What Subs want (Full Version)

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sgtfirmhand -> What Subs want (4/28/2006 11:24:05 AM)

I need some feed back on this one.  I have read many profiles with explicit "demands " from Subs on what they are looking for in a Dom and many fail to mention what they have to offer.  It's almost to the point where they sound more dominant that submissive them selves.  They have it all planned out how they want it to be so all the Dom has to do is follow the instructions they have made.
Does this not seem odd? 
Personally I need to know if a Sub is right for me in the brains department as much as a Sub needs to know she's getting the right Dom.  I would like to see more of what people have to offer along with the wishes and dreams of their Ideal  Dom.
SgtFirmhand



mnottertail -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 11:28:26 AM)

Yes it does seem odd.............

But when innundated with stupid shit day after day as they are, they become defensive and rather jaded as could be expected.

There still is the matter of those that don't put shit on their profile, you send them a one-liner to an opus to see if they have a social desire to communicate and perhaps explore possibilities and flop.....those are the ones who confuse me.

Ron 



LaTigresse -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 11:30:25 AM)

Sgt, I agree with you in that it is something that puts me off a bit. I read and think, "okayyyy, so exactly what have you got to offer ME??"  I am beginning to wonder if its some sort of self protection mode or something similar on their part, I don't know. Personally, I would prefer to get to know them as a person and find out how well we are going to get along as two human beings. Once that is all in place the other stuff can be negotiated.......kinda sorta......WEG.



BitaTruble -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 11:31:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sgtfirmhand

I need some feed back on this one.  I have read many profiles with explicit "demands " from Subs on what they are looking for in a Dom and many fail to mention what they have to offer.  It's almost to the point where they sound more dominant that submissive them selves.  They have it all planned out how they want it to be so all the Dom has to do is follow the instructions they have made.
Does this not seem odd? 
Personally I need to know if a Sub is right for me in the brains department as much as a Sub needs to know she's getting the right Dom.  I would like to see more of what people have to offer along with the wishes and dreams of their Ideal  Dom.
SgtFirmhand


I don't see the big deal. If you do fit what they are seeking, then just write, ask and see if they fit what you're seeking. If not, no harm, no foul .. you move to the next one. If such a profile turns you off, don't write.

Celeste



rapture2778 -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 11:36:28 AM)

i think too that many of the ones who put such "demands" in their profile comes from the frustration of dealing with a lot of the "BS"...i agree with the advice Celeste left, write and see, and if it bothers you so, just move on to the next one!  good luck!



pissdoll -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 11:42:47 AM)

look at the women seeking men ads on cragislist.
it's basically the vanilla version of the sub need list, only it's much more comical.

i firmly believe that once someone has resorted to online as their primary or only means of finding a mate, they have lost perspective on themselves, on others and on "dating" as a whole (and i use the term dating loosely).




thetammyjo -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 11:47:25 AM)

I think everyone needs to be clear about what they want; much easier to sort out compatibilities when we are.

What we can offer though may actually depend on the relationship and the nature of it.

For example, I would not say in my profile or my ad or whatever when I'm looking that I have sex with my slaves because that's rare. But when I do click with someone that well, I do have sex with them.



agirl -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 12:01:24 PM)

I read many profiles from both dominants and submissives that have this type of *list*.
 I think it's the nature of the *process of sifting* that may be at the root....As mnottertail mentioned, just having *sub* or *slave*on your profile can mean reams of mails from the sublime to the ridiculous, frankly.
 I find it odd that anyone has a *wish list* of characteristics they want in someone else.....when basically most people that are actively looking are after someone they *gel* with ..... and that takes into account many, many things, not just the way their *dominance* or submissiveness* displays itself.
Just getting to know people as fellow humans seems to me to be the most sensible way of finding whether you may have any chance of a bond with another.

agirl



Reasonable -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 12:35:46 PM)

Welcome to the world of "do-me's" (note that has one letter less than "Domme".

Give them a miss guys-encouraging a princess only makes it worse.[;)]



bandit25 -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 12:49:27 PM)

I do think it is somewhat self preservation.  I get emails from many different doms looking for different things.  I will reply and say that we're most likely not compatible and then they send another reply telling me that I should be more open to whatever.  It' gets tiring.  So I can see why someone might sound demanding.



puella -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 1:19:51 PM)

hmmm... well, if I were to make an explicit demand right now... I think I would demand a full set of Creuset, and that new Eldar Scrolls game.. that looks pretty cool too... well, and if there is any room left over, a really nice lump of dark chocolate and a 'private' moment with it heh!



juliaoceania -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 1:22:40 PM)

Personally I list what I have to offer, and I also state what qualities I need to make me happy within a dynamic. I think everyone should get the dynamic that satisfies them. If a dominant does not like what a sub has to offer or vice versa they can move on to the next profile. What you think makes a sub seem unsub-like may be another dominants "dream sub".. to each their own....

I think it is perfectly acceptable to hold out for what will make you happy as an individual, most of us do not sign up to be a sub in order to settle for second best to what we desire. If you are looking for a sub with "no limits".. there are some here that claim to be just that....



windchymes -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 1:41:25 PM)

In here, or maybe in any personal ad site, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

If you get an email and it doesn't click with you, and you send back a polite, "no thank you", you get a nasty email back cursing you to the bowels of hell and telling you what a dried up bitch you are.

If you ignore the email, then you're cursed for being rude.

If you plainly state that you are looking for someone "single and emotionally available", you still get emails that begin with "I'm a married male....."

If you get an email that does appeal to you, and you write back politely and positively, 75% of those don't write back a second time.  (I assume these are also the married ones who are just dipping their toes in the fun pool, and when they actually get them wet, they run away, squealing)

We also receive emails that are nothing but a long, poorly-written, slobbering, jerking-off sexual fantasy, written by someone who is convinced that this is turning us on and we are just dying to meet him tomorrow for the next installment. 


And, there are just as many "Dom" profiles that run down a checklist of "If you're this this this this this and not that that that and that, then don't waste my time". That was also covered recently in another thread. So yeah, maybe we are just fed up with the crap, and are defensive and trying to maintain a little dignity.  Just because we identify with being submissive doesn't mean we aren't entitled to some.  If that makes me a princess, then please address me as Ms. Princess.  Yes, I know there are "shreikers" out there.  But there are Dom shreikers, too.  Or maybe we should call them "Bellowers". 
I'd really like to see these boards get back to being more informational and social rather than bitch sessions and pissing matches by those whose collarme world just isn't the way THEY would like it to be.



MsMacComb -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 1:58:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pissdoll
look at the women seeking men ads on cragislist.
it's basically the vanilla version of the sub need list, only it's much more comical.
 

Looking like you do, with the name you use, I would bet you get a katrillion IMs a day. [:)]



FirmhandKY -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 2:50:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

hmmm... well, if I were to make an explicit demand right now... I think I would demand a full set of Creuset, and that new Eldar Scrolls game.. that looks pretty cool too... well, and if there is any room left over, a really nice lump of dark chocolate and a 'private' moment with it heh!


uh ... if I knew what a "Creuse" and an "Eldar Scroll" was - I'd be tempted.  Now ... the chocolate and the private moment - that I know something about without googling!  [:)]

FHky



FirmhandKY -> RE: What Subs want (4/28/2006 2:52:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pissdoll

i firmly believe that once someone has resorted to online as their primary or only means of finding a mate, they have lost perspective on themselves, on others and on "dating" as a whole (and i use the term dating loosely).



I disagree.

FHky



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