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What am I doing wrong? - 11/13/2010 9:34:50 PM

socalSLAVE86

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline

I've been interested in BDSM and submission for as long as I can remember. To me, it's not just a fetish, but a personality trait. That's not to say I'm just a doormat, or a mindless slave, but I would undoubtedly describe myself as a submissive.

I've been a member of this site for quite a while, and I've been a member of several other similar sites as well. And I honestly have not had any luck in meeting a true Domme. I'm sure my lack of training is of no aid in my quest to serve, but where does one start this journey?? If I can't find a Domme because of my lack of training, how would I be able to begin my training to be able to serve?

My desire to learn is as strong as my desire to serve, and there is nothing I would love more than having the opportunity to prove my worth (or lack thereof) to a Strong, Dominate Woman.

How have other subs started their journeys? What is it that You Dommes are looking for in a submissive/slave such as myself? In short, what am I doing wrong, and how can I improve?

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RE: What am I doing wrong? - 11/13/2010 9:42:47 PM

hlen5

Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
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http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/tm.htm

Read this, it might help.

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RE: What am I doing wrong? - 11/13/2010 11:09:24 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

If your desire to learn is strong, are you doing (that's a verb that implies action) things to further your education about BDSM?

Whenever I get someone who has no prior experience in wiitwd, I ask some questions to find out how serious they are. I want to know if they are being proactive in what they say they want. To Me, simply creating a profile and sending out emails to potential Dommes isn't enough. I want to know things like if they are attending munches, reading non fiction books about BDSM, or if they are going to demos and events to learn. If they aren't making an investment of their time and effort, why should I think they are going to invest time and effort once I start teaching?

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RE: What am I doing wrong? - 11/14/2010 12:34:45 AM

socalSLAVE86

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline

Thank you both for the advice. I've seen quite a few social bdsm events on my fetlife account in the local area, I guess I should try them out.

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RE: What am I doing wrong? - 11/14/2010 3:42:15 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I agree with the others about going to actual events. However, I'll also add that your profile essentially says. "I have no experience but am willing to learn" - saying that you are here for BDSM only, no relationship. Your list of likes/dislikes is nothing but kink interests.

Change your profile to reflect what you are as a man, not just a kinkster. Do you like camping, comedy shows, etc.? Women like to date men, not just a bag of kink desires.

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RE: What am I doing wrong? - 11/26/2010 7:50:42 PM

Ligeia72

Posts: 126
Joined: 6/29/2010
Status: offline

Seeing the username 'socalSLAVE86' has jogged my memory a bit. Several months ago, I did receive a (very direct, and unsolicited) request for Domination services from a submissive with a very similar, if not the same, username.

The trouble with this...

1) My profile, although now hidden, lists me as a 'Switch'

2) It also quite clearly stated that I was/am here only to engage in discussions on the Collar Me messageboards. I am not/was not interested in any form of play or 'meetups', online or off, with anyone, under any circumstances.

3) Before I edited my profile to try and make the above a little clearer, it also contained information to the effect that I did not identify in terms of Dom, or Sub, and I had/have little to no interest in play that involves aspects of power exchange. I am a Service Top leaning Switch interested in S&M type 'sensation' play only.

I don't know if it was you that contacted me, it may just have been someone with a very similar username, like I said; however, this is a good lesson for any Subs trying to contact a Dominant to play with - read the person's profile first, and don't just mass send a whole heap of unsolicited requests to all, and sundry hoping for a hit.

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RE: What am I doing wrong? - 11/27/2010 1:44:04 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

2 things: you've been here a year and 3 months or so and this is the first time you've posted.
Posting and reading posts is a good way to learn and gain understanding.

Also a year and change, while it may seem to be a long time, really isn't at all if what you are seeking is a meaningful relationship.
My story is in the cm link at the bottom.

Work on your patience a bit maybe?

Best wishes... and do pay attention to the other advice you get here.

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RE: What am I doing wrong? - 11/27/2010 2:03:40 PM

subkatslut

Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline

You might want to try and approach a domme as a woman and a person first. I'm not a domme lol so I don't know but it seems like most want more then just someone who is into a certain kink. If you just want the kink it seems like your efforts would better serve you by looking into pros. At least that's what I've gathered based on what I have read.

I would think most women, be they dom/sub or relationship minded or something mainly sexual or kink based, still have a certain need to connect on a fairly basic level with any man prior to moving forward. Unless of course they are motivated by something else which usually means money. It's just how we're wired.

I am not looking for a serious relationship as an example but I do need to know I could be friends with the guy and would like him as a person to even want to go down other roads. Even if the relationship ends up being solely kink based in the end.

Not every domme may choose to take things further based on your experience but if you can establish friendly rapport and she likes you as a person I think you'd find someone. Maybe I'm naive but dommes are still women and I am one of those.

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