Tips on serving

Tips on serving (Full Version)

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femdomlover72 -> Tips on serving (11/9/2010 8:15:18 PM)
Hello all, I am relatively new to being a slave, and I have the good fortune to be able to serve my Mistress as a live-in slave. At least on a part-time basis. Are there any general guidelines to follow as a live-in slave? I don't want to screw it up you know? I am looking for advice from more experienced slaves on the do's and don'ts of being a live-in slave. She has made it clear to me that her home is not a place that she will hold sessions, and that I should not expect that. She also told me that being a full time slave is more about serving that getting attention from your Mistress. I am okay with that, and that is kind of what I expected. I just want to avoid mistakes, and do everything right the first time(as much as I possibly can). Please help! Thanks.

CalifChick -> RE: Tips on serving (11/9/2010 8:23:58 PM)
Did you not serve her as a live-out slave before you became a live-in slave???? I'm a bit confused by your question... how could you not know what she likes? If you don't, then keep your eyes peeled and pay attention. Cali

DesFIP -> RE: Tips on serving (11/9/2010 8:29:02 PM)
You need to ask her if she prefers you do things on your own initiative or wait to be ordered. Some people like anticipatory service, others don't. Beyond that, take notes. Does she like two teaspoons of sugar in coffee or one and a half? Diet Coke with very little ice or lots? These are the kinds of things that matter most to people, that the coffee is just the way they like it, that the crusts are cut off the sandwich and they get two pickles with it. The little stuff adds up. I'm a little confused about her not playing with you in her home. So where do you play?

phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Tips on serving (11/10/2010 2:39:53 AM)
its her protocals you need to follow and you need to learn what she wants and when and to anticipaate so things are ready for her. its not somthign you can really get others to tell you as each master mistress want things slightly different.

femdomlover72 -> RE: Tips on serving (11/10/2010 4:45:01 AM)
Thanks for the replies! I am most definately going to be taking notes. CalifChick, I have served her for a couple of months as a live-out slave, and yes I know the types of kinks she is into if that is what you refer to. One thing that is so great is that we are both into almost all the same things as far as that goes. But to me it seems as if there are many more things to consider when you are serving 24/7 (or almost). It is great to get advice from more experienced slaves, and to hear about your experiences. I suppose it boils down to trial-and-error.To answer your question DesFIP, she has a separate dungeon that she likes to do her sessions in. I am going to see her tonight and for the next two days! I will ask her about using my initiative like you suggest.

leadership527 -> RE: Tips on serving (11/10/2010 9:52:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: femdomlover72 I suppose it boils down to trial-and-error. Sheez, I should certainly hope not. In my marriage, it boils down to me providing crisp, clear direction and her obeying. There's no element of "luck" involved and if I'm doing my job even remotely right, nobody is guessing.

Focus50 -> RE: Tips on serving (11/10/2010 10:18:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: femdomlover72 Hello all, I am relatively new to being a slave, and I have the good fortune to be able to serve my Mistress as a live-in slave. At least on a part-time basis. Are there any general guidelines to follow as a live-in slave? I don't want to screw it up you know? I am looking for advice from more experienced slaves on the do's and don'ts of being a live-in slave. She has made it clear to me that her home is not a place that she will hold sessions, and that I should not expect that. She also told me that being a full time slave is more about serving that getting attention from your Mistress. I am okay with that, and that is kind of what I expected. I just want to avoid mistakes, and do everything right the first time(as much as I possibly can). Please help! Thanks. Seems to me the easiest part of being a sub/slave is that the "role" boils down to doing as you're told. And the one you'd call 'Mistress' is the one to do the telling and laying down general guidelines etc. If a new sub comes into my life, I don't especially want her head full of what others (dom or sub) told her about perceived "do's' and 'don'ts'. It's loosely called "training" - and I do ALL of that. Oh, and the hardest part of being a sub/slave is that I couldn't do it...! Focus.

tazzygirl -> RE: Tips on serving (11/10/2010 10:37:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: femdomlover72 I suppose it boils down to trial-and-error. Sheez, I should certainly hope not. In my marriage, it boils down to me providing crisp, clear direction and her obeying. There's no element of "luck" involved and if I'm doing my job even remotely right, nobody is guessing. This in a nut shell!

