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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 11/17/2010 8:42:50 AM

lev

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unfortunately these guys don't want to commit to you themselves but they want to keep you from moving on and committing to someone who will commit to you. best wishes to you.

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 11/17/2010 8:56:37 AM

mnottertail

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I train in blowjobs.

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 11/20/2010 9:54:25 AM

txurinal

Posts: 209
Joined: 9/26/2009
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I see a MASTER on a fairly regular basis for training such as LadyNTrainer provides. i will never be owned by HIM and i too, have a deep attachment to him. i enjoy our sessions and like LadyNTrainer feel HE is making me a better slave for that MASTER i hope to serve one day

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 11/20/2010 10:26:23 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338
I'm blowing off some really great guys who want to chat and meet partially because of my feelings for him, being a plaything for him. ... I'm not upset. I just know what I need to do.

Having a kinky fuckbuddy isn't necessarily a bad thing. Making it into more than it can ever be, that's another story.

I noticed you used the word "mentor" earlier in the thread. The way you used it, "mentor" also means "kinky fuckbuddy". The way I use it, it is a trusted advisor, a big brother/sister type person, the person you want to be. If you're looking for a lifestyle mentor, look for a sub who has her collective shit together, someone you admire, someone who can guide you when you need some direction.

Cali

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 11/20/2010 1:38:08 PM

anniezz338

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Thanks Cali. We actually both kinda broke the objectives of the relationship. I fell a little for him though I agreed at the beginning that long term was not in the picture. He kinda started leaning towards the satisfying him more than the real training I was looking for, like giving me "homework" on the stuff he wasn't really interested in.

I haven't talked to alot of subs but I know I should. I've been reading their posts and hoping to gain wisdom through their responses to threads. I'm thinking I need to meet more people, subs and Doms, like going to the Eros club I have heard about in Houston.

Edited: I will probably always see him as a mentor though, regardless of how it all washes out.

< Message edited by anniezz338 -- 11/20/2010 1:39:09 PM >

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 12/4/2010 12:08:22 PM

offalabaster1

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Joined: 11/23/2010
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I sometimes feel the same way in reverse I usually keep my feelings to myself or share them with an intimate friend this helps

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 12/4/2010 12:13:53 PM

JstAnotherSub

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I would not be able to enter a "training only" relationship. I have to like the person as a whole before I can open up well enough to allow them to dominate me. I also know that the feelings it brings out are so intense they can not be turned off til the next training session or whatever they are called.

It is an all or nothing thing for me.

eta be careful about the cum on command thing and giving the power to someone else to give you permission to cum. I know for me, and several others I have spoken to, it took a long time to be able to cum once the relationship ended.

I wouldn't trade any of what I did because it was most wonderful, but until it was over, I had no idea the power I had given him. It took a long time to get it back to me.

I think that is why it is going to be harder for me to give that power away a second time.....but, I can't wait for it to happen either!

Just be patient Annie. It will all happen when it is supposed to happen. That is how I see it anyhow.

< Message edited by JstAnotherSub -- 12/4/2010 12:21:35 PM >

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 12/4/2010 10:33:11 PM

tazzygirl

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quote:

So, now, not only do I have a huge headache, I feel like I'm losing a friend. But it's my fault. I knew the outcome of the game before it began. It's shame on me more than him.

annie...

wow, how to put this. you gave him the kink, and the submission, without him ever having to put anything on the line himself.

i can so relate. i can understand the frustration, the anger, the upset... even the headaches.

but, never delude yourself into believing he is your friend. friends dont use friends. he knows exactly how close you are to him, how much you feel for him, how much you are falling, or have fallen... and he will allow you to go only so far, thereby keeping control over you.

its complicated... but its a game.

been there, done that... some days are better than others.

if you need an ear, drop me a line.

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 12/4/2010 11:15:53 PM

anniezz338

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Thanks all. The update is the "training" has been stopped (I think he read this thread.....lol). I hope he is not reading it now because I just started not doing what he wanted me to do, therefore, leading him to stop the training. I hate leading but it had to be done.

But we ended with laughs and hugs and a genuine liking for each other. He's going to continue contacting me, I've been forewarned about that....lol.

