What's next ? (Full Version)

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MDdesiree -> What's next ? (9/30/2004 7:02:05 AM)

Good Day to A/all,


I have been asking myself the same question oftenly...now, I am in need of many opinions.

When a Dominant is talking about "Training, Achievement, Goals" it always seems like there is a point A and a point Z...We obviously have to set goals that are realistics but at the same time. it is always motivating to look far ahead and wish for more. But my question is : Why desiring a "well trained slave"...I guess there is something that I don't get...it sounds like ... BDSM is kind of a huge School ( or University )

Thank You

desiree

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sub4hire -> RE: What's next ? (9/30/2004 8:22:14 AM)

There is another topic right now about BDSM and marriage. At what point do you draw lines?

Seems about the same ending to me. Either you have goals to reach or you do not. If you have reached all goals the relationship becomes stale and ends. Then hey, you can go out and find a new person to start the process all over again.

Or, you never finish and live a happy life with your intended. In essence no matter what relationship we are in we are all being trained. On smaller levels but none less important. What do regular couples do when the housework is divided up and each has their chores?
I put a vanilla slant on everything I refer to because to me every relationship in the world is a D/s relationship. Each has their own assigned tasks. In some the man or the woman does the majority of tasks. There is still a power exchange whether they call it one or not.
The only major difference is we play more than they do. In some cases that is'nt even a point. We have a name for what it is we do.

Anyway, I would hope training would never end.



kiki blue -> RE: What's next ? (9/30/2004 1:53:35 PM)

We should never stop learning, no matter what sort of lifestyle you lead. To learn is to grow, and to grow is the goal. There is always something new to discover, to try, to experience, to incorporate with everything else in your life. While the subly sort is learning, so is the domly sort.

"Training" is just learning in different clothes.



Mercnbeth -> RE: What's next ? (9/30/2004 2:19:17 PM)

desiree,

Anything you do should have a goal. It's motivational. But the main reason that I have goals is to know when I've achieved something I once desired enough to set it as a goal.

When it comes to a sub, or a slave, I think the goals should be spelled out pretty clearly. In our case we have rules that were the result of open communication over a long period of time. Once agreed, and signed, they are reviewed daily. beth recites them as part of her daily ritual.

Why have goals? Well, if you like bowling, imagine how much fun it would be without pins, or if the pins were behind a hidden curtain with some guy on the other side telling you how many you hit; or worse how many you missed. Sounds tedious and frustrating.

Bowling doesn't work that way. You see your goal and know how you did, and as a result it is.......FUN! Right?

Well, that's what keeps it all working and together. For us - this 24/7 full time, full of rules and punishments, ongoing training, and everything else is FUN!

Sure we look ahead and know that at some point 'fun' may be defined some other way. And the thought of not knowing what that even is also is a fun concept.

So yes, beth is a "well trained slave" that was our common desire. I dislike administering punishments, which now are few and far between. We never thought of that being the the defining "end goal" - to us it's just the beginning.

Merc & beth



INSIDEYOURMIND -> RE: What's next ? (9/30/2004 3:53:15 PM)

Well put Merc!
The best part of kink, is there are so many twists and turns, I haven't even scratched the surface of all the wonderful, and devious things I want to do and try!

It is easy to become stagnant, bored, or tired of a relationship, the challenge is to keep it fresh, and exciting!

I love to fish, I have been told it is a jerk on one end of a line, waiting for a jerk at the other. I don't always catch fish, but I am outdoors, I relax, and I see wonderful things. I feel it is no different than a relationship, somedays ya catch, and some ya don't, but you learn and experience everyday.

I have an interesting situation, because of a health issue, I will at some point be at the mercy (may be the wrong word) of my sub. I believe it will strengthen the bond between us, and it will prove just how deep her servitude to me is. I have no doubt that she looks forward to this goal, and the accomplishments that we will attain beyond that point.



MDdesiree -> RE: What's next ? (10/2/2004 3:29:21 PM)

Quite the same as what I was thinking about...


