ok, here's question.

ok, here's question. (Full Version)

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NotSoLilOne -> ok, here's question. (11/28/2010 9:36:15 PM)
If you are in a strictly PLAY relationship with a sub, what are your boundaries? Can she touch herself? Are you taking her and everything else is second? What about positions? What if your sub wanted to ride you? What if SHE showed you what would make her cum?

Awareness -> RE: ok, here's question. (11/28/2010 9:56:12 PM)
My boundaries? It's all about hers, not mine. She does as she's told and simply trusts that she'll get what she needs. If she doesn't, I imagine she'll look elsewhere. I get the impression you're cautious about this because you're concerned about being trapped in a negative situation which leaves you unsatisfied. Living on the submissive side of the power equation doesn't mean your brain or will turns off - not permanently anyway.

DarkSteven -> RE: ok, here's question. (11/28/2010 10:00:05 PM)
Tricky question. If it is strictly a play relationship, then I am in control during play and nowhere else. She can do what I tell her during play. But if she grows restive, she may well leave - the bond between us will not be as strong as a full relationship.

anniezz338 -> RE: ok, here's question. (11/28/2010 10:12:57 PM)
I would see less formality in a PLAY sub situation. Seems like it would just flow....with both doing what feels good. I could be wrong but I'm not seeing a right or wrong in this.

myotherself -> RE: ok, here's question. (11/29/2010 12:13:31 AM)
I agree with Steven, but I just wanted to add that although this is a casual thing, she's looking to play with you because you are dominant. Part of what she wants WILL be your dominance, as well as any of the other stuff she might enjoy. I would suggest sitting down with her over a cup of coffee and discussing what it is that you are both looking for from this situation. Once you know the needs, wants and limits then you can relax a bit more and start enjoying what you have.

Focus50 -> RE: ok, here's question. (11/29/2010 3:35:26 AM)
If it's just a play relationship then surely two mature adults shouldn't have too much trouble working out the "do's & don'ts". And yeah, of course I'd wanna know what specifically rocks her world etc, so she can tell or show me the intricates as long as she accepts I'll still be the one who decides when and how I go about it.... My D/s relationships require an ownership dynamic whereby my girl is generally expected to dress, groom and present herself to my ideals of a feminine woman. This includes such things as hair length, other body hair, that I prefer my girl wearing underwear etc. Point is, such rules imply mutual committment and since a "strictly PLAY relationship" doesn't meet that standard, they wouldn't be imposed or enforced and thus greatly limit where such a relationship could go with me. I'd likely pass altogether - I'm the possessive type.... Focus.

DesFIP -> RE: ok, here's question. (11/29/2010 3:04:11 PM)
Talk about what you both want in the relationship. Set up guidelines that work for both of you. But if you don't orgasm easily and he's uninterested in knowing what does get you off, then why be in a relationship with someone that selfish?

KatyLied -> RE: ok, here's question. (11/29/2010 7:26:56 PM)
quote: What if SHE showed you what would make her cum? Hopefully you would want that info, it is power, afterall. You can help please her or she will find someone who will. It's easy, common sense stuff.

NotSoLilOne -> RE: ok, here's question. (11/29/2010 8:00:40 PM)
Well thank you for the responses. This is a play relationship but he controls things in my life outside of play. So I am his in some form or another 80% of the time. When we are together sometimes I get nervous and I'm not sure if he wants me to touch him. (casual or otherwise) Don't want to be topping from the bottom, which some of the things I may do could be misunderstood as that. Was just curious if you require your subs to ask permission to do these things.

RedMagic1 -> RE: ok, here's question. (11/29/2010 8:13:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NotSoLilOne he controls things in my life outside of play. Then you're not just playing. It sounds as though what you are doing is not consistent with what you say you are doing. That, by itself, will lead you to feel unsure and nervous -- especially if he is also calling it something it is not. People post all the time about the "importance of communication," but some of the couples who communicate the least are the ones who talk the most. How does the song go? "I'm tense and nervous, can't relax.... You're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything." Why do you want to call it play if you belong to him 80% of the time? Is he the one who insists it is just play, or are you? Do you want to "just play" indefinitely, or would you rather see this "go somewhere?"

AquaticSub -> RE: ok, here's question. (11/29/2010 9:22:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NotSoLilOne If you are in a strictly PLAY relationship with a sub, what are your boundaries? Can she touch herself? Are you taking her and everything else is second? What about positions? What if your sub wanted to ride you? What if SHE showed you what would make her cum? Does he own you in any way? I ask because - as a sub who engages in strictly play with d-types who have no power dynamic with me - the boundaries are what my owner and I tell them they are. In turn, they tell me theirs. We negotiate something in the middle we're all happy with and have our jollies. My real question being... why the hell are you asking us? Go ask him and figure it out Edited to add because I didn't realize the roles in question - my apologies. Though seriously.... I'd worry less about topping from the bottom and more figuring out what your relationship is with each other. You can always get on your knees and say "I don't want to top from the bottom but I would really like to know if you want/like X, Y, and Z as I'm still feeling things out."

DesFIP -> RE: ok, here's question. (11/30/2010 4:32:59 AM)
Forget about topping from the bottom. You can't force him to do things your way. You can ask, demand, stomp your foot, whatever. All he has to do is laugh and say too bad, it ain't happening. You can only take control if he gives it to you. My question is that since he is in charge of most of your life, why is this a play relationship only? Because if that's his description of it, if he isn't committed to you, then you are making a mistake by allowing him to control you. Sounds like you're making him a priority while he's making you an option, and that's wrong.

angelikaJ -> RE: ok, here's question. (11/30/2010 9:05:14 AM)
In our dynamic he loves knowing the things I crave, the things I might like to try in the future. He wants to know all of that. That's his job. Telling him is my job. And then he gets to make all the decisions; the wheres and whens, the whats and hows... . It is a delicious blend. [;)]

DMFParadox -> RE: ok, here's question. (12/3/2010 2:41:41 AM)
A strictly play situation with a sub? Couldn't say; it always seems to shade over into other parts of the relationship. ...And I love it when that happens. But then, I tend to work things in cycles... say, 3-6 days where it's just a 'use the girl whenever' situation, followed by 1 or 2 days where the focus is on her; longer bondage sessions, going for that rolling 'subspace' state, and while I'm doing that frequently part of it will be demands that she pleasure herself. If she knows a particular position or trick that gets her off, that's the time I'll use it.

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