me in my life...so if he has an issue with them, then its his issue not mine :o)


< Message edited by PeanutTigerinBox -- 11/11/2010 5:44:57 PM >

_____________________________

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aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/11/2010 8:03:29 PM   
HisManegirl


Posts: 113
Joined: 11/5/2010
From: East Coast
Status: offline 		So should a submissive's profile simply state: Submissive- First come First serve.  ??? I wouldn't be submissive to just anyone, there would have to be an emotional connection. Part of that connection would be a match on some levels of how I would accept to be treated. ,/1

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/11/2010 8:27:09 PM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline 		*sigh* Ok, once again for the Noob:
DNA does not lie, not even in one's own personal fantasy world.
Submissives/slaves are human beings. Get over any other misplaced delusion, because there is no other truth.
Each and every sub/slave, regardless of gender or other orientation, was born out of a mother, and has contained within them a brain, a heart, and many other parts, all of which hopefully are in good working order.
They were raised as human beings, educated as human beings, and hopefully loved as same.
They have thoughts, ideas, feelings, needs, and things that they're good at.
Only a stupid, selfish, pervacious and undeserving Dominant/Master/Mistress ignores or denies any of this.
A smart and compassionate one, who understands that kindness breeds devotion and excellence in service, gets to know the subject as stated above, and makes best use thereto, for both their sakes.

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‎Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. <93>)O(

(in reply to HisManegirl)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/11/2010 8:39:25 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BbcSlutKc

u confuse a sub with a slave. they r very different


Er, they are not as different as they are alike. In any case, both get to have some "musts" before they enter into a  relationship. And yes, they get to be personal and arbitrary.  For instance, I need people who can read. Who love books. Whose love of reading matches my own. This has nothing to do with dom/sub. It has to do with compatibility. If I can't talk to you about the recent book I read, you are useless to me, no matter what role you wish to fulfill in my life.

To the OP: The whole idea of a sub/slave as not having choice.....grow up and get off the internet. There is a whole brave, new world out there with real people. Seek them!


_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to BbcSlutKc)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/14/2010 7:49:22 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
quote:

ORIGINAL: BbcSlutKc
u confuse a sub with a slave. they r very different

No they aren't. They both choose who to submit to, and it ain't the op. They both seek to be happy in their relationship and that means a high level of compatibility. They both want a healthy relationship which means finding a partner who has the same limits they do so they aren't forced to do things that are harmful to them.

Agreed. More alike than different. As a matter of fact, some subs can be very slave-like for the right Dominant. Apparently, OP, that's not You and that's what You're whining about. lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: allnewtome
I'm guessing the real problem here is that the OP can't find a sub that would WANT him. Therefor we are not real subs. Maybe it is your faults you should look at. Then you "might" find someone that is compatible. Until then remain in your fantasy world. Just a shame you will be there alone

hahahahaha Agree here too.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/15/2010 4:14:51 AM   
Carouselambra


Posts: 99
Joined: 9/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Cool story, bro!
this.


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If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. -Thomas Szasz

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/16/2010 1:15:31 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Youve been watching way too much porn. 

(in reply to Carouselambra)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/16/2010 1:45:59 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		~FR~

Skipping everything, I just have to say that OF COURSE I have limits, boundaries, and demands going INTO a new relationship.  I had darn well better or I guess I may as well turn myself in to the pound and go home with whomever decides to take me.  I talked about it in another post where I said that if I do my homework and watch the company I'm keeping and allow the person that comes to own me arise from that good company, then I can say with fair certainty that this is a good person and can slowly let go of those original hard and fast dealbreakers.  With a good track record building my trust and earning my respect and devotion, it is funny how a person can go from squawking very loudly about all the no-no's that the person had better not do to basically some personal definition of no limits.  I don't need limits with him.  He respects me, cares what happens to me, and wants to protect me and guide me to better things in life.  Some things he could conceivable do would not sync with what he wants for me and what he wants me to come to believe about him.  Is it a limit that I feel the need to peck at him about?  Nope.  It is understood.  There are some limits that he keeps for me that I am more willing to do than he is.  My well being and the health of both of us and our relationship is foremost to him, however, and he sees those things as a detriment, so we don't do them.  It's that simple.  I think OP is expecting a girl to come out of the box that way and that is far less realistic than having a girl come to be that way due to his own effort and good faith.  Good relationships in the real world take work, OP.  Nothing changes that.  Not even being a master.

lovingpet


_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/16/2010 3:34:04 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		lovingpet, I'm wondering about your statement that with the right dominant you could get rid of the dealbreakers.
Because some of the ones I have are medical in nature and can't be eliminated. I can't be with a smoker because even exposure to third hand smoke gives me sinus infections. I can't do inverted suspension because it will trigger vertigo attacks. There are some things that cause panic attacks.

Most of my hard limits come under that category. The ones that don't, come under not breaking my moral code.

Now there are lots of other things that I wouldn't ever do with someone new, but that's not the same as never. Just not out of the box, as you say.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/16/2010 5:21:40 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisManegirl

So should a submissive's profile simply state: Submissive- First come First serve.  ???


Maybe an additional one like McDonald's - "True slave.  Over 4 million served".

Back on topic: OP, think of all the time the sub is saving you by telling you what areas you will have problems with later if you rush in without seeing if the two of you are compatible.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to HisManegirl)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/16/2010 5:47:56 PM   
WolfyMontgomery


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Back on topic: OP, think of all the time the sub is saving you by telling you what areas you will have problems with later if you rush in without seeing if the two of you are compatible.



But, DarkSteven, compatibility doesn't matter! Don't you know that already? The slave is just a pretty face and a body used for fucking, why would you want a slave with a brain, who could actually *gasp* think for herself?! OMG! The humanity! What if she ever thought that she didn't like you?




.....

Okay... I think I'm done being sarcastic now. I dunno if I did a very good job of it, and my teeth hurt from the effort of trying to be an ass. o.<

_____________________________

~Eleven

-A Wolf of a Different Color

Fear me and my Gleaming Metal Chompers of DOOM!
..........that means my braces. >_>

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Submissives -- really? - 11/16/2010 7:41:38 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		For the most part, those things would fall under activity/trust type issues.  I have also found, however, that I don't have to hold out my medical limitations as boundaries, limits, etc because he is not at all interested in breaking what he owns.  He is far more likely to be careful of those things than I am in all honesty.  I don't have to put a time limit on kneeling, for instance.  Usually, he won't even allow me to kneel because he knows it can really mess up my joints and he prefers for me to sit instead.  They are no less limitations (and I do deal with those as separate from limits as the term is used here), but it falls under the heading of duty of care to him, so I don't have to place it on some list somewhere.  With a new person, I would and be quite vocal about these things.  I didn't come out of the box this way with him either, but over time I have learned that some things just don't have to be points of contention.  He's got it covered.

lovingpet


_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 60
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