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Bye Bi - 11/30/2010 6:05:18 AM   
Herculese


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/27/2010
Status: offline 		Though I believe in Female Supremacy of all Women to me. I have always had a preference to Women of color. With that said I placed and add on C. List. SWM seeking to be a slave to an Ebony Lady.
I recieved a few responses. I met one and we hit it off. The Deity would come to my home and train me. She told me she was married and that I eventually will meet her husband and perform all the domestic chores and duties in the house. After a month She gave me her address and I showed up early on a Saturday morning. Her husband answers the door and introduces himself. She was in bed. He gave me a list of chores she wanted done. So I began to work in the kitchen and ended up in the bathroom to complete the list. Behind me Mistress was standing, watching me on my knees cleaning. She told me what a great job I did in the kitchen and the bathroom. She told me to get out so she could relive herself. And told me she had another job for me before I begin making her and her man breakfast. I was lead to the livingroom. Her husband was watching tv. She sat on the couch and told me to kneel and kiss her feet and beg for Her attention. I did. Then she told me to turn around and ask her man if he wanted his dick sucked now or after breakfast. I got up and saw him stroking himself. I couldn't do it and told her that. She told me to get out and I never heard from her again. We had never discussed bi-sexuality. Though I have orally serviced her dildo, didn't mean I would do the real thing. I am upset because I miss her, and was passionate to fulfill all her needs. But the one command that I wouldn't do was the deal breaker.
So I am asking for opinions. What should have I done and as Mistresses is their a way to salvage this?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Bye Bi - 11/30/2010 6:38:14 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		She told you what you would do and you did everything she asked.  She sprung the cocksucking as a surprise on you and then kicked you out with no discussion.

I'd say that this was all her doing.  She may not even have been the actual driving force - she might have been acting for her husband.

Move on.  Not only did she pull a surprise on you, one that is a very common hard limit, but it sounds from your story that she met you first at her home, which is a major safety violation.  In other words, she didn't know what she was doing.

Better luck next time.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Herculese)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Bye Bi - 11/30/2010 8:11:02 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Appropriately titled ;-)

It sounds like you did your part well.

You are allowed limits and she was unwilling to allow you a limit. I see the issue not in your behavior but in her behavior: to spring onto you an activity that is a common limit without discussion, and then to try to emotionally blackmail you into complying. In my opinion, it would be hard to trust this person and I am unsure if it is a good idea to try to patch things. I do not know enough about the situation to make this call. If you are a dedicated service submissive as your description of the event suggests, there are many other opportunities that await you. I would place another ad and move on. Next time, you might also have a more explicit discussion about your limits.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Bye Bi - 11/30/2010 10:19:34 AM   
subkatslut


Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline 		I would say there is too little to go on to determine whose fault it really is. Prior to playing with anyone I discuss hard limits to prevent such a situation. I personally don't wait for a dom to bring it up to discuss them. The second she would have mentioned meeting her husband my question would have been what are her expectations in terms of him. Much like if a dom has other slaves/subs or a partner I would do given I am not bi and have no interest in exploring that side at the moment.

Was it worthy of her completely writing you off? I don't know but if you presented yourself as a slave and stated you would do anything for her she may have taken you at your word. Is it salvageable? She'd be the one to ask. If she won't talk to you probably not. If she will then I suppose it depends on whether your dealbreaker is also a dealbreaker for her. Maybe it's a way for him to safely live out his bi fantasies and she goes along with it to fulfill her own and get something out of it for herself as in a clean house. lol Or maybe if she'll talk with you and you apologize for the situation happening and for your part in failure to communicate this hard limit beforehand she'll decide she wants to continue but will respect your hard limit. Only talking to her will determine that.

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Bye Bi - 11/30/2010 10:26:07 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

She told you what you would do and you did everything she asked.  She sprung the cocksucking as a surprise on you and then kicked you out with no discussion.

I'd say that this was all her doing.  She may not even have been the actual driving force - she might have been acting for her husband.

Move on.  Not only did she pull a surprise on you, one that is a very common hard limit, but it sounds from your story that she met you first at her home, which is a major safety violation.  In other words, she didn't know what she was doing.

Better luck next time.



What he said. Sorry this happened to you.


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Bye Bi - 11/30/2010 10:29:03 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Crikey, the places some people let their needs take them without bringing their brain or self esteem (if any) along....

Yeah, I'm being harsh and judgemental - just as she was being presumptuous that you'd just naturally do it. We both read you wrong?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Herculese)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Bye Bi - 11/30/2010 10:41:08 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Sounds like you should have had more of a discussion upfront about limits, Herculese.  You have to override your kink and be coolly rational, balanced and in some minimal way assertive for that - much as that might all feel as though it 'goes against the grain'.  Nonetheless, it'd be either a self-deluding or a particularly brainless woman who had no sense of what would be on the edge of acceptability for the average submale.  Cocksucking is definitely in that zone.  Personally, I think this woman is best left dumped. 

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to Herculese)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Bye Bi - 11/30/2010 10:58:21 AM   
footsub90


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		That sucks man, hope your alright. Next time say your not into any gay activities prior to meeting.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Bye Bi - 11/30/2010 4:18:36 PM   
Highlandsub


Posts: 25
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds to me like you would be better off without her. Understandable that you reached a limit that you haven't discussed, but to hold it against you like that.....well you dont need someone like that around.

