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very new to all this - 11/24/2010 7:37:35 PM   
daddiesnewtoy69


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/23/2010
Status: offline 		hello , i am so new to this , that i havent tried anything yet , but i do have a Dom interested in me through an online dating Match service. I been a submissive natured girl all my life , wanting to please people but i have only had 2 men in my whole life and i married each one and it was not this lifestyle. I gave and gave of myself to them but i got nothing back , yet i still gave willingly anyways . But in the last year i have met a few doms and their subs. i have been given things to read and videos to watch and right away some things excited me alot and some things scared me. I keep thinking about this lifestlye all the time i cant get it out of my head and a few people have told me i am a sub , but just dont know it yet. I have had so much saddness in my normal married lives and i am seeking a new and exciting change. But i am scared stiff getting into this and meeting the wrong Dom for me.
This Dom that is interested in me does excite me but i have not met him in person yet. But he has said things that scare me also. But am i just feeling this way because i dont know this lifestlye yet fisically?
I like the bondage part of being tied up and at his mercy but i am scared of the pain part ...not sure if i would like it or not. I want to please and obey willingly but he has said he would want me to be the entertainment for the night sometimes and do things to his friends , i think that would make me unhappy like i was a hooker and i dont want to be a hooker , i just want to be loved by a strong in control man and obey his wishes and take good care of him and his home and his health and needs.
i know i have so much to learn.
bye for now from a Sub with her eyes wide open, to see all i can and her ears ready to listen and learn and heart mind and soul ready to give to a Master
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: very new to all this - 11/24/2010 8:12:16 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline 		Welcome to CollarMe's message boards, daddiesnewtoy69.
 
I was going to offer you a few links, as your profile said you wanted to learn more, but at the same time I noticed you are not wanting mail because you have a Dom...though you haven't met him yet.  I hope when you meet up in person that everything goes well and you feel a connection. 
 
With first meetups, I often have a problem for the first half hour and can only see the stranger at first...listening to their voice helps me connect with the person I thought I knew so well from online.  Only one time I couldn*t connect with someone, and it was upsetting...the "stranger" feeling just stayed.
 
All I can say is that there are thousands to choose from, just as when you were choosing mates when you were wanting to get married years ago.  Choose wisely.  Even if I feel I know someone well, or that they*re mine, I still use safe calls for the first few meetups at least.
 
Best wishes to the both of you, that this works out.

(in reply to daddiesnewtoy69)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: very new to all this - 11/24/2010 8:16:11 PM   
daddiesnewtoy69


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/23/2010
Status: offline 		sure i would love links , i want to learn all i can, please send them and thank you so much for the help.

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: very new to all this - 11/24/2010 8:36:00 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Welcome, daddiesnewtoy!

The bit about sharing you... there is a whole thread on that here: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3478653/tm.htm

I would advise you to read the Ask a Master and Ask a Slave/Sub forums and learn.  Even Ask a Mistress.

Also, since you have already met some folks in the lifestyle, why not ask them about who they'd recommend as a Dom for a newbie, and ask them if they've heard of your prospective Dom?


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to daddiesnewtoy69)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: very new to all this - 11/24/2010 10:01:23 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		Hello and welcome  
It's nice if you can sit back and take your time to explore and see how you feel about these things that you are learning. That might be hard to do if someone is pressuring you - don't be afraid to dial things down a notch. The important thing is that you feel comfortable and relaxed. You should definitely proceed at your own pace no matter what others may say.

You are in control of what you do, you don't 'have' to do what someone else wants you to do. If you are not comfortable being shared then make sure he knows it's off the table...you might feel ready for it later on. If someone isn't willing to work with you or pushes too hard then let them go, there are others who might be a better match. I met a lot of people at first and eventually found the man who has been my Dom now for a while. I hadn't tried much in the way of BDSM activities, he took it slowly and introduced me to things carefully so we could see what I liked and didn't like. It worked out well doing it like that. I didn't think I'd like pain, but I do, and I was able to find that out in a safe environment. Let anyone you are considering know that you'd like to explore various areas and you'd like to take it one step at a time. If they're worth your time they'll agree to this and show you that they can be trusted to do it.

You say you want to be loved by a strong man...look for the right type of man just the same way you'd look for him if you were dating vanilla. It's no different finding a good match in D/s, you still have to find someone you can respect and connect with at the base of things.

< Message edited by Killerangel -- 11/24/2010 10:02:05 PM >

(in reply to daddiesnewtoy69)
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RE: very new to all this - 11/25/2010 2:10:01 AM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline

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RE: very new to all this - 11/25/2010 6:14:19 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
Welcome to the message boards
Read the different forums as there is a lot of great advice and be aware that being submissive does not mean that you will do anything and everything that a dominant demands.  It is ok to have limits and no go zones.  Do a search for bdsm checklists and read through it and work out if you have any hard limits.  If you do not want to ever be shared than ensure you connect with a dominant that has no interest in this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddiesnewtoy69

I want to please and obey willingly

Saying no to something does not make you any less submissive even if the dominant says otherwise, in the early stages take baby steps. get to meet a few people, learn more about yourself and your interests, needs and wants and look for someone who is a match for both kink and vanilla interests if you are looking for an ongoing relationship.

And definitely come back to the message boards and ask more questions if you are unsure


_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to daddiesnewtoy69)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: very new to all this - 11/25/2010 1:33:05 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		Welcome to CM and the boards.  You've been given some great advice.  If you haven't met this Dom yet and he's already talking of sharing you with friends and you're not comfortable, then that's quite ok.  You're submissive but you still have the choice of saying no and setting limits. 

Do NOT let yourself get talked into anything you don't want to because someone says it makes you less of a submissive.  This is trickery at it's worse to make you feel like you're doing something wrong.  You're not.  You still own your body and you soul, be careful who you meet for the first time, make it a vanilla meeting, coffee shop or something equally inocuous.  Take the necessary steps to protect yourself, that's most important.  In the meantime, read up, go to munches in your area, just use google and meet real people who live this in real life.  You can always ask the Dom to meet you there so you'll have a group around you if things don't work out.  Best of luck.



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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: very new to all this - 11/26/2010 9:20:07 AM   
OohAahMrs


Posts: 7723
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline 		Welcome to the fun life!

_____________________________

You may choc the choc.........Oh forget it......

(in reply to daddiesnewtoy69)
Profile   Post #: 9
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