The one tear I shedded was thru laughter. I am completely disengaged. And it's all good. :)

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 12/5/2010 1:23:10 AM

anniezz338

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quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I hope he is not reading it now because I just started not doing what he wanted me to do, therefore, leading him to stop the training. I hate leading but it had to be done.

Wait a minute...that is not what happened. I discovered my limits with what I will do in "play", which it was rapidly becoming, and what I will do with the person I commit to and who commits to me.

Far out. This is cool. I'm learning :)

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 12/5/2010 1:53:05 AM

myotherself

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When I first 'discovered' bdsm about 10 years ago, I had no idea what it was I wanted from bdsm, and what kind of relationship I wanted.

Initially I thought I was a slave who would put up with a bit of spanking. So I found a kinky fwb to do some exploring with. We agreed in the beginning that it was friends only, nothing more. With him I discovered I was more sub than slave, and I was a 'natural masochist' (his words, not mine!)

When I realised I was feeling more for him than we had agreed, I walked away from the 'benefits' side of the fwb. Ten years on we're still friends, and he's happy in a relationship with someone more suited to him and I'm (hopefully) in the early stages of something with someone more suited to me.

I don't regret in the slightest the time I spent with him or even the emotional pain I felt afterwards. With the benefit of time and hindsight I realise it was an important part of my sexual and emotional development within bdsm, and I hope you feel the same way too in time, Annie

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 12/5/2010 6:44:20 AM

sunshinemiss

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"training" is just a way for kinky guys to get laid. Nothing wrong with it if it's what everybody agrees to, but call it what it is - a fuck buddy. Sadly a lot of newly aware submissive people fall for it. Tells you a lot about the kind of person it is, though, doesn't it?

Listen annie, you're new. Get a mentor - as in another submissive woman who will talk with you. Have fun. Join a group. Play on occasion. But getting involved with someone who doesn't want to be involved is ... well you already figured that out.

Something I have to learn over and over again - don't make someone a priority who considers you an option.

*bangs head on the wall* Learn dammit!

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 12/5/2010 10:05:28 AM

avena

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This thread caught my attention, not because i'm in a training 'only' relationship, but because i am in training. ~s~ Aside from the whole 'train vs teach' debate, brought up in another thread someone linked in this one, i'm quite happy with the way our relationship is progressing.

What i really wanted to comment on, though, is sunshine's comment about seeking a mentor, preferably a strong submissive whom you can go to with questions, concerns, fears, etc. i agree with this completely, and have, at various points in my past, leaned heavily on several different submissive friends, both male and female, as i struggled along my own path. i wanted to add, however, that it needn't be just submissives that you speak to in regards to mentorship. i have several wonderful Dom friends who have been very supportive of me, and have patiently answered endless questions and provided me with a great deal of information over the years. i still drive them crazy with my endless need to examine things in detail. ~l~

There are plenty of people out there who are willing to offer support, advice, and information, without requiring anything in return. D was pleasantly surprised that i already knew several of the common kneeling and prone positions, thanks to a dominant friend who head helped me work on them, via explanations, drawings, and eventually, video chat.

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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 12/8/2010 5:34:38 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
You already are in too deep....

that (well, all of Des's post really).

I actually have entered into training relationships like this. But when I did it, I set the expectation right up front that if I exerted even a tiny fraction of the dominance over the trainee as I do over Carol, then we would fall in love and there'd be tears when it ended and it inevitably must end. It did end, just recently, and there were tears... exactly as expected. For me (and accordingly, anyone who'd find it useful to have me training them), love and D/s are inextricably bound up. Those are some very deep-seated and primal buttons and pressing them has consequences.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: Getting attached in a Training relationship only - 12/8/2010 7:42:23 PM

anniezz338

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Yes, they do have consequences. And not all bad, if you learn from them. I know I did.

And I did learn some things, loosened some of my inhibitions, which really needed to be done. And has helped me to move forward, setting things in motion now, hopefully.

And with so many emotions involved just by the vary nature of this lifestyle, it can get pretty confusing. Emotions....they need on and off taps. :)

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