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Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 1:39:17 PM   
OnyxGoddess


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Alright...here's a sticky one and i havent seen it addressed (or maybe it was and i missed it)
 
I have a married friend who is a domme.  She plays with others outside of the marriage (hubby knows) and dommes over her playmates.  However, when she is with the hubby she sometimes allows him to dominate HER.  We were arguing over whether that meant she was a switch or not.  I said NO because it's only her husband that dominates her and not even on a regular basis. 
 
Opinions.
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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 1:45:51 PM   
ladiespet77


Posts: 30
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline 		This Threads to another related topic currently under discussion. In my opinion Yes she is a switch.
For me personly i do Not subbmit to m Any Domme who bottoms or answers to another in Any way .I dont have Any problem with what other people want to do.

However i am a True Female Supremist through and through.I want my Mistress to be as well

(in reply to OnyxGoddess)
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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 1:51:44 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		In My opinion, she's a switch.

Lady Topaz

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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 1:57:53 PM   
MistressImp


Posts: 162
Joined: 3/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxGoddess

Alright...here's a sticky one and i havent seen it addressed (or maybe it was and i missed it)
 
I have a married friend who is a domme.  She plays with others outside of the marriage (hubby knows) and dommes over her playmates.  However, when she is with the hubby she sometimes allows him to dominate HER.  We were arguing over whether that meant she was a switch or not.  I said NO because it's only her husband that dominates her and not even on a regular basis. 
 
Opinions.


Question..... Dominants her in what way??? What I mean is.... In the lifestyle sense or in the vanilla sense???

_____________________________

Ms Imp


Life is what you make of it, personally I'm making mine an Amusement Park with all the cool rides.

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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 2:14:47 PM   
OnyxGoddess


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		dominates her....not in the scene (he/she consider him very vanilla) but every now and again she likes for him to tie her up, do some breath play, lil spanking when they do the do.  their relationship is very 50/50.

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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 2:26:33 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxGoddess

Alright...here's a sticky one and i havent seen it addressed (or maybe it was and i missed it)

I have a married friend who is a domme. She plays with others outside of the marriage (hubby knows) and dommes over her playmates. However, when she is with the hubby she sometimes allows him to dominate HER. We were arguing over whether that meant she was a switch or not. I said NO because it's only her husband that dominates her and not even on a regular basis.

Opinions.


While I would say that if she enjoys submitting to her husband and has done it more than once then she is a switch...

I am not her. I do not have the right to define what she is.

Most people who are brave enough to call themselves switches whom I have met are not 50/50 split at all. Many are split 80/20 or so in either role often being in the minor role only with one individual or for specific reasons. But they, just like me, have to define themselves.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 2:27:41 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxGoddess

dominates her....not in the scene (he/she consider him very vanilla) but every now and again she likes for him to tie her up, do some breath play, lil spanking when they do the do. their relationship is very 50/50.


This sounds more like topping and bottoming than domming or subbing....


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 3:36:17 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Actually it sounds like her husband Tops her occasionally, but she's Domme the rest of the time. I understand that because I'm in the same situation and I consider myself a Domme who switches to the bottom VERY rarely with my sub. We are equals all the rest of time, though I am noticing he is wanting to give me more control of him which Im accepting.

~Lashra

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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 6:50:39 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		I think if we could somehow get rid of this unspoken undertone of stigma that's attached to being a Switch, we'd all be much happier people.  :)
That being said,
It sounds to me like she isn't a Domme at all. She's a Top, or bottom. Or um.... a Switch.  She sounds like a Switch to me.

(And I vehemently agree with Tammyjo. Very few Switches are 50% Top / 50% bottom.)

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 6:55:16 PM   
OnyxGoddess


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		i meant 50/50 like husband wife everyday vanilla living...not the whole bdsm thing.  I need more coffee...i'm a little incoherent it seems.

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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 7:00:41 PM   
StlMistressK


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, ok... What she sounds like to Me is a very NORMAL Domme.

As anyone who lives the lifestyle on more than a weekend basis (and is being honest) will tell you, ever Master, Mistress, Dom, Domme, etc comes to a point (once maybe twice a year) where they need to be in the other role. This not only helps to get a grip on what their sub is going through and release pressures of their own, but allows them the opportunity to continue learning themselves, even trying something new out before doing it to another.

