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Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/14/2010 3:41:11 PM

PeonForHer

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I know that pro-Dommes won't do everything for which clients might ask; they have their limits, just like non-pros. Also, I'm aware that some pro-Dommes are in such high demand that they can pretty much choose only those clients whose kinks exactly suit their own, and with whom these pro-Dommes can look forward to enjoying their work a great deal.

However, I'm guessing that there are incentives for pro-Dommes to push their boundaries somewhat in a way that such boundaries aren't pushed for non-Pros. I've got little evidence to go on, but I have noticed that a few ex-pro-Dommes, whom I'm glad to call my friends, are noticeably 'easy-going' on subs - perhaps a bit more so than their non-pro-counterparts. For instance, re those generally-hated 'do-me-subs': as one of ex-pro friend put it, a while ago, 'I don't care if a sub is a 'do-me', so long as I enjoy his kink'.

Does - or did - working as a pro-Domme broaden your horizons? Can you put up with subs better, as a result of the experience? Most of all, did you find that after accommodating a client's wishes, a scene or even a kink that had never done anything for you, now became something quite enjoyable?

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/14/2010 4:43:35 PM

Politesub53

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I would suggest any good Pro-Domme would push boundaries in a way that leaves one wanting to return. My one concern with visiting someone would be a lack of finances enabling more visits. That would just leave me frustrated, in a "Not won the lottery yet" kind of way.

Interesting question about scenes, my favourite scene is for her to do what pleases her, and not me. Maybe I just like making people happy.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/14/2010 7:27:20 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Even working as a pro, there were kinks I wouldn't do. The whole adult baby market is a cash cow, but it's TOTALLY not me. There were other things too, they're not relevant here. I went into pro work as a very experienced top, so in terms of learning new skills, I'll say I didn't learn a ton.

What pro work did was exercise my *imagination*. Many fantasists have very tightly scripted fantasies, and hitting the high points every time was vital. Making thw same damn thing new and interesting every time was a challenge!

I don't know if it made me more tolerant, you have to be pretty open minded to be successful as a pro dom. If the ladies on the boards think they get oddball emails, well those are NOTHING compared to what a pro dom gets!

I will say that working with so many different people gave me a lot of perspective, and a certain understanding of the fetishist mindset.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/14/2010 7:36:58 PM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
If the ladies on the boards think they get oddball emails, well those are NOTHING compared to what a pro dom gets!

Oddly enough, I get *less* gross email and lame one-liner crap on my professional account than I did on my social-only account that said I was seeking friends in the lifestyle. Go figure.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/14/2010 8:13:17 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
Maybe I just like making people happy.

Well, maybe you could make me happy by not grovelling quite so much, PS, you complete toady.

Seriously - yes, it must be heinously difficult for a pro-Domme if you, the sub-client, are wired to get turned on by what turns *her* on. How does a pro-Domme deal with that? It must take a very, very sharp nose both for what presses his buttons, and for what presses her own buttons. If she's not pleasing herself, he'll notice, and she won't please him either. She would have to be, herself, wired in a peculiarly tough and confident way. Whatever, the paradoxes involved scramble my brain and they're collectively one of the major reasons why I don't think it could ever work for me to see a pro.

Lady Hib,

"I don't know if it made me more tolerant, you have to be pretty open minded to be successful as a pro dom. If the ladies on the boards think they get oddball emails, well those are NOTHING compared to what a pro dom gets! I will say that working with so many different people gave me a lot of perspective, and a certain understanding of the fetishist mindset."
. . . That's roughly what I've come to notice about yourself and one or two other (ex) pro-Dommes who frequent this board.

Another thing I'm wondering is: do people with very specific fetishes ever 'expand'? Do they 'branch out' into other interests - or can they be 'nudged' a little that way - perhaps as a result of pushing their boundaries, as PS suggests? I've sometimes thought that this might be the most promising way forward for those whose interests are so narrow, or so outlandish, that they prevent them from making relationships with non-pros.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/14/2010 8:28:14 PM

LadyHibiscus

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If a client came to me and asked about what turned me on sexually he would be directed elsewhere--the condition of my girly bits wass NOT part of the pro/client co ntract. Honestly, while my obvious enthusiasm for my work was a tremendous selling point, I never had a client ask what I liked in anything other than conversational interest.

