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How much is too much information? - 11/29/2010 9:09:16 AM

yellowroses

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W/we have been dating a girl for about 3 months. W/we have been on one on one dates with her as well as activities with all three of us.

Last night when the three of us were watching tv and talking the subject of fisting came up. I expressed how much I enjoyed it and my husband expressed how much he enjoyed giving it. Her eyes got really wide and she said "really?!?". She was even speechless after that. She seemed geniunely shocked that both of us enjoy that activity. We both assured her that this wasn't something that she had to be into but I just can't get it out of my head that I somehow repulsed her.

Unfortunately the night ended shortly after that so there was not time to discuss it further. Honestly I don't think she even wanted to.

I am used to people being shocked when I choose to tell them something about my lifesytle. I am rather wholesome looking and some people just can't wrap their heads around it I guess. But it is usually from people that are not in the lifestyle themselves.

I suppose my question is...if there is one really is...

How much is too much information?

yellowroses

< Message edited by yellowroses -- 11/29/2010 9:19:25 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: How much is too much information? - 11/29/2010 9:14:20 AM

NuevaVida

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Who is "She?"

Too much information amongst friends is information that makes my friends uncomfortable. I respect those who are not into BDSM and have no desire on putting information that might disturb them. Then again, my owner and I prefer to be rather private about our bedroom activities.

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/29/2010 9:20:17 AM

yellowroses

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Sorry NuevaVida- part of the thread got left out.

I have edited it now.

D'OH

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/29/2010 9:49:40 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
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if you are dating her as a third, then mentioning fisting is NOT too much info. You informed her that it was not required of her, if I read that right, so..

What she chooses to do with that info is on her, not you.

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/29/2010 10:07:02 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowroses

W/we have been dating a girl for about 3 months. W/we have been on one on one dates with her as well as activities with all three of us.

Last night when the three of us were watching tv and talking the subject of fisting came up. I expressed how much I enjoyed it and my husband expressed how much he enjoyed giving it. Her eyes got really wide and she said "really?!?". She was even speechless after that. She seemed geniunely shocked that both of us enjoy that activity. We both assured her that this wasn't something that she had to be into but I just can't get it out of my head that I somehow repulsed her.

Unfortunately the night ended shortly after that so there was not time to discuss it further. Honestly I don't think she even wanted to.

I am used to people being shocked when I choose to tell them something about my lifesytle. I am rather wholesome looking and some people just can't wrap their heads around it I guess. But it is usually from people that are not in the lifestyle themselves.

I suppose my question is...if there is one really is...

How much is too much information?

yellowroses

Well if you're dating her, I don't think your sexual proclivities are "too much information" because presumably you'll be intimate with her? Your likes and dislikes shouldn't be in TMI territory.

I'm guessing it wasn't a TMI thing but just a turn-off for her. Even if she doesn't have to participate, it's possible that she lost sexual attraction by knowing you have a fetish that she finds particularly distasteful.

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/29/2010 10:27:49 AM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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If you're intention is to shock, then yeah, it's generally too much information and maybe you have bigger issues to address via professional help.

Otherwise, anyone you're seeking to introduce into your personal/intimate dynamic has a right to know anything they're likely to be confronted with. Fisting can certainly confront the uninitiated or newbie types but, logically, females can accommodate more than a fist vaginally (chid birth, for eg) and that might help as part of explaining to the shocked. The feeling of being "filled" and the stretching needed to accommodate it etc....

Focus.

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/29/2010 11:36:44 AM

ExSteelAgain

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Well maybe you are reading her wrong. You did get her interest and it's hard to believe it would cause so much emotion in her if she simply didn't like it. She knows you are not going to hold her down and do it. It could be something she has thought about, likes the idea, but is hesitant to try. Maybe she wants MORE information. Maybe she wants to watch.

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/29/2010 12:08:24 PM

yellowroses

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Well maybe you are reading her wrong. You did get her interest and it's hard to believe it would cause so much emotion in her if she simply didn't like it. She knows you are not going to hold her down and do it. It could be something she has thought about, likes the idea, but is hesitant to try. Maybe she wants MORE information. Maybe she wants to watch.

That is possible ExSteelAgain. We have a shopping trip scheduled this week with just her and I. I plan on talking to her about it one on one. My husband has already sggested having her watch one time and see what she thinks.

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/29/2010 1:18:31 PM

crazyml

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To your OP ... nah that's not TMI, as others have said, if you're likely to be intimate then sexual activities and preferences ought to be brought up.

If it's something that wierds her out, then unless it's really important to you, my advice wouldn't be to press it. So...

quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowroses
We have a shopping trip scheduled this week with just her and I. I plan on talking to her about it one on one. My husband has already sggested having her watch one time and see what she thinks.

I wouldn't be steering her towards the "Goliath" or "Gargantua" vibes... and I'd say be a little sensitive - if it's something she's very squeamish about, she might get the impression that you're trying to force/rush her into it.

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/29/2010 2:55:48 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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For someone you are or propose to have sex with, there's no such thing when it comes to your sexual proclivities. If you did in fact scare her away by mentioning this, then better it happens now and not in another six months. If you're proposing to edit yourselves, lie - even lie by omission, in order to lure her into your bed - that makes you someone untrustworthy. The truth will come out eventually and the fallout from having lied about it is much worse than being told you're too edgy for her and she isn't compatible.

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/29/2010 6:37:47 PM

TreasureKY

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From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowroses

Last night when the three of us were watching tv and talking the subject of fisting came up.

Of course I've no idea what was said specifically between the three of you, but I was six posts down the page before it dawned on me that you were talking about vaginal fisting and not anal fisting. Was that clear in your conversation?

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/30/2010 4:10:20 AM

ExSteelAgain

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
Of course I've no idea what was said specifically between the three of you, but I was six posts down the page before it dawned on me that you were talking about vaginal fisting and not anal fisting. Was that clear in your conversation?

That's a thought. She may have thought it was anal...something that may make many submissives shudder. But why not just ask her why the subject seemed to get her attention so much? Even if she said the idea bothers her, she may want to watch and may change her mind about it all. If she is part of your relationship you have to be able to talk to her about potential play.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/30/2010 4:41:28 AM

GreedyTop

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From: Savannah, GA
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regardless of anal vs vaginal... it's STILL not TMI if they are considering/are in an intimate relationship, IMO.

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/30/2010 7:15:48 AM

yellowroses

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My husband talked to her yesterday and they both agreed that there will be things that she does that I don't do and things that I do that she doesn't do. It is part of what makes the relationship special. That we are both unique in some ways.

THANK YOU everyone for taking the time to respond to the post!

yellowroses

"communication, communication, communication"

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RE: How much is too much information? - 11/30/2010 5:41:34 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowroses

I suppose my question is...if there is one really is...

How much is too much information?

yellowroses

Information is processed differently by each individual, regardless of the content. Therefore there is not a failsafe barometer to gauge what information is too much to disclose or not. Instead, disclosure is a personal choice, keeping in mind with everything that is offered to another person does not necessarily have a reaction that is desired.

Take care!

< Message edited by Zevar -- 11/30/2010 5:44:18 PM >

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Post #: 15

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