This is somewhat similar to what psychiatrists endure. However many times a year it is (I forgot) all (yes ALL) of the psychiatrists and counselors see a shrink themselves. It is just healthy. After all, how can one possibly understand what they are doing to another if they have not experienced it themselves? To use a crude example that I once used when teaching away from the lifestyle: how does one explain the act and feeling of sex to a virgin? You could show them pictures, lecture them for hours, and even let them watch you. This does not mean they will understand as well as if they had experienced it. The same applies to Doms and those who have actually been trained as Doms. *End Rant*

Mistress K
(Trainee of Master V [yourmasterv])

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 7:03:28 PM   
OnyxGoddess


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Hmmmm....good point StlMistressK.

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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 7:04:29 PM   
ladylexington


Posts: 117
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		If she tops and bottoms, her sexual preference sounds like a switch. However, she may be a very dominant person and that personality trait doesn't change because of a series of sexual preferences. She may also have relationships where she acts as the dominant -- she controls behavior, punishes and rewards, nutures and guides.

Here's the distinction that I am trying to make: An occasional foray into the other side of the whip, isn't the only defining factor for a dominant. If it were, people with experience as a sub/slave wouldn't be such great dominants. I also know several excellent tops who don't have dominant personalities. Then, there are people with all the raw material to be wonderful dominants who don't have interest or desire to control another person.  

BDSM is complicated and fascinating, and so are the people who enjoy it. We all defy the labels that we need to use within the lifestyle.

_____________________________

If you must gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. -- Mark Twain

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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 7:30:37 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnyxGoddess

Alright...here's a sticky one and i havent seen it addressed (or maybe it was and i missed it)
 
I have a married friend who is a domme.  She plays with others outside of the marriage (hubby knows) and dommes over her playmates.  However, when she is with the hubby she sometimes allows him to dominate HER.  We were arguing over whether that meant she was a switch or not.  I said NO because it's only her husband that dominates her and not even on a regular basis. 
 
Opinions.


Well Yanno....

Since its been said that all women like to submit at some point, I'd say she's still a domme 


 - R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 4/28/2006 7:32:13 PM >

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 7:32:10 PM   
OnyxGoddess


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Oh, here here!  That's one of the best answers I've heard all day.  Thank you dear lady.

(in reply to ladylexington)
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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 7:59:45 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		It depends on how she identifies who she is. If she's identifying because of her actions, she's a switch. If she identifying because she just feels that's who she is, then she's a Dominant with submissive tendencies with one particular person. Why not just take her word for it? She's allowed to identify any way she wishes.

Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to OnyxGoddess)
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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 11:15:02 PM   
EbonyFtshGoddess


Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline
quote:

This sounds more like topping and bottoming than domming or subbing....


i agree.

in SM which some of these sports sound like to me.. there is a difference.

since i don't control my slaves sexually.. i only seek dominant lovers/partners. typically they are sadist tops which stems from my first training as a masochist.

i can't switch with the same person. to me, roles are established wholly upon meeting. when i first meet someone, i parse them- ok, am i more or less dominant than they.

typically most people i encounter (male/female) are less dominant than me, so i assume the apporpriate role.

for me it's darwinian, survival of the fittest.

it would be foolish of me to say that i'm more dominant than EVERYONE i meet male or female. there has been occasions when i've been less dominant than a woman ( i can think of two woman i've ever met more dominant than me. max rulz,  she's rather dominant and more dominant in outwardly personality than me.. also mistress mir as well)..

most men are submissive to me, doesn't mean that i can't accept the fact that some males on rare occasion are more aggressive and dominant than me.

personally i feel switches are ones that can switch roles with the same person. i'm not mincing words, however i could never submit to someone one day, then dominate them the next. when i meet someone the roles are established nearly immediately.

also, i only take dominant lovers and i enjoy heavy SM as a masochist, as a sadist top with my slaves i feel it would be hypocritical if i dish what i can't take.

i can take a lot, if i can take a lot as a bottom, then my slaves better be able to endure at least as much. only thing i REALLY hate is nipple torture- after i got my nipples pierced it hurts too fuckin much.

but still, i don't tend to submit on a *day to day* basis, i've only had one male (my first Gorean Master) that ever got me to submit to lifestyle constraints, rather than it being  purely top/bottoming).

