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RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 1:14:47 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Takeylarose
Do you allow clip to play casually or loan him out like LNT?

With permission. Since he's collared, he's not a free agent.

quote:

Also, if you have a casual play partner turned SO, do you stop playing casually and focus your energy on that person or do you continue to play casually with others?

I still play with others. I focus My energy on My various relationships as I see fit.

quote:

Time and energy aren't limitless and if you want to have a successful relationship with that person, they deserve most of your attention, right?

That would probably be correct in a monogamous relationship, but I happen to be a poly person. My time is split between the males in My life according to where I deem it most necessary. A few hours at a play party isn't anywhere near "most" of My attention.

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(in reply to Takeylarose)

Post #: 21

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 1:36:01 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
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The phrase 'Quality versus quantity' comes to mind.

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Post #: 22

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 2:06:34 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Takeylarose
Also, if you have a casual play partner turned SO, do you stop playing casually and focus your energy on that person or do you continue to play casually with others? Time and energy aren't limitless and if you want to have a successful relationship with that person, they deserve most of your attention, right?

Actually, real life (work, community and family obligations) tends to get a pretty big chunk if not most of the average adult's attention. What you have left needs to be divided between your relationship time and your me-time, including relaxing social time with friends. Juggling more than one person's needs in a poly relationship certainly isn't easy, and it is a major commitment of time and energy. But it can be done, and it can be done in such a way as to leave your other partners with the space and me-time that they need to be healthy.

I roughly split my evening and weekend time between my partners, with my secondary getting somewhat less of my time on average. This is more a function of his having more time sensitive work obligations and a higher need for me-time than my primary than with a strict hierarchy. He can ask for more of my time in a given week if he wants it and has space for it, and it's not a problem. Both of my boys will say that their needs for my time and energy are being well met, and that they also have time and space for themselves and for other pursuits which they value.

I consider my personal partner plate pretty much full at this point. I don't think I could take on another relationship and do a decent job of it. But what we have now works very well and is stable, drama free and makes all three of us happy. I do have occasional room for casual play with someone else if we are at a public BDSM event, because the total time investment is maybe 45 minutes while my boys are either watching and enjoying the show or having fun socializing. It's not really time or energy I'm taking away from the relationship any more than my sitting down to read a novel, or one of them going off to watch a basketball game with his friends. At least we don't tend to see it that way.

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Post #: 23

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 2:24:12 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

I've never done any casual play before...

But that may change.

*evil grin*

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Post #: 24

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 3:55:04 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Do you engage in casual play? I'm defining casual play as BDSM with others who you have no romantic/emotional attachment (outside of friendship) with those that you enjoy bondage, discipline, sadism, and/or masochism.

Have I engaged in casual play? Yes. I feel two different ways about this and I haven't decided what I'll run with right now.

A "romantic attachment" would be ideal. Likely it would stay one on one; I don't think I could manage poly and do not feel motivated to even try. When I get emotionally interested in someone, my focus narrows and I haven't wanted to scene with anyone else.

The drawback with casual play, when I am not even friends with the guy, is that afterward I have no safety net. I drop hard, or I am feeling kind of snarly because I got my sadism buzz but not the intensely sexual buzz that I prefer.

Casual play would be so much easier if there was a dungeon nearby. I would love learning new things and taking classes.

Going too long without can really wind me up. One of the guys I topped casually around six years ago wrote and asked to visit, and a month ago I would have gleefully gotten my groove on casually with him and half a dozen others that I met and was getting to know. Only problem is that I got a small crush on someone inappropriate and am having some burnout while it dies down, I am just not in the mood to be casual.

Sometimes I get tired of looking for the right one and miss scening. Trying to get enough people interested in our own group here has been tough, and yes, I would play casually among a pool of friendly acquaintences until the right one came along. Searching for the right one...sometimes sends me into frenzy. It would be nice to have others in my situation nearby that I could use to cool down my intensity.

In the meantime, there's always exercize and chocolate.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 25

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 4:36:53 PM

thishereboi

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I have and enjoyed it very much.

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Post #: 26

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 6:05:54 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Sure. Something light like spankings. But I consider sex to be a noncasual thing. (At least in theory - I have weakened a few times...)

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Post #: 27

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 6:14:28 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello Lady Pact,
In answer to your question - I engage in non TPE play. There is nothing casual about it, though. When I do, it is a deeply emotional and physical experience for me. I need to feel safe and strong at the same time. When I have done TPE I have become a weak, empty vessel. Only in non-TPE play, where I go back to being strong and decisive afterwards do I feel emotionally safe and comfortable enough to go that deep. I know I will come back to the passionate and powerful woman that I am.

While I may not be *romantically* involved with someone, I generally find I need to be personally involved with them - friends, former lovers, etc. I need the emotional bond / safety in order to experience what this is for me. It's a vulnerability that I respect and honor. That is not casual as I define the word.

Thank you for your definition of it so I could respond within that context.

best,
sunshine

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(in reply to Takeylarose)

Post #: 28

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 7:28:49 PM

lickenforyou

Posts: 379
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline

i have not YET engaged in casual play. i am very new. i have engaged in play with ex-girlfriends, so i know that this is what i want/need.

i would, however, engage in casual play. So the answer to Your question, for all intents and purposes, is YES.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 29

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 7:57:22 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I used to when I was very very young but I grew weary of it. I missed the intimacy I had when I was married. I missed all the trappings of a loving long term committed relationship. I wanted it back and so I stopped everything that was casual. I stayed chaste for many many years until I found the Man who could give me what I was seeking. I have no desire to ever look back and I'm more than thrilled that those days of casual sex and even dating are way behind me. It just does nothing for me.

