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Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 9/30/2004 8:30:30 PM

cranialcarnage

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I don't think it is, but I am not sure. I have expressed interest in meeting a few Doms here, mostly after THEY have initiated the contact, and when I agree to, they back out rather quickly or just quit talking altogether. I am wondering why I see so many DOms on these boards complaining about not being able to find a serious sub, when so many of the Doms seem to be playing games themselves. Does anyone have any light to shed on this?

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 9/30/2004 8:54:06 PM

sub4hire

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quote:

Doms seem to be playing games themselves. Does anyone have any light to shed on this?

No light to shed. Only my own opinion. Perhaps they are married and cheating. Most of the internet community is merely living out fantasy. That's why it is so rough to find the right person for one another. Perhaps it is mere fantasy. One that suits them just fine here. They get cold feet.
Its a few ideas anyway.

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 9/30/2004 9:04:23 PM

happypervert

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I can't speak from experience on this, but have seen this mentioned before so have some possible explanations:

1. Some guys prowl the internet and the thrill for them is the seduction and charming you to the point of agreeing to meet. Having accomplished that, they lose interest

2. Married guys who can't get away from their wives; adolescents whose parents won't let them out too late; other assorted phonies who know their act will fall apart if they actually meet

The thing that is curious about your note is that you say it has happened a few times. My guess would be that no-shows should be relatively rare, so if this is a regular occurance for you I'm wondering if you might do something to scare them off.

Oh duh -- didn't mean to repeat what Gloria said -- her post wasn't here when I started typing so I edited to add this.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 9/30/2004 9:25:08 PM >

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 9/30/2004 9:07:19 PM

stef

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Doms, subs, switches... They're all just people, and unfortunately, some people play games. There's no real way to avoid those that choose to be deceitful or disingenuous until they've already shown their true colors.

~stef

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 9/30/2004 9:07:47 PM

cranialcarnage

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I can't see anything that I am doing to scare them off; I simply say yes, I would like to meet. Perhaps they are looking for someone that will just roll over and let herself be taken advantage of. I suppose it all goes back to the attitudes that so many people seem to have on this site; since I am submissive, I am a doormat. They see something contrary to that and they don't know how to react.

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[Deleted] - 9/30/2004 9:12:08 PM

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 9/30/2004 9:19:29 PM

cranialcarnage

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I can see most of your points except for one; the comment about reminding people of their ex girlfriends. Honestly, if a guy comes here and expresses an interest in a carbon copy of his domineering ex wife or ex girlfriend, then he is not a very safe Dom; that Dom would seem to have some serious emotional issues (from my point of view, anyway), and I would not want him anywhere near me for fear of being harmed due to some concealed hatred over a failed relationship.

After reflecting on your post, I do see how I am lucky that these men backed out at the last minute. Thank you for bringing this to the forefront of my mind. I have actually come across a wonderful Dom on this site that wants to work with me (with patience, something of a rarity here), and has not run away yet, despite my seemingly odd limits.

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[Deleted] - 9/30/2004 9:26:11 PM

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 10/1/2004 10:49:17 AM

stormiKnightBEAR

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this is one time that sub4hire and stormi agree.

most are probably getting "off" on the whole fantasy thing.
but as soon as it becomes a possibility of becoming reality,
they RUN to the nearest exit sign.

Be Well,
stormi
property of Master Bear

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GOD BLESS TEXAS AND THE U.S.A !!!!

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 10/1/2004 12:48:13 PM

Suleiman

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"no shows" are a popular theme here on the boards. I've only been participating for a month or so, but I've lost count of all the threads discussing people who don't show up for face-to-face meetings. Lump that in with the recurring gripe about no responses, or too many responses, or the wrong kind of responses, and you come to an inescapable conclusion:

Believe it or not, there is exactly the same percentage of jerks here as anywhere else, and anonymity gives jerks a sense of power. Deconstructing that anonymity, by meeting someone face to face, will produce much the same effect as turning on the lights in your kitchen and watching the cocroaches scurry for cover. Most of these jerks are mousy types IRL who would never say or do anything that would garner them so much attention, and they crave the attention. Most are simply trolls, and never go farther than disrupting chatrooms and flaming people on discussion boards. Many have reasons long the lines that have already been mentioned by others in this thread. Still others simply "gleek". They get right to the point of entering the meeting place and then they choke and are unable to finish what they've started. Finally, some of them are, either because of circumstance or rudeness, simply flakes who can't show up anywhere on time.

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Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 10/1/2004 6:31:56 PM

cranialcarnage

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I have come to that conclusion as well, athough the asshole complex seems to be just a BIT more prevalent here than other places.

And since I just realized that I am starting to sound like a cookiecutter sub/slave/bottom/whatever the hell you want to call me, I am going to shut up now.

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 10/2/2004 12:57:03 AM

Suleiman

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If we did not have stereotypes, how could we possibly assert our individuality? We would get lost in an anarchic sea of rampant uniqueness, with no one's characteristics standing out. Personally, if there weren't cookie cutter types, and if I did not have attributes which were comparable to those cookie cutter types, my ego would implode from the sheer inability to express myself in a meaningful fashion. I am, after all, what I rebell against.

(whups - instant afterthought)
I'm not sure the asshole complex is really that much more prevalant here (I've trawled through some places that were infested with trolls). There are a LOT of people who pass through this site. From what I have gathered, many of them never even bother with chat, and less than 1% ever seem to hit the message boards. Most are curious "lookee lous" who maybe send a few half-hearted Emails out to interesting looking folks in their area. That still leaves thousands of potential trolls who are quite active in using Email, IM, and chat to try and get whatever ego-fix they're looking for. It's "squeeky wheel" syndrome, the same problem that has minority morality groups bullying political figures. They're loud and obnoxious, so you remember them. The quiet wallflower types passively waiting for someone to notice their profile an Email them never come out of the woodwork, so once again the majority tends to remain silent.

Of course, if you want the cream of the collarme crop, all you really have to do is hang out here on the message boards (And I don't just mean me, although I AM brilliant and spectacularly opinionated, not to mention modest)

< Message edited by Suleiman -- 10/2/2004 1:04:22 AM >

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Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 10/2/2004 1:17:09 AM

Estring

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quote:

this is one time that sub4hire and stormi agree.

Wow, lucky you Gloria.

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 10/2/2004 2:40:50 AM

alwayzron

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For the most part, and I'm going to get flamed for this, 75% of the people who subscribe to BDSM boards, forums and chats are fake. It's been my experience that this is truer for the 'submissive' men than for the Dominant men. The women have all pretty much proven to be who they claimed to be. I think some of the other posts hit the nail on the head .... it's men out looking for a cheap thrill, or who are trying to live a fantasy that they know they can't have.

I know a woman who agreed to meet a 'Dom' at a Denny's restaraunt. As she was getting out of her car, he came barreling out of the door and threw her a collar, demanding that she put it on and follow him inside. She threw it back at him and left. Like you alluded to ... being a submissive does not equate with being a doormat. A good sign of a 'poser' - Dom or Domme - is that they don't understand this.

Good luck in your search. My advice, turn off the computer and start attending some munches or social events with other submissive women .....

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 10/11/2004 5:51:01 PM

benjamin34

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carnial, you havent talked to the right Doms yet because I do have the problem of cant find a serious sub here

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RE: Cowardly Doms; how is this possible??? - 10/11/2004 6:07:27 PM

cranialcarnage