my slaves have no problem respecting me knowing i take rough sex and sadist lovers. they know i love edge play and the only thing they worry about is my heavy breathplay. they know that a top gives me what they can't.. and everyone in my life makkes me who i am.

at this stage in my life however, i dont feel i can really ever be controlled on a micromanagement basis anymore.

i'd much rather prefer a male dom partner to control my slaves with me in a poly situation

i dont view your friend as a switch if shes not fucking her subs, but just get's a thrill out of it. i get off on the control and the bending of wills- not the sex.

if she dommes him one nite then he doms her the next- yeah, in my book thats a switch.

i can't change roles with the same person- i just accept that some people are more dominant that me and most are much less dom than me. and i respond accordingly.

i feel it's a front for someone to feel like they're MORE dominant than EVERYONE they meet.

that's just not nature.

everyone is someone else's potential top because there will always be someone else less dominant than you).. and by proxy, we're all someone else's bottom, because undoubtedly there will be someone we encounter MORE dom than us.

just my take on it..

i'm a domme woman that only wants male sadist dom lovers as partners.



_____________________________

One Man's Phobia is Another Man's Fetish

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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/28/2006 11:56:30 PM   
ServiceNTucson


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ladylexington

If she tops and bottoms, her sexual preference sounds like a switch. However, she may be a very dominant person and that personality trait doesn't change because of a series of sexual preferences. She may also have relationships where she acts as the dominant -- she controls behavior, punishes and rewards, nutures and guides.

Here's the distinction that I am trying to make: An occasional foray into the other side of the whip, isn't the only defining factor for a dominant. If it were, people with experience as a sub/slave wouldn't be such great dominants. I also know several excellent tops who don't have dominant personalities. Then, there are people with all the raw material to be wonderful dominants who don't have interest or desire to control another person.  

BDSM is complicated and fascinating, and so are the people who enjoy it. We all defy the labels that we need to use within the lifestyle.


Lady Lexington,

Well said!  That's what I was trying to say in the thread below, but I do believe you've put it better than I did.

http://www.collarchat.com/Un%2DDommely%3F/m_346440/tm.htm

_____________________________

Harry

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

Groucho Marx


www.desertdominion.org

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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/29/2006 6:38:56 AM   
MsElle


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/1/2005
Status: offline 		Although I wholeheartedly agree that there are myriad ways to embrace the role of Domme – some of which include enjoying being topped by another – some of which include enjoying actual submission to another – and whether or not you choose to apply the label of ‘Switch’ to your particular lifestyle niche is pretty much irrelevant to me.  (This is why before you can find a truly compatible match you must actually communicate with a person and learn how they understand themselves – a label does not mean the same things to all people).  

I would, however, take exception to the idea expressed here that ‘if you’re being honest’ every dominant needs to take on the other role.  I understand that it is wise to experience from the other side what you practice as a Domme – but it is a far cry from a universal need.  Certainly many dominants enjoy being topped on occasion – many need to feel what they inflict for balance’s sake – many who simply enjoy being able to let go of the control they maintain 24/7 and let someone else take the reigns for a few hours - but there are many dominant people who have no need to do this.  Not ‘twice a year’ (which is a ridiculous generalization anyway) – not ever.  

The idea that ‘all women want to submit sometime’ is simply untrue…laughable even.  If you knew me you’d get that.  And I live with a dominant man (a charming, sexy one at that *wink*).  I realize that our situation is something of a rarity – but (and it is a question we get asked all the time) NO, neither one of us ever switches.  It is simply not in my nature and not a need I ever have.  I am not a female supremacist – I believe that no person is inherently better or stronger or more deserving of control simply by nature of their gender – or race, or religion, or whatever classification you name.  But the notion that I must want to submit sometimes – or even want to be topped if you make that distinction – is ludicrous.
~MsElle


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RE: Domme or switch? - 4/29/2006 7:08:36 AM   
ladiespet77


Posts: 30
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline 		I have to clarify one thing.While i dont believe that any one person is Better than another.We are All human beings. I also have a Very Strong personality and presance and submit becauase i want to Not because i am timid or weak    ...I do believe in Female supremicy when it comes to BDSM/Femdom.....And i seek out like minded people....

To suggest as one did that Female Dommes All want to submit at one time or another, or that We All will or would submit to a Stronger Domme or personality is something i just dont agree with....My subbmission is a choice Not a contest of wills

(in reply to MsElle)
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