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breatheasone -> Asking (11/9/2010 8:18:01 PM)
i want to ask my Master for some play time(some HARD play time) i have asked before, and am worried about the appearance of nagging. i feel that wording is important, and timing as well. After over 3 years together i have that part down(timing and wording). i am wondering if other "D" types feel that asking more than once or twice is nagging?

fellowtraveler -> RE: Asking (11/9/2010 9:13:23 PM)
Great question. The answer, for me, is that it depends. Sometimes I can get wrapped up in life and can be a lot more insensitive to her actual emotional needs than I would like to admit. When that happens... and it does happen, then, no, it isn't nagging, although just for the sake of proprieties, she still gets a minor (usually pleasurable to her) punishment. On the other hand, if I see it as basic manipulation, then there is a problem to be dealt with. In your case (and I am in no position to speak for your dominant), if it were me, and you really had a need for some serious lifestyle intimacy (for want of a better term) I would kind of prefer that you DID mention it again. I would make it clear that it was appreciated, and would make the experience all the more memorable. Again though, thats just me... mileage will certainly vary (God I hate that expression).

breatheasone -> RE: Asking (11/9/2010 9:20:17 PM)
Thank you very much Fellowtraveler, i should mention that my Master is a "squeaky wheel gets the grease" kinda guy, and i am not very comfortable squeaking. i am afraid that my discomfort with vocalizing, may color my ability to judge if i'm being a nag or not.

GreedyTop -> RE: Asking (11/9/2010 9:36:11 PM)
BREATHES!! tacklehug

Kana -> RE: Asking (11/9/2010 9:51:04 PM)
She can ask away all she wants, just understand that the answer is all mine. Frankly, I don't think I'd ever get this request, she knows better-it would fall under the "Be very very careful what you pray for, it may just come true," category

breatheasone -> RE: Asking (11/9/2010 9:54:02 PM)
GREEDY! OMGosh! How are you? Wonderful as always i suspect ; } Kana, Absolutely the decision is His, i understand that completely. And trust me Sir, i know exactly what i'm asking for ; }

GreedyTop -> RE: Asking (11/9/2010 10:00:11 PM)
I'm good, darlin.. It's fantastic to see you again!

phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Asking (11/10/2010 2:35:44 AM)
if i ask more than once i had better have a very good reason to ask a second time or i am almost certainly going to get a no and a delay for the next play. also my master also believes in the "Be very very careful what you pray for, it may just come true," category so do ahve to be very careful how i word things at times

DesFIP -> RE: Asking (11/10/2010 4:46:32 AM)
How long ago did you ask? If it was one hour ago, then it's way too soon. If it's six weeks, then you're past due bringing the subject up again. But I wouldn't just ask. I would sit him down and explain why I'm in such need. Because there's a huge difference between needing a cathartic release and just wanting it but not needing it. He needs to know where you are in order to see how important it is to put into his schedule.

agirl -> RE: Asking (11/10/2010 4:54:03 AM)
It certainly wouldn't be seen as nagging here and M would be only too happy to oblige. If I want something, he's always been all ears, he really wants to know these things. If I didn't mention it he'd think I was a silly moo. We're very easy going and the only time I can imagine him getting irritated would be if I went on and on and on and on about something that he'd already stated was NOT going to happen. That would simply be petulant and annoying. agirl

LadyPact -> RE: Asking (11/10/2010 5:09:55 AM)
Wow! It's been some time since you posted. Welcome back. I hope you and your Master are well. There's not a lot that I actually consider nagging. It's just not a term that I associate with requests made in a respectful way. Like Kana, I'm pretty firm in the decision belonging to Me. I can, and have said no to such a request in the past. That doesn't mean come and ask Me again five minutes later. I'd expect the second request to be reasonably timed according to circumstances. For example, if the request was made on Tuesday and I'm having the work week from hell, the next request should take that into consideration. Point being, I think it's appropriate to look at the circumstances of a person's life and make requests accordingly.