(in reply to footsub90)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Bye Bi - 11/30/2010 5:00:52 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Is there a way to salvage it?  Probably not.  It seems to Me that she had a specific intention in what type of service that she wanted you to provide.  Since it was something that was a hard limit for you, she may have decided that she wanted someone to suit that particular area.  When a particular kink is a 'must have' for one and a 'no way' for the other, it's an area of incompatibility.  Some people are willing to give up one particular kink because they want to be in a dynamic with the other person and some are not.  It seems to Me that you have come across someone who fits in the latter category.

Sticking to your hard limit is what you should have done.  At the same time, you have to realize that she should be able to pursue what she wants.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Highlandsub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Bye Bi - 11/30/2010 7:15:40 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
 Her cu lese   Her cu lese   Her cu lese


Sorry, it's all this Holiday beer....er....cheer.


chia* (the pet)


_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to Herculese)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Bye Bi - 12/1/2010 11:03:43 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		There are two sides to every story, so I'm not going to try to determine which of you was right.  Rather, I'd just say that in the future, try to increase the communication prior to actually jumping into service.

Sometimes as subs, we can get too excited about the possibility of serving a new Dom/Domme.  When we get overly excited, we sometimes skip critical steps.  The vetting process should not be abbreviated no matter how much you may want to serve.  Otherwise, things like what you described can happen.

I'd never serve anyone without first understanding their wants/needs, and letting them know mine (that's right, subs have needs too).  Moreover, I'd make sure that they understood my hard limits (and were aware of my soft limits).

Sounds like one of your hard limits crashed into one of her "must haves".  That could have been avoided with preliminary conversation.

(in reply to Herculese)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Bye Bi - 12/5/2010 6:28:26 PM   
Windsweptgold0


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/5/2010
Status: offline 		Did you and her sit down and talk about your limits?
My advice would be if the Top does not bring up the subject of your limits you should. If S/he says no to them then get up and walk away. If they tell you slaves have no limits then turn your back bend over and tell them to kiss your arse. Slaves have limits and all should be respected

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Bye Bi - 12/5/2010 6:40:42 PM   
DreamyLadySnow


Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		Hercules,
you did the right thing. The issue is hers.
DLS

(in reply to Windsweptgold0)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Bye Bi - 12/5/2010 7:05:54 PM   
servantforuse


Posts: 6363
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		You maybe should think of the health consequences of having any type of sex with someone you have never met. You have no idea where that dick might have been in the past. I say you probably dodged a bullit..

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Bye Bi - 12/5/2010 8:52:39 PM   
marshalp


Posts: 94
Joined: 8/31/2009
Status: offline 		You did the right thing. If it was your hard limit walking out might be hte best thing for you. & hey if you are that dedicated and sincere, i'm sure there are many Dommes out there eager to have a sub like you.

Next time make sure you communicate well and state your interests & hard limits upfront...

(in reply to servantforuse)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Bye Bi - 12/5/2010 9:15:33 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: servantforuse

You maybe should think of the health consequences of having any type of sex with someone you have never met. You have no idea where that dick might have been in the past. I say you probably dodged a bullit..


Good point.  And even if you didn't dodge a bullet here, Lord only knows what that idiot woman would have you do next.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to servantforuse)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Bye Bi - 12/5/2010 10:14:31 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		Next time, be pro-active about submitting a comprehensive bdsm checklist to your potential Domme before agreeing to serve. The check-list-of- sorts offered on the CM profiles are a good place to start but they are not thorough enough for my needs. There are several good ones available online; just do a search for 'bdsm checklist'. Fill it out completely, especially the spaces for comments and qualifiers. It can be handed to her, faxed, emailed, whatever. Have her review it and discuss it with you to see if your needs and hers are compatible. My sub has converted one to an excel file that can be typed on directly and emailed back to me. The beauty of it is I can get excel to sort the interests by value (0 hard limit to 5 please please please do this with me or I'll die). It makes it easy to see if your 3, 4, and 5s overlap mine enough to indicate a good chance of bdsm compatibility. If anyone would like a copy of this, CMail me where you would like it emailed.

I NEVER go hands-on with ANYONE until I recieve that checklist and have reviewed it thoroughly. It gives me a lot of insight into the person I might engage and can eliminate many potential misunderstandings and disappointments. I've heard of so many dominants (both male and female) who bypass this important step...to do so is both lazy and irresponsible.

Taking the initiative to fill out and submit a checklist would show me you are more likely to be enthusiastic and thorough. It would go a long way toward vetting your sincerity and genuineness.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 12/5/2010 11:04:43 PM >

(in reply to Herculese)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Bye Bi - 12/6/2010 4:30:05 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think both of you made mistakes, the main mistake was not discussing hard limits, she possibly thought because you were willing to suck a dildo you'd be willing to suck the real thing, which is more than just being presumptuous...

As a couple of people have said, next time discuss your hard limits up front, it would be something the dominant partner should ask, but if for some reason she doesn't it's your responsibility to bring it up, you don't want to violate a hard limit and you don't want your hard limits violated.

Deciding not to - good call especially if he wore no condom... Some risks are suicide missions...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 19
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