New sub seeks advise (Full Version)

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jjjkat -> New sub seeks advise (11/9/2010 6:01:52 PM)

In first meeting between respective sub(f) /dom (m) (not lifesstyle), would it make sense for dom to kiss sub.  In everthing I thought that this relationship would be, kissing never entered into my mind.  I didn't react well and now he probably thinks this 40+ year old women doesn't even know how to kiss. Am I looking at this wrong? 



poise -> RE: New sub seeks advise (11/9/2010 6:16:17 PM)

[sm=welcomewave.gif]
Im not sure I understand the scenario. You meet face to face for the first time
and he swoops in to kiss you and you punch him? say a safe word? run for the hills?
Maybe your initial reaction wasn't one either of you expected, but did it end the meeting?
You will have many different answers to this. What's important is how did he react to your reaction?



jjjkat -> RE: New sub seeks advise (11/9/2010 6:22:56 PM)

First time meeting, safe place (yes, I'm totallly that new) and he kissed me (after I walked round the park with my hands bound for an hour under my coat.)  His  reaction was that it was something that we need work on.  Basically, I'm over reacting yes? I'm basically giving you permission to violate me in the near future, but kissing me freaks me out?



poise -> RE: New sub seeks advise (11/9/2010 6:40:47 PM)

I dont know if you are over reacting....maybe you just don't like kissing?
Is it the act of kissing that freaks you out, or is it only because he is a
Dominant man that wants to kiss you that you find unappealing?
Maybe you have preconceived ideas that a Dominant man is supposed to be
rough and rugged, and kissing to you seems to ruin that appeal for you?

Edited to add: Since this is not really an introduction anymore, this thread may be
moved elsewhere soon, but will be available for others to comment (Sorry mods!)



CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: New sub seeks advise (11/9/2010 7:28:19 PM)

jjjkat, it was a first meetup. 
 
I'm on the other side of the kneel and often I am a bundle of nerves during a first meetup.  [;)]  I can't even eat something at a restaurant, lol.  You showed up and submitted to some mild public bondage...you are worried about what he thinks of you.  <grins and thinks this is cute>
 
quote:

I'm basically giving you permission to violate me in the near future, but kissing me freaks me out?

[:D]  Ok, I want to tell you this...I have seriously "violated" guys and enjoyed every minute of it, but it was surprising to find out that pain and rubber gloves and bondage do not freak them out as much as...being blindfolded does.  You are normal.  Each person has different hard and soft limits...and we all learn things unexpectedly while exploring. 
 
Sounds like this meetup gave you a lot to think about, and other than worrying if he thought you were a bad kisser...did you have fun???  How did it feel to have your hands bound?  Were you too nervous to get a buzz or have any wow moments?  <no need to answer, just think about it>
 
Btw, a vanilla kiss I had years ago...our first, long awaited kiss...lol...he caught me so completely by surprise that it was over before I registered that it was happening.  Sometimes the element of surprise is fun, but at other times it can cut down on the enjoyment.  Think things over and let him know how you feel, if you need more time or will simply freeze up if caught unprepared.  I wonder how it would have gone for you if he had tied up your hands and then told you he was going to kiss you sometime in the next hour or two.  <WEG>
 
As for the question of...have I kissed a sub?  The answer is no.  Not yet.  Though I felt amazing tenderness and adoration for each one, I wasn't in love and they were not in love with me.  I know it's a strange dividing line I have...but it's MY line that I choose not to cross.
 
My clothes have also stayed on, though I cannot say the same for the guys. [;)] 
 
What I'm saying is this...each of us have expectations and this is why I spend so much time talking with someone before scening.  Talk with him more, tell him how you feel.  Maybe you were expecting pain play and service...and he might be planning on having a sub who is also a girlfriend.
 
Welcome to CollarMe.  :)



DarkSteven -> RE: New sub seeks advise (11/10/2010 3:57:06 AM)

The kiss on a first "date" isn't so unusual.  But walking around with hands bound for an hour is.  Since it was a public place, you weren't in real danger.  But it still is moving very fast before the trust is there fully.



Takeylarose -> RE: New sub seeks advise (11/10/2010 6:15:58 AM)

I have to agree with DS here.. But good luck and welcome to the forums!



OohAahMrs -> RE: New sub seeks advise (11/11/2010 10:22:58 AM)

Well you could tie her up first and then back all kinds of feisty and ludicrous suggestions unless she cooperates!



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: New sub seeks advise (11/11/2010 6:02:35 PM)

Welcome to CM and the boards.  And what Steven said goes double for me.  Take you time, get to know him as a person, leave the bondage stuff for when you have more trust and can build on that.  Friendship is usually a good place to start. 



jjjkat -> RE: New sub seeks advise (11/12/2010 2:16:04 AM)

Thank you all for the comments.  I have a lot to think about.



BurntKitty -> RE: New sub seeks advise (11/12/2010 7:34:51 AM)

Was this a date, or a play date? 
Have I played on a first date?  Yes.  Was I fully comfortable, trusting, etc?  Yes.  First thing he did when we met was kiss me, deeply, yanking back my hair and consumed my soul.   It was the most intense 3 year relationship ever.  (Starting with the kiss.)

OP- let your body and brain and instinct guide you.  (Not necessarily in that order.)



russmeister -> RE: New sub seeks advise (11/17/2010 1:46:46 PM)

Well as a Southern Gent i think it was rather inappropriate unless you 2 connected. Now a spanking on a first date is different lmao. JK. I ran into the same scenario with a sub i have known for YEARS its really to long a story to type out here. But it was the same deal so much i thought you were she at first lol. And i told them BOTH i thought it was in appropriate. I mean he could have AT LEAST yanked you by your hair looked deep into your eyes and walked away w/o kissing you lol. But i kissed several on the first meat but it was ok i felt that they wanted it and they did, So no i stand with Steven on this one as well



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