The guys who were kinky would go just about anywhere, as would the masos. Big fun! It was like being at a party with no waiting for equipment!

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/14/2010 8:32:47 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Oh. Regarding expanding horizons... understand that these men were paying large money in exchange for my time and skill. The whole business is about fantasy fulfillment. They got what they asked for. My personal agenda has always been getting people out into the life...and I was successful in several instances. I never tried to turn a foot guy into an all-rounder unless HE indicated an interest when I asked open ended questions.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 2:06:03 AM

VaguelyCurious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

For instance, re those generally-hated 'do-me-subs': as one of ex-pro friend put it, a while ago, 'I don't care if a sub is a 'do-me', so long as I enjoy his kink'.

It's probably a bit politically incorrect of me to say this, but:

Peon, your impression of D-types has been warped by this board. There's a massive paranoia about do-me's here that plain doesn't exist in the mainstream UK events scene. In real life people are much more easy-going than on the internet. I reckon you see the Pros as relaxed because they're more likely to be a part of their local scene than some random woman is.

Seriously, I've only ever heard the term do-me at an event in the context of someone asking 'what actually is a do-me?'. Not once have I heard it applied to a human being the way it is here. In person, people are allowed to want what they want, as long as they're polite and pleasant about it.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 4:30:29 AM

Politesub53

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
Maybe I just like making people happy.

Well, maybe you could make me happy by not grovelling quite so much, PS, you complete toady.

Seriously - yes, it must be heinously difficult for a pro-Domme if you, the sub-client, are wired to get turned on by what turns *her* on. How does a pro-Domme deal with that? It must take a very, very sharp nose both for what presses his buttons, and for what presses her own buttons. If she's not pleasing herself, he'll notice, and she won't please him either.

I know we are all wonderfully different, which is why I think the opposite of this. My theory, for want of a better word, is that a good pro-Domme could get me in the right headspace to enjoy her kinks.

Regards from all at Toad Hall......

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 4:48:16 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

It's probably a bit politically incorrect of me to say this, but: . . . .

VC, that's not just un-PC - it's heresy!

But entirely believable.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 5:15:44 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Thing is, Politesub, **no pro dom worth her salt plays that way**. It's a business arrangement, that simulates real kink. After very long association with a regular client, she might do something entirely for her own entertainment.

Peon, we here in the US of A headdesk over do-me boys all the time. So be glad you're in the UK, I reckon! :P. Truly, are there that many men who are out in the scene to be selfish that LAST? People get their number in a hurry, and no one plays with them anymore.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 7:38:16 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
It's probably a bit politically incorrect of me to say this, but:

Peon, your impression of D-types has been warped by this board. There's a massive paranoia about do-me's here that plain doesn't exist in the mainstream UK events scene. In real life people are much more easy-going than on the internet. I reckon you see the Pros as relaxed because they're more likely to be a part of their local scene than some random woman is.

Seriously, I've only ever heard the term do-me at an event in the context of someone asking 'what actually is a do-me?'. Not once have I heard it applied to a human being the way it is here. In person, people are allowed to want what they want, as long as they're polite and pleasant about it.

Excuse My intrusion on a pro thread, but I concur with the above. I don't hear the term much in a face to face environment. "Play slut" has come up once in a while, which is a bottom that plays with anyone and everyone, but even that isn't really associated in a negative sense. While they are usually male, they are great for those who are just learning how to top, because these folks don't care who they are playing with, just as long as they are playing.

I think one of the reasons that the term isn't heard in clubs and so on is because as long as you have a top and a bottom that both enjoy the activity, it's all good. A lot of the stuff that gets squabbled about here just doesn't exist because it's not of importance when people are already both willing participants.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 8:54:52 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I think one of the reasons that the term isn't heard in clubs and so on is because as long as you have a top and a bottom that both enjoy the activity, it's all good. A lot of the stuff that gets squabbled about here just doesn't exist because it's not of importance when people are already both willing participants.

