CaringandReal
Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DMFParadox
quote:
ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
I think you're describing a submissive woman who objectifies herself. To some degree (which varies with the woman), she sees herself more as a object for someone else's use and pleasure than as an acting participant with her own needs or desires.
...kind of... yes and no. I'm struggling to explain this, so bear with me.
There's no sense of not being an active participant with a girl like this. Her participation is in being present, attentive, and willing.
It's passive...ish. Partly because she's got the charisma to draw attention no matter what she does, so it's like she actively selects for the men who are dynamic, fearless, and have a sense of internal power, by being receptive to it and trying not to muddy the water by moving around too much.
When the 'prey' you're hunting moves much faster than you do, you don't try to catch up. You watch their movement and position yourself to be 'caught' by them. Consider this perspective, then consider yourself as a woman with this perspective, and you'll get part of the idea I've got in my mind of this phenomena.
Extend it by considering that you, as this hunter of fast prey, are identifying your prey by how fast they move. If they're unhealthy, they are sluggish and hesitant, and they'll make you sick if you catch them. If they're fast, they'll get to you first, as long as you don't move. If you reach out then your ability to determine healthy from sluggish becomes blurred and muddy.
A hunting analogy is poor, because it doesn't factor in how this dynamic works when you have to choose and re-evaluate the same partner over a length of time...
Dancing might work for that. Some women don't mind taking the lead. Some women prefer it. Some are dancers so good that they can make anyone else good; and because of this, to find a partner that challenges them, lifts them up and reminds them of why they love dancing, they must be passive, and allow that partner to show themselves. They then give that partner the lead and never try to take it back, just to see how long they can just dance in bliss, without worrying about what step to take next.
I think I see what you're saying. The hunting analogy was hard for me to understand, but the dancing one makes good sense. I understand that this is a thread about physical touch and you were talking about styles of in-person touch in these messages. But how do you see this principle working online, or does it even work online?
I prefer passivity, following someone's lead, it's what I feel most comfortable with in a relationship and within a relationship it works fine, but if I am passive online the "people I don't know" (a.k.a. prey? ugh, hate thinking of them that way!) who come to my profile are almost always "unhealthy" or unsuited for me. They were the sort that I could tell would stomp all over my feet if I danced with them. I think two were not. Out of thousands of eager yammering men claiming I just "had" to talk to them, I was "perfect" for them, we had all these interests in common, yadda yadda. Two. :/
Maybe the time for passivity comes only after a connection has been established.
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"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo
"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris
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RE: Masters, do you like it... - 
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