Upset over prefferences? (Full Version)

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Reasonable -> Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 12:46:07 PM)

This used to be a tough one for me- I'd see people I was attracted to, but that ruled me out by setting paramaters I didn't conform to.

Eventually I got "over Myself" by trying to see it thier way. And realized how awkward and painful it would be to have someone who I really didn't care for pressing themselves on me.

Ever had a problem with this-or had someone go ballistic over you rejecting them over it?

Sometimes no really does mean no-not "maybe".



BeachMystress -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 1:00:41 PM)


I understand people having preferences. Match it up to something in your life. Do you like broccoli but hate cabbage? Do you like action movies but want nothing to do with romantic comedy?

Personally, I am a BBW. I'm realistic and know I am not every one's preference. It doesn't hurt me, wound me or even make me angry. I have my own preferences. (funny think is, I just discussed this in my blog.) What disgusts me is when someone tries to hurt or wound with their preference. Be polite about having a preference and accept with grace when someone tells you that you're not their preference.  It isn't a personal slight. It isn't a fault in you or them you when you don't match their preference. It just means you aren't the people each other is seeking. Don't get mad, don't be offended. Just realize the incompatibility and move on.



Reasonable -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 1:05:35 PM)

Smiles and nods agrement



heartfeltsub -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 1:06:09 PM)

Yes it has happened to me, and when i have had to tell someone that i don't think that we are a match, it is very difficult for me anyhow because part of who i am is someone who wants to make others happy. It took some growth on my part to realize that i can't make everyone happy and if i said yes to something that i knew in my gut wouldn't work, it would end up making everyone unhappy (not what i wanted at all).

However to answer your original question, yes i have been called names and had my submissiveness questioned and generally exploded upon for telling someone that we weren't a match. It is distinctly unpleasant but i am not quite how to avoid it entirely except by not searching any more, and that is not an option.



Tikkiee -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 1:07:01 PM)

quote:

Ever had a problem with this-or had someone go ballistic over you rejecting them over it?

I had one tell me, after I had politly informed him that I was not interested in a sexual relationship with him, that he only felt sorry for me because of the fact that I was so skinny with no body to speak of [:D] 
There have been others who were not as nice as this gentleman was.
Then there are the ones who inform me that  I should not be here since I clearly state that I am neither slave nor submissive.
Not to mention the ones who accuse me of being a fake because I can't see myself with a 50 or 60 year old.
For the most part, I just smile, laugh about it with Chris, and go on my merry way.



Reasonable -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 1:07:57 PM)

Rewards seldom come without sacrifice.



Reasonable -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 1:09:27 PM)

But you'll make a wonderful match for a nice Top somehwere.
[;)]



heartfeltsub -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 1:11:51 PM)

Very true. i have also been on the receiving end of such a statement and understand it from the other perspective. i have in the past wondered if i had done something wrong, etc, that the other person didn't want me. However i came to realize that i can only be who i am, and if they like me, they like me and if not, oh well.



Reasonable -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 1:14:32 PM)

Never feel bad about not being someeone's perfect fantasy.

No one is.[;)]



juliaoceania -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 1:30:25 PM)

It is hard to be on the receiving end or the giving end of rejection, but when you are "single and looking", or at least "single and keeping an open mind" it happens. I do not mind being rejected personally, that means that I do not waste my energies on something that would not work out for whatever reason.

As far as set parameters go, I do not know what you mean specifically, but I think most of us have SOME at least. This is a "limits" of what we want in someone. For example I wouldnt want to be with a smoker or someone devoutly Catholic. There is nothing wrong with being either of these things, but that is how I feel. Someone may not want to go out with me because I am blonde, or too tall, or I am a masochist.

I think about it this way, be yourself, someone somewhere is going to like it. You do not need everyone to want you, just the right one (or "ones" if you are building a poly family...lol).



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 3:03:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress


I understand people having preferences.
Personally, I am a BBW. I'm realistic and know I am not every one's preference. It doesn't hurt me, wound me or even make me angry. I have my own preferences. (funny think is, I just discussed this in my blog.) What disgusts me is when someone tries to hurt or wound with their preference. Be polite about having a preference and accept with grace when someone tells you that you're not their preference.  It isn't a personal slight. It isn't a fault in you or them you when you don't match their preference. It just means you aren't the people each other is seeking. Don't get mad, don't be offended. Just realize the incompatibility and move on.
My sentiments exactly.   It has also been my experience.  I never approach someone who says he is seeking something I am not, but I do sometimes get approached by some, followed by hateful (I'm a Goddess one minute, and an unattractive b****) email for exercising my right to choose, which is little bit amusing.   M



twicehappy -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 3:04:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reasonable

Ever had a problem with this-or had someone go ballistic over you rejecting them over it?