(in reply to lickenforyou)

Post #: 30

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/16/2010 2:11:44 AM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

~FR~
Well, I never used to, but I just asked Daddy if I could get a flogging from a friend and He said yes. My last realtime Dom died over a year ago & Daddy and I are LD and haven't met in person yet. I wanted that flogging so badly I actually begged for it.

So, my answer to the original question would be....yes, now I do, with one trusted friend.

~sweetsub~

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Post #: 31

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/16/2010 5:20:36 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Do you engage in casual play? I'm defining casual play as BDSM with others who you have no romantic/emotional attachment (outside of friendship) with those that you enjoy bondage, discipline, sadism, and/or masochism.

According to your definition of casual, generally no.

I have, in the past, engaged in activities with people I have little to no connection with and found it to be unfulfilling. When I 'play' with someone, I open myself up emotionally and physically and I need the safety net, not to mention the physical support, a personal connection offers when I drop.

That's not to say I need to be in a deeply intimate relationship, but it does mean I can't just do a meet, beat and then retreat.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 32

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/16/2010 5:27:24 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Just something that I'm curious about from another thread. There are no right or wrong answers here. Just personal opinion.

Do you engage in casual play? I'm defining casual play as BDSM with others who you have no romantic/emotional attachment (outside of friendship) with those that you enjoy bondage, discipline, sadism, and/or masochism.

Please note that the above question does not necessarily have to mean that you are engaging in physical sex with any bottom or top that you might be playing with. That's a different angle. I also don't care if it's private or public. I'm just curious about how the numbers stack up among our forum participants.

Here, here...

For me sex is reserved for my relationship, but tying somebody up and hurting them a bit is a different thing. I have to like them and the better I know them, the more fun the play usually is, but I don't have to be romantically linked to them. In an odd way I'm very monogamous.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 33

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/16/2010 5:59:15 AM

ejmichaels

Posts: 51
Joined: 11/11/2010
Status: offline

Using the definition no romantic/emotional attachment (outside of friendship), count me as YES, when there's time. My partner and I are usually too busy for much of this, but we indulge at parties. I can easily separate emotional attachment from sex and BDSM play. As long as we have an understanding appropriate for the activity, I find it extremely easy to have casual encounters. Also, the intensity of the "casual" play is not less. I mean depth of submission, not physical intensity, although that also applies. (I probably need another word here, but that's all I can think of now.) I can do equally or more "intense" activities with those outside partners, assuming there is a suitable connection. The submission is not less real in what would be considered a casual relationship. Most of the casual play is not so "deep" - just a spanking session, or whatever. I generally don't enjoy the casual play that is only about the physical activity. I want the submission. Over the years, it seems that this is so much harder to find. It's not like I don't enjoy a fun spanking from a friend, but there's usually something missing, and it's not the emotional relationship. It's the difference between bringing someone a drink at a party and being allowed to bring the drink.

< Message edited by ejmichaels -- 11/16/2010 6:24:05 AM >

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 34

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/16/2010 11:44:23 AM

SadisticMs

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/24/2010
Status: offline

SM oriented activities, yes. Sex, no, as I'm partnered and my partner is my only sexual partner as per both my personal preference and our agreement regarding activities outside the relationship.

I don't necessarily need a deep involvement to enjoy breaking out the floggers and paddles, just a sub partner with a maso bent and some basic elements of friendship and mutual respect (so yes, we'd need to know and actually like each other). There's room for that to develop into more of an ongoing relationship if the individual can handle being a part timer.

(in reply to ejmichaels)

Post #: 35

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/17/2010 9:01:11 AM

81song

Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline

At this time I am not with a Domme so I do not know if that makes me casual player but if I found the right Domme then it would be up to her and of course myself if I was lent out. So the word casual opens up a can of worms meaning it might be for one person one thing and another person a whole different another thing.

(in reply to Takeylarose)

Post #: 36

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/17/2010 9:44:31 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Even IF I had a person serving me, I would NEVER give up playing with others. There is no freakin way I would give up the fun and variety of the rest of the maso race! My subs have always been able to play with others too, with my clearance, and those pesky rules. Poly fidelity--HELL yeah! Play monogamy? Not so much.

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Post #: 37

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/17/2010 2:55:14 PM

FriendlyMuppet

Posts: 171
Joined: 11/16/2010
From: Corpus Christi, Texas
Status: offline

I don't play at all. I'm mainly a lifestyler who gets involved in a relationship and tends to remain loyal to that woman for as long as she'll have me. The "play" that occurs tends to happen within that relationship. And then when I'm with no one, I tend to be quite vanilla.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 38

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/17/2010 7:55:12 PM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline

Reformered "lifestyler" and current casual player here :)

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Post #: 39

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/17/2010 8:24:55 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Sure. Something light like spankings. But I consider sex to be a noncasual thing. (At least in theory - I have weakened a few times...)

*takes note*

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Post #: 40

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