RavenMuse -> RE: Asking (11/10/2010 5:32:28 AM)
Why are you here trying to work out what HE would consider nagging? Request when it seems appropriate, if He has a problem with the frequency then HE will deal with it, in that way you will find where His lines are. Doesn't matter where Ours are, He Owns you, We don't

fellowtraveler -> RE: Asking (11/10/2010 5:34:12 AM)
Then by all means, squeak away. I kind of get the sense that he will actually kind of appreciate that you communicated your need to him. Sure, he may punish you for "nagging", but nagging is probably the least horrendous form of manipulation out there. Sometimes life just gets too damned dry and we need a good storm to come along and wash everything clean. Go get some grease.

fellowtraveler -> RE: Asking (11/10/2010 5:40:37 AM)
Oh, by the way, I agree completely with "agirl". Nagging is not a quietly voiced reminder.... actually I appreciate a reminder about things (okay, lets be honest, with my memory, a reminder is a necessity at times). Nagging is when you try to manipulate someone into doing something they clearly do not want to do.... or into not doing something they clearly want to do. It is a manipulation. Stating that you have a need for intimacy and reminding him of it later on is not nagging..... it is communication. Now if he said he wasn't going to do it for some reason and then you kept voicing it.... thats nagging.

breatheasone -> RE: Asking (11/10/2010 5:50:32 AM)
LMAO RavenMuse! You did NOT disappoint! i KNEW someone would say "why are you asking us?? Ask your master" Geez...For the record* i realize none of you are my Master...nor can any of you speak for my Master. Was SIMPLY asking for input from others...NOT for you all to turn mind reader and tell me what my Master was thinking . (just for the record)

DesFIP -> RE: Asking (11/10/2010 4:04:03 PM)
You also may want to ask him his definition of nagging, to avoid worrying about this again.

Zevar -> RE: Asking (11/10/2010 4:17:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone i want to ask my Master for some play time(some HARD play time) i have asked before, and am worried about the appearance of nagging. i feel that wording is important, and timing as well. After over 3 years together i have that part down(timing and wording). i am wondering if other "D" types feel that asking more than once or twice is nagging? No one knows what is right for you. Input can be helpful. Yet, what another defines as nagging or bothersome might not be defined as the same for others. Ultimately you must trust your heart and risk by way of doing what you know to be right in relation to your relationship. Therefore as you noted and clearly understand, ASK the man whom you serve and call, Master. Perfect starting point I would say, aye! Take care!

crazyml -> RE: Asking (11/11/2010 7:52:01 AM)
Ello! Personally, I'm very nag friendly. I've had to become so because my intense absent mindedness leads people to (rightly) remind me of things.

SoulcatcherXXX -> RE: Asking (11/11/2010 8:07:16 AM)
If you're saying you've asked once or twice in three years, I can hardly imagine how it would be considered nagging to gently ask again. Sometimes people forget and need to be reminded. Also, if hard playtime is one of your needs, I would think you should have made that clear early on, before taking a collar, so he would already know about this. If his answer is no and you just want to keep asking anyway, hoping he will change his mind...that's different and not recommended--you agreed to live with his decisions, so live with them. If you want something badly, sometimes it's helpful to put a little sugar on top of your request--we may say that never works on us, but it actually works quite often in the real world and it makes it more likely that you'll be happy at the end of the day. One thing I tell slaves is that they will never get anything they want until they've given me what I want--and even then, it's not a guarantee...but at least it's a possibility. A happy Master is much more likely to be a Master that wants to keep you happy too. That's just my take on it.

agirl -> RE: Asking (11/11/2010 8:27:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml Ello! Personally, I'm very nag friendly. I've had to become so because my intense absent mindedness leads people to (rightly) remind me of things. Nice and easy-going way to be. No stress. I KNOW when I'm nagging.......and I KNOW when I'm just bringing up something that seems to have been overlooked (for whatever reason). If I mention something and he gets irritated, I certainly don't assume I've nagged, just because he was short with me. If M isn't going to/doesnt want to/is too busy to do something ...he is clear and pragmatic about it....* Not now, but on Thursday, when I have more time* etc He doesn't leave me in a place where I'm uncertain about things like that and I don't do that to him, either. It's time consuming and very dull to be left wondering, hence the pragmatic approach. It just keeps things simple and pleasant. And we're all for that. agirl

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