DesFIP -> RE: Tips on serving (11/10/2010 4:10:29 PM)
I would ask her how she likes her morning coffee and if she wants it served in bed or not. Most dominants want it in the bedroom. The Man goes back to sleep dreaming that he's up and drinking it, so I wake him and tell him it's in the kitchen waiting. If I went by what most people want, he'd oversleep most days! I can promise you that she will appreciate you asking her about these things, taking the effort to learn how she likes things done. It's also faster than trial and error.

femdomlover72 -> RE: Tips on serving (11/10/2010 10:37:12 PM)
I never want to give the impression that I don't follow her every order explicitly. In fact I do, and I enjoy the hell out of it. The truth is she does not constantly order me around. I would not have a problem with that if she did, but I get the impression she expects me to anticipate her needs. I am certainly going to ask her first. You're right DesFIP, I am going to have to pay way more attention to everything she does and says. I want to get to know her completely. Someone else said I should focus on building a relationship more than anything else, and that makes sense too. Thanks for the feedback.

barelynangel -> RE: Tips on serving (11/11/2010 5:46:09 AM)
My suggestion is this -- realize now you are going to make mistakes and you aren't ever going to be perfect. Also, if she is a woman who understands the process of being owned and her owning, she knows this is a process -- one where she has to be the leader -- not you playing guessing games. It will all come together and before you realize it, you will blink and notice that you are serving her in the way that both of your needs are fed. To me, a live-in slave is more about the relationship evolving into a pair than your being a maid etc. While you will have your duties, she will have hers that's life in any relationship you are in. But i would suggest you not worry about serving and simply serve. She will correct you and advise you and when in doubt ask questions. The Goreans have a saying that many people misinterpret -- its "Curiosity is unbecoming a kajira." Many people take this to believe slaves shouldn't ask questions or inquire about things. What that quote really speaks to is that slaves shouldn't worry about what their owner plans for their future. On many levels it helps when a slave realize this alleviate the trying to second guess your owner or "get ahead of them." They are owners, they will be the ones who train you. While its good to ask questions, i wouldn't worry about making it "easier" for her in her training of you. She is of her own mind and has a plan, just because you may not be privy to it or maybe the specifics, it doesn't mean she hasn't been training you to serve her all along. Many owners enjoy training their slaves. You could be inadvertently taking away some of the training if you try too hard to figure it all out on your own. Slave training is a two person job, she has her part and you have yours. Sometimes new slaves are soo eager to just get it done, that they miss the wonder of the journey. My tip, take a deep breath and let it out and simply follow her lead, she will let you know what to do, how to do it etc. Be observant and don't concentrate so much so to speak. Slavery is not linear, its a journey with highs and lows, opps and yays, celebrations and disappointments. Its LIFE. There is a saying i say to many women who are becoming gorean slaves, and it may apply here --- Exhale, and be. angel

sunshinemiss -> RE: Tips on serving (11/11/2010 6:44:11 AM)
Hey Celeste - I'm the only person I know (that I know of) who likes coffee in the bedroom... but then I like coffee everywhere - ... in a house and with a mouse, with a fox or in a box, here or there or anywhere! best, sunshine

femdomlover72 -> RE: Tips on serving (11/11/2010 8:10:45 AM)
barelynangel that is exactly how I hope it is for us. Thanks for a great reply. I think you hit the nail on the head when you say "slaves shouldn't worry about what their owner plans for their future". I want her to like me, and even more than that if possible. Because of that, I feel like I am tripping over myself trying please her. This type of relationship is so new to me, and I believe I am just over-thinking the whole situation. It is so great being a slave to her, and I really do hope it lasts a long time.