That's roughly what I was thinking, LP. At one time I used BDSM clubs quite a lot, and played in various ways (quite often as a top - hah!). I made a little gang of friends that way; we'd see each other at this club or the other, and a fun time was generally had by all. In those circumstances, the 'do-me' wouldn't have arisen. Somebody just asks, 'Can I do x or y with you?' - and you just say 'yes' or 'no'.

But I doubt that this explanation covers everything. Truth is, I don't know any kinksters in the UK who are in long-term partnerships well enough to be able to comment.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 8:57:51 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Was that the motivation for this thread, then?

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 9:00:41 AM

PeonForHer

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Sorry, you've lost me, Lady Hib . . . .

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 9:05:01 AM

LadyHibiscus

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We jumped from pros to do-me boys...were you aiming for a causal link there, or did we just go off track?

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 9:08:59 AM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Seriously, I've only ever heard the term do-me at an event in the context of someone asking 'what actually is a do-me?'. Not once have I heard it applied to a human being the way it is here. In person, people are allowed to want what they want, as long as they're polite and pleasant about it.

Sadly, I've heard it, and seen it. It's rare to nonexistent at a true community event that has decent filters, but I've been to some clubs in Los Angeles and worked DM shifts at a club in San Francisco where there were guys who ran around trying to get the women to do X fetish activity with them in a remarkably rude, creepy, disrespectful way that included things like touching or even licking without permission, aggressively exposing themselves (way beyond just the casual social nudity everyone expects at a kink event, I mean literally shoving their dicks into people's personal space and sometimes touching with them), masturbating inches from someone else's scene or face in a non crowded room, and talking to others in ways that made it abundantly clear that they regarded the women present as a sort of free fetish delivery system that they could use any way they wanted. Obviously these individuals got tossed when a DM caught them, but they ruined a lot of people's evenings. A do-me is someone who is *not* polite and pleasant about what they want, and generally lacks social skills to negotiate for what they want in a manner that respects their prospective partners' status as fellow human beings.

I've almost never seen it at my local femdom group, but my subby partner relates this anecdote about a fellow who managed to get past our filters and show up to an event with interesting ideas of what was going to go on there. This fellow asked him, "So when are the women gonna start having sex with us?" When his eyebrows climbed down from where they had retreated to the middle of his hairline, he disabused the clueless one of the many things wrong with his assumption, upon which the hapless fellow disappeared and was never seen again.

That's a do-me. They do exist offline; most Munches and social events are a pretty good asshole filter against them. Open play parties where people don't necessarily do any socializing before showing up for play have the potential to attract them if they don't work on filtering, and if they advertise anywhere outside the social BDSM community.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 9:13:04 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
That's a do-me. They do exist offline; most Munches and social events are a pretty good asshole filter against them. Open play parties where people don't necessarily do any socializing before showing up for play have the potential to attract them if they don't work on filtering, and if they advertise anywhere outside the social BDSM community.

I think we've touched on something here that you and I have discussed in a round about way before. It may be exactly why I don't have this personal experience. One of these days, you'll have to tell Me on the other side exactly which places to avoid that I seem to be doing right.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 9:14:33 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

We jumped from pros to do-me boys...were you aiming for a causal link there, or did we just go off track?

It was somewhat off track, Lady Hib. Still, it's an interesting subject and I'm glad that it was broached.

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RE: Question to pro-Dommes and ex-pro-Dommes - 11/15/2010 9:15:11 AM

VaguelyCurious

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From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

That's a do-me. They do exist offline; most Munches and social events are a pretty good asshole filter against them. Open play parties where people don't necessarily do any socializing before showing up for play have the potential to attract them if they don't work on filtering, and if they advertise anywhere outside the social BDSM community.

Oh, sure-I'm not at all denying the existence of creepy men-it's just that we tend to call them 'creepy men' rather than using the 'do-me' label. But I'm pretty sure that's not the type of man Peon's talking about Prodommes going easy on-waving your dick in people's faces/kissing someone's boots when they *don't even know you're there* (which actually happened to me-I thought it was my friend's leg hooked over mine

) is a whole different level of bleugh...

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