Thank You

desiree



rain -> RE: What's next ? (10/3/2004 9:26:12 PM)

hmmm,

You got my imagination off and running...

A school for BDSM training? I'd actually enjoy attending such a school since I'm Domless and desire training.

Just wandering what the "Master's" program would entail? (smirk)

rain



Nvernilla -> RE: What's next ? (10/4/2004 8:50:30 PM)

Hm I always kind of thought if the training comes to completion just like BB says...The Thrill is Gone..The Thrill is Gone Away From Me.............Mike



Kinkypupper -> RE: What's next ? (11/1/2004 10:58:15 AM)

In My previous "marrages" They have tended to wander into a feeling of complacency and "normalcy" the comment that "the best sex u ever will have with that partner will be the first time you have it" I think is a very valid one. Yet Since the disolution of my last marrage due to my "kink" level and my subsequent "only dating now in the non-vanilla world" attitude. That what I say I must admit is totally conjecture.
Step one.. Self acceptance of who and what I really am.
step two..Getting out in the non-vanilla world and letting people see myself as to who i really am in their eyes.
Step three.. Find a suitable Subbie
Step four.. "Training" part getting to know each other and part conditioning for both.
Step five..Being offered not just their body but very soul and essence
Step Six.. Accepting such and all that it will require of me.
Step Seven.. Passing from this world with the comfort that I have been a good and just person, I have harmed no one unjustly and have done the best that I possably could for those I leave behind.

I am one who altho have been married 4 times now ( once admitted was less then 24 hrs- but that is not a story for "here" ) Yet a large part of ME beleaves that such a marrage is not just mear words but for LIFE. It is a solomn commitment of Self to another to protect and care for THEM. Weather it was my fault or my partners that those"couplings" failed or due to a lack of desire on each of our part is also a good question. Yet I want a LOT more from someone then just their "word".
Will I "remarry" That I cannot honestly say do i want more from a person then just their "word" YES. Do I feel that placing a collar on someone is akin to a "marrage" yes. I also know that I will not offer that untel that person begs for it to be so.

"Marrage" as a institution is fading in our society due to the ease of being able to 'end' it.
Not all marrages are good ones nor perhaps happy ones but is it not a commitment that we "give" that should be treated for more then what we treat it as ?

For me "whats next?" is step three. For you it maybe step two or step six. we are all at different points in lifes path.
I am 50 years old I want a LOT more then I have had thus far and know its there.
(My problem is that I want it NOW not in 14 or 20 years of searching)



proudsub -> RE: What's next ? (11/1/2004 12:09:14 PM)

quote:

In My previous "marrages" They have tended to wander into a feeling of complacency and "normalcy" the comment that "the best sex u ever will have with that partner will be the first time you have it" I think is a very valid one.


We've been married 36 yrs. That was my case for 34 years until i introduced hubby to this lifestyle. Now it just gets better and better as we try new things.[:D]



Destinysskeins -> RE: What's next ? (11/2/2004 8:41:12 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: rain

hmmm,

You got my imagination off and running...

A school for BDSM training? I'd actually enjoy attending such a school since I'm Domless and desire training.

Just wandering what the "Master's" program would entail? (smirk)

rain


rain,

There are quite a few Schools which teach various aspects of the Lifestyle - be that serving, general submission, etc. i do believe that we've had at least one thread related to this topic. Though i do see now that you're located in Chicago so i can offer you one place right off the bat - Shadowfind located in Niles, MI i believe. Perhaps proudsub would be so kind as to dig the thread up for you? [:)] (ya just gotta love her!)

Well wishes!



proudsub -> RE: What's next ? (11/2/2004 11:33:45 AM)

quote:

Perhaps proudsub would be so kind as to dig the thread up for you? (ya just gotta love her!)


I'm not sure this is really the same topic:

school

This one might be better:

bdsm classes




Destinysskeins -> RE: What's next ? (11/2/2004 11:41:19 AM)

Thank you once again, proud!!



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