anniezz338 -> RE: Tips on serving (11/11/2010 10:19:58 AM)
Lots of great points made on this one. What jumps out for me is anticipating needs..... paying attention, reading his energy, does he need hard, would he appreciate soft, just trying to feel what he may need. As far as the duties, like the coffee, meals, house duties, etc....I would just discuss and cover new ones as they come up. Edited : Hey yea, I made kinky status :D

IsaNova -> RE: Tips on serving (11/14/2010 11:17:08 PM)
Be mindful in all things of this: what would please thy Lady best. This was definitely my downfall when I was thrust into a live-in situation... just the actions of day-to-day living and difficulties thereof led me to forget that prime directive. If you are doing something, whether it is specifically to please her, a household chore, or even something done for your own sake, consider how to do it in a fashion that best makes her happy. Taking notes is good, I would go so far as to keep small parcels of pen and paper around the house so-that when you learn something, particularly the minutia, you have the chance to write it down quickly - and later copy it into a master journal. The other big piece of advice I would give is to communicate. Communicate communicate communicate. If there is something you don't understand, something you want to ask, something you are confused on... request her counsel in the matter. If she is busy or otherwise preoccupied, take note of it and ask her if you can address something with her later on. Do NOT make the mistake of presuming to know when not to bother her. Sometimes it is obvious... such as if she is with children or guests, but if she seems preoccupied, frustrated, etc... do not make the flaw of not-asking because she does not seem in the mood. If she is not in the mood to discuss it or answer a question, she will tell you. Simple as that. I would consider talking to her about some way to communicate between both of you that can handle the harder things. One good idea I heard of was to keep a notebook, one wherein both of you can write your difficult feelings, things you may be afraid to say to her, things that are frustrating you - so as not to let them bottle up and fester. A notebook you can write something and leave on her bed, and that she can write in and then leave on your bed, is to me an ingenious idea. Having such a journal kept in one prominent spot, a home for it so to speak where either of you can access it at anytime, is a good idea. Pick it up, write what you need, leave on her bed. She'll read it, write a response or an acknowledgment, and place it back in it's spot... and vice versa. If there are kids and the like mayhaps a locking journal would be a good idea, but keeping it where it is accessible rather than forgotten/difficult to get to is key, in my humble opinion. Be careful though. My last Mistress (whom I heard the idea from) and I tried to do the same in the form of an online journal/blog. It did not work out. I wrote in it when I was troubled and feeling hardship... but she only read it intermittently. It had the effect over time of being a place for me to rant and rave... particularly as I felt my words were not being read or noticed... and rather than being a place for frustrations to be laid to rest it became a place frustration festered and anger/annoyance on her part grew. If we had done so in a journal there would have been communication, and it might have solved the problems that lead to us separating rather harshly. I would further suggest that, when you set up/discuss such a journal with her, you both make the commitment to write a response, or at least a small acknowledgment, of what the other has written. This way neither party feels ignored, and you both know that what you wrote has been addressed... even if you or her do not have the wherewithal or desire to exactly respond at that time.

femdomlover72 -> RE: Tips on serving (11/17/2010 2:41:41 PM)
IsANova i wholeheartedly agree about communicating with her. Thanks for your advice. When I first met her I was so afraid of saying the wrong thing that i would keep feelings and questions to myself. I have since decided that if this relationship is to last I must be myself completely, and hold nothing back. So I tell her everything, even things i am afraid to say. She has suprised me with some of her responses. We have been using email in a similar manner to what you describe with journals. I don't get alot of replies, but i am pretty sure she reads them. To me it is a wonderful way of describing how i feel about her and letting her know what is going on in my head. i love the idea of having several pads around to write in. i have a digital recorder i use to take vocal notes, and i think i will use it for this purpose as well.

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