Yes a few, some because when i asked my first question” do you ride" and they said no, they refused to understand why this was my number one criteria. I had one vehemently argue with me that had nothing to do with M/s, i agree it does not yet it is still a huge thing for me, and continue to email me to tell me a collar around my neck would fix that attitude. I ended up just blocking him. I did find my pair and we suit each other perfectly. So relax, there is someone for everyone out there. 



EbonyFtshGoddess -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 3:22:16 PM)

quote:

My sentiments exactly. It has also been my experience. I never approach someone who says he is seeking something I am not, but I do sometimes get approached by some, followed by hateful (I'm a Goddess one minute, and an unattractive b****) email for exercising my right to choose, which is little bit amusing. M


i get that ALL the time.. that's why i've just started ignoring emails from people whom are not a good match for me.. i used to reply with a polite decline then the next email back from them are always all fucked up.

i do feel bad ignoring the emails.. but it's either that or get called every bitch in the book for declining their offers.





Reasonable -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 3:43:31 PM)

You know, you may do the entire site a service by posting this sentiment back into the "why don't Dommes ever write me back,WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" threads in the mistress section.[;)]



bignipples2share -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 5:48:10 PM)

I still respond to emails, even if we don't match. I let them know that we aren't a match.  If they can't handle that I was polite enough to answer them and they choose to respond back with and ugly attitude, it doesn't really matter to me. It makes me laugh at them. It happens more often than not that they write back with attitude and name calling. There are the few that have thanked me for my time in answering them and those are the ones that I do it for. I would prefer the same treatment if I were being rejected.
The problem arises, at least for me, is if you're corresponding back and forth for awhile, then for whatever reason, you decide they are not the right person, it doesn't seem to matter how nice you are about it, 99% of them come completely unglued.  Scarey!!! I've even been threatened, because the person changed things on their profile, adding items to their love list that were on my hard limits (hard limits to me is, I'm not doing them, no way, no how) and I decided we weren't a match because that's what he now wanted. It's a good thing I didn't meet this man, who knows what would have happened if I had told him in person that we weren't a match for whatever reason, if he came this unglued online. Whew!!!!!
It does make me very leary of the next person who comes along and the chats are going great, are they gonna come unglued at some point? Hmmmm

________________________
ahhhh I see sounds



Reasonable -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 5:56:55 PM)

I've had the "unglued" thing happen to me as well. But in the long run I felt better. At least it stopped there. I really have let WAY to many emotionally immature, or downright unstable people get close to me-just to have some kink in my life.

Partners should make life better-not worse. And how that happens is entirely up to you. You get what you put up with.



losttreasure -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 5:57:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reasonable

Sometimes no really does mean no-not "maybe".


An often overlooked truth in life.  ;)



Phoenixandnika -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 6:01:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress


I understand people having preferences. Match it up to something in your life. Do you like broccoli but hate cabbage? Do you like action movies but want nothing to do with romantic comedy?

Personally, I am a BBW. I'm realistic and know I am not every one's preference. It doesn't hurt me, wound me or even make me angry. I have my own preferences. (funny think is, I just discussed this in my blog.) What disgusts me is when someone tries to hurt or wound with their preference. Be polite about having a preference and accept with grace when someone tells you that you're not their preference.  It isn't a personal slight. It isn't a fault in you or them you when you don't match their preference. It just means you aren't the people each other is seeking. Don't get mad, don't be offended. Just realize the incompatibility and move on.


I love how you said this.
 
I think all to often people think that by being mean, rude , or down right viscious to someone about what they persceive as a flaw that it helps that person change it.
 
I was watching a show awhile back and woman had gained some weight, her boyfriend started making oinking sounds when she came into the room or walked past. He used to call her fat and shamoo. It was horrid. He did this to "help" her loose the weight. This doesn't help. It doesn't motivate and not everyone who is BBW is that way because they eat junk, are lazy, or simply don't care.
 
As a BBW Switch I may not be perfect for everyone, but Phoenix thinks I am beautiful and perfect for him.
 
Nika{Phoenix}



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 7:29:34 PM)

Others preferences have never bothered me..as I should hope my preferences do not bother others..it is what it is..some preferences can be overlooked others cannot..I do not expect to have a perfect "fit"..just a close one will do..(grin)..tempting



MichMasochist -> RE: Upset over prefferences? (4/27/2006 7:29:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

quote:

Ever had a problem with this-or had someone go ballistic over you rejecting them over it?

I had one tell me, after I had politly informed him that I was not interested in a sexual relationship with him, that he only felt sorry for me because of the fact that I was so skinny with no body to speak of [:D] 
There have been others who were not as nice as this gentleman was.
Then there are the ones who inform me that  I should not be here since I clearly state that I am neither slave nor submissive.
Not to mention the ones who accuse me of being a fake because I can't see myself with a 50 or 60 year old.
For the most part, I just smile, laugh about it with Chris, and go on my merry way.


What?  you don't have a body?  Oh my god, there's simply no accounting for taste